by Julie Cannon
“I’ll be happy to take her home.” Lane touched Kyle’s arm. “There’s no need to bother Gretchen. I’ll just stay and wait for you.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Don’t you want me to?” Lane started to feel a chill.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated to take care of my child.” Kyle sounded harsher than she intended.
The chill instantly turned to heat. “Is that what you think—that I feel obligated to take care of your child? Why? Because you’re fucking me.”
Lane was hurt and she knew she shouldn’t be lashing out at Kyle. Not now, not like this and certainly not in front of Hollie. She took a calming breath and rubbed her hands across her face.
Kyle didn’t know if she was more stunned by the anger in Lane’s voice or her words. Does she really think that? Before she had a chance to say anything, Lane spoke again.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” She looked at Hollie who was blissfully playing with Kyle’s necklace. “Kyle, I don’t feel obligated, I want to help. I’m glad you asked me to help and that you trust me enough with your child. At least I think you do.”
Kyle put her free arm around Lane. “Of course I trust you. Will you please take Hollie home, and I’d love it if you’d stay with her. I’ll get a ride with one of the patrol officers.”
“Of course I will.” Lane felt more on an even keel now. “Come on, big girl. Let’s go home and we can play with Big Bird while we wait for mommy. Okay?”
The little girl smiled and reached for Lane. They both got big kisses from Kyle before they drove off.
*
It was late when Kyle finally turned the key in her front door. She was tired and dirty and exhausted, and as the prime witness, she’d had to repeat her story to the accident investigators several times. She knew Lane would be waiting for her and, for the first time in a long while, when she stepped across the threshold she felt like she was coming home.
Lane heard the door open and jumped off the couch. She’d given up reading several hours earlier and had been lost in her thoughts. Ever since their conversation about the future, she’d been thinking about how she was going to tell Kyle everything. It was time.
“Hi, welcome home.” She wrapped her arms around Kyle’s shoulders and gave her a hug. The fatigue in Kyle’s bones was evident. “Come on, let’s get you showered and into bed.”
Kyle stopped her as they walked into the master bath. “I’m sorry about earlier. I was a jerk. I’m not used to having someone like you.” She had barely thought of anything else but the ugly words they had exchanged at the accident site.
“Someone like me?” Lane didn’t want another argument or misunderstanding.
Kyle stood directly in front of her and took both of her hands. “Someone in my life. I’m very independent, and other than my parents and Travis, there isn’t anyone I depend on. And I know that I can rely on you. I like that feeling.”
“Me too.” That was all Lane had to say about it. “Get clean and come to bed.”
Kyle didn’t waste any time. She showered and then crawled into bed. As soon as her head hit the pillow of Lane’s arm, she knew she could not keep her eyes open. There were things she wanted to say, but even as she began to form the words she felt herself falling asleep.
As she felt Kyle’s weight relax against her, Lane dropped a kiss on her hair. She tried to sleep, but her mind whirled with the events of the last few weeks. She’d been unable to relax during the hours before Kyle came home, and even now she still felt slightly jittery. The car wreck had upset her, but that wasn’t the only thing. Lane was unsettled. She had the odd sense that if she didn’t hold fast to what she had with Kyle, it would slip from her fingers.
Kyle was unlike anyone she had ever known. She was strong and sensitive, warm and witty. She had a quick mind and an exceptional sense of humor. But most importantly, she was honest, had impeccable character, and she loved her daughter. Lane liked the way Kyle treated her. She was respectful and considerate. She held open doors, held her chair when she sat down, and made sure she got to her door safely. On their first date, Lane had alluded to the fact that she was chivalrous, and Detective Kyle Bain was definitely that.
As she lay there quietly, Lane tried to picture her life without Kyle and saw only darkness. The fact that Kyle had a child didn’t trouble her. Hollie was wonderful, exactly the kind of daughter Lane had envisioned when she and Maria were starting to talk about adopting, before she got sick. Lane released a long, slow breath. She felt incredibly relieved that she hadn’t had a child with Maria. There was absolutely no comparison between her ex and the woman lying asleep in her arms.
Pushing all thoughts of Maria out of her mind, Lane snuggled down into the covers and tightened her hold on Kyle. She kissed the top of her head as she whispered, “I love you.”
*
“Breathe! Breathe! Come on little guy. Please breathe!”
Lane woke, startled by her lover sobbing and screaming for someone to breathe. She laid her hand on Kyle’s shoulder and gently shook her. “Kyle, wake up. You’re having a dream.”
In the half-light from the hall, Kyle’s eyes were glazed and filled with fear. She covered them as she sat up. Her skin was clammy and covered with sweat. Lane touched her shoulder tentatively, careful not to startle her. She was frightened of what could upset this woman this much.
“I’m okay.” And embarrassed and ashamed. Her voice was dry and cracked. “It was just a nightmare. I’m all right now. I need to get some water.”
Before Lane could say anything, Kyle was out of bed. She vanished down the hall and was gone for so long that Lane began to worry and pushed the covers off her legs. She was about to get up when Kyle walked in fully composed.
Kyle held a glass of water out. “Would you like some?”
“No, thanks.” Lane wasn’t certain about what she should do. She didn’t know if Kyle wanted her there or not.
Kyle seemed to read her mind. “Please don’t go.”
Her voice was pained. Those three words were the hardest she’d said in her life. In the time it had taken to get her drink and return to the bedroom, she’d made a decision. She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to face the nightmare alone anymore. She wanted to feel the comfort of Lane’s arms around her as she battled the demons of the fire.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Lane said.
She was relieved when Kyle slid into bed and turned into her. With her head in the crook of Lane’s shoulder, she started to talk.
“I was driving home one night and there was a house on fire, a group home. It’s not politically correct to call them orphanages. We managed to save five kids, but I couldn’t save one little boy. One precious little boy named Jacob. There wasn’t a scratch on him. He just looked like he was sleeping. But he wasn’t. He was dead from smoke inhalation.”
Oh Kyle. The pain you must have suffered.
“They gave me a medal and little Jacob got a headstone. I started having nightmares about a month later.” Her voice cracked and Kyle felt tears slide down her cheeks onto Lane’s warm flesh. “Two kids died in that car accident tonight.”
When Kyle’s tears subsided, Lane pulled her into her arms and kissed away the pain and gently made love to her. Lane’s caresses were tender yet demanding, making her forget everything except how she felt as she surrendered control. She felt like she was floating on air with all of her senses on high alert. Soon, her body raged with desire and her insides were molten lava. She craved Lane’s mouth on her and when she couldn’t stand it any longer she told her so.
Lane savored every touch, taste and smell of the woman she loved. She wanted to erase all the pain Kyle ever had and save her from experiencing any more. The love she felt for Kyle exploded within her and she trembled with the knowledge. She gently pressed her mouth to the warm, wet outer lips that awaited her. She nudged her tongue past the folds, and when Kyle called her name, it sent her over t
he edge. She shuddered with the effect of her own orgasm but concentrated on pleasing Kyle.
She didn’t need Kyle to tell her what to do or how to do it. She knew her lover almost better than she knew herself and used that knowledge to its fullest. Flicking her tongue over the soft warm skin that arched toward her, she felt Kyle tense and knew she was an instant away from orgasm. Kyle’s hard clitoris peaked against her mouth. Her hips lifted. Her hand clamped down on Lane’s head, urging her on. She increased the pressure of her tongue and was rewarded with a scream of fulfillment as Kyle came in her mouth.
*
Much later, Lane woke alone. She followed the voice that was coming down the hall. What she saw made her breath catch in her throat. Kyle was in the rocking chair, gently cradling a sleeping Hollie in her arms. She was singing softly to the child so as not to wake her. Lane watched her for several moments before slipping unnoticed back to bed. Anyone else looking at the poignant scene would assume that the mother was comforting the child. But Lane knew it was just the opposite.
Chapter Fourteen
“Hello, Lane.”
She froze. The rumble of that familiar voice once made her heart melt and her blood race, but now it just made her cold. She slowly turned around, her face as composed as she felt. “Maria.”
“How are you? You look great.”
“My health is no longer your concern, Maria.”
She was satisfied when her former lover cringed at her bitter words. Outwardly Maria looked exactly the same as she did the last time Lane saw her over a year ago. Her hair was a little longer and held traces of gray, but other than that the only difference was Lane’s reaction to seeing her. She felt nothing. Not anger, not spite or even pity for a woman who could be so callous as to abandon her seriously ill lover.
“I’ve been thinking about you,” Maria said.
“Really?” Lane was so distracted by the unexpected appearance of the woman she once loved that she didn’t respond when she heard a soft knock on her office door. She was vaguely aware of footsteps in the hall. Whoever it was could wait.
Maria stepped closer. “I’ve missed you, Lane.”
Lane had nothing to say and was not about to encourage any conversation between them. With cool disinterest, she asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I was wondering if we could have dinner.” Maria fixed her with the look that used to break her will.
“Why?”
“I’ve missed you.”
Lane shrugged. “You already said that.”
Maria swallowed. Her breathing seemed uneven. “I’d like another chance. I’d like to come home.”
It took several moments for the words to penetrate. Hundreds of images of their relationship flashed through Lane’s mind. “You what?”
Maria reached for her hands. Lane stepped back before she made contact.
“I know I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”
At that point Lane lost all semblance of control. “A mistake? Is that all you have to say?”
“I was under a lot of pressure. You got sick and I…I didn’t handle it very well.” Maria was pleading her case, trying to say the right things so Lane would take her back.
Lane walked to the other side of the small room, determined to regain control of her emotions. It was okay to show her anger, but she didn’t want Maria to see how badly she’d been hurt. “You didn’t handle it very well. Jesus Christ, Maria, I was the one who was dying.”
“Lane, I said I’m sorry. I made a mistake.” The conversation was obviously not going the way Maria had expected.
Lane had often speculated about what her ex would say if she ever returned and it was certainly not this. “Are you nuts? You didn’t make a mistake. You left me. I was lying in a hospital bed and you fucking left me because you couldn’t handle it.” Her voice gained in volume as she spoke. “You left me there to die. Alone!”
Maria recoiled from the angry words. “Lane, you weren’t alone, your family was there.”
“You chicken shit,” Lane was disgusted that she was once deeply in love with the pathetic woman standing in front of her. Holding back the tears of pain and anger that threatened to overtake her, she said, “You were my family. I loved you. I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. What was I thinking?”
“Lane, please listen. I—”
“Shut up, Maria.” Lane took a menacing step forward. “If you think I’d have anything to do with you after what you did to me you are even more stupid and self-centered than I thought.”
“Lane, we had eight great years. We were making a life together. We were going to have a child. Don’t you have any feelings left for me at all?” Maria’s voice was filled with tears.
Lane couldn’t believe that she still didn’t get it. “Are you out of your fucking mind? Let me spell it out for you. I was dying and you left me. No note, not a word, nothing! I came home from the hospital, to our home and you were gone. Along with all the furniture and any sign you’d ever lived there. The only thing you left were dust bunnies and a pile of bills. Now here’s the part where it gets tricky, so pay attention. I want nothing to do with you and I have nothing to say to you. Now get the fuck out of my office before I kick your pathetic, sorry, selfish ass all the way to Mexico.”
Maria didn’t move.
“Now!” Lane yelled.
This time Maria turned and stepped directly in the path of Detective Kyle Bain.
Lane didn’t know how long she’d been standing there, but it was obvious that she’d heard plenty. She looked into the eyes of the woman she left trembling and naked in her bed just a few short hours ago, and said, “Hi. Maria was just leaving.”
She wanted to take pleasure in the way comprehension changed Maria’s pleading expression to a scowl directed at Kyle. But she just wanted the woman gone. Out of her restaurant and out of her life. Forever.
Kyle had heard the entire conversation between Lane and her ex, and her heart ached for the pain she must have endured at the hands of that woman. Fixing Maria with a warning stare, she asked, “Can you find your way out or do I need to escort you?”
Without a word, Maria stalked away. As soon as Kyle shut the door behind her, Lane’s legs started shaking and she thought she might faint.
“Are you okay?” Kyle waited for Lane to give some indication of what she needed from her.
“I think so.” Lane tried to summon up a smile. Suddenly very tired, she sank down onto the couch. “How much did you hear?”
“How much do you want to tell me?” It was up to Lane to decide how much she was willing to disclose, how much pain she wanted to reveal.
“Will you take me home?”
Kyle didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“Will you make love to me?”
“Right now?” Kyle glanced around the office for an appropriate spot if the answer was yes. The desk looked much too hard and the couch was actually a love seat.
Lane finally smiled. “Well, that would be nice, but I was thinking along more traditional lines. My bed, for example. I need to feel you against me.”
*
Ninety minutes later Kyle held a quivering Lane in her arms. Lane’s breathing had returned to normal and Kyle pulled the sheet over them.
“Why is it you’ve never asked me about Maria or any of the women I’ve been with?”
The question caught Kyle off guard. She thought for a moment before answering. “I don’t care about the other women you’ve slept with. They’re in the past and I don’t need to know the details unless you want to tell me.” It made her crazy to think about someone else touching Lane, so she preferred not to.
“Maria and I had been together for about eight years when I got sick. At first she was a wonderful, caring partner, shuttling me back and forth to the doctor, getting me chicken soup, that sort of thing. But when things got worse and I went into the hospital, her visits got farther and farther apart. In the end I was too sick to know that she wasn’t there. My pa
rents and my brother John were with me while she was packing everything she owned and quite a few things she didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Lane.” The words sounded empty but it was all Kyle knew to say. “When did you find out?”
“About four days after my surgery. John told me. He came here to drag her back to the hospital and found an empty house. Poor guy, he was scared to death to tell me. He had to clear it with my cardiologist first.”
Telling Kyle about Maria was a relief, but she was worried about where their relationship would go from here.
Kyle reached down and ran her finger gently down the pink scar on her chest. “Tell me about this.” Her tone was gentle and unthreatening.
“I had a heart transplant.” The answer was so matter of fact, Lane wasn’t sure if she’d even said it.
Kyle tried to control her reaction but failed miserably. “You had what?”
It was too late to decide she didn’t want Kyle to know, so Lane told her everything. “I caught a virus that attacked the lining of my heart. At first I thought it was just a cold or the flu, but I never got better. My doctor ran some tests that didn’t pinpoint what was wrong, and when I collapsed, I was finally sick enough for the virus to be detected. It was aggressive and by the time they knew what it was, my heart had suffered too much damage. I needed a transplant.”
“Jesus, Lane, that’s a little more than ‘tinkering’ as you phrased it.” Images of Lane lying in a hospital bed and then lying in a casket jumped into her head. Fear gripped her heart when she realized just how close Lane had come to dying.
“I didn’t…I don’t want to be treated differently. I’m not sick. My doctor says I’m healthy, and I don’t want people gawking at me or treating me as if I’ll break.”
“Lane, you should have told me.”
“Why?”
“Why? What kind of ridiculous question is that? Holy Christ, Lane, you had a heart transplant. It’s not like you had your appendix removed.”
