Love, Life and Naughty Bits

by Tania Cooper

  “Sure, so, installation before Friday morning. You don’t work nights, do you Mr. Anderson?”

  “No I don’t, well, not often, but I can make sure it is clear this evening if that helps.”

  “Yeah that’ll work; I can get a couple of the guys to do it either Wednesday or Thursday night.”

  “Okay, thank you very much. Goodbye.”

  Oh we’re so fucked.

  Mmm, a stretch in the mornings is good for the body and soul. We’re relaxed this morning. It could be because the past two days have been uneventful in the war of Alexis vs. Lane, or it could be because it’s Friday and we’re seeing our girls tonight. Zali was able to organise a table at Vue de Monde on Collins Street through her boss, and after some of the most exquisite food in Melbourne, we will then be hitting the Belgian Beer Café at Riverside Quay. I cannot wait!

  I hope after the past two relatively quiet days, my girl and Mr. Uptight have settled into some sort of working routine. But I must say, they’re a strange pair when they are together. It is so obvious that there is some mighty chemistry between them and it doesn’t take Mr. Eight Seconds and I to point out the obvious. The electricity is floating in the air. But as soon as one of them feel it, if only slightly, they retreat and often retaliate with friendly fire.

  I can see it now. The tension will build and build until one of them snaps. And I’m not so certain it won’t be my girl. She can be as tough as nails on the outside when she needs be, but on the inside she feels insecure about why Mr. Uptight has given her the freeze from the start. The funny thing is, when they’re both completely immersed in their work and she creates an exciting idea, Mr. Uptight lets down his guard for split second and beams at her like a proud boyfriend. He’s even squeezed her hand on the table out of excitement before he quickly realised what he’d done and retreated back to his iceberg.

  Sometimes I feel a sad vibe coming from him. Like he’s desperate to let Alexis’s sunshine seep in, but is too afraid of it possibly ending in heartbreak, to let her anywhere near him. But if we live in fear of heartbreak, how will we ever have a chance to experience love? It is a foolish way to live. But that’s his loss. My girl deserves the best and he’s just not shaping up to be that at all; all the more reason for us to avoid any chemistry where that man is concerned.

  Okay, what to wear? We’re going out straight from work so let’s sex it up a bit while still keeping it professional of course, but it has to make Mr. Uptight’s eyes pop out of his pretty little head. No, no slacks. We need to show those long legs of yours, it has to be a skirt. But for the love of God, please do not put on those suck in control stockings. One: because you don’t need the bloody things, and two: because I do not want to turn purple due to lack of oxygen. You don’t want me dropping off, do you?

  “If I wore that smart black dress, with the dark blue panel down the middle, would Mr. Uptight actually take notice? I know it’s not a club dress, but it does hug my curves fairly tightly. It has short little sleeves and falls just above my knees so it would still be considered professional enough for the office, but it makes me feel kind of … sexy. Would he see me as sexy though? Arrrrrr, why am I even bothering to try and impress him? We’ve been in the same damn building for over a year and his attitude towards me has never changed. Just give up, Lexi.”

  Maybe if she gives up, she could move on from her obsession over him and then at least she might have a chance at a good professional relationship with him. Because damn, those two brains working together on a project are a force to be reckoned with.

  Oh yeah girly, that does show off all your finest assets. Well done and you chose that one all on your own. See, you need to trust your own instincts more often, rather than always relying on Zali or Mel’s opinion. You’re hot and I know it, because I am. I just have to find a way to make you see it. Oo, oo, yes, yes, yes, those shoes are perfect! But you may need to hide some flats in your handbag, because the height of those are not something we can sustain for an entire day. But they are pretty.

  Okay, let’s get to work and make the day our bitch!

  

  We’re going to have a great night tonight if you go by all the attention we’re getting just on the way to work. We haven’t even stepped into our building and we already have the men of Melbourne fawning all over us. A little black dress works every time. It should be a law that everyone with a vagina should have one hanging in their closet.

  For the first time in forever we don’t see Mr. Stalker waiting across from our building. That’s a good sign. Walking across the lobby we get a lot more smiles than usual, and as we enter the elevator we have a few young studs scrambling in after us, all giving my girl some sexy sideway glances. Today is going to be good, I can feel it. Umm … well … maybe … not. As we knock and then enter Mr. Uptight’s office, Alexis freezes.

  “Good morning Alexis. I have an idea I want to run by you before we contact the client at lunchtime, so take a seat and we’ll get started.”

  Alexis is speechless. Not so much out of shock, but more so out of anger. Anger that is boiling up through her entire body and threatening to explode. Because at the far right of Mr. Uptight’s office is a brand new desk! All fitted out with new stationary sitting pretty on it, a foot rest sitting under it, and one of those fancy new chairs sitting behind it. If he hadn’t asked and she hadn’t already refused, it could be seen as a lovely and thoughtful gesture. But, and this is a big but, he knew she was happy commuting back and forth from her office.

  She is breathing deeply, trying to control the reaction she wants to let loose on him, knowing that he is damn well trying to get a heated response from her. For what reason, she doesn’t know, but feelings of hurt start to fester inside her mind. She shakes it off, not letting them take hold as she tries to think of a response that will show him she’s not willing to be drawn into his petty games.

  “Nice desk, Mr. Anderson. Do you have a twin I wasn’t aware of?” she says in her nicest voice. And much to her delight he squirms slightly.

  “I would much prefer to turn to you when I have a question than have to pick up the phone or email you a hundred times a day.”

  “I didn’t know it was so hard for you to use a phone or computer. I’ll keep that in mind for future reference.”

  “I can use both just fine, thank you. I’m just trying to save us both time. And I don’t want you hurting yourself running around on those … umm … on … those … on those shoes that’re so … very … ah … very high. Umm, we should get to work, don’t you think?”

  Well, well, well. I thought it would be the dress that would have Mr. Uptight stumbling over his words, but I think we just discovered his weakness. Stiletto shoes! Let’s just store that little piece of information away for another day. Oh, maybe he has a foot fetish? Ooo, toe sucking. We’ve never tried that.

  My girl smiles sweetly at him as she goes and makes herself comfortable at her new desk. She makes a big deal of moving things around and repositioning the desk slightly, changing its angle to look out the windows more, at a view she’ll never get sick of. She then moves her chair up and down until she has the height just right. She opens her laptop up and begins opening all the documents she needs to work on.

  It’s silent in the room apart from Alexis tapping on her keyboard. When she looks up she catches Mr. Uptight just staring at her. Was he expecting a fight over the desk? Or is he just mesmerised by her shoes and maybe her dress? Either way my girl is happy with the look on his face.

  “You said you had something to show me, Lane?”

  “I do. I um … I have … I have an idea I want to show you that I think the client would be happy with.”

  This is a first, and me and my girl like it.

  “What’re your thoughts, Mr. Eight Seconds?”

  “Umm, what was the question? I’m still stuck on the word stiletto and the images of them up around his ears.”

  “Focus, Eight. What has your man so stumped? The dress o
r shoes? I need to know these things. It could be a matter of life or death one day. Are you even listening to the words that are coming out of my mouth?”

  “You have lips, but no mouth, so get it right. And yes, my brain hears your words but the big one upstairs is still stuck on the stilettos in all sorts of positions.”

  “So he does want Alexis is that way? So why the big freeze all the time?”

  “Oh yeah, he wants her that way. She is constantly in his dreams in lots of ways, believe me, but he refuses to acknowledge his feelings in the daylight hours. Past heart break and all that crap clogging up his brain. But hey, as long as we can get them to a point where they can work peacefully together, this will be a much happier place to be stuck in.”

  “Mmm, interesting. Do you think he’ll ever stop being hooked on his ex?”

  “Well to do that, he’d have to actually rid himself of half the shit in his apartment, which at the moment he is reluctant to do. I don’t know why, the bitch really did a number on him and with his best friend no less. So why he would want to constantly think about her is a mystery to me. Sometimes I believe my brain functions better than his.”

  “Well in my experience that isn’t the case. It’s usually the little brain causing most of the trouble, but I may have to agree with you on this one. But don’t get used to it, Eight.”

  The remainder of the day runs smoothly. And yes, we have to admit, having a desk in his office is a hell of a lot more convenient than running up and down the stairs all day long. And both Alexis and Lane seem to be getting more work done. The whole day they have both looked up from their desks to ask the other a question. It’s turned out to be much more productive, but there’s no way she’ll let him know that. She is still secretly peeved at his condescending ways.

  But there’s a distinct downfall to this new arrangement. His sexy as fuck aftershave is messing with us something shocking. She’ll be engrossed in typing or researching and I would be off in my own little world and he would move slightly on his desk and then bam! Brain cells on holiday again as a big whoosh of aftershave floats our way. It takes her a good few minutes to pick up where she left off.

  Sometimes his scent threatens to cause a flood through my centre. I have to use meditation just to control myself. Stinky shoes, smelly fish, garbage bin, sushi shop’s garbage bin, two week old sandwich left in the office fridge. Anything to distract myself from the arousal I want to feel, the arousal which is a natural response for me when a potential mating partner is within arms’ reach of us. Bloody Mother Nature sometimes makes life more difficult than it needs to be.

  They achieve a lot today, and going by Mr. Uptight’s sly grin he knows it’s because of his desk plan. Stupid smug male with stupid smug grin on his stupid too handsome face, connected to his stupidly too hot body. Mother Nature sucks!

  “I’m thrilled with the client’s response to all of our initial ideas. If they’re that happy now, can you imagine how happy they’ll be with our end result? I love it when a client validates all of your hard work.”

  “I agree. It makes all of the hard work and long hours’ worth it.”

  Whoa! What the hell is happening to my girl’s body? It’s as if everything just short circuited for a few seconds before it all just went back on line. It takes me another few seconds to realise the problem. A smile. A goddamn, butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, hot as hell and very genuine smile! It is something to behold. All sexy and cheeky with a dimple, with promises of real feelings behind it. It is the first time I think we are seeing the real Lane Anderson. All his walls momentarily down as true joy takes over his face.

  Alexis is standing there, mouth open, as she watches him pack up his desk for the day, the residue of the smile still tugging at his very kissable, plump lips. Happiness. I feel happiness start to flow through our body. Happiness is always a good thing, but in this instance, a smile causing this tidal wave of joy may not end well when he reverts back to the coldness we are used to. Mmm, interesting development.

  As if sensing her staring at him, he looks up and right before her eyes that smile starts to fade. She can’t stand to see what it will be replaced with, so she turns quickly and packs up her own desk, desperate to get away from this confusing man. She swaps her heels for flats, throws her lap top bag over her shoulder and quickly exits his office, offering a “Have a good weekend” over her shoulder.

  “Hey Hot Lips, what the hell was that all about?”

  “That was trouble my friend, trouble with a capital T. See you Monday, Eight.”

  No Alexis, don’t go there. I can feel the gears turning in her head as she rides the elevator down to the lobby. She is so lost in her dangerous thoughts of a nice Mr. Uptight, or Lane as she is thinking of him now, that she doesn’t even notice all the interested eyes following her and her little black dress. She doesn’t even notice that Mr. Stalker is back. She just keeps walking a few blocks before she hops on a tram and heads up Collins Street to meet the girls.

  It was just one rare smile, sweetie, don’t let it cloud your head with impossibilities. One smile doesn’t change his chill the rest of the time. Let it go and let’s enjoy a dinner with our girls.

  Vue de Monde is not our usual M.O., but it is a lovely change. Certainly not the type of place for a casual pick up, but we can save that for later. Mel and Zali are already seated so we make our way quietly over to them.

  “Quick, tell us how the week working with such a delicious piece of man candy has worked out for you. I’ve been flat out, well, flat on my back every moment I’m not working, but that’s another story. You first, Lexi.” Zali is practically bouncing in her seat!

  “Well … it’s been interesting. You could say it’s been much like a rollercoaster ride. Completely up and down. Cold one minute, lukewarm the next, back to cold, then downright heated a minute later. It has my freaking head spinning and I’m worried it’s going to affect my work before the project is done.”

  “Nope, you won’t let that happen. You’re too good at your job Lex. And Mel and I agree, as soon as you find a way to bang him out of your brain, the better. Then the unknown is known and you can get back to work. No more up, down, back, forth, the tension will go. Easy”

  “As I’ve said before, I wouldn’t even have a chance at getting him in that situation in the first place. And after, then what? Adding some awkwardness to the situation is not a good plan. Sorry, you suck tonight.” My girl’s right, I don’t want awkwardness shadowing us in the office.

  “Do you want to fuck him? Don’t roll your eyes at me, just answer the question honestly.”

  “Yes. More so now that I’ve got to work with him and I know that his brain is as brilliant as the rest of him.”

  “Now that’s trouble. But we can still work with it. Okay, here’s the plan. Drive him to the point of no return, where you tempt him so wickedly that he just can’t resist you for a minute longer; then grabs you roughly and fucks you right then and there on his desk. Then say thanks and get on with your job. Pretend it didn’t happen and it will drive him insane. Then you will always have the upper hand on your attraction to him and be able to control it better because you know it’ll be you who holds all the power. You’re so distracted at the moment because he has the power over you and your raging hormones. You can do this and we are going to help you. Mel, do you have plans tomorrow afternoon?”

  Zali is a fucking genius!

  “No, and I know exactly what you’re thinking and I know the exact place to take her.” Mel, the queen of shopping!

  “Wait up, where are you planning on taking me before I have even agreed to your crazy plan?” My girl really needs to lighten up a little.

  “Oh darling. We are going to sex you up like never before! We know how to keep it professional but blur the lines in a sexy way. You will have the entire male population of your work place eating out of your hand, but most importantly, Mr. Uptight will be your bitch to do whatever you want with, the poor little puppy. Oh you’r
e so installing a hidden camera in his office. We need a visual of what’s about to go down!”

  “Well his office is now mine also, after he had a desk installed in there for me even after I protested. But no to the camera. First: it’s illegal to film someone without them knowing, and second: I do not want to be working knowing you bitches are staring at us the whole time. That would so put me off my game. But, I wouldn’t mind a new wardrobe. This dress made me feel amazing today, so even if the clothes only give me a perk up, that’s good enough for me.”

  “You are sharing offices? Did you hear that Zali?”

  “Oh damn! Things just got real. I’m placing the first bet, Mel. One hundred dollars says they won’t last two weeks without christening either desk. What’s yours?”

  “Mmm … I’ll match your one hundred and say three weeks before it happens. But I’ll up you fifty to say they will take a turn on both desks. Deal?”

  “Deal, girlfriend. This is so much fun!”

  “Are you guys serious?”

  Zali and Mel just nod, so Alexis knows there is no point in arguing. Even though I personally think it is a pointless bet, I’m happy with the prospect of a new wardrobe and oh, new shoes to match. Shoes are my crack, I think. Especially red ones. Oh yeah, the red ones.

  After eating the delicate delights of this place and firming up the shopping plans for tomorrow, the girls head out and down to the Belgian Beer Café. It’s really close to our work and it’s packed with Friday night drinkers. The smell of testosterone here is almost overwhelming, but mixed with the beer smell, it becomes almost intoxicating, in a good way.

  They decide to sit outside in the terrace area as it’s a mild night and not quite as loud as inside. Again, my girl’s dress gets lots of attention, cementing the idea that a new, sexier, work wardrobe is a good idea. The vibe is good until Mel brings up a touchy subject.