Personal Experiences

by Tracy Lee

  I hugged him back. He pulled his head off my shoulder and looked me in the eyes as he laid his forehead against my forehead he apologized again and kissed me softly.

  "I'm so sorry baby… I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean it, any of it." He continued to give me small chaste kiss on my lips, on my cheek then on my forehead and down my other cheek. "I'm sorry I hit you baby, I swear to god baby I will never raise a hand to you again. I love you so much. I just couldn't think of you spending time with him, it makes me crazy." He worked his way back around to my lips and began kissing me harder. "You're carrying two babies…my babies, I love you so much, baby"

  Love…what the fuck is this love shit. This is not what we talked about. I hope to god he doesn't expect me to say it back to him because those words mixed with his name will never leave my mouth.

  His hands slowly crept under my shirt and he was touching my breasts through my bra, his thumbs were rubbing coarsely against my nipples. My head fell back because it felt amazing his hands were hot against my skin, his breath against my face was warm and my body was demanding contact.

  "Yes Bear, don't stop, baby" I wrapped my hands around his upper arms for balance while he raised my bra up over my breasts so he had full contact. He began to roll my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers and pinched slightly. My nipples were so sensitive that when he would pinch them I'd feel a tingly sting that felt incredible. He lowered himself kissing me as he went down, whispering endearments. He unbuttoned my pants then ran his hands over my bulging belly.

  "My babies, I'm your daddy…I've got two of ya in there" He would speak and then kiss my belly, I could feel them tumbling around as he would speak to them.

  "Bear, baby… I need you" to be honest, I didn't need him personally, I needed to be full of someone's cock and he just happened to be conveniently there.

  Damn hormones were on the rise again.

  He stood back up and kissed me walking me backwards to the bedroom, as soon as I felt the side of the bed on the back of my legs, I laid down and let him pull my pants off. He slid his pants down and laid down beside me and pulled me on top of him.

  "I wanna see your belly while you ride me baby, cuz you're givin me more than I could've asked for; two babies."

  Oh my god! When was he going to shut the fuck up! I was sick of hearing it. I couldn't believe how many times he kept saying that. I could take it he was proud but…Christ almighty, you're fixin to stick your cock in me, can we not talk about the babies right now?

  I lowered myself down on him and heard him hiss. I closed my eyes and went to the place I always went to inside my head wherever I wanted to be with TJ. This time, I was in my room and TJ was lying underneath me while I rode him. My hands were running all over his muscled chest and stomach. I couldn't get enough of how he felt underneath me. I was completely filled with him. Feeling myself getting wetter by the thought, I began moving up and down almost pulling Bear out of me entirely then slamming back down on top until I was completely filled with him, releasing and contracting with every move that I made, making him breathless. "Ya, that's it baby, ride that cock" I ignored his coaching me, and just kept my eyes closed.

  In my head, I was smiling with happiness that was barely contained within me and my eyes never left TJ's. I wanted to see every bit of him when he was coming, the way he would hold his breath and let it out in the most sexiest moans, the way his stomach muscles tightened, I would lick every bead of sweat off of his stomach. The way he sucked in his lower lip until I would reach down and grab it with my teeth and pull it into my mouth. The way the vein on the side of his neck would pop out and pulse. I did all of that to him, I brought him to that point; feeling like he couldn't catch his next breath without me moving my wet core against him just one more time. It was so erotic it would push me over into my own. I sped up as I noticed Bear's breath became hurried;

  "Oh yeah baby…make me come…goddamn, I'm gonna fill you up with my hot jizz."

  Oh yeah…way to make me lose my orgasm, Asshat…because jizz is such a naughty word.

  My climax was coming as I heard him moan and hiss, I knew he had come already but I continued to ride him as I dropped my fingers down to my clit and began to rub hard and fast. Finally, I climaxed. It wasn't mind blowing but I felt relief.

  "Well, I sure as shit needed that" yep, that's what I heard as Bear got up and headed for the bathroom.

  "Darlin, you cookin dinner tonight? I'm starving"

  I looked at the clock it was only three eighteen. After cooking my ass off yesterday and him throwing it all out on the floor that was a big Hell no!!!

  "You wanna go out?"

  "Sure, we can go out"

  So I hopped in the shower after Bear did. I threw my hair up in a messy bun and got ready in record time. We decided on a little restaurant in town. We headed into town; the ride was quiet, lucky for me, it wasn't a long ride. As we got out of the car and turned to head to the restaurant, I heard what I thought I'd never hear again…

  "Bear… Elle… wait up, I wanna talk to ya'll."

  Fuck!! Was it who I thought it was? Turning around I saw him jogging over to us; TJ. Looking at Bear I could see his breathing had turned rapid again and his face was as red as a beet. I knew this wasn't good so I turned to Bear and demanded to him not to open his mouth. I looked at TJ just as he approached the car and that's when I let him have it.

  "TJ, turn around and go back to where you came from! I guess you didn't learn when Bear kicked your ass that I never wanted to see your face again as long as I lived. Get the fuck away from me, why can't you just leave me the fuck alone!"

  As I said this, he halted right where he was, he looked at me then his eyes traveled down onto my stomach and he saw my bump. The smile left his face and I could see his jaw clutching. He looked at me a moment, nodded once in response to what I had said to him then turned the way he came from and did exactly what I told him to do…he walked the fuck away.

  Inside I was screaming and shrieking like I have never screamed before in my life.

  Chapter Twelve

  Present Day

  The flight from Atlanta to Burlington was a 2 ½ hour flight but to me sitting with nothing else to concentrate on but my thoughts seems like seven hours. I kept replaying in my head the conversation that TJ and I had just had and I couldn't help it, I was captivated.

  This was a dream that I had been having since I was eighteen years old, just one more night with TJ I hoped and wished for it and now it was being offered to me all I had to do was just go ask him, no scratch that, I had to beg for it.

  Beg him? Is he insane? I didn't beg like a dog, it sounded like he had put plenty of thought into this plan. I bet if I just went up and told him I would fuck the shit outta him he'd accept. He's a man, according to them pussy's pussy, it don't matter what the rest looks like he'd hit it.

  I must've been scowling and blushing at the same time because he laughed as he passed me on his way to the bar to grab himself a bottle of water.

  "Something funny?" I inquired.

  "Just you" he replied smirking.

  "Would you like to elaborate on that, Mr.McHale?"

  "You're giving great thought to my offer, aren't you" He responded bluntly.

  I must've blushed redder because he smirked again.

  Busted!

  I was not going to allow him to think that he could talk to me that way. I am a married woman. Yes, I may dream of this man when I use my battery operated boyfriend, and I go to the open space in my mind with him when my husband abuses me but he was not going to be finding any of this out.

  Now I was becoming livid. I was beginning to heat up and get clammy.

  I raised my sleeves up not even thinking about the marks still on my arms.

  "I will have you know, Mr. McHale that I-"

  "What the fuck is that?"

  I heard him bark and slam his bottle of water down on the bar. Looking around the cabin, I had no clue what he was talking about,
I sat there for a moment listening, thinking maybe he heard an odd sound.

  "Mr. McHale, I don't hear or see anything, what did you see?"

  "What I see better not be what I'm thinking it is because if it is, someone is going to die and it won't be a fast death." He grumbled, making his way around the bar and picking up my hands so fast I didn't have time to pull my sleeves back down to look at my wrists. You could see the faint purple, green and pink colors of the bruising but my tattoos were becoming more legible every day.

  "Mr. McHale, please…" I said quietly as I pulled my sweater back down and cursed at myself. How could I be so stupid as to let my guard down around him. I needed to stay alert. This was not just anyone I was dealing with here; no, this was Trevor Jordan McHale, the man my heart beat for; part conceiver of my children; well at least two of them. Now, not only did I allow him to get under my skin, but apparently he can read it all over my face.

  "Don't you fucking Mr. McHale me, Elle…where did these bruises come from?"

  Snatching my hands away, he had no right to meddle in my personal business. Now I found myself defending that fucktard Bear and I never wanted to be in that position.

  I stood straight up and I did it quickly, I croaked out "Don't you dare think you can pry into my life, these-" I held up my wrists in his face" are none of your business. This is the second time that you've felt you can just poke your nose into somewhere it doesn't belong. You've been away along time, Trevor McHale and things have changed; so have people. So don't you come up to me threatening me with your alpha-male bullshit, cuz all you're gonna get is a great big FUCK OFF!"

  He looked at me, his eyes had softened and his smile had gone away. He was still sitting next to me. I just stood there looking down at him eye to eye like this was a staring contest. I was trying to get my breathing back down to normal. I refuse to blink first. I was pissed and he knew it. I was not that little girl anymore. I couldn't depend or trust any man ever in my life. I trusted my daddy and look where that got him, he's dead. When it comes to trusting my husband, fuck that I wouldn't trust him with my enemy.

  I spoke first, clearing my throat because I felt like I was at a loss with a tender throat and a small voice.

  "Look, MISTER McHale-" I rub my forehead trying to get my thoughts in order." I apologize for losing my temper. To be quite frank with you, I've had a shit night and I'm extremely tired. I just want to finish out this flight and get to my hotel, take a long hot bath and fall asleep. If there is anything you would like me to work on the rest of the flight, please feel free to bring it to my attention."

  He just kept staring at me and not saying a word. I looked away and then looked back at him as he was mumbling something under his breath.

  "Glass" is the only thing I could understand out of the mumbling. I looked over towards the bar and since I was already standing…

  "I'm sorry, are you in need of a glass? Here, let me"

  As I went to move by his legs to step out into the aisle he stopped me.

  "That's not what I said". I was now looking down at him, his face was blank. "What I said is, your husband should touch you as though you were made out of the most delicate piece of glass. Regarded as if at any moment, you could disintegrate into the finest of dust."

  I stepped back to my seat and sat down because his words would have just knocked me on my ass. I cleared my throat and breathed; "Mr. McHale-"

  He pounded his fist on the arm rest that divided us and demanded loudly "Don't call me that again, do you understand me? You call me TJ…that's my fuckin' name!"

  I blinked quickly, trying to stop my eyes from making tears. I murmured "I'm not made of glass, TJ."

  He closed his eyes and murmured "God, how I've missed hearing you same my name."

  I was still barely able to catch my breath so with what breath I had, I informed him "I've changed, TJ; I'm not that little naive girl anymore."

  "I know you, Elle, I've been inside you. I know you better than anyone has or will. I know that you still think of me, because your all that's in my mind."

  "Shut up!"

  Now I've had enough. This is some mind-fuck because of how I ended things in the past. He wants to get back at me for hurting him so bad. Well, it's working; this is destroying me.

  "I know that you still feel something for me, because you consume me Elle, all of me. I know that none of this will ever stop because we are anchored, you know it-"

  "I'm warning you TJ, shut the fuck up!"

  "I've seen it; permanently inked on you and I know it because you're always next to my heart." He opened up his shirt and there upon a gold chain was my anchor ring that I had slipped in his pocket the night of the fight hanging from his neck.

  "It never leaves my neck, babe. You are with me constantly."

  I couldn't take anymore. I was trapped. Up in the air with nowhere to escape the shit he was saying to me. He was slaying me with his bullshit lines that meant nothing to him. He wanted me to agree, throw my arms around him and tell him I felt the same way, just so he could tell me to go fuck off, just like I did to him seventeen years ago. The tears were building up and closing my eyes was the only way they were obstructed. This was what I wanted my entire life, what I basically would've sold my soul to the devil for but yet, there are so many secrets that keep us apart. I can't even begin to explain to him what and why.

  "TJ, this is never going to happen, you can't even begin-"

  Suddenly, I heard the captain come on the intercom and inform us we were starting our descent into Burlington. I fastened my seatbelt. As he got up to leave he bent down and kissed my forehead.

  "That's it Darlin, you think about all I've said to you. You have an hour to get in your room, shower and dress. You're joining me for dinner, nothing fancy; jeans will be fine." He kisses me one last time and heads to his seat.

  Oh shit, I am in so much trouble.

  * * *

  Looking up at the hotel as the driver turned into the unloading area, I feel like I was in Vegas. The hotel was lit up with lights you could probably see from miles away. I followed TJ into the lobby and stood there in amazement at how posh the inside lobby was, I can't even imagine what the rooms look like.

  "Ahhhh, Mr.McHale; nice to see you again, how may we assist you this evening?" I overheard coming from the front desk. Looking in that direction, I saw a handsome man who appeared to be in his mid-thirties, dressed charmingly, conversing with TJ.

  "Why hello Simon; I need a suite, perhaps the penthouse if available. I apologize for the last minute scheduling but this trip was thrown together at the last minute."

  "Of course sir, the penthouse suite is available. Two rooms, both with king size beds. Would there be anything else this evening, Mr. McHale?"

  "No Simon; that would be all. Please bill it to Mac-Gentry."

  "Yes sir, please enjoy your stay with us."

  I walked up as I heard him saying "your stay with us."

  Heading towards the elevators, I whispered curiously so that the very influential people walking by us didn't hear what I was about to say.

  "Ummmm, what did he mean by your?"

  Smirking, he mumbled back "What do you think he meant, Elle?"

  I smiled so it looked like we were having ourselves a wonderful, loving conversation but inside I was livid "I'm thinking that statement was meant for me…Not you."

  Entering the elevator it filled up quickly, pushing us onto the back wall, he laughed "I'm thinking you misunderstood something."

  My face blanked, my mind was going a thousand miles a minute and when realization set in, he could tell by the alarmed expression on my face. He laughed louder this time.

  "You're not… no, that's not possible… why would you stay here… wait… you're not staying here right?"

  Hitting the first floor we passed, some of the riders got off, the doors shut again and we continued our journey to the top floor. We stood in silence, pushed up against the back of the elevator, we were hip to hip in
here. Slowly, I felt his hand gently stroke my hand and goose bumps shot straight up my arm, I closed my eyes and savored the feeling. I quickly tugged my hand up and folded both of my arms over my chest. I was not going to give into him, especially if he thought I would be begging for anything from him.

  Looking over at him that sly smile was still adorning his beautiful face.

  We went up four more floors, more people stepped off the elevator, the amount of bodies in this small enclosed space was lessening but yet we stayed right where we were. Hitting the ninth floor, all but one stepped off and there we stood. I looked over at him through the reflection on the wall and noticed his gaze was staring straight at me. I let my eyes roam over to him and scrutinized him.

  Looking straight ahead again, I dropped my arms down to straight in front of me and asked TJ if there was a problem. First off, I should be slapped for asking such an open ended question, second, considering what was said on the jet, I shouldn't have been surprised by what his response would be.

  Slowly he leaned over so that he could whisper to me and I felt a warm rush of air hit my ear as he blew. I was covered in goose bumps again; damn him.

  "Oh no problem Elle, I was just imagining what you would look like with your legs wrapped around me while you rode my cock up against this elevator wall right here."

  Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

  I told my brain to close my mouth and turned my head straight ahead and prayed that this ride was almost over. I couldn't take much more of this, with the way today was going I was going to have to burn this pair of panties.

  I heard him laugh under his breath as the doors opened and the last man stepped out of the elevator. Sliding the keycard into the slot to get to the penthouse, I stood there with my eyes closed; I didn't want to look at him or hear him talk anymore or else I would be begging for him to take me.