Personal Experiences

by Tracy Lee

  Finally, we reached the door to the penthouse.

  I informed him he was going to have to give me a little more time considering it was almost nine and I needed to call Rachel and check on my kids. He agreed and unlocked the door. When I stepped into the foyer of this immaculate hotel room, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

  "Like it?"

  "Amazing" was my only reply.

  I saw TJ walk around me and head to the left so I figured my room was to the right. As I walked into the living area I couldn't believe my eyes. I was looking out over a night sky that dazzled like the stars in space. I couldn't believe the view Tall skyscrapers that had every window illuminated, smaller buildings that had beams of light coming out into the darkness as well but not as many. Looking out farther you could see the residential neighborhoods; they looked like a Christmas scene.

  The houses glowed with the warmth of the families that lived in them. You could see that in the backyards of those homes were small fires as though someone was grilling or having a bonfire. These were happy, loving families that were probably at this time of night were sitting down watching a movie together or playing games together. The thought crushed me inside that my children didn't have that kind of home. I tried as hard as I could to give them a decent, normal childhood; holidays, routines, chores; Love. But Bear didn't make it easy. The kids and I would sit down to watch a movie, we'd get about thirty minutes into it and here Bear would come in drunk off his ass, screaming at me, scaring the shit out of the kids and our loving, warm family night was done with.

  "Beautiful, isn't it?" I turned my head to the side and saw TJ standing right behind me handing me a glass of champagne.

  "It's breathtaking". I put a fake smile on my face at the thought of the view being what I said it was. In reality, it was breathtaking but to me, it was sickening. I took the glass of champagne and sipped it slowly. I was exhausted from last night's festivities and if I drank too much, I would be in a coma before dinner.

  Feeling him move in closer, I began to sense the heat coming off of him….and I was liking it; maybe a little too much. I heard him softly "It so peaceful, it's like no one has a care in the world." I closed my eyes and moved away to head for my room; "I better call the kids so I can get ready for dinner, thank you for the champagne". Looking back I saw him looking up at the ceiling, his eyes were closed.

  I ignored it and headed for my room. The bellman had already brought up my bags so I began to hang up the pieces of clothes that needed to be hung up. I then went to the bathroom, plugged in my iPod and turned the shower on. Jumping in quickly, I could barely hear Knight Ranger's "When I Close My Eyes" as I rub the shampoo all over my hair. I knew the lyrics though and they hit close to home with me. I would remember turning this song on while washing the dishes, ear buds stuck deep in my ears and the volume all the way up and I would settle into my fondest memories of TJ and me.

  Like the time we were supposed to go out to dinner with Lilly and Curt. I knew staying at TJ's house after school and getting dressed over there was going to be a mistake before the evening ever came. We had made love two times already. I was in the shower in the guest room while he was getting dressed in his room. It took me two hours to get dressed, I decided I was going to curl my hair so I used the curling iron and made curl after curl. I finally snuggled into my little black dress and headed down the stairs. As soon as I hit the stairs, TJ came out of the kitchen and froze. I could see the hunger was back in his eyes.

  "You look delicious." He mumbled as he slowly moved towards me.

  "TJ, we are going out to eat, I am not the first course". I laughed as he planted his lips on my neck. "And I will let you know, that I have worked long and hard on this hair, please try not to dishevel it" I tilted my head back to allow him better access.

  I couldn't say no to him. I felt like inside my head was chaos until I was bound to TJ in some way physically then all the pandemonium disappeared and tranquility ran over my body like water.

  His lips left my neck and his face came up with eyebrows raised and I knew something was coming "Oh baby, while you were working long and hard on your hair I was working something long and hard…wanna see it?"

  I threw my head back in laughter, I laughed so long I know tears had to be pooling in the corners of my eyes.

  I kissed him softly and pulled his lower lip in between my teeth as he moaned, I knew we were going to be late for dinner. I wrapped my legs around his waist as his hands settled on my ass. He walked back upstairs toward his bedroom. I began moving my ass against his hips, I could feel him straining against his pants. I knew I was going to get a good pounding even though I just had an excellent one, or three not even two hours ago. Laying me up on his bed. I scooted back til I was up on the pillows.

  "I knew you were gonna mess up my hair, TJ McHale" I teased. This was totally going to be worth getting "thoroughly-fucked hair" any day of the week.

  Noticing he wasn't jumping on top of me I sat up on my elbows and looked at him and raised my brows in a what-the-fuck look. He unbuttoned the top button on his jeans.

  "What do you want, babe?" He asked, his face gone of his gorgeous smile but his eyes were on fire.

  "You" I shyly replied.

  Stepping back a little, TJ began to unbutton his shirt. "No Darlin, I want to hear you tell me what you want."

  I looked at him like he had lost his mind. I wasn't talking dirty to him. I was a shy southern lady and "dick" was about as bad as it got out of my mouth.

  I whispered like the room was full of party guests; "TJ, I can't say the words, just… you know what I want".

  "I wanna hear it come out of your mouth, Ellie-bean."

  "Shit, ok…fine. I want your dick, babe, there you happy?" I said as I rolled my eyes and felt the blood rush up to my cheeks.

  "No, I'm not happy. You love me?"

  Now I was getting angry, why would he even question that, because I wouldn't say I want your penis in my vagina?

  "Why would you even say that?"

  Now that he saw I was getting apprehensive, he came over to sit next to me on the bed and laid his hand on my chest. I went to sit up and he stopped me quickly, "No baby, just lay back; close your eyes."

  I trusted him with everything that I was so I did what he told me to do. I laid back and closed my eyes. I could feel him sitting next to me, he was so turned on his body heat was sweltering. Slowly and very gently he ran his fingers up the inside of my leg.

  "Feel that?"

  Well hell yeah I could feel that, whenever he'd touch me I would automatically become wet.

  "Yeah babe, I feel that."

  "Now explain what you're feeling."

  I had never really concentrated on the description of the feeling. So I laid there and just… felt. He slowly ran his finger up the other side of my leg but stop mid-thigh. I became frustrated I slowly opened my legs wider thinking he would take a hint, he didn't, again he stopped mid-thigh.

  "I feel frustrated and disappointed."

  "Good girl, why?"

  "Because I want you touch me."

  "Mmmmm, beautiful babe, where do you want me to touch you?"

  I pointed to my core and I heard him huff.

  "You want me to touch your pussy?"

  "Yes please, come on; this is killing me TJ, you're teasing me."

  He laughed and replied coquettishly "Then play along, darlin."

  I figured at this point I wasn't going to be getting my pounding until I did what he wanted me to do so I just gave in and started cooperating.

  I started moving my hips in a circular motion. I could feel his fingers right at my thigh but I wanted them inside of me… After hearing the sounds he was making, I needed them; I needed any part of him. So I began to push my ass towards his fingers.

  I moaned and licked my lips and continued gyrating my hips; "Baby, I need your cock inside my pussy, now. Please I'm so wet. You could slide yourself inside of me and be drenched in my juices."

>   Holy crap, did that just come out of my mouth?

  That's all it took. TJ ripped his shirt off, his buttons went flying all through the air. His pants weren't even all the way unzipped as he tugged them off of his legs. He kissed up my legs until he reached my spot. He stopped moving all together and laid his cheek against my upper thigh and just breathed me in. My hands went straight to his hair and began to softly push it back from his face.

  He quietly whispered "You know my life is yours, dontcha? I am nothing but skin and bones without you."

  Tears filled my eyes because I heard what he was saying but it wasn't that way at all for me. He made my day begin and my night end. He was my happiness to the point that I felt physical pain.

  I smiled at him so that his smile would return, but it didn't.

  "I know, and you're mine, my love." I couldn't even fathom the depths of despair I would feel without him.

  I breathed with what breath I could catch "Come here."

  He slowly crawled up my body, his eyes never leaving mine. At this point, I felt so much for this man I considered just breaking down and crying just to find some type of relief.

  I looked up at him as he looked down at me and I ran my hand over his cheek "Make me whole, babe."

  I could feel him enter me and literally I felt as though we were becoming one as he filled me with himself. His eyes never left mine, tears of emotions that I couldn't describe were running down the side of my cheeks and I just continually rubbed my hand over his cheek telling him how he made me whole. He pulled out of me slowly but not all the way.

  I attempted to push my ass down so that I could be full of him again faster. He didn't make me wait he pushed back up inside me and he fought against the feelings of ecstasy to close his eyes but instead he filled his cheeks up with air and blew out a big breath.

  "That's it babe, make me yours, god you feel so good, I can feel your cock in me baby. I can feel it all the way up here." I kept up talking to him, he wanted to hear me say it, I was going to follow through with this game.

  I lowered my other hand to his back and ran my fingers in the same rhythm of his thrusting, my climax was getting closer and with that I sprawled out my hand on his back and could feel all his ass muscles tensing.

  "You're getting ready to come baby, I can feel you tensing." I picked up my head and got right in his ear and started speaking softly. "That's it baby, give me all of you, I'm yours. I'm coming and I'm going to squeeze your cock so tight you're not gonna have any other choice but to give all your come to me."

  That did it, he howled like I had never heard him yell before. As I came down from my climax I could feel him still slowly moving in and out of me. I did what I said I was going to do.

  He raised his head from my neck and informed me "we will be doing that again."

  I laughed again; hard.

  An hour later, and an hour and a half late we ate steaks with Lilly and Curt.

  Coming back to reality, I feel the water prickling my skin, and it's cold. I hear Sara Evan's "There's no place that far" come on and I decide it's time to get out. I go to my luggage and pull out just what I need, a clean pair of panties, bra, jeans and blouse. TJ told me that it was casual so I'm dressing casual. I throw a smidge of makeup on and lip gloss, throw my damp hair up in a messy bun and walk out of my room to the living area.

  There in front of me is a mishmash of several different entrees ranging from hamburgers with fries to fish and grits.

  "It's been eighteen years since I've had a meal with you so I wasn't quite sure what you would be in the mood for". He said as he pulled the cork out of a bottle of wine.

  If I was wearing boots I would've been knocked right out of them. He had taken a shower and was dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans that had the knees ripped and worn. The t-shirt he was wearing was navy blue and fitted, quite nicely I may add. His feet were bare and even they were gorgeous. I could smell the fresh scent of his body wash flowing heavy through the air. My eyes felt as though they wanted to pop out of my head themselves. I brought my attention back to the food, I was starving but I wanted something lite and soft for my throat was still a bit sore.

  Clearing my throat, I told him that I wasn't picky and went to sit down at the rather large dining room table. He had hooked his iPod up to the stereo and had some soft music playing in the background. I wasn't really paying attention to the music.

  "Please, have a seat."

  "Ummmm, I thought we were going out."

  Smiling at me, he poured me a glass of wine "Never said we were going out. As I recall, I think my words were; you have an hour to get dressed, you would be joining me for dinner; we're doing that. Plus, I kinda wanted to keep you to myself tonight, maybe finish what we started the other day at lunch."

  Looking at him with a questioning smirk on my face "I think where we left off was treading dangerous ground with getting too personal with me, Mr. McHale."

  He poured himself a glass of wine and pulled his chair up beside mine and sat down. "I didn't want to sit that far away, I don't want you to strain your voice any more than you already have. Oh and back to the question at hand, I don't think you can ever get too personal, Miss Barker."

  Ok now I'm back to my maiden name huh. I don't understand him.

  "What would you like to eat?" He asked. I looked over onto the wooden buffet that was against the wall to choose what I wanted. I started to push my chair back when he put his hand over mine.

  "I asked you what you would like to eat, nothing in that question said to stand up and leave the table." His voice was deeper and he sounded stern.

  I sat back down and put my hands in my lap "I'm sorry, I thought I would just help myself, I didn't know there was a system to this."

  He rubbed his hand over mine, when he quietly asked "What would you like to eat?"

  I listed off everything that I would have liked, not seeing what exactly was up there, if what I asked for wasn't there then he would improvise. I asked for a bit of salad, a cup of soup, a half of a sandwich and Jell-O. So as he went up to fix my plate he began talking. "So, are you going to tell me what the tattoos say?" He had noticed the tattoos on both my wrists and the one on my hairline behind my ear.

  "I wasn't planning on talking about them; No. All of my ink is very personal and means something very sacred to me."

  "I could tell that the ones on your wrists were in different languages. Why would you have tattoos on your wrists if no one can read them?" He said as he chuckled.

  "Well the reason that I have them in different languages is that, again, they're for me, no one else."

  "Miss Barker, you are making this reunion a little difficult if you're not willing to talk." He said as he winked, setting a plate of food and a bowl of soup down in front of me.

  He had brought me a salad with fresh greens that consisted more of spinach leaves than anything else, I was overjoyed! The soup was a minestrone soup that was full of pasta and veggies, it was delicious. The sandwich was a roasted tomato mozzarella open faced sandwich that had balsamic vinegar dripped over the top of it, it was incredibly scrumptious. I couldn't believe that he had all of this brought up here.

  "Thank you, sir" I graciously said as I picked up my fork to take a bite of my salad. He winked again as he left to go back up to make his plate. Ok, if he wanted to play this get to know each other game then I could play.

  "So, are you married; girlfriend?" I said between bites of the delectable sandwich.

  "Now she wants to get personal, as long as it's her asking the questions, huh?" He playfully retorted as he sat down with his plate.

  "I'm not married, had a girlfriend but nothing serious, no kids, just me."

  Yeah right, no kids…if you only knew.

  "Oh, sorry to hear that."

  He took a bite of his hamburger and said with a full mouth "Sorry…for what? I'm not sorry; I told you Elle, nothing was permanent for me and as I recall, I made a promise a long time ago that I plan on keeping."


  I almost choked on my food. I quickly chewed and swallowed then took a gulp from my wine.

  "You're kidding, right?" I chortled.

  Shaking his head "Did you think I was kidding back when I made that promise?"

  "TJ, you were in second grade".

  Now I was laughing because no one made promises about their future in second grade. "Why of course I thought you were kidding, besides, that's not even possible."

  Taking another bite he answered, "And why's that impossible?"

  I took another sip of my wine and shook my head "I'm not talking about this."

  "Oh yes you are, you brought it up."

  I laid my fork down and looked up at him.

  "Ok…fine I brought it up, I'm ending it now. Next subject". I picked my fork back up and began stabbing at spinach leaves.

  "Ok then, subject change, why won't you just admit you're still in love with me?"

  I changed my mind, back to the other subject.

  "It's impossible because I'm already married; polygamy is illegal."

  "Oh, so you want to go back to that subject huh, this is getting interesting."

  He smirked again.

  It was my turn again and I was getting this conversation back on track. I was growing sick of these questions always coming back on me.

  "So, are we going to begin tomorrow, can you give me a rundown on my day?"

  "And here we go, back to professionalism 101."

  "Yes sir. That is what this trip is about isn't it?"

  "It's about a lot of things, Elle."

  "I'm sure it is. For you maybe, but I'm only interested in the office part of it."

  Still sitting beside me he threw his napkin over his plate, obviously he was finished eating, maybe he was just about as fed up with this conversation as I was and he was ready to put it to bed.

  "What does the ink represent, Elle."

  Maybe not. I didn't answer him. He grabbed my hand and turned it over seeing the ink mixed with the bruise that wrapped around my wrist, I know he saw it too. I laid my fork down. He leaned into me and rubbed his nose against mine and began to spell the letters of my tattoo against my lips.