Seeing Black

by Sidney Halston

  “So you did this for her mother? Because you owed her mother to watch over Jill?” Oliver said in question form, but it was really more of a statement.

  Paul sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “This is the part you guys aren’t going to like.”

  “Nothing I’ve heard, I’ve liked.” Alexander said.

  “Well, you really aren’t going to like this.” Paul took a moment before continuing. “Yes. I owed Jill’s mom my life. I am forever in her debt, but I’ve been watching Jillian my entire adult life. After a few weeks of dating her, she thought I was falling in love with her and that it was all so fast, but really, it wasn’t. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her walk into my classroom. After trying to protect her for so many years, I had strong feelings for her, but nothing could prepare me for seeing her face to face, finally talking to her. So when we began to date, it didn’t take long for those feelings to develop into love. I can’t help it. She brings out a need for me to protect her.”

  Alexander’s fists clenched.

  “I’m sorry. I know you love her too, but so do I. I had to keep up the charade of being just her teacher, but I’ve been a lot more than that for many years. When I saw the way she was with you two,” he pointed first at Oliver and then at Alexander, “especially with you, Alexander, I just couldn’t keep my temper under control. I know I was a dick to you, but I just wanted to keep her by my side, safe. I wanted her to love me as much as I love her.”

  Oliver must have noticed the change of mood in the room, so he spoke first. “So, what’s the plan now?”

  “Well, I’m not a killer, but Brian is. He’s a loose cannon. I don’t want her in Wonderland when the shit hits the fan. I’m trying to get her out of there. I’m not going to pretend I don’t want Rocco dead, but I can’t be the one to do it. I can’t pull that trigger, so this will kill two birds with one stone, if you will. He killed many innocent children as well as tormented my childhood. Brian can do the dirty work, and I get my vengeance. It’s just a matter of time until Brian finds Wonderland. I had given him all my intel, including the information on the drug money, over a year ago, and he’d never been able to find Rocco. I’ve tried going to the police, but no one will touch Rocco, first, because he’s Rocco Taylor and second, because they think this is all a bunch of conspiracy-theory bullshit. No one can stop the train Brian’s on. He hates him as much as I do. He even has some of the old time drug thugs helping him, something I orchestrated before Jill was in the picture. When Brian finds Wonderland, Jill cannot be there. He wouldn’t hesitate in killing her. She’d just be collateral damage, and he won’t give a fuck about it.”

  Paul leaned forward and spoke directly to Alexander. “Now, I’m going to ask you, Jacobs: Why the fuck couldn’t you keep Jill away from her father? I wouldn’t have ever allowed her near him. If she’d been mine, I’d have moved her to the other side of the world to keep them apart.”

  Alexander snorted and leaned back, arms crossed. “Have you met Jillian? She doesn’t listen to anyone, including you. Her fucking superpower is stubbornness! He sought her out and used all her weaknesses to manipulate her into seeing him, her weakness being, that he’d cure her of her psychic shit.”

  “No. You are so goddamn clueless, Jacobs. That is not her weakness. Josef threatened to kill you, Oliver, and Heather if she didn’t cooperate. That is her weakness.”

  Alexander and Oliver stayed silent. Oliver finally spoke. “How do you know that? Why didn’t she tell us?”

  “She told me. We’ve been trying to figure out what exactly is this hold that Rocco has on her, and she told me the reason she agreed to meet with him in the first place was because Josef had been threatening her with hurting you all. She didn’t tell you about it because she knew that you wouldn’t have allowed her to go. Threat or not. But now, she’s there because she doesn’t have a choice. She can’t leave, even if she wants to.”

  “Damn it, Jillian!” Alexander pounded his fist on the table.

  “Luckily, it doesn’t seem as if he can read minds, but he can alter her mood. So even though it’s obvious that he is dangerous, when he’s around her, she’s calm and unafraid. He’s been experimenting on her, but she can’t remember.”

  “I suppose you can’t just give me an address for me to go, knock on the door, and get Jillian home?” Oliver asked.

  “I can give you an address, but it won’t do you any good.”

  “How about the police?” Oliver asked.

  Paul shook his head. “It won’t help, either. First, she won’t leave, not yet, at least. She is still fuzzy and under his mental control. We’ve been working on breaking her connection to him so that she can leave, but we’ve come to realize that the only way it’ll happen is if she plays the part of the naive girl wanting to get to know her daddy and in turn allowing him to teach her. If she can learn how to get into his head, instead of vice versa, she can escape. Also, there is no cop that will barge into Rocco’s home and accuse him of kidnapping. And just for argument’s sake, let’s say they do get a warrant or the balls to question him, what will happen when Jill says she’s there voluntarily. And she will. She will say whatever it is he wants her to say.”

  “Fuck,” Oliver said.

  “Exactly,” Paul added.

  “So what do I do?” Alexander asked.

  “You do nothing. You wait.”

  “Why did you even bother coming, then?”

  “Because she asked me to. In one of her brief moments of clarity, she asked about you and made me promise to come and tell you what was going on. She asked me to trust my secret with you. She said you wouldn’t betray her by betraying me. I’m also giving you the journals with detailed accounts of everything I’ve just told you, along with my notes. If something were to happen to me, you at least have some leverage.”

  Alexander dropped his head onto his palms; his elbows rested on the table. “Is she okay?”

  “She’s . . . Well, it’s like she’s not Jillian. She gets easily distracted. We start talking about the escape plan, and one moment she’s the feisty redhead I love.” Alexander groaned but Paul continued, “And the next, she’ll get distracted by the buttons on her shirt. It’s as if she is mentally jammed. Rocco has given her the illusion of freedom, but she’s stuck in a maze.”

  Paul looked at his watch. “Listen, I have to go. I told you both what I promised I would. I’m trusting you with a lot of secrets. I’m sure you want to run out and save her as soon as I leave, but you can’t. Like it or not, you have to trust me. Trust her. I’ll get her out of there soon. Rocco’s been upgrading his security system, something he does often. I’m not sure I’ll have access to the house after that, so I have just a few days to get the fog out of her mind so that she can see what is happening as it happens.”

  Oliver didn’t say anything as Paul stood up to leave. Reluctantly, Oliver stuck out his hand and shook Paul’s hand. Alexander struggled to get the words out, and Paul waited a moment before turning to leave. “Wait.” Alexander called out. He was embarrassed. He wasn’t the kind of man to wear his heart on his sleeve and definitely not in front of Paul, but he had to get a message to her. “Um, can you . . .? Can you tell her I love her? Can you tell her I miss her? That I want to help. That I wish I could help. That I’ve never given up.”

  Paul took a step towards Alexander. “I’ve loved Jillian for a long time now. I don’t remember what it feels like not to love her, but I see that I was never who she wanted. I wish I were, but I’m not. As hard as it may be, I respect her decision.” Paul stuck his hand out to shake Alexander’s hand and didn’t let go right away. “But don’t confuse my concession with weakness. I’m not doing any of this for you. I don’t give a fuck if you’re suffering, if you’re hurting. I’m doing this for her, not you. I know your past and how you’ve treated your women before. You’ve cheated on them, slept with them, and never called. You played them. Alexander, I hope you know that I’ll kill you if you hurt her.” He squeezed Al
exander’s hand before letting it go.

  Alexander nodded.

  Oliver let out a chuckle. “Wait in line, buddy.”

  Chapter 12

  Jillian

  In science, the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea occurs.

  -Sir Francis Darwin

  Today was the day. Today Jillian would leave. Rocco would give her permission—or the illusion of permission—and this time, she would take it. She’d been in Wonderland for seven months now and understood the physical hold that Rocco had on her. Even without actual chains, she was imprisoned in his home. She was Alice trying to get out of Wonderland by climbing out of the rabbit hole. Except in this nightmare, she kept circling the rabbit hole, over and over again, taking the same plunge day after day, never able to find the door that would finally free her. But not today. She was focused. Determined. Clearheaded. Nothing would distract her. Today, for the first time, she woke up and knew exactly where she was.

  Jillian made her way downstairs and sat down to a plate full of pancakes and a warm greeting from Remy. She wondered if Remy was in on it. How many times had Jillian asked the woman her name or how long she’d been staying at Wonderland. Jillian ate her pancakes, as she did every day, then went outside and waited for Rocco. He’d need to give her the instructions for the day. Were they going to the lab today or for a walk? Perhaps deep meditation? When she finished breakfast, she went outside to her favorite spot in the mansion—the garden. She reached up a tree and plucked one of her favorite flowers. She inhaled the fragrance. This would be the only thing she would miss: the fragrance of her favorite flower.

  First, her head started to pound, then black spots impaired her vision. The bile began to burn her esophagus as it made its way up her throat. She knew what was coming, so she held on to the trunk of the closest tree.

  Clammy hands.

  Pounding heart.

  Nausea.

  Blackness.

  A minute, an hour, a day later . . .

  Jill still held the flower in her hand as the Texas heat caused beads of sweat to drip down her spine. Paul was rescuing her. She saw him. Clear as day, his jet black hair slicked back, his dark gray sweatpants, and black V-neck t-shirt hugged his shoulders as he reached down and tried to unbind her hands from a steel table. Rocco was there and so was Josef. They hadn’t seen him coming. His intense and smoldering eyes locked on hers, saying all the words he wanted to say, yet saying nothing at all. An altercation occurred. There was yelling and crying, and the last thing she saw before coming back to reality was a lifeless Paul. They had gotten so close in the last weeks that she was now in tune with him, so much so that she’d seen him in one of her visions, something that only occurred when she knew the person very well. She didn’t have visions about strangers.

  Since being under the tutelage of Rocco, she hadn’t had an involuntary vision either. Sweet Paul. Paul who had hurt her only to help her—just as she had done with her friends by coming to see Rocco in the first place. Sometimes a person had to cause someone pain in order to protect them. It was a sacrifice that needed to be made. Josef had threatened her friends, and she knew now that it wasn’t an idle threat. He would have absolutely killed anyone Jill loved for his and Rocco’s benefit. Paul had done the same thing but for Jill’s own good. He was a good man. Tears trickled down her face, but she remained stone still.

  And then the worry set in. She had to stop Paul. If he rescued her, he’d die. Of that, she was certain.

  She was shaken and unsure as to how she would communicate this to Paul. Would he listen? Would he stop trying to help her if he knew she’d seen him die in his ill-fated rescue? No, the answer to that was no. She knew this—he would help her even if it caused his death.

  Exhausted by the vision, she shuffled to her room, her eyes barely slits, but she needed to hurry to her journal to write down what she had seen. She couldn’t forget. It was important she didn’t forget. On her last step up the grand staircase, she was halted. She felt him before she saw him. The little hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Um, Josef. Hi. I was just going to wait for Rocco in my room. I’m not feeling so well today.” She turned around slowly to meet Josef’s gaze.

  “No need. Follow me.” He motioned up the staircase and walked briskly past her. She had no choice but to follow.

  Josef led her to the lab. She’d never been there without Rocco, or at least, she couldn’t remember being there without him. “Where’s my father?”

  “He’ll be in shortly. Let’s get started. Lie down here.”

  Her heart was beating uncontrollably. “W-why?” she asked. He didn’t respond; instead, he pushed her down. “J-Josef?”

  “Quiet.”

  “No! What are you doing?” She jackknifed up.

  Josef pushed her back down so she lay on a medical table. He forced her hands into restraints attached to the table. “No! Stop.” She kicked her legs up and tried to turn and untie herself with her free hand. Josef walked around and yanked her arm down to the other leather strap. Jill fought him. Pulled, kicked, tried to push up, but he held her still until he was able to tie her wrists.

  “Sorry I’m late, dear.” She heard Rocco’s voice behind her.

  “Rocco! What—what? What’s going on? Let. Me. Go!” She thrashed her body around to no avail.

  Rocco placed his hand, slowly, calmly against her shoulder. He looked into her eyes, and her body began to relax. “Jillian, dear, calm down. There’s no reason to fret. We are only going to do perform a test. It’s with that machine,” he said in a soft, almost-tender voice. He pointed to a computer-looking-contraption. “You see these wires?” He pulled a wire and brought it close to her face. “They are called leads. We’re going to place them on your head under your hair. They’ll just monitor your brainwaves. The only bad thing that will come of this is your hair will be sticky afterward and you’ll have to wash it. Otherwise, it won’t hurt at all.”

  Jill looked up at him. The exhaustion was overwhelming. Her heartbeat began to regulate. “Um, I don’t . . . I just . . .”

  “You agreed, remember? This was all your idea. You agreed, Jillian,” Rocco replied tersely and reached down and stroked her hair away from her face. She felt Josef behind her placing the leads on her hair. She closed her eyes and nodded. Completely relaxed. Within seconds, she dozed off.

  ***

  Breakfast was awkward. Jill wasn’t sure how to act, because, again, this time she remembered. She had woken up to the same repetition, but it only lasted a brief moment because she immediately remembered to read her journal. She wasn’t completely clear-headed, but she wasn’t dumbstruck either. She felt a vague recollection of the woman who stood in front of her in the kitchen serving her pancakes. After breakfast, the woman told her that her father had left instructions for her to spend a few hours meditating before enjoying the rest of her day. Jill nodded but decided to go for a walk instead. She needed to get her bearings. She needed to breathe in fresh air. She needed to get the hell out of the house and away from Rocco, but she felt an odd sense of trust towards Paul, who was in the forefront of her mind. She was sure she’d probably made countless attempts at escaping over the last months and that they’d been fruitless. She looked out the window towards the stable and decided that a ride would help clear her mind.

  The wind blew Jill’s hair back in a jumbled mess. She pulled the harness, ever so slightly to slow down Oreo’s pace as they reached the far edge of green pasture where Wonderland met the Gulf. Oreo slowed her pace before coming to a stop. Jill reached down to stroke the horse’s mane.

  “Good girl, Oreo.” She reached further down and handed Oreo a carrot. The horse neighed in response. Jillian rested her head on Oreo’s crest and sat peacefully overlooking the sea. A flock of seagulls cawed overhead. The Texas heat enveloped her body, sending small beads of sweat down the nape of her neck, down her spine, and u
nder her slate blue tank top. Her mind was completely clear except for the awareness of all the nature that surrounded her. She needed to clear her head. Keeping up the charade with Rocco would be tedious, and after reading the journal, she knew that every day she would remember a little more. The mere fact she remembered Oreo’s very existence was progress. She wasn’t a good actress, and she was afraid he’d uncover her plan. In order to be ready as Paul had said, she needed to be able to PRV all on her own, without her father’s voice directing her. She needed to be stronger than him. She needed to be able to break whatever spell they had placed on her that wouldn’t allow her to leave. The fact she actually couldn’t leave, as if there was a protective barrier around the mansion that when she stepped on it jolted her back to her room, was something paranormal. She was under some sort of mind control, and she needed out of it. Jill needed her mind strong, stronger than Josef’s and Rocco’s. She hyper-focused her eyes on the horizon and inhaled the salty breeze. Her hand lazily played with Oreo’s mane underneath Jill’s chin. This was the most at peace she had been in a long time, and she decided to try her hand at PRV. She hadn’t tried it outside the lab or without Rocco’s supervision, but this was her chance. There was no one around, and the tranquility set the perfect stage. She kept her eyes still and mind clear of anything other than what she sought and what she sought was her heart. Alexander. She didn’t care that he had cheated on her. She didn’t care the hurt she felt because, at that moment, she would forgive anything. All she wanted, all she needed was him, the other half of her heart. If she had him by her side, she could conquer anything. He believed in her and always had, since she was a child.