Healing Fears (Smokey Mountain Book 3)

by Stella Moore

  Could she still submit, knowing he wouldn’t punish her? She thought maybe she could. At the least she owed it to Paul to give it a shot. With that thought in mind, she grabbed her bags from the trunk and carted them inside.

  “Hey, baby. Did you have fun?” His eyes lit up when she walked in the kitchen. Gone were the shadows of guilt and shame she’d seen haunting his eyes the past few months. That alone told her they were making progress.

  “I did. I’m not so sure about Mel, but she’ll learn.” Elisa dropped her bags and walked to him, lifting her lips for a kiss.

  “Looks like you had fun,” he said, nodding his head toward the bags she’d dropped on the floor.

  “All within my Christmas budget with room to spare, I promise.”

  “That’s not what I meant, but I’m glad to hear it. Dinner’s almost ready. Why don’t you go put the bags up and we’ll eat.”

  She considered telling him about the conversation with Melissa. But she still wasn’t sure how to answer the questions her friend had asked, so how could she explain it to him? Instead, she simply said, “Good. I’m starving.” The rest of it could wait, she figured, hauling her bags to the bedroom.

  Chapter 26

  Elisa squealed when Penny’s number popped up on her screen Sunday night. “How was Hawaii? Was it the best? Did you bring me a volcano?”

  “It was better than I imagined. And of course I did. But the real question is, why did you stay here? Did you have a fight with Paul? What’s going on?”

  “That’s really an in-person conversation.” She looked over at Paul, tilting her head in a silent question. He nodded and she grinned and blew him a kiss. “I’ll be there in ten.”

  “Bring ice cream. You ate all mine.”

  Half an hour later, thanks to the ice cream pit stop, they were curled up on Penny’s couch digging in. “So, fight with Paul? What happened?”

  “It wasn’t a fight. Well, I guess it was. I don’t know. I thought he was cheating on me.” The absolute shock on Penny’s gorgeous face had Elisa doubling over with laughter.

  “You thought Paul, of all people, was cheating on you? Have you lost your mind?”

  Elisa shrugged. “He’s been working a lot of late nights and he was being real squirrelly about things. So yeah, I jumped to the worst possible conclusion. You’re shocked by this?”

  Penny looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking her head. “No, when you put it that way it makes perfect sense. So what’s up?”

  “He doesn’t want to spank me anymore.”

  Elisa hadn’t realized it was possible for Penny to look even more shocked than she had before, but somehow she managed it. “He doesn’t what now?”

  “He said it doesn’t feel right. The trial really got under his skin, and now he has this crazy idea that he’s been abusing me.”

  “What trial? My trial? How could he even…What the hell happened while I was in Hawaii?”

  “It started before that. I think it really started when Franklin kidnapped you, but it got worse during the trial.”

  “You guys have been having problems for months and you didn’t tell me? Why?”

  Elisa scooped up more ice cream, giving herself time to think. If Penny had just been pissed, they could have had a big blow up fight and gone back to their ice cream. The hurt and bewilderment she could hear in her friend’s voice, however, required a bit more tact.

  “I didn’t want to bother you. You already had so much going on, with the trial and everything, I didn’t want to upset anyone.”

  “Well, that’s just really fucking insulting.”

  Elisa looked up from her carton. “What? How so?”

  Penny stabbed her spoon at her. “I’m not some delicate fucking flower everyone has to protect. I could have handled being there for you, without having some kind of meltdown. So fuck you for thinking otherwise.”

  It took her several moments to recover from the shock. When she did, Elisa set the carton aside and wrapped her arms around Penny’s neck. “I’m sorry. I’m a moron when it comes to emotional shit. I love you, and I just wanted you to be happy. I thought I could handle it on my own.”

  “I love you, too. Bitch.”

  Elisa laughed and pressed a loud kiss to Penny’s cheek. “Ready for the rest of the story?”

  “Oh God, I almost forgot. So how did Paul take it when you asked if he was cheating on you?”

  “I didn’t ask, exactly. He wimped out on spanking me after I went out with Mel without letting him know and ignored his three billion phone calls, and I thought it was because he felt guilty about having an affair, so I stormed out and came over here for a few days.”

  “I’m never leaving town again.”

  “Good plan. Anyway, Mel tracked him down at work and asked him point blank if he was messing around on me, and when he realized that was what I thought, he came over here and we worked things out.”

  Penny shook her head and scraped the bottom of her carton. “And by worked things out, you mean he said he wasn’t going to spank you anymore.”

  “Right. And then we had sex on your floor. Sorry about that.”

  “Well, at least I got to christen it before you got to it,” Penny said good-naturedly. “How do you feel about the no spanking deal?”

  Elisa shrugged. “It was always more his deal than mine. I’ve never really known anything else. So, I’m just kind of waiting to see where it goes.”

  “Well, if anyone can make it work, you guys can. You’re like, the perfect couple.”

  Elisa wasn’t sure about perfect, but they were sure as hell going to try.

  Paul was sitting at his desk when Penny walked into his office.

  “I have a bone to pick with you, Paul Davenport,” she said, shutting the door behind her.

  Here we go. “What’s up?”

  She stormed up to him and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. “You have got to be the stupidest fucking man I’ve ever met.”

  Paul narrowed his eyes at her. “Watch it, Penny.”

  “Or what? You’ll tattle on me? Go ahead. But it’s the truth.”

  “How so?”

  “Because in addition to being a complete moron, you’re also the kindest, sweetest, noblest man I’ve ever met. Franklin Pierce doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you.”

  Whatever he’d expected her to say, that wasn’t it. “Thanks. I think. But the fact is, we’re more alike than you’re willing to admit.”

  He watched the emotions swirl in her eyes. “You’re not. Yeah, you’re strict with Elisa. But it’s because you love her and you want her to be the best person she can be. And you want to protect her, sometimes from herself. It wasn’t like that with Franklin.”

  “I don’t see the difference.”

  “Do you know what finally made me realize I should leave him?”

  “No. You never really talked to me about it.” A fact he’d tried not to be bitter about, since he considered her family as much as Elisa did.

  “I didn’t talk to you because I was embarrassed. Elisa was the only person I really felt like I could talk to about it. Anyway,” she said, waving a hand and pacing the office, “one of the last times he beat me, I’d forgotten to wash a shirt he wanted to wear the next day. As he was whipping me—to the point I couldn’t wear pants for a week, by the way—he called me all kinds of horrible names. Nothing really unusual for him, but for whatever reason, it jogged a memory. Of you.”

  He had to swallow against the bile rising in his throat. “What memory?”

  “Our senior year of college, Elisa had that one class she was really struggling with. You were helping her study and she just shut down and said she was too stupid for a college degree. You pulled her over your lap, right in front of me, and paddled her good and proper. When it was done, you told her how smart and wonderful she was. You built her up, Paul. You gave her confidence, and it was like watching this beautiful flower bloom under the love and care of a master
gardener.”

  He remembered the scene well, but it was odd hearing it from a different point of view. “Where are you going with this, Penny?”

  Walking back over to him, she laid her hands on his cheeks and looked him in the eye. “Franklin tore me down. He made me feel like nothing. I didn’t realize it, until that moment when I remembered that scene with you and Elisa. It made me realize I deserved better. I deserved someone like you. So even though I hadn’t even talked to you in almost a year, you gave me the strength I needed to leave him. I’m sorry I never told you before.”

  He was stunned. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek when she smiled. “You don’t have to say anything. Just promise me you’ll remember it, and keep it in mind while you and Elisa figure things out.”

  “I promise.”

  “Good enough.” She made to leave, pausing in the doorway to turn back to him. “You know, when I left Franklin, I always thought it was strange that he never came looking for me. Don’t you think it’s odd?”

  Paul kept his expression neutral and shrugged. “There’s just no telling with crazy.”

  “Hmmm. I suppose that’s true. Still.” She walked back over and dropped a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, for whatever you did.”

  Shaking his head, Paul turned back to his work with a smile.

  Chapter 27

  She couldn’t concentrate. The blank computer screen mocked her, reminding her that she wasn’t really a writer. Didn’t have any talent to speak of. Aggravated, Elisa slammed the lid closed and rose to pour a third cup of coffee. Paul, under normal circumstances, would have her ass for drinking so much on an empty stomach. But apparently she was a big girl now, so it didn’t matter.

  Sighing at her nasty internal monologue, she sipped the coffee she no longer wanted. She wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. Things had been great with Paul the last week or so. Better than they’d been in months, maybe even years. He was loving and attentive. He brought her flowers for no reason and made love to her like she was the most beautiful woman on Earth.

  So why wasn’t she happy?

  “You’re being ridiculous, Elisa,” she mumbled to herself. “You’re married to the greatest guy in the world with an active and healthy sex life. Get over yourself.”

  Settling back into the couch, her thoughts drifted to the fight they’d had the night before. It wasn’t really a fight, though. She didn’t know exactly what it was, and maybe that was part of her problem.

  Paul had been after her for a week to get the oil changed in her car, but she kept forgetting. And on the occasions she did remember, she decided she had other things to do. It had occurred to her that perhaps she was testing him. If that thought had crossed his mind, however, he’d done an excellent job of hiding it.

  When he’d gotten home the night before, the first thing he’d asked was if she’d gotten the oil changed. She hadn’t, of course, and he’d been less than pleased by her answer.

  “I don’t know what your problem is, young lady, but you had better get that oil changed tomorrow,” he’d said, arms crossed over his chest as he glared at her.

  In another life, the implied threat alone would have spurred her to compliance. Instead, she’d rolled her eyes and told him she’d do it when she felt like doing it. That comment had spurred a long lecture that somehow managed to combine respect for him and her car into one long, winding monologue. In the end, she’d agreed to get it done the next day and he’d left it at that.

  And now it was the next day, and she wasn’t any closer to having it done. Deciding it could wait another day, since she wasn’t going to be driving it anyway, she settled in with her current naughty book.

  She didn’t have any reservations about it until Paul walked through the door. “Hey there, little bird. How was your day?”

  “Fine. Kind of boring,” she replied, barely glancing up from her book.

  “Did you take the car in?”

  Her heart began to pound, but she kept her eyes focused on her reader. “No. I didn’t go anywhere today.”

  “I’m getting tired of asking, Elisa.” His voice held that unspoken warning that normally turned her knees to Jell-O. Now, it just pissed her off.

  “I’ll get to it when I get to it. I didn’t drive it today, so it’s not a big deal. Just get off my back already.”

  “I’ll get off your back when you do as you’re told. Take the car in tomorrow.”

  “Whatever,” she punctuated the retort with an eye roll that she would never have even considered a few short weeks ago.

  “I don’t appreciate the games you’re playing, Elisa Marie. I’m not going to change my mind just because you’re being a brat. And it’s disrespectful to me and our relationship for you to try to manipulate me this way.”

  If he was looking to hurt her, he’d succeeded. “Fuck you. I’m going to bed.” She shoved off the couch, but he grabbed her arm before she could storm off to the bedroom.

  “You’re not going anywhere until we finish our conversation.”

  “We are finished. I’m the horrible, bitchy wife and you’re the long-suffering, perfect husband. Nothing else to say.” Wrenching her arm from his grasp, she raced to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She threw herself onto the bed, glaring at the ceiling. The door she’d slammed opened behind her a few seconds later.

  Paul sat on the bed next to her and reached for her hand. She knew it was petty, but she pulled away and rolled away from him.

  “I don’t think you’re horrible, little bird,” he said softly.

  Elisa closed her eyes against the waves of misery. He was trying, so hard, and she wasn’t making it easy for him. But dammit, she missed their old life. She hated these confrontations that dragged on for hours and days. Knowing it was mostly her stubbornness that was dragging it out didn’t help, either.

  “I don’t know how to do this,” she said after a long, tense silence.

  “Me neither.”

  Emboldened by the confession, she sat up and faced him. “Then why are we doing it? Why can’t we just go back to the way things were? I hate this, Paul. I hate fighting with you; I hate not knowing when or if we’ll be okay after we fight; I hate the way I’m behaving. I miss us.”

  There was a sadness in his eyes she hadn’t been expecting, and it made her want to weep. “I miss us, too. I’m sorry this is so hard for you.”

  “It’s not hard for you? Look me in the eye and tell me it’s been easy for you the past few days.”

  “Of course not. I don’t like fighting with you. I don’t like having the same argument over and over.”

  “Then let’s just go back to the way things were. Please, Paul.”

  “Why? Because it’s easier for you, even though it makes me feel like a monster?”

  She stared at him, shocked by the bitterness she heard in his voice. “I don’t… You’re not a monster.”

  “I never thought I was. But now, I’m not so sure. And yeah, this is hard for me. Because I want to bend you over the bed and paddle your ass until you don’t even think of defying me like this again. And the fact that I want to makes me sick to my stomach.”

  “But it shouldn’t. This is just who we are, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Can’t you see I need this? Paul, I need you back.”

  “And I need you to understand I’m not that man anymore!” Paul pushed off the bed, pacing away agitatedly.

  “Then you’re not the man I married.” Her heart breaking, Elisa yanked her wedding rings from her fingers and threw them at him, then ran for the door, stopping just long enough to grab her purse and shoes.

  Chapter 28

  For a second, Paul was too shocked to move. The slamming of the front door jolted him back to reality and he raced after her. “Elisa, stop!”

  But her car was already backing out of the driveway as he ran down the steps and across the front lawn. He watched, helpless to stop her as she drove off. Running b
ack into the house, he snatched his phone off the counter and dialed her number, but it went to voicemail. He tried another dozen times, leaving almost as many messages. Frantic, he finally called Penny.

  “Is Elisa with you?” he asked the second she answered.

  “No. Should she be?” Penny answered with obvious confusion.

  “No. I don’t know. She’s gone.”

  “What? What do you mean, gone? Like she went to the store?”

  “Like gone, gone. We had a fight and she drove off. I don’t know where she went.”

  “We’re on our way. We’ll figure it out.”

  The call ended, and he was left with silence. He called Elisa again, but this time it went to voicemail without even ringing.

  “Fuck!” He threw the phone across the room, immediately regretting it when the phone slammed into the wall.

  The front door opened a few minutes later, and Penny ran in, trailed by Eric, Melissa, and Jack.

  “What the hell happened?” Penny asked, her voice full of confused anger.

  “Penelope.” Eric’s voice was full of warning, but Penny didn’t seem to notice.

  “We had a fight. She left.”

  “A fight? About what?”

  “Getting the oil changed in her car.” Paul dropped to the couch, cradling his head in his hands. “I lost my wife over goddamn vehicle maintenance.”

  “Oh, sweetie.” In a flash, Penny’s arms were around him. “You haven’t lost her. She’s just… you know how she is when shit gets heavy.”

  He barked out a laugh, though there was no humor in it. “Yeah, I know. She took her wedding rings off.” That fact alone threatened to rip his heart from his chest. He lifted his head and sent Jack a pleading look. “Can you do anything? A missing person, APB, something?”

  Jack looked distinctly uncomfortable. “Officially, no. She’s a grown woman who obviously left of her own volition, and not under any kind of duress. But I’ll see what I can do under the radar so to speak.”