BWWM: BEFORE I WAKE: A Bad Boy Billionaire Book Collection (African American Interracial Series)

by Scribble XO Books

  First of all, I’d lost my title. Don claims that it wasn’t really mine… that I’m a fraud. I have to keep trying to process that… how the fuck am I the fraud when I had no idea at all what they were doing?

  I hadn’t received a single phone call from those assholes. Just like that -poof -my management team had abandoned me like I was yesterday’s news. They act like I’m poison…likeI’m the problem.

  The worst thoughts came at night when I wrestled with my self-doubt.Would I have won those fights if Tommy and Brett would have fought fair?

  I was in the best shape of my life before my ACL tear. I trained hard. I took care of myself… I could have beaten them even if they hadn’t “gone easy” on me…right? Right?

  I would never know…until I got back in the cage and proved it to myself. Which I planned on doing - immediately.

  I hobbled over to the full length mirror in my bedroom and looked at my pathetic reflection. My blonde hair had grown out, almost reaching my chin and my blue eyes looked hazy and tired. I shook my head and leaned closer, eyeing the dark bruises along the side of my face and the cut above my eye. Whatever.

  I glanced down at the heavy brace over my sweats. Getting back into the cage was a pressing but distant goal. I had to wait four weeks before I could have surgery. I’d met with the surgeon yesterday and he assured me there was too much swelling for it to be any sooner than that. What the hell was I supposed to do until then? I can’t train at all hobbling around like an invalid.

  Normally, I’d be obsessed with the weight I was going to be putting on just sitting around, but in only three days I’ve actuallylost ten pounds. For years, I’ve had to watch the scale, struggling to stay in my weight class. I was always a heavy guy and losing weight to qualify as a light heavyweight had been an absolute nightmare. But now? It melted off like butter.

  My own thoughts were driving me insane. I wish I at least had someone to talk to about all of this. I’m not sure I could admit to anyone what I’d found out from Don. I was too ashamed. Even my mother has no idea.

  She had tried to be there for me…she was the only one, but I couldn’t talk to her about this kind of stuff. She had begged me to stay with her and Roger or to let her stay with me for a few days. I had turned her down and urged her not to worry. I assured her there were plenty of places that would deliver groceries and prepared foods in Malibu and I have Mrs. Claire so I wouldn’t have to worry about taking the trash down the hill.

  Besides, I would really lose my mind at my mother’s house. I love her to death, but having her fuss and worry over me all day and night would just be way too much.

  So, here I sat, alone and just waiting for my life to begin again. What would I do when it did?

  An idea had pricked in my mind since leaving New York… Randy had done it back to 2007 so why couldn’t I? It was crazy but it could work… I couldgainthe weight and go for the bigbigtitle…the heavyweight championship. Although it would be an aggressive time, it would give me one year to get there.

  Those assholes might not have faith in me to do it on my own but they weren’t the ones inside that cage either. They weren’t the one’s kicking ass every day to stay in shape and keep on top of my form. That was me…and I’mstill me.

  My chest burned and I went to bed resolved to do just that… I’d gain the extra pounds that kept me out of the heavyweight class and then I would win that title come spring. Ihope they bet against me…they’re going to lose, again.

  ***

  The lights are bright and the auditorium is filled with the sounds of loud music and shouting. It smells like sweat and blood and adrenaline. I was on my back and Cain was on top of me. He suddenly picked up my leg and his face morphed cruelly into Don’s… “You’re a fraud, Jack. You’re a pussy. You’re no champion! You’re no champion. You’re no..”

  I struggled to get up but Don was so fucking strong. I couldn’t push him off even as he brought my leg up…higher and higher…he was twisting it at an odd angle and the pain was splintering through my entire body. I tried to scream at him to stop. I tried to ask him what he was talking about. Why was he calling me a fraud? I AM a champion!

  I heard a big rip and a pop as he pushed my leg all the way up over one of my shoulders. Ahhhh...

  I woke up in a sweaty, tangled pile of sheets. My breaths were ragged and harsh as my heart pounded so hard I thought it was trying to get out. I sat up and rubbed my eyes…it was only a dream. I looked around the room in a panic to convince myself that I was indeed alone. Alone.

  I was at home in my place in Malibu…all alone. The events of the fight with Cain and my anger towards Don had gotten all mixed up in my head. Fukin’ hell.

  I leaned over the edge of the bed, groaning at the sound of my back cracking and put my face in my hands. I could feel my hair sticking to the side of my face. Gross.

  I glanced over at the clock…it was only five a.m. I hadn’t fallen asleep until probably two a.m. Three hours was becoming my new regular. I guess when the stress is so thick that you can hardly breathe and you get basically no exercise at all…that’s what happens.

  I pushed myself up out of the bed and groped around in the still darkness for my crutches. Hobbling into the bathroom, I turned on the shower and stood looking at myself in the mirror. I was still losing weight and the lack of sleep and good nutrition was etched into my face. Fuck.

  A few things about my appearance had changed but at least my tattoos were consistent. I chuckled to myself as I remembered how mortified my mom had been when I’d revealed the tribal pattern that scaled across my entire arm, twining and twisting from my shoulder to wrist. I had gotten it when I’d first entered the mixed martial artist arena a few years ago. It was a reminder of the evolution that I needed to go through in order to be the best version of myself. Kinda like now.

  Tomorrow was the surgery and after that, I would start over, chipping away to reveal a stronger man. I tried to psyche myself up… I was ready for this shit. I flexed my arm and smirked.Time to evolve, baby! I shook my head pathetically and turned away.

  I climbed into the warm shower and just stood there under the spray, letting it wash down my back, visualizing it washing the stress away. I wish it was that easy. I wish that I could just wash an entire year away… a year when I was being duped by people who I thought were my friends.

  When I got out of the shower I made myself two boiled eggs. I still wasn’t hungry, but I knew I had to eat. I forced them down and while I cleaned up, I thought about Tina. Tina was there the night I lost to Cain…but she didn’t come back to the locker room to check on me, and she too hadn’t called since.

  I sigh heavily. It’s better this way, than if I would have gone through with proposing like I had been thinking about. Dodged a bullet with that crazy.

  I heard my cell phone ringing from down the hall. I cussed up a storm as I tried to get my crutches underneath me on the tile kitchen floor and hobble down the hall to my bedroom. I made it on the fourth ring.

  Out of breath I picked up the phone, frustrated. “Hello?!”

  “Hi honey. Are you okay? You sound winded.” Mom.

  I smiled and thought about telling her she’d caught me having sex, but I knew she wouldn’t think it was funny so instead I told her the truth.

  “I’m fine. I had to hobble all the way to my room for the phone.”

  “Oh shoot! I’m sorry. This is why you should stay with me after your surgery.” Her voice sounded bright and somewhat convincing.

  Suddenly, I wished I would have told her I was having sex. I hate when she pities me. “I’m really doing fine, Mom. What’s up?”

  “I just wanted to tell you I love you and I’ll be there tomorrow for your surgery. Are you sure you’re doing okay, Jack?”

  I leaned against the counter. “I’m great in fact. Don’t worry about me.”

  “It’s my job as a mother to worry.”

  I smiled. She took that job to the max sometimes…but in her defense, I�
��m sure raising a kid that turned out to be an MMA fighter is no picnic. “I know Mom, but I’m a big boy and I’m okay.”

  “Fine, you don’tneed me any longer.” She pouted and I laughed.

  “Of course I do. I’ll see you tomorrow. Make sure they’re giving me plenty of the good drugs.”

  “Goodbye young man,” she said. I knew the drug talk would do it. Drugs and sex…no-no's with my mom. “I love you.”

  I smiled. “I love you too, Mom.”

  I hung up with Mom and took the next big step towards my goal. I dialed the number of a general league manager who owed me a big favor.

  “Hey Johnny, it’s Jackson Hanks.”

  “Hey! Jax the Axe! How are you, man? I heard Connolly ripped you apart pretty badly.” I rolled my eyes. I can only imagine the rumors.

  “Nah, I’m okay. Just a little tear. I’ll be back in the ring by…” I cleared my throat. Better just get it out.

  “That’s actually why I’m calling, John. I need a manager and a trainer… I’m gonna need a whole new team.”

  He was silent for too long. “Uhm, what exactly is it you and thisteamwill be doing, Jack? Look, the streets are talking and it sounded like it waslot more than a little tear. Now, you and I are good friends Jack and you know I like you... But I need to know what exactly you’re thinking time wise here because Caroline would fucking kill me if she thought I was putting you back in too soon.”

  I cringed when he brought up my mother. Shewouldkill me. Especially when she found out what division I’d be in.

  “I’m going for the heavyweight title in the spring, John. It makes more sense for me to come back as a heavyweight.”

  “What?! Are you actually hearing yourself? Don would never...”

  “Don’s out. They’re all out. We’re no longer a team. I don’t wanna get into the details right now Johnny, but trust me when I say those pricks were only out for themselves. I need your help this time. Please don’t make me remind you…”

  “Hey alright! I was afraid of that. Jack, I’d never forget that! You know that!” What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas. Because I made sure it did. I waited on the phone as I heard him let out an exasperated huff.

  “Shit, alright! I owe you. You’ll get your shot in May.”

  “Thanks Johnny. One more thing?”

  “What’s that kid?”

  “Let’s keep this between you and me for now.”

  “Jack...” I knew he feared the wrath of his my mom more than me.

  “I don’t care if you’re a family friend John! My mom doesnotfind out until the spring. And you don’t breath a word of this to anyone else. Anyone! I’ll be there in May. Tell Goliath to be ready for me.”

  ***

  Mom picked me up at five thirty a.m. the morning of my surgery. We got to the center in Tarzana about six a.m. I signed in and then we waited. Mom was a nervous wreck and I was doing my best not to feed off of her nervous energy.

  To me this was a new beginning and I was actually looking forward to it. Once this hurdle was crossed…I was on my way to becoming the heavyweight champ.

  “Hey, stop looking like we’re here for a funeral,” I told her with a smile. She squeezed my hand.

  “I’m sorry honey. It’s something you won’t be able to understand until someone is poised with a knife and ready to cut your baby open.”

  I laughed. “You know that ‘your baby’ is a giant of a man now? It’s going to be fine, Mom. I promise.”

  She reached to stroke my hair. “I don’t care how big or old you are. You’ll be my baby until I die. I’m sure it will be fine, but like I told you on the phone last night, worrying is my job.”

  “Okay, I won’t take that from you,” I told her with a grin.

  “Mr. Hanks?” The receptionist was calling for me. I picked up my crutches and she said, “Oh no, wait there. I just have some paperwork. I’ll bring it to you.”

  “Thanks.” She came around the back of the counter with the paperwork on a clipboard. I’d already consented to all of this verbally…now I get to sign my life away. Let’s get on with it already.

  As I was in the middle of signing papers, the main door beeped. This place was a zoo and it annoyed me that I was just another animal checking in to be sterilized and tagged.

  I didn’t look up until I heard a voice that drew me in. All I could see was the backside of a woman as leaned on the counter…and damn was it a beautiful backside.

  Her long brown hair hung past her shoulders against the light blue scrub top she was wearing. Her blue scrub bottoms hugged her curves despite their futile attempt to be professional. Her arms were a burnished bronze color and my mind began to drift…

  I’d always been attracted to exotic, dark-skinned women, it’s something about the contrast to my lighter skin, blue eyes and blonde hair I think.

  I couldn’t hear what she was saying to the receptionist, but just the tone of her voice felt like a song I liked. Nice. I didn’t realize I was staring until Mom cleared her throat.

  “Really, son?” A knowing smile pulled at her lips.

  I think I blushed…it’s my mom, geez. “What?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Right…do your paperwork!”

  I chuckled and that caught the attention of the angel at the counter. She turned and caught my eyes. Hers were a deep brown surrounded by long, dark eyelashes. I caught a dimple on the side of her cheek and my heart stopped.

  She had full, peach lips and skin so soft that she almost looked airbrushed. Her cheekbones are high but full and her hair swished and framed along her feminine features. The front of those scrubs looked as good if not better than the back too. I was so fucking mesmerized.

  Mom elbowed me but I ignored her. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. This woman held my gaze for several long seconds but the spell was broken by the beep of the door swinging open next to her. She smiled shyly and my heart exploded… then she disappeared through the doors. I craned my neck to watch how she walked away.Wow.

  “Jackson!” Mom whispered. “This isn’t a bar, son.”

  I grinned again. “She doesn’t look like the bar type anyways. I like the smart, professional ones.”

  Mom rolled her eyes again and said, “I hope this means Tina is history because smart and professional that girl wasnot.”

  I smirked. “True story… and yes, she’s history, the past. But maybe we just glimpsed my futurrrre.”

  She elbowed me again giggling and said, “Do your paperwork!”

  I laughed, but I finished the paperwork and Mom took it up and gave it to the receptionist. Not long after that, Dr. Matthews called us back to his office.

  My day was made when we walked inside and the Goddess - as I had named her seconds ago - was already seated next to his desk. Even though her legs were covered in cotton scrubs and Converse shoes …my mind could almost see clearly what they must look like underneath. She stood up and smiled when we entered.

  “This is Amara Wright,” the doctor told us. She stepped towards us with her hand out. My mother took it first and introduced herself as “Jackson’s Mom,” and not “Caroline.” She still thinks that defines her. She’s so cute.

  “And you must be Jackson,” she said in that smooth, warm voice. I peered down at her. Damn, I’d love to hear her say my name in that voice while we’re… Mom elbowed me again.

  I cleared my throat. “Sorry, yes, I’m Jackson. Nice to meet you.” I took her hand and the satin feel of it was just what I’d imagined it would be. I held it too long and was slightly embarrassed when she finally pulled hers back…but it was worth it.

  “Have a seat,” Dr. Matthews told us. We all sat down and the doctor went on to start.

  “Amara is going to be your physical therapist at Malibu Rehab. She likes to follow her patients through surgery so that she’s with them every step of the way - if you have no objections to that, Jackson?”

  I couldn’t look at my mom. Just the look on her face in my peripheral vision wa
s almost too much. I noddedyes and hoped it didn’t look as eager as I was feeling.

  “I can’t think of a single objection,” I told them, glancing at her.

  She smiled again. Jesus, my heart almost hurts when she does that. I’ve almost completely forgotten what I was here for.

  “Good,” Amara said. “We’re going to have quite a long road ahead of us, but I’m sure you’re aware of that already.” The road was suddenly looking like it was paved with gold.

  “Um…yeah, the Doc has done a good job of filling me in.”

  “Okay then,” Dr. Matthews said. “We’re going to have you go in the back now and we’ll get this procedure started. Amara won’t be in the room during the surgery because of the sterile fields and all of that but she’ll spend some time with your mom and meet you in recovery.”

  I looked at Amara again and I just couldn’t help myself… “I can’t wait,” I said. This time I’m sure the look on my face held more meaning than before. Mom elbowed me again. I was going to need surgery on my ribs. Amara gave me a shy smile and looked at my mom.

  “Mrs. Hanks, would you like to join me in the waiting room?” I wonder if Mom knows how lucky she is. Mom stood up and then leaned down to kiss my cheek.

  “I love you, Jack. I’ll see you in a bit.”

  “Okay, don’t worry, Mom. I love you too.” I watched them leave the room and felt a swell of relief. Things were looking on the up and up.

  AMARA

  When we got to the waiting room there was a nice looking older man with black hair and silver at the tips and pretty green eyes.

  Caroline squealed at the sight of him. “Roger! What are you doing here, babe? You’re supposed to be at work.”

  He came over and put his arm around Caroline and kissed the side of her face. “I couldn’t concentrate on work. You were so worried this morning. I wanted to make sure everything was going okay.”

  Caroline looked thrilled. “Amara, this is my boyfriend, Roger. Amara is Jackson’s physical therapist.”

  Roger smiled warmly at me and shook my hand. “Pleased to meet you. It was so nice of you to come for Caroline. Jackson is just getting started but Dr. Matthews is awesome so I’m sure it will all go well.”