A Prayer Heeded

by Samreen Ahsan

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Hmm.” Her eyes are closed, but she is listening to me.

  “If, any time in your life, he comes back to you, have you thought about what you would do?” She raises her head from my chest and looks at me in confusion. I know it’s a terrible question to ask her at this moment. “Would you chose us, or would you…” I’m sure she knows what I’m trying to ask her.

  She lies straight on the pillow, looking up at the sky. “I don’t know, Adam. He controlled me for a very long time. I know I was only with him for a year, but that year had so many minutes and seconds. Each second was ruled by him. When he used to look at me, my body would surrender to everything. It was like…slavery.” She sighs. “I don’t know if mentally I am a free person, or still his slave. I don’t know, if I ever see him, whether that state of subjugation would come back or not.”

  “Do you want to go back to him?”

  “After what happened to me, you think I would?” She turns her face and looks at me. “He ruled my body and my mind, Adam. I feel weak in front of him. I can’t say what decision I would take if I see him again.”

  “Who would you choose, then?”

  “It’s not about choosing, Adam. I want a pain-free life. That’s it.”

  I tuck her hair behind her ears. “I want to give you that life.” She looks at me for a moment, and then lays her head on my chest. She hasn’t answered anything clearly. She hasn’t told me if she wants to stay with me, or if she wants to go back to that asshole. I don’t know what that prick had done to her that her mind is still a slave, even at the thought of him. But I promise myself that I will stay by her side—and no matter what she chooses, I won’t let her go back to that asshole.

  We lie here for a long time, feeling each other’s closeness and warmth. I don’t know how long, but I feel Heaven is watching us snuggling. It seems like all the stars are witness to our love.

  “Adam?” She asks for my attention. I move my fingers in her hair to let her know I’m still here. “You told me once, if I need anything, I could ask you?”

  I pull her away and look directly into her eyes. “Anything, Rania. Anything. Just say it.”

  She tilts her head down, thinking, then looks back to me. “Can I have my credit cards back?” Her words are almost a plea.

  I avert my eyes from her and stare at the sky. “Why aren’t you using the one you have? That’s also yours.”

  “That’s not mine, Adam.” She sits up, pulling her hands from mine. “I don’t need your money.”

  “I know you don’t need it, but…” I sit up with her to face her. “I love you, and what’s mine is yours. Please accept it.”

  She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “I have your heart, Adam. I don’t need anything else.” She opens her eyes. “I can’t accept favors from you. Your credit card, your apartment, I can’t take anything. Please.”

  “But that’s your apartment.” Now it’s argument time.

  “No, that’s not mine. Everything in there is bought from your money. I can’t take it and I can’t afford to pay you in return.” She snaps at me with anger.

  “I’m not asking you to pay me back. I’ve reconstructed that building, and—”

  “You just can’t giveaway apartments to everyone,” she says sarcastically.

  “Yeah, they are not all my girlfriends, either. I love you. Can’t you take it as a gift?” I shrug my shoulders to make myself clear. Why is she so damn difficult?

  “No one gives a fully furnished apartment to his girlfriend.” She rolls her eyes at me.

  “So you agree you’re my girlfriend?” I smirk at her.

  “That’s not the point, Adam. I want my cards back. Please.” She holds her palm out in front of me as if she thinks I have her cards right now.

  “Why haven’t you used the one I put in your wallet? You didn’t make any transactions. How were you eating?”

  “I wasn’t eating much.” She averts her eyes and looks down. “You left me no choice but surviving on charity. I borrowed some money from my salary in advance, from Ben.” She looks up at me. “I’m just like you. I don’t take favors. I haven’t taken a single penny from Baba, either.”

  “I’m not your dad, Rania. Don’t count me in with the people who have abandoned you in your time of need.” I speak quite harshly to her.

  “And what was that stupid thing you did? Transferring a million dollars into my account?”

  Here we go again. “You had no money. I had to do something.”

  “Something? Is that what you call something? It was a very cheap act, Mister.” She’s still frowning.

  “Okay. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” She is so difficult.

  “I need my cards back, and my passport too.” Can someone stop her?

  “And where are you running now?” I ask her sarcastically.

  “I am not going anywhere. I just want my stuff back, for my peace of mind. Can’t you just do that?” She sounds furious. “I promise I will not leave the country without informing you. Why can’t you trust me?”

  “I trust you.” I take a deep breath. “Fine! If it makes you feel better, I’ll give you back your stuff, but you need to keep that card and start using it. And I’ll give them to you on one condition.” She looks at me quizzically, so I continue. “Please come home.” She shakes her head with agitation. Why isn’t she getting me? “Accept that apartment as a gift, please.” I take her hand in mine. “Please.”

  “I can’t, Adam. It’s too much,” she almost whispers.

  “It’s nothing, Rania. It’s nothing compared to what I desire for you.” I squeeze her hand tightly.

  She puts her other hand on her forehead and looks away from me. “I don’t deserve your love, Adam. Please don’t burden my soul.”

  I move her hand from her forehead and lift her chin. “You’re not the one to decide if you deserve anyone or not. I’m not looking back. Nothing will change my feelings for you.” I tuck her hair behind her ears. “And one day I’m sure we will stand in the same place.”

  She turns around and rests her head on the pillow, covering herself with the blanket. I lie down with her, my chest snuggled into her back, and I wrap my arm around her. She is not talking to me; she seems to be quite pissed. I pass my fingers through her hair, trying to calm her anger at me.

  “I want to give you everything, sweetheart. Please don’t be so hard.”

  She sighs deeply. “At least don’t take the things I have already.” She is still furious.

  I keep moving my fingers, wondering if my touch will do any magic on her frustration. Luckily, it does work. She starts feeling my touch, and I hear her moaning with pleasure. She digs her head further into the pillow. I take advantage of her moaning, and touch my lips to the back of her neck. Oh, Lord of the Heavens! Have mercy on me. She turns around and looks at me with amusement. I scan her face for a moment—her sparkling eyes, her tender lips—and then close my eyes.

  “You look so damn hot under the stars.” I open my eyes and look at her. She smiles at me, and then gazes toward the blanket of sparkles above us. I can see her skin blushing under the starlight. Without her even looking back at me, I hold her face from one side and kiss her passionately on the lips. Her lips start to burn mine, and I place my hand under her ear. Her breath starts to speed up as I slide my thumb under her neck. Holy fuck! She is so aroused. After weeks of curbing my hunger for her, the stroke of my tongue inside her mouth, tasting her again, is an aphrodisiac that has surged into my system, filling me with a profound need to satiate the gnawing pangs of lust that only this woman can satisfy.

  I pull away from her, seeing her eyes closed. My passion is burning inside me; the moments of pleasure I’ve longed for since I met her have finally arrived, under the open sky. I start kissing her neck, placing my lips on each and every tender spot. She moves her head to one side, giving me full access to explore. Oh fuck! I will go crazy.

  She passes her wa
rm fingers behind my neck, her body screaming at me that she is completely mine. I can feel in her touch that she is surrendering herself to me. A single thought appears in my mind. She is emotional and vulnerable at the moment. I can’t take advantage of her helplessness. She trusts me for a lifetime, and I have a whole life waiting for me to love her. First, I need to take her name out of Jibran’s slavery. I need to free her.

  She is extremely fragile at the moment, and I can’t take this path to overcome her fears. I see a drop of a tear coming from the corner of her eye, passing down the side of her face, disappearing in her temple. Her body starts getting cold. Suddenly, I feel the same heaviness in the air that I always feel when I come close to her. I don’t know what it is, why I feel someone’s presence in our private moments. Is it her fear of falling in love with me? No way! I can’t do this to her. I can feel her soul getting stuck between the heat of our bodies; she is still not ready to trust any man. I can totally feel her body as mine, but her heart has skipped all the passion. This is not what you want, Adam. You want her to surrender her heart and soul, before she surrenders her body. You can’t claim her body before you have her heart.

  I jerk my head and pull myself away from her. I sit up, shaking my head in disbelief at what I was doing. She opens her eyes and gives me a strange look.

  “Let’s go home.” I pick up my jacket and she sits up, looking at me quizzically. I hand over her jacket, but she still looks at me with questions. What if she is feeling that I pushed her away from me because I didn’t want her? I can read it in her eyes. I cup her face in my hands.

  “Don’t ever think I pulled away because I don’t want you. You have no idea what is burning inside me, but if I stay here for a single minute more, I won’t be able to control myself, Rania. I don’t want it to happen like this.” She’s still looking at me with shock. “I can feel your body wants me, but your heart is missing. Your soul is lost. It’s not that I don’t desire your body, but I want your heart and soul first. And I will find them even if I have to go to hell to bring them back.” I kiss her lips again for a minute, and then pull back to avoid losing my self-control again. I hand over her shoes, and in no time we head out of the tent. There is a minivan parked nearby. I grab her hand and lead her to the vehicle.

  We don’t speak the whole time until we reach the runway to get into the private jet. She is trying to take in her surroundings, since she couldn’t see them when she came here. We settle ourselves in the aircraft in no time, and take off within a few minutes. She glances around the plane at the other empty seats, and then looks back to me with astonishment.

  “It’s yours?” She questions me like a child. I smile at her impishly.

  “It’s ours.” I maintain my eye contact with her. She’s still blushing after my wild kisses. It’s even hard for me to control myself in the plane. It doesn’t make any difference where we are. As long as she’s in front of my eyes, I’ll be burning with passion. I check the time; it’s almost one in the morning. I can see how tired she is. It must have been a long and stressful day for her. I unbuckle my seatbelt and kneel down beside her. She looks at me in bewilderment.

  “I forgot to give you your birthday present.” I take a small box out of my jacket and place it on her lap.

  “You already gave me the present, Adam. All the stars and your love. It’s too much.” She doesn’t even touch the box, but starts to rotate the ring on her index finger, which is her usual habit when she is nervous. I hold her hand, and take the ring from her finger and put it in my pocket. She looks at me with utter shock. I open the box and take out the large emerald ring wrapped with tiny diamonds, and place it on her same index finger.

  “Whenever you’re nervous, you can twist this ring. I was tired of seeing that ugly ring touching your skin all the time.” She still looks at me with shock, and then her eyes drop to the ring. “The color will remind you that I am with you, whenever you are alone and nervous. So basically, you are never alone.” I kiss her knuckles and continue. “This is my promise to you: that no matter how much time it takes for me to find your heart, I will wait.” I hope she knows I really mean it. She closes her eyes for a moment, and then looks back to me.

  “Adam, you don’t understand.” She takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to spoil your reputation. You will ruin yourself with me.” She looks around with distress. “I can’t love you. You are wasting your time.”

  “What was that when I kissed you? I felt something really deep, Rania. If you want to take time before you say it yourself, that’s fine, but I know you love me. I know it very well.”

  She keeps looking at the ring. I notice the bracelet she’s wearing. “That’s nice. When did you buy it?” I ask her, touching it.

  “It’s from Mike,” she says blankly. I look at her and then to the bracelet. It has their initials carved on silver hearts, joined together.

  “Did he…” Suddenly my words trail off. She looks down at her bracelet.

  “He asked me if I would move on with my life and accept his love.” Taking a deep breath, she continues. “I didn’t refuse, but I didn’t accept it.” She’s not looking into my eyes.

  “Did you accept his proposal?” I ask her in a serious tone.

  “I said I didn’t accept, but I didn’t refuse, either.” She looks straight into my eyes. “He knew I was in pain, Adam. He was with me all the time. I admit that I provoked you to do all this, but I wasn’t expecting humiliation in front of so many people.”

  “Do you want to move on with him?”

  “I cannot move on with anyone, Adam. Not you, not him. I just told him I will try, so that he stops placing his heart in front of me again and again and making me feel bad about it.” She sounds angry.

  I drop her hand and go back to my seat. We don’t say anything after that. I should have realized what I had done, and what she had been suffering for the last month, would be very overwhelming for her. She had hardly come out of that fire trauma and I pushed her out of my life with humiliation, the very next day. She’d encountered Ethan’s bullshit, and then she has been living in a shelter home, and I come back suddenly into her life, bombarding her with my feelings.

  She keeps her eyes closed all the way back, and I can see how worn out she is. The way I brought her here must have stressed her out. When I take her home, I’ll need to make sure she sleeps well. She looks so exhausted.

  I bring her to my place, and surprisingly, she doesn’t complain. I guess she’s too tired to argue. She enters the apartment, takes off her jacket and shoes and heads straight to the bedroom upstairs. I’m glad she’s already feeling at home. I give her a few minutes, and when I reach my bedroom, she is lying down on the bed. I turn off the lamp over her head so she can sleep properly, and she winces at my presence. I sit down by her side; her eyes look very sleepy.

  “Do you want to change? You’re going to sleep in jeans?” I look at her clothes.

  “I’m too tired to move, Adam.” I check the time, and it’s almost three in the morning. I’m sure she’s too tired to do anything. I don’t say anything, but I tuck her under the warm sheet and get up to leave. She grabs my hand instantly.

  “You’re not sleeping?” she asks with sleepy eyes.

  “I’ll go in the other room.” I avert my eyes from her. I know if she sleeps next to me, I won’t be able to control myself.

  “This is your bed, Adam.” She places her other hand at her side. “Come. Lie down here. I trust you.”

  I pass over her and lie down beside her. Unexpectedly, she places her head on my chest, wraps her leg and arm around me and buries her head in my shirt. She places a soft kiss on my chest over the shirt. How do I control myself?

  “Please don’t ever leave me, Adam. I have trusted my existence to you. I will break if you...”

  “Never. Thank you for trusting me.” I hug her tightly and touch my lips to her forehead. I don’t know how long we lie like this, sleeping in the same position without even moving.

&nb
sp; ***

  When I wake up in the morning, I see her sitting by my side, smiling at me. I have no idea how long she’s been watching me sleep.

  “Hey! What a lovely way to start a day.” I look at her lovingly. God! She is beautiful. I totally wish I could wake up every morning like this.

  “Good morning. Are you done sleeping, or you wanna sleep more?” She looks stunning in a light purple top, and her neckline looks extremely sexy, with the chain I gave her. I’m so glad she never took it off.

  “Purple suits you.” I touch her shirt sleeve. She rolls her eyes at me.

  “I assume all the guys are color blind. They can never differentiate between a mauve and a lilac and a lavender.” She smirks at me impishly. “And this is lilac.”

  “Uh huh!” I look at her shirt, feeling ridiculous. She bursts into laughter.

  “Are you getting up, lazy head? I’ve been starving for three hours.” She looks at her watch. I check the time. It’s around noon.

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?” I sit up and rest my back against the headboard.

  “You were sleeping so peacefully. And anyway, I had a great time in your kitchen, exploring it. So if you’re up, I’ll set up the breakfast.”

  “You made breakfast for me?”

  She folds her arms over her chest. “Why, Mr. Gibson! Is it the first time I am making something for you to eat? Why are you so surprised?” She raises one eyebrow at me.

  “I’m just amused you got your hands on your kitchen so soon.” I copy her action, folding my arms as well.

  “My kitchen?” She looks at me with wide eyes.

  “Everything here is yours. Including me.” I wink at her and she smiles at me. She gets up from the bed, but I hold her hand and pull her toward me. She falls on my chest, her face no more than an inch away from me. I touch her temples and caress them tenderly. “You know I love you, right?” I almost whisper to her. She keeps her gaze down and nods silently. “And you won’t let anyone come between us?”