Beasts Like Us

by Feral Sephrian

  “Aw, so cute!” Kesi said.

  Rosie covered her eyes with her oversized paws, then covered her mouth as though giggling, then bashfully covered her eyes again. She held out her arms for a hug. Kesi’s smile faded for a moment. She embraced the furry nonetheless. Dazi would have muttered to her in Shoshoni to not be rude if she hadn’t. Kuhma looked on the verge of snickering. Kesi, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the hug, though with a somewhat bewildered expression.

  “Are you going to be in the parade, Rosie?” Mateo asked after Rosie released Kesi.

  Rosie nodded. Her frozen eyes still bothered Dazi, but they almost seemed brighter as Rosie enthusiastically pranced around their group as if she were already part of the parade. She skipped and twirled, surprisingly agile for someone in a full fursuit wearing a giant head.

  “We’ll see you there. I was going to take these guys to the art show next. Did you submit anything this year?”

  Rosie gestured to herself with an air of disbelief. She shook her head and flamboyantly tapped Mateo on the shoulder.

  “What? You think I should submit something?”

  Rosie nodded emphatically and clapped her hands.

  Mateo chuckled. Addressing Dazi he said, “Rosie is a fan of my web comic. We actually met at my first art panel. Speaking of which, I didn’t see you at the panel yesterday.”

  Rosie pantomimed writing in a notebook.

  “Oh, you were at the writing panel. Yeah, I’m trying to expand, too. I’m going to the animation panel later. Maybe I’ll be able to animate something of yours once I get the hang of it.” Addressing the Mukua’poan, he said. “She’s a really good artist herself, obviously.” Mateo gestured to the badge Rosie was wearing. “You should see some of the adventures that leline gets up to. I’ve been telling her for years she should do her own web comic with her fursona as the main character, but I take it you’re still just drawing for yourself, right, Rosie?”

  Rosie covered her eyes bashfully again. Though she did not speak, the message she conveyed with various gestures and body language was clear.

  “Aw, c’mon, yes you are. Kesi thought it was good, too.”

  “Yeah, it is,” Kesi concurred.

  “See? Now, next year when I come back, I hope I’ll see something of yours on that wall, okay?”

  Rosie slumped her shoulders exaggeratedly and nodded with a shrug.

  “Oh, come on, you’ll do fine. You don’t have to enter anything in the auction. It’s great to get feedback though. Remember my second year when you convinced me to try my own style because I wasn’t getting into what the panelists were teaching? Now look! Thanks to your advice, I’ve come so far since then.”

  Rosie put her paws to her mouth. Mateo reached out and patted her head. She leaned into his hand and wriggled her feet.

  “Glad we had this talk,” Mateo said with a smile.

  Dazi pouted. There was clearly a form of communication the furries shared when they refused to speak like humans. Dazi could understand some of it, but he felt left out and confused enough to be annoyed. He thought about saying as much to Kesi and Kuhma in Shoshoni, until he realized the irony.

  “Do you want to come with us?” Mateo asked.

  Rosie shook her head. She gestured around her neck.

  “You’re collar shopping?”

  Rosie batted at her throat.

  “Ah, you want one with a bell.”

  Rosie nodded.

  “I think you’d look good with a bell collar. We’re looking for a set of ears for Dazi here, but if I spot a collar vendor before you do, I’ll find you, okay?”

  Rosie nodded more happily and held her arms out for another hug. Mateo embraced her with no hesitation. Dazi swallowed in an attempt to calm the jealousy in his chest. It didn’t work. Mateo looked so happy. He had friends here. He wasn’t paranoid around them. He could enjoy their company as easily as Dazi did with his tribe. That was when Dazi decided to stop judging the furries. They were their own tribe with their own customs and he had no right to look down on them for their differences. Unfortunately, that left more room in his conscience to worry about the punishment he faced for what he had done this weekend.

  Mateo said his goodbyes to Rosie. She waved merrily to everyone else. Her eyes didn’t look so dead to Dazi anymore, but he didn’t exactly want to hug her the way Mateo did. I’d rather hug Mateo that way. He wanted to bury his face in his hands and wish away the past twenty-four hours of his life. If only I had approached Mateo calmly at first, casually introduced myself at a panel instead of changing in front of him, I wouldn’t feel so bad about inviting him back to the tribe and things could have gone much more smoothly.

  Kuhma would expect Dazi to explain the situation to Mateo by the end of the day. Dazi didn’t know how to phrase it. Mateo, when you meet my tribe, first the shamans will have to determine if you’re allowed to keep your memories. Also, there’s a chance I’ll be forced into exile for a few years, all because I wanted to get to know you better. It’s not your fault though, this just wouldn’t have happened if we never met. It sounded so passive aggressive and unfair in his head. He didn’t want to fret over it too much. Mateo might smell his anxiety again and try to get the truth out of him before he was ready to share it.

  The found a booth called “Fancy Felines” which specialized in cat costumes and accessories. A section of their display was dedicated to wild cats, and it included several varieties of wearable ears. Dazi bought the sole pair of tan-colored big cat ears. Mateo offered to pay, but Dazi insisted on using his own money.

  “You’re probably going to buy most of our food,” Dazi said. “The least I can do is pay for something only I’m going to use.” You didn’t offer to buy Kesi’s figurine. He sighed. Either you want to apologize for mounting me yesterday, or you’re hoping I’ll let you do it again. The answer to at least one of those is, “Okay.”

  Mateo shrugged. “If that’s what you want. Everyone ready for the art show, then?”

  “The parade doesn’t start until noon, right?” Kesi asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “So are we going to be at the art show for two hours?”

  “We don’t have to be,” Mateo said. “The video game hall will be open soon, if you’re not in the mood for panels, that is.”

  “Didn’t you say there was an Unleashing the Beast panel?” Kuhma asked.

  “You won’t want to go to that,” Dazi warned. “Yes, they’ll be talking about why they’re furries, but you won’t be allowed to just sit and watch. At the event we went to yesterday, they called you out if you didn’t participate.”

  “He’s right,” Mateo said. “You’ll either have to share a lot of details, real or not, or they’ll wonder why you came to that panel in the first place.”

  Kuhma wrinkled his nose, then cocked his head to one side. “Wait, won’t we have the same problem at the Theriopoly panel?”

  “Therianthropy,” Mateo corrected. “That one is more of a support group, a chance for people to see they’re not alone. You share whatever you’re comfortable sharing, whether it’s a lot or a little. Unleashing the Beast is almost a follow-up panel to the Introducing Your Fursona event we went to yesterday. They’re encouraging people to feel more comfortable as furries. You know, learn to communicate and speak up about themselves.”

  Kuhma rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, I would rather play video games.”

  Mateo nodded in approval. “Onward to the art hall then.”

  Dazi took off his wolf hood and stretched the headband to make it more flexible before he put it on. “I’m ready.”

  “What are you going to do with that?” Kesi asked, pointing to his old hat.

  “You should give it to Itsapehe,” Dazi said with a grin. “You two could wear them around together, be the cute coyote couple.”

  “We’re already the cute coyote couple.”

  “Yeah, but now you can—” Dazi almost said, “You can be like that when you’re human,” but caught
himself and changed it to, “You can be even cuter.”

  “Well, let’s be on our way,” Mateo said. He scanned the room. “And if you happen to see Rosie—oh, wait, she already found it.”

  Dazi followed Mateo’s eyes. Rosie had seen them, too. She was at the Fancy Felines booth, waving. She held up a black collar with a bell and shook it happily. Its jingling was barely audible over the chatter, but Dazi could differentiate between it and the jingling of other people’s collars and costumes. Rosie turned and held the collar against her tail, giving Mateo a thumbs up.

  Mateo returned the gesture. “I was going to suggest she get a black one to go with her tail. Glad she found what she was looking for.” He waved at her again, then led their group towards the exit.

  “What are we doing about food?” Kesi asked.

  “We can get lunch after the parade. If we get a spot close to the beginning, more people will still be watching by the time we see the end and the lines will be much shorter. I have some granola bars in my bag if you guys are getting hungry again.”

  “I’ll take one,” Dazi said.

  Kesi nodded. “Me too, please.”

  Mateo zipped open his backpack. “Oatmeal raisin or peanut butter crunch?”

  “Ooh, peanut butter, please,” Kesi said. She happily unwrapped the granola bar as soon as Mateo handed it over and took a bite. “I like him,” she said in Shoshoni.

  Dazi beamed. I’ve got Kesi on my side. Tommo is a lost cause, but maybe there’s still hope for Kuhma. He’ll stand up for me, but perhaps he would vouch for Mateo, too. He felt giddy at the notion that perhaps there was a best-case scenario in all of this.

  * * * *

  Chapter 11

  “Next stop: next door,” Mateo said. “The art dealers’ hall has a section for works submitted by the attendees. There’s an auction tomorrow morning in case anyone wants to purchase the originals.”

  “Why don’t you submit your work?” Dazi asked. Mateo’s web comic was astounding. Dazi liked the style, and Mateo clearly had fans, at least among the furry community. Surely someone would be thrilled to have an original one-of-a-kind drawing from him.

  Mateo shook his head. “I’m popular enough as it is. At least online I can stay out of the limelight and keep up a reputation as yet another reclusive artist. I collab while I’m here, sure, but that’s mainly to help support new artists. If I became popular to the point where people would want to meet me in person, or where strangers could recognize me while I’m walking around, that could cause all kinds of trouble. Gods forbid, I might get a crazy stalker fan who finds out where I live. If anyone here asks, I tell them I’m from California.”

  “Then why post your web comic at all?” Kuhma asked.

  “Because as the last of my kind it falls on me to keep our stories alive. True, I take some creative license with the old tales to make them more appealing to a modern audience, but if I can inspire at least one person to pick up the torch and study the legends on their own, then I will have done my job.”

  “Makes sense to me,” Dazi said.

  Kuhma merely shrugged. “I guess.”

  “Believe me, I’m being cautious. I lie about where I live, I post the comic with a fake last name, the photo on my artist profile is a paw print, I’m doing everything short of getting a fake ISP so people can’t track where I’m posting from, and I’ve thought about that.”

  He really is so careful, Dazi thought. If the shamans heard him talking like this, they would know he’s trustworthy. His confidence was rising. The only problem now was telling Mateo and explaining why he hadn’t told him about this yesterday. Stupid me, thinking my friends would be as excited by meeting another skin-walker as I am that they would applaud me for making friends with him.

  The art hall was almost as large as the dealers’ hall. A long curtain hung from the ceiling to separate the attendee-submitted art show from the professional artists who were selling and signing their work. Dazi wandered briefly towards the professional side to see what exactly a professional furry artist did. Many had stacks of comics or coffee table books at their booths, others had framed paintings hung behind the tables. It was far less crowded than the dealers’ hall, but some booths still had a line of fans waiting to meet their favorites.

  Dazi realized he was being left behind and hurried to join his friends, who were already admiring the fan art. Some pieces looked like doodles from a middle schooler’s notebook, others were as realistic as photographs. What struck Dazi was how many were titled along the lines of “Self-Portrait.” Besides wearing fursuits or similar costumes, this was how people showed the world what they wanted to be. Dazi wished he had paid more attention in that art panel the day before. He felt inspired, yet inadequate compared to the works surrounding him.

  I’ll pay close attention during the animation panel. Maybe I can learn how to do it and animate Mateo’s comic for him. This hopeful idea was soured as soon as Dazi remembered they might not get that chance. Even if Mateo convinced the shamans to keep his memories, even if by some miracle Dazi could successfully plea for a lesser punishment, after going through the whole ordeal there was a slim chance Mateo would still want to be friends with him.

  For the time being, he wanted to cherish the nagual’s company. Mateo had a technical eye and occasionally pointed out the styles or media used to create certain images along with a critique.

  “Looks like they did a watercolor background and painted the dragon over it with something oil-based. I can dig it. Makes the figure stand out more.”

  “This is an issue you see with charcoal sometimes; the shading gets too heavy-handed and you lose depth because everything looks the same.”

  “Hot damn, I wonder how often they had to sharpen their colored pencils to get that much detail.”

  Dazi was particularly drawn to a painting of a humanoid leopard dressed as an African tribal chief, complete with shield and spear, a beaded headband, and a collar of what looked like porcupine quills. The figure stared back at Dazi with narrowed eyes, challenging him, yet somehow alluring. Other than his accessories, the leopard was only wearing a loin cloth, and the artist had paid close attention to giving him a well-toned body and a subtle bulge beneath that cloth

  Okay, now I see why people claim this is a fetish. That’s…actually…hot. Wait, am I getting aroused by a painting of a leopard-man? Dazi’s brain decided to take a tangent and think about Mateo naked, which only made things worse. Yes, yes, I get it, Mateo is attractive and sexy, and if Kesi and Kuhma weren’t around I would probably openly flirt with him, but they would tell me what I already know: “Might as well be a one-night stand, that’s all you’re going to get.” The thought instantly killed his budding erection.

  “Wow, this one is cool.”

  Mateo’s voice behind him made Dazi jump. “Damn, I didn’t hear you walk up,” Dazi said, panting.

  Mateo chuckled. “Soft paws. You know how it goes.” He gestured to the painting. “I like how they did the sky. I don’t know how often it thunderstorms in Africa, but it really looks like one is about to break.” He leaned forward and added quietly in Dazi’s ear, “Plus he’s pretty hot.” Mateo smiled and winked. Dazi hoped his face didn’t look as flushed as it felt.

  They wandered around the art gallery for another half an hour before they migrated to the video game area. It was in the second building of the convention center, so they had time to discuss the art along the way. Kuhma admitted most of it was good, and he remarked on how many of the couples depicted were same-sex couples.

  “Yeah, furry conventions draw a lot of LGBT and genderqueer attendees,” Mateo said. “It’s a place to be yourself, whether your self is gay, straight, human, equine, hybrid, you name it. I know plenty of furries who crossplay, which is where you dress up as a character who isn’t your gender.”

  Kesi frowned. “Wait, was Rosie actually a girl?”

  “As a matter of fact, she is.”

  “So you’ve seen her without her mask?
”

  “I have.” Mateo looked around and lowered his voice. “She has a port-wine birthmark across her forehead that most people stare at, so she feels more comfortable with the mask on.”

  Kesi’s frown immediately faded. “Oh.”

  Dazi was coming to understand the furries better. He could confidently tell his tribe that they were in no danger, and that the furries should be left alone. He imagined himself standing tall before a crowd of his kin and saying, “I had my eyes opened this weekend. Now I see the problems these people face, and I see that they come to this Con-fur-ence for a chance to leave those problems behind for a few days. We are no concern to them, so we should not be concerned by them.” He would tell them all that Mateo had been the one to show him the truth. They would most likely say Mateo had blinded or fooled him and kick them both out.

  Happier thoughts for the next thirty-six hours. Happier thoughts.…Not those thoughts! Not those thoughts, damn it!

  Fortunately the video game room was full of distractions. It was early, so there weren’t many people there, but Dazi was surprised to see a group of four fursuiters sitting around a TV and playing Mario Kart. What truly took him by surprise was that all four of them had taken the heads and front paws off their costumes. It made sense, but Dazi hadn’t seen anyone like that yet.

  They found an arcade dance game set up and Kesi immediately challenged Kuhma to a best-two-out-of-three. Those two were always testing each other’s agility, both as humans and animals. They were mostly evenly matched, so Dazi whispered to Mateo that this was going to be fun to watch and stood where he could see them equally. Mateo stood next to him, close enough that Dazi half-expected Mateo to put an arm around his shoulders and was somewhat disappointed when he didn’t.

  The next two hours flew by. They played the dancing game, a few fighting games, two separate racing games, and one shooting game where Dazi showed off his own accuracy skills. Mateo seemed impressed, which made Dazi happy. What made him happier still was that he had barely worried about his tribe and the punishment awaiting him at all.