by Lucy Clark
‘Should Margaret and Doug get counselling? Should we hospitalise Margaret for the duration of her pregnancy?’
‘I’ve tried the counselling route at the moment as Margaret does seem to like being at home but given she still has about another six weeks to go, perhaps we should consider hospitalisation.’
‘What does Ethan think of the situation?’
Margaret was the one patient they’d discussed yesterday when CJ had been in the lounge room with her feet up when he’d arrived home from clinic. ‘He said it doesn’t look good. Margaret may still miscarry at any stage.’
Donna sighed. ‘Has Ethan seen this type of thing before? Foetal Alcohol Syndrome?’
CJ thought back to what he’d confessed about his wife. ‘He has, as a matter of fact, and because of that, he’s done a lot of research into it.’
‘Good.’
‘The main problem Margaret faces is that if she doesn’t stop drinking now, the likelihood that the baby will be born with some sort of deformity will increase. I’ve been reading up on it, too, but even now it might be too late and the baby might not even survive.’
‘Does Margaret know this?’
‘I’ve told her the facts. Ethan’s told her the facts. I know the social worker came and saw her when she was in hospital and talked to her about the possibility of birth defects. We’re doing all we can and we’re not trying to scare her but rather inform her.’ CJ sighed with exasperation. ‘In the end, though—’
‘It’s up to Margaret.’
‘Exactly.’
‘I’ll get Ethan to discuss the idea of prolonged hospitalisation with Margaret’s obstetrician.’
‘OK.’
‘Or...you could tell him.’
‘Me? Ask Ethan to talk to Margaret’s obstetrician?’
‘Yes. You live in the same house as him. It’s not like you don’t talk at all.’
CJ shook her head quickly. ‘No. No. It’s much better coming from you.’
Donna eyed her carefully. ‘Does Ethan know you’ve seen Margaret?’
‘Ethan isn’t the boss of me,’ CJ stated, lifting her chin a little.
‘He told me he’s been insisting you rest.’
‘Insisting is a mild word. He won’t let me do anything! Just because—’ CJ stopped. Although she wanted to tell Donna what Ethan had shared with her, had told her about his wife and his unborn child, she didn’t want to break his confidence. ‘Because I’m pregnant, he thinks I’m useless.’
‘You sound very indignant about it.’ Donna was looking at her as though she was sure CJ was hiding something. ‘Yet when I tell you to rest, you don’t sound nearly so put out.’ A smile started to form on Donna’s lips. ‘I think you’re a little bit attracted to our new locum. At least, that’s the sense I got last week when you were standing in the waiting room about to kiss him!’
CJ gasped. ‘You saw us!’
‘It was purely by accident. I came out of my consulting room to check something with Tania but saw the two of you and quickly retreated.’ Donna shifted forward in her seat. ‘So? What was it like?’
CJ thought back to that day and slowly shook her head. ‘It wasn’t really a kiss per se.’ Not compared to the ones they’d shared later on. ‘More like a moment when we brushed lips.’
‘A moment?’
‘Half a moment. It was very brief, very light, very...’ CJ trailed off, sighing softly before adding, ‘Very nice.’
‘So you are avoiding him. That’s why you’re out most nights. Visiting me, visiting Tania, visiting a plethora of other people.’
‘What? Do you hold regular meetings to discuss my whereabouts?’
Donna laughed. ‘Are you avoiding Ethan because of the way he makes you feel?’
CJ straightened her back and flicked her pigtails over her shoulder, determined to deny her friend’s words, but the instant she opened her mouth, she slouched and covered her face with her hands. It was no use. ‘He’s so nice and wonderful and caring, as well as frustrating, infuriating and...sexy.’ She dropped her hands. ‘I like the way he smells. I like the way he walks. I like the way he talks. I really like him and that scares the living daylights out of me.’
‘What’s the problem?’
‘Problem? Where do I start?’ She spread her hands wide. ‘How about the fact that his life is in Sydney and mine is here? How about the fact that I’ve already been burned by one man, that I’m not about to throw myself back into the fire. And the last reason why it just wouldn’t work.’ She pointed to her belly. ‘I’m about to have a baby! All my time and attention and care is about to be completely focused on figuring out how to be a parent.’ With her emotions in overdrive, while she’d been talking, tears had sprung to her eyes and she reached for a tissue and blew her nose. A moment later she closed her eyes and said softly, ‘Here I am, on the brink of having Quinten’s baby, and all I can think about is Ethan Janeway. I mean, what man in his right mind would be attracted to me? Look at me! I’m huge!’
‘You’re pregnant and you’re all baby. You’ve watched your weight carefully and have hardly put any extra on, even with all your late night pickle and chocolate spread snacking.’
CJ gasped. ‘He told you about that!’
‘It’s hardly a secret, CJ, but it wasn’t Ethan, it was Idris at the grocery store.’
‘Oh.’
‘Once the baby’s born, it won’t take you long to get your figure back. You’ll be your normal size again and everything will feel better.’
CJ dabbed at her eyes before blowing her nose. ‘I know. It’s all silly, it’s all emotional but...’ She sighed. ‘It was so nice to think that he might be attracted to me, especially when I’m huge like this. Do you have any idea what that did for my self-esteem?’
‘I can imagine. What’s your plan, then? To go out visiting people at night until the baby’s born?’
‘Sounds good to me.’
‘Does Ethan know where you are?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think so but I don’t answer to him.’
‘That doesn’t sound like you.’
‘Quinten needed to know where I was at all times and I often thought that was so sweet, that he was interested in me, and yet the truth of the matter was that he only wanted to know where I was so I wouldn’t catch him having one of his many affairs.’
‘Ethan isn’t Quinten,’ Donna pointed out softly.
CJ huffed and shrugged. ‘I know but I still don’t need to tell him where I am at every moment of the day. I don’t ask where he goes. He gets up early and is out of the house before I’ve woken up, so I’ve taken to visiting people in the evening to give him some time to work, instead of hibernating in my bedroom.’
‘That’s very considerate of you.’
‘If I didn’t, then he’d probably go out and he’s got nowhere to go.’
‘True. Or here’s a thought—you could just try talking to him.’
‘I do talk to him but there’s only so much we can say about our patients.’
Donna chuckled. ‘Listen, once the baby is born, you’ll feel better. Your life will settle down into a nice, easy rhythm and Ethan Janeway will return to Sydney and all will be forgotten.’
‘It could be my hormones that are telling me I’m attracted to him when I’m really not.’ She closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘Man, that sounds silly when I say it out loud.’
‘But why don’t we blame those troublesome hormones at the moment?’
‘Yes. Yes, I think you’re right.’
‘And after all he’s the only good-looking, single man of your age in the vicinity.’
‘True. Very true.’
‘So there you go. Opportunity and motive, all of which you had absolutely no control over. You are not to blame.’
‘Excellent.’ CJ shifted
out of the chair and stood. ‘Thanks, Donna. I’m glad I came over tonight.’
‘So am I. Go home, have a snack, get a wheat bag warmed up and lie down with a good book.’
‘Sounds like the perfect prescription.’ CJ hugged her friend, then said, ‘I might just use your bathroom first. Junior’s jumping on my bladder again.’
* * *
Ethan stared out the window at the dark and empty street. There weren’t as many streetlights here as there were surrounding his apartment in Sydney. The night sky seemed darker, the stars seemed brighter, and he could swear there were more stars here than there were in Sydney.
Where was she?
‘Ethan? Are you still there?’
‘Yeah. Sorry, Melody. What were you saying?’
‘That things are crazy at work. The director’s resigned.’
‘Oh, yeah. So who’s going to take over being Director of Orthopaedics?’ He turned away from the window and began to pace around the lounge room, returning a moment later to look out the window again when he thought he’d heard a noise. He’d spoken to his sister more in this past week than he had in the past year, finally managing to tell her the truth about Abigail and Ellie.
After they’d discussed things for a while, Melody had asked, ‘Why are you able to talk about it now? Not that I’m complaining, it’s just...you know, six years, Ethan, and now you can discuss things? You’ve changed—for the better—and I think it all has to do with the different pace of life in Pridham. You’ve been forced to re-evaluate your life, to slow down, to breathe, to—’
Ethan had cut her off, not wanting to discuss every aspect of his life with his sister. However, since then, Melody had taken to calling him, wanting to chat, wanting to share things in her life with him, and he was pleased she’d taken the initiative. It made him realise just how far he’d distanced himself from his family but, thankfully, they hadn’t let him disappear completely. He owed them for that, and he owed CJ for helping him to realise all this.
It was crazy how his housemate had come to mean so much to him so quickly. He’d never thought, when he’d made the decision to come to Pridham, that this sort of thing would happen, that he’d be able to open up and talk about his pain with those who cared about him. He also hadn’t expected to be attracted to his new colleague and end up being desperate to kiss her. Yet that’s exactly what he’d done. It was ridiculous, though, because his life wasn’t here in Pridham. His life was in Sydney, with his patients, his surgery, his department. He liked working in Sydney, he liked operating and was missing it here in Pridham. Granted, the pace of life here was much slower and, as far as his health went, it was doing him the world of good.
Except for this past week. Ever since he’d kissed CJ, he hadn’t managed to get any proper sleep. It was little wonder, especially as his thoughts had been constantly churning about what the kisses might mean.
Why did they need to mean anything? That had been his main argument. Perhaps those kisses had just been a means of him releasing the anguish he’d kept locked away for so many years, a way of thanking CJ for helping him to realise he still had a lot to offer the world. However, it was his desire to press his mouth to hers every other time he’d seen her that was starting to do his head in. Where he’d thought the attraction for her would begin to wane, it had, instead, intensified. He’d wanted to kiss her even more, to further explore the sensations only she’d been able to evoke, which was the reason why he’d woken up very early the morning after those exquisite kisses and ensured he had been out of the house before she’d got up.
Since then, he’d done his best to give her a wide berth, not wanting to become a complication in her life. She had enough to contend with and although both districts of Pridham and Whitecorn were watching over her, pledging their support once the baby was born, the desire to gather her into his arms and keep her safe, to protect both CJ and her unborn child, was something Ethan was constantly fighting. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to keep her and the baby safe. But why? Was he merely trying to appease his subconscious? To save CJ and her child, when he’d been unable to save Abigail and Ellie?
Upon hearing another sound from outside, he went to the front door, opening it, but it wasn’t her. He checked that the sensor lights were working so that whenever she finally did come home, she wouldn’t be navigating her way to the door in the dark.
‘Are you listening to me at all?’ Melody asked again.
‘I am. You’re telling me the shortlist for the director of orthopaedics.’ Ethan went back inside. ‘Hey, isn’t your department supposed to be getting a visiting professor or something like that soon?’
‘In another few months. Hopefully, the new director will be installed by the time that happens.’
‘You could do it.’
‘Me? Be the director of orthopaedics?’ Melody laughed at him. ‘No, thank you. I do not want to play nursemaid to a visiting professor, no matter how brilliant he is. That is not my idea of fun.’
Ethan half listened to Melody as she kept talking, still feeling guilty about driving CJ from her own home. He knew she left because of him. He felt it. If she stayed home, she would hibernate in her bedroom and if she was getting up for her usual three a.m. snacks, he wasn’t hearing her.
When she was out this late, he found it almost impossible to work until she was safe at home. He was conscious of her whenever she walked into the house, regardless of whether or not he was in the same room. It didn’t matter where she was, he felt her and it was driving him insane.
Where was she? He stared out the window and when a set of headlights flashed as they turned into the driveway, he quickly stepped back into the shadows, his whole body relaxing with relief. She was back. She was safe. She was home.
Home?
He brushed the thought from his mind as he quickly headed into his part of the house, not wanting to be in her way. He listened, though, as she opened and closed the front door before making her way into the kitchen. He’d left a meal for her in the fridge and soon he heard the microwave going. Another ten minutes later and everything fell silent. She was safely down her end of the house and he was in his. His sister had hung up, giving up on him not carrying his end of the conversation.
Instead, Ethan sat down at the desk in his room and began to get some work done. Now that CJ was safe at home, he could concentrate.
* * *
CJ finished eating the lovely food Ethan had cooked and put the dish on her bedside table, lying back in her bed and patting her baby. ‘There you go. All fed for now.’ Part of her had wanted him to be in the kitchen when she’d arrived home so that she could tell him about her conversation with Donna regarding Margaret. She’d also wanted to see Ethan for more than two minutes together so they could have an open and honest conversation about what on earth was happening between them.
CJ shuffled off the bed, the pain in her back beginning to intensify. She took her dishes quietly out to the kitchen, moving slowly and carefully, constantly on alert in case she should bump into him. The problem was that even if he came out, even if she asked the questions, she doubted whether either of them would have any answers. She certainly didn’t and that’s why she was happy to live in avoidance land for a bit longer.
Returning to her part of the house, she continued to rub the pain that was still niggling at her back. ‘Did I eat too fast?’ she asked the baby, wondering if she was getting referred indigestion pain, but that made no sense. The next moment she stopped in the middle of the hallway, leaning on the wall, as a sharp spasm gripped her lower abdomen. CJ gasped in shock and waited desperately for the pain to subside.
‘Ow.’ She rubbed her back and her abdomen. ‘What was that for? Do you want some chocolate spread?’ CJ headed to the stash of food she’d taken to keeping in her room. That way, she hadn’t risked waking Ethan when she needed an early morning snack.
Befor
e she could pull the chocolate spread from the bag, another pain gripped her, marginally worse than before. She sat down on the chair and felt instant discomfort, so stood once more, rubbing her belly until the pain eased. ‘Just excessive back pain and Braxton-Hicks,’ she told herself calmly. It meant things were definitely moving in the right direction. She would brush her teeth, then re-check her hospital bag was packed and call Donna. Although CJ was a doctor, although she’d assisted with many a delivery, reading about a contraction and experiencing one were two very different things. If this was just false labour, at least Donna would be able to put her mind at ease. As she walked to her en suite, another spasm hit.
It was then she felt a loosening sensation before a trickle of water slid down her leg. Her eyes widened in alarm as she rushed to the bathroom and stepped into the shower.
‘What?’ She wasn’t sure what to do so she just stood there, waiting for the liquid to stop running down her legs. ‘Oh, my gosh,’ she whispered. ‘This isn’t a false alarm. This is it!’ She was in labour.
Trembling, she thumped on the wall. ‘Ethan! Ethan!’ She waited, not knowing whether he could hear her. The trickle was slowing down and she started to relax a little. ‘Ethan!’ she called again, and thumped some more on the wall, concern in her tone.
‘CJ?’
She breathed a sigh of relief. He’d heard her. ‘Ethan.’ He knocked on her bedroom door, which she thought was cute. ‘Come in. Come in. I’m in the bathroom.’ A moment later, he stood in the doorway.
‘What’s wrong? Why are you standing in the shower fully clothed?’
‘My water—’ She broke off on a gasp as another spasm hit. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth, bracing one hand on the shower wall and the other on her abdomen.
‘You’re in labour?’ When she looked at him, it was to find him staring at her in stunned disbelief.
