Healing Fears (Smokey Mountain Book 3)

by Stella Moore

  “Round three?” Elisa asked when he’d gone, unable to hold back her curiosity.

  Melissa grimaced. “Jack took exception to me going to see Paul. I took exception with how he decided to handle it. So that was rounds one and two.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s not your fault. It was my decision, both times.”

  “Your home suits you,” Elisa said after a long, awkward silence.

  “How so?”

  “It’s elegant, but at the same time warm and inviting. Like you.”

  Melissa smiled brightly. “That’s a lovely thing to say. Thank you. How are you doing, Elisa?”

  Elisa looked down and began picking at a thread in her leggings. “I’m okay. Paul came by Penny’s. He said he’s not having an affair.”

  “Do you believe him?”

  Elisa blew out a breath. “Yeah. Maybe I’m an idiot for it, but I believe him.”

  “For what it’s worth, I believed him as well when he told me, and I’m a pretty fair judge of these things.”

  “Paul mentioned you asked him if he was cheating on me,” Elisa said, looking up in time to see her friend wince.

  “Yes, I did.” Melissa seemed to hesitate before continuing. “I apologize if I overstepped.”

  It was so rare to see the doctor flustered that Elisa nearly gave in to the urge to tease her. But, for once, she bit her tongue. “It’s fine, really. We both needed that nudge to talk to each other. And you’ve already paid your dues.” Okay, she tried to bite her tongue.

  Melissa laughed and instinctively rubbed at her bottom. “That I did. I’d like to say it’s a mistake I won’t be making again but, well, I’ve never been one to lie to myself.”

  Elisa forced a smile. “Well I won’t be having that problem, at least for a while.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Paul,” she trailed off, unsure of how to explain. “Paul needs a break, I guess. From spanking me. The trial shook him up.”

  “How so?”

  “He thinks he’s like him. Penny’s ex. He doesn’t think it’s right to punish me anymore.”

  The shock and sympathy in her friend’s eyes made her feel strangely better. Like her own confused feelings were somehow vindicated. “How can he possibly think that? He and Franklin Pierce are nothing alike.”

  Elisa dropped her head into her hands. “I know that. But you didn’t see him, Mel. He was so, I don’t know, haunted. Like he’d realized this horrible secret about himself he couldn’t quite face. What am I supposed to do with that?”

  “Call Dr. Johansson. He’s been practicing as long as I’ve been alive, and he has decades of experience dealing with these types of relationships. He can help, I promise.”

  “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

  Melissa sighed. “Is there anything I can do for you, in the meantime?”

  “Actually,” Elisa glanced up, amused by the suddenly wary look on Melissa’s face. “What are you doing Friday?”

  “Probably sleeping off the food and emotional hangovers. My parents and Jack’s mother are all coming here for dinner tomorrow.” Melissa smiled, but it didn’t quite hide the panic in her eyes. “It’s sure to be an interesting holiday.”

  Elisa grinned up at her. “Sounds like you’ll need some retail therapy, then. I’ll be here at four to pick you up.”

  The sincere shock on Melissa’s face had Elisa collapsing against the couch in a fit of giggles. “You mean pm, right?”

  “Nope. Bright and early Friday morning. Penny’s my usual Black Friday date, but seeing as she’s thousands of miles and half an ocean away, you’re up.” Elisa pushed herself up off the couch and headed for the door. “We’ll have fun, trust me.”

  “I don’t think your idea of fun and mine are the same,” Mel grumbled, opening the front door and all but pushing Elisa outside.

  Chapter 23

  “Do we have to go?” Elisa was sitting up in bed, pouting up at her husband. “Couldn’t we stay home, just this once?”

  “It’s Thanksgiving, Elisa. We can’t just skip a major holiday.”

  “I’m just not in the mood to answer a million questions about my books and the baby we’re apparently never going to have.”

  Paul sat on the side of the bed facing her, concern filling his eyes. “Are you okay, baby? You love the holidays.”

  Elisa shrugged. She wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong with her, she just knew she’d woken up still exhausted and not in the best of moods.

  “If you’re sick, of course we can stay home. But I need you to be honest with me, Elisa.”

  She squirmed under his gaze. “I’m not sick, really. I just don’t feel like going.”

  “I’m sorry you’re feeling out of sorts, but we need to go. There’ll just be more questions if we don’t.” He reached out and stroked her cheek. “I love you, baby.”

  Elisa sighed and leaned into his touch. “I love you, too. I’ll get ready.”

  Pushing herself out of bed, Elisa wondered about Paul’s reaction. There was a time, not that long ago, when pouting and whining would have landed her over his knee, no questions asked. It was nice to be able to talk to him about how she was feeling without her bottom being lit on fire first.

  By the time she finished her shower, she was feeling significantly better. Paul was in the kitchen, packing up the pies they’d baked the night before to take with them. Sliding her arms around his waist, she pressed her cheek to his back.

  “Feeling better, baby?” he asked, laying his hand over hers at his waist.

  “A little. Guess I just needed to shake it off.”

  “Good. Pies are ready to go. Let me shower real quick and we can leave.”

  “Elisa! Baby!” Debbie Hawthorne’s arms nearly crushed her only child as soon as the door opened.

  “Hi, Mama. Happy Thanksgiving.” Elisa returned the embrace with equal affection, if not enthusiasm.

  “Paul! So good to see you again!”

  Elisa took a deep breath when her mother turned her attention to her son-in-law. “Hi, Daddy,” Elisa said, stepping through the front door and into her father’s embrace.

  “Hi, pumpkin.” His voice was full of the affection she’d often overlooked growing up. “Glad you could make it.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She smiled to cover the lie sticking in her throat.

  “Dinner is just about ready, so go ahead and grab a seat at the table,” her mother said, shooing them in the direction of the dining room. They all dutifully took their seats as their hostess finished filling the table with a variety of dishes. It was the one day a year Debbie Hawthorne insisted on cooking, and she never failed to deliver award-winning fare.

  “So, Elisa. How’s the book coming?”

  Elisa winced at her father’s indulgent tone. Her parents had been nothing but supportive when she’d decided to quit her teaching career to write full time, and it killed her that she hadn’t yet lived up to their expectations.

  “Still shopping for a publisher for the first book while I work on the second. It’s a little disappointing.” She worked hard to keep the tears out of her voice, but the sympathetic look her mother sent her told her she hadn’t quite succeeded.

  “I know it’s hard sweetie, but you’ll find someone. You’re such a talented writer, someone will pick you up soon.”

  Her mother’s calm, strong confidence bolstered her spirits for a few moments, until the next inevitable question. “So, are you two planning on giving us a grandchild soon?”

  The simple question tore through the last of her defenses, and she burst into tears right there at the dinner table. Mortified, she pushed away from the table and ran to the bathroom, locking herself in and sliding to the floor as she wept.

  “Elisa? Honey, let me in.”

  Elisa opened the door to her mother, throwing herself into her familiar embrace as she sobbed. “I’m s-sorry,” she managed to choke out through her tears.

&
nbsp; “Nonsense, baby girl. You just have yourself a good cry, and then tell your mama all about it.”

  Burying her face in her mother’s neck, she did as she was told. When she ran out of tears to cry, she took a deep, shuddering breath and shared her most devastating secret with her mother.

  “We’ve been trying, for nearly two years. My doctor has no idea why we can’t conceive. They’ve run every test they can and there doesn’t seem to be anything medical keeping us from getting pregnant. There’s a specialist we’ve talked about seeing, but we’ve been putting it off.”

  “Oh, darling girl. And you’ve been keeping this to yourself all this time?”

  “Penny knows a little bit. I just didn’t want to bother anyone.”

  The look her mother sent her was a mixture of sympathy and that special brand of impatience only mothers seemed capable of expressing. “Your problems are not a bother, young lady. You’re my daughter, and I will always be here to help you. I love you, baby girl.”

  “I love you too, mama.” She opened her mouth to speak, then quickly shut it again.

  “What is it, sweetie?”

  “It’s just, you know, growing up, I convinced myself you and daddy didn’t really care about my problems. You were so dedicated to your jobs, it was easy to play the part of the discarded daughter.”

  “What changed?”

  Elisa smiled. “Paul. He helped me realize that just because you were busy, it didn’t mean you didn’t love me. You were there for all of the important moments of my life, and you were always willing to listen even if I wasn’t willing to talk.”

  Her mother smiled in return, cupping her cheek with a loving caress. “I was worried when you fell for him. I worried he’d snuff out that spark you’ve always had inside of you. I’m glad to know I worried for nothing.”

  “He’s brought out the best parts of me.” She longed to share the rest of her burdens with her mother, but somehow she didn’t think a conversation about Paul’s sudden reluctance to blister her bottom would go over well with her mother.

  Chapter 24

  The visit with Paul’s family passed with significantly less drama. When they finally returned home, Elisa was practically vibrating with nervous energy. As soon as Paul closed the door behind them, she launched herself at him, wrapping her legs around his waist. Off balance, Paul stumbled back a step and gripped her bottom to steady himself.

  “Well, hey there,” he said with a grin.

  “Hey yourself. I have a favor to ask.”

  His brow tilted up suspiciously. “What kind of favor?”

  “I want you to spank me.” She shook her head before he could protest. “Not punish me, I get that you need a break there. But I’m hoping you haven’t taken all kinds of spanking off the table.”

  She watched the struggle play out on his face. For a long, heartbreaking moment, she worried that he was going to refuse. Was he really that broken that he couldn’t stand the thought of spanking her at all?

  “Okay, I’ll spank you. Only if you want it, though,” he eventually conceded, though she could still sense his hesitation.

  “I do. I really, really do.”

  “Then I guess you better get your pretty little bottom in the bedroom.” He set her down and sent her on her way with a light swat to her backside. Grinning, Elisa took off for the bedroom, where she stripped and stretched out on the bed. A few minutes later, Paul joined her, stopping in the doorway for a moment, his gaze burning her skin as he studied her.

  He made a soft humming sound in his throat as he silently approached the bed. Goosebumps covered her skin at the sound of his soft footsteps, and then their toy chest being opened. Moments later she felt something smooth and cool tapping against her skin.

  “Are you going to spank me, sir?” she asked softly.

  “Yes, little bird. Are you ready?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  The paddle snapped against her bottom, making her jerk and gasp with surprise. The sting soon morphed into a light burn that shot straight between her legs. The second, to the opposite cheek had her sighing with pleasure. She had a love/hate relationship with the paddle. When he punished her with it, she knew it could burn like hellfire and reduce her to a weeping, helpless mess within seconds.

  But used like this, with just enough force to burn but not punish, oh how she loved it. A dozen or so swats in, he caught the top of her thigh and she reached behind her in an instinctive move to protect herself from the blows.

  “Elisa.” The low, warning growl had her clit throbbing with need.

  “Sorry, sir,” she said with a slight whimper, moving her hand out of the way. “It hurts.”

  “It’s a spanking, little bird. It’s meant to hurt.”

  Elisa smiled and closed her eyes as he began her spanking anew. She moaned as the burn grew and spread, pressing her hips against the mattress in response to the burning between her thighs.

  All too soon, his hand replaced the paddle, rubbing her abraded skin until she writhed with need. “Sir, please. I need you.”

  She felt the bed move as he stood, then again when he knelt between her thighs. His strong, capable hands gripped her hips, lifting her just enough to slide into her. She gasped at the feeling of him pressing into her, stretching and filling her. No matter how many times they did this dance, it never failed to thrill her.

  And when Paul reached under, rolling that sensitive little nub under his skillful fingers, she buried her face in her arm as the pleasure washed over her. She shuddered as it consumed her, overwhelmed her. Paul groaned when she contracted around him, and she felt his fingers digging into her hips as his own release overtook him.

  Chapter 25

  Bright and early Friday morning, Elisa bounced up the walkway to Melissa’s house. Before she could knock on the door, a sleepy eyed Melissa opened it and slipped out.

  “Jack promised I wouldn’t sit for a week if you woke him up banging on the door this morning,” she explained as she closed the door behind her. “So I made sure to set an alarm and got up early enough to keep an eye out for you. Remind me why, exactly, I needed to be up at this ungodly hour?”

  Elisa grinned and turned to lead the way back to her car. “Because shopping is fun. Duh.”

  “Shopping is fun during normal business hours,” Melissa argued as they climbed into the car.

  “But the best deals are had before the sun comes up. Here.” Elisa handed over a to-go cup of coffee, laughing at Melissa’s nearly pornographic moan when she took the first sip.

  “So, is there a game plan for the day?” Melissa asked after several moments with her coffee.

  “Not really. I prefer to just go and see what’s what.”

  “I think you might actually be a little bit insane,” a dazed and overwhelmed Melissa said as they collapsed into seats opposite each other at the first restaurant they came to after several hours of shopping.

  “Is that your professional opinion?” Elisa asked with a laugh.

  “Yes. Absolutely, yes.”

  “Everyone needs a crazy friend. How was Thanksgiving?”

  Melissa rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t quite as painful as expected, but it came close. My mother wasn’t exactly complimentary of the food I had catered, or the vegan dish Hannah brought.”

  “Wait.” Elisa held up a hand. “You had Thanksgiving catered?”

  Melissa tilted her chin up slightly. “Yes. I’m a busy woman. It’s not like I had time to cook a full meal.”

  She couldn’t help it. Elisa snorted out a laugh. “I adore you, Mel. I just can’t believe you actually had Thanksgiving dinner catered. It’s just so… you.”

  “Yes, well, I won’t be making that mistake again.”

  “Catering dinner?”

  “Inviting my parents to dinner,” Melissa corrected darkly.

  “Aw, Mel. You don’t mean that.”

  Melissa sighed and stirred her tea absently. “I know. Jack said the same thing after I was done throwing my
temper tantrum last night.”

  Elisa winced. “How’d that go?”

  “He’s actually very understanding about things when it comes to my parents. More so than I deserve, probably. Anyway. How was your holiday?”

  “Emotional,” Elisa replied without thinking.

  “Oh?” The single syllable held a wealth of meaning that had Elisa shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

  “Yeah. Just a lot of things that came out at dinner. On the plus side, I did get Paul to spank me,” Elisa said cheerfully.

  “Oh?” This time Melissa drew the word out into several syllables. “And how did you manage that?”

  “I asked him to. Not for punishment, but just because I needed it. I could tell he really struggled with even doing that, but he eventually gave in.”

  “Good. I’m glad you guys are finding a new rhythm that works for you.”

  Elisa nudged her glass across the table. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Always. What is it?”

  “Do you think we can do this? Me and Paul, I mean. The whole no punishment thing?”

  “It works for a lot of couples. You’d hardly be the only ones who just use spanking as a form of foreplay.”

  “I know that. But he still expects me to listen to him and obey him, just like before. I don’t know how that’s supposed to work.”

  Melissa’s smile was tinged with amusement and sympathy. “Again, I have to say, you wouldn’t be the only couple with that dynamic. The real question for you to answer is, why do you submit to him? Is it just because you know you’ll be punished if you don’t? Or is it because you want to? Answering that question will go a long way toward answering the rest of your questions.”

  Elisa considered Melissa’s words as she drove home, but she found she wasn’t any closer to an answer by the time she pulled up in front of the house. She’d never really stopped to consider why she submitted to Paul. It had just seemed so natural for him to demand it, and it had fast become equally natural for her to give it.