Seeing Black

by Sidney Halston

  First, she pictured his smile, thin pouty lips curving at the edges, causing eyes as blue as the sea to crinkle at the sides. Rough blond stubble ran along his chin, up to his jawline and above his lips. Dark blond hair was tousled on top and shorter at the sides, creating a perfected, accidentally-on-purpose, masculine mess. His blue eyes looked down on her as she looked up and up and up to meet his gaze. She tried to picture how his penetrating stare made her feel, and instinctively, she clenched her heart with one hand and swiped a lone tear with the other. The look of utter adoration that seeped from his eyes took her breath away. Jillian held on to that feeling.

  She didn’t just picture him, as Rocco had taught her. “Picture the subject,” Rocco had said. “Think of all the details, hair, height, smell.” No, she took it a step further and pictured how he felt, which in turn caused her to picture how she felt. Suddenly, the crinkles around his eyes smoothed and contorted, and the corners of his lips lowered into a frown. His perfectly tousled mess, transformed into long unkempt hair, shielding the sides as his face as he looked down unto his lap. This sexy stubble became a full un-groomed beard. The deep blue sea that were his eyes were scarcely visible from the swell of water that flowed out of them.

  He sat on the floor talking with someone. No, yelling at someone. Jill made an effort to keep her focus on the horizon; although, the look of complete devastation on Alexander was almost more than she could bear. She had to know what made him so upset. She was in that room, in his bedroom. Alexander was flooding all her senses. She could see him. She could smell the fragrance of his fabric softener lingering in his bedroom. She could hear him sob and asking if someone was dead. No, demanding that she could not be dead. The only missing senses were touch and taste. She reached her hand forward as if he were sitting not a foot away from her in order to comfort him, to tell him he need not worry.

  The jerky motion of her arm must have startled Oreo, causing the horse to buck and neigh. Umpf! Immediately, Jill was back at Wonderland and being tossed back off her horse. The complete sense of loss was only masked by the pain that radiated from her index finger up to her arm. The commotion behind her caused her to whip her head back, while clutching her arm. One ranch hand was going after Oreo and the other, Colton, ran towards her with his phone on his ear. He crouched down and without words, began patting Jill’s ankles, legs, and arms. “Other than your arm, where does it hurt, darlin’?”

  “Just my arm.”

  “Stay still. Rocco’s sending a doctor over and will be back soon. He’s a few hours away. He says you gotta stay still.” Colton looked towards the house and then back at Jillian. “What happened?”

  “Don’t know.” Jill clenched her arm tighter, willing the tears at bay. “Oreo spooked and threw me off. But really, I’m fine. I think it’s just a little sprain.” She said, looking down at her already swollen wrist, but nothing hurt as much as her heart. Seeing Alexander in such pain hurt more than any physical injury.

  ***

  Jillian opened her eyes, climbed out of bed, and stretched her arms up to the ceiling. Immediately panic began to take hold. She couldn’t remember where she was. The last thing she remembered was arguing with Alexander and Paul and then meeting Rocco.

  “Don’t be frightened,” said a deep voice from the shadow by the window of her room.

  “Oh my God, Paul? Is that you?”

  “Yes, it’s me.”

  She took a step back. “What the hell are you doing here?” Something felt familiar, yet she was confused. They were doing their daily dance. He took a step forward, and she took one back. He reached around her and lifted her mattress and pulled out her notebook. “Here. Read. You’ve been doing so well these past few days. Something must’ve happened.”

  “No. Get out.”

  “Read it. You wrote it.”

  “If you don’t get out of here right now, I’ll scream.”

  “Shhh.” He took a cautious step towards her. “Read this. Please. It’ll explain everything.” She stared at him for a moment and then reached for the notebook but didn’t open it. “Where are you, Jill?”

  Jill looked at him, confused. “I’m at my ho—” But she stopped and looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings. Her heart began to pound. “Where? What?”

  “Breathe, Jill. This happens every time.”

  “Every time? What are you talking about?” She backed herself against the wall, in the midst of a full-blown panic attack.

  “If you read your own words from your own handwriting, you’ll understand. Please.” He carefully reached forward and took her hand in his and pulled her towards the bed so she could sit. “Just read it.”

  Slowly, Jill ran her hands along the leather and noticed the embossed PB initials. Then she opened it and began to read. She looked at Paul a few times, gasped a few times, and tears ran down her face the entire time. Twenty minutes later, she closed the notebook. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. “I know that you’re confused, and I wish I could do something, anything, to make this easier on you, but you have to believe me.” Jill nodded. It was a hazy, far-away memory, but she did indeed remember.

  “How’d you get in here?”

  “Remember, Jill. I’ve told you. Try to remember. Getting in isn’t easy. This is a fortress. There are cameras and security guards everywhere. So, when I was lucky enough to find Rocco here, one of his dozen homes—some of which are not under his name—then I had to figure out how to get through the obstacle course of this house.”

  “But how?”

  “I’ve been following Rocco and Josef my entire life. Still, I didn’t know about this house until a week before I saw you. It took me following him for months and months to find this place. It took a lot of research and patience. Finally, I found them one day when Rocco‘s bodyguard was careless and didn’t switch cars. I saw them pull into this house. Then it took me an entire week, working day and night, calling in favors of all kinds to figure out the security and the plans of the house. I have some friends that I’ve had to call in to help me with the security system. Getting to you daily is not something that happens on a whim. I had to figure out how to cut the line of the security system that leads to your room, and then I have to restore it when I leave. It hasn’t been easy.” Paul reached up and put a stray curl behind her ear. “But it’s been worth it. Seeing you alive that first morning, Jill . . . God, it was so worth it.

  The memories were slowly coming back.

  “So all those questions you were constantly asking me?”

  “What?”

  “I was just remembering those times when we were dating. You were always asking me questions.”

  “Yes, about your parents?” She nodded. “I wanted to know exactly what you knew. I had to make sure you weren’t in danger, and I just couldn’t come out and ask you, ‘Hey, I’ve been following you all these years, and I know you’re psychic and that your dad is an evil, evil man. Do you know he killed a bunch of people in a big drug bust and experimented with kids for years. Oh, and by the way you want to go on a second date?’ See, there’s not really a good way of asking.”

  She let out a snort. “Yeah, I guess that would’ve been strange.” After a moment, she looked up at him. “So you’re kind of like a stalker.”

  “How about we say that I’ve been your secret bodyguard.”

  “That’s what a stalker would say,” Jill said.

  “I’m sticking with bodyguard.” Paul winked.

  “No. I think lurker or stalker is more up your alley. At least this explains your creepiness.”

  “Creepiness?”

  “Yeah, I always got a weird, creepy vibe from you.”

  “But you didn’t exactly run, Jill. Jesus, you went away to a deserted cabin with me.”

  “I know. What does that say about me? I guess I’m kind of fucked up too.”

  “I wouldn’t say that, but you are too trusting, and that worries me.”

  “Paul.” She took a deep breath.
“I . . . I still—”

  “Don’t trust me?” She bobbed her head and gave him a regretful look. “I don’t blame you. I dropped quite a bomb on you, and I have been lying to you for the better part of a year, but you have to believe me, Jill. I did it to protect you. I swear it. You just can’t remember all the times I’ve been here in the last month and all the things I’ve told you.”

  “You manipulated me into thinking you had feelings for me just to protect me. I don’t think my mother would have approved of that kind of ploy in your attempt to thank her for helping you all those years ago.”

  “Jillian, I didn’t lie when I told you how I felt about you. I didn’t do all of this for your mother. I will admit it started that way, but that ended years ago. It was about you. This is going to sound creepy,” he winked, “but my feelings for you began so many years ago. It killed me to see you with other guys. I wasn’t around you twenty-four seven or anything. Sometimes I only checked up on you every few months, sometimes less than that, until recently, when I found out that Rocco knew of your existence. Then, yes, I did want you near me, but not just because of Rocco. I love you, Jill. I know you don’t love me, but it doesn’t matter because I love you, and you don’t have to say it back to me, but I do. I would risk anything to protect you. Look, I’m here, aren’t I?”

  “Paul,” she whispered. Her heart fluttered.

  “I know. I know. You’re in love with Alexander. I get it. I know. I was around when you’d dated other men, and I see the way you’re different with him. I can’t compete with that. I wish you’d look at me the way you look at him, but I know you don’t. That doesn’t make me love you less, and I will not quit until I get you out of here.”

  Speechless, all she could do was nod.

  “I have to go, Jillian. Remember to write all this down and don’t take any meds. The faster you remember, the faster I can get you out of here.”

  “Paul . . .” He turned around to face her. “Thank you for everything.”

  He stopped before walking out. “I know you still don’t trust me, but you will. I promise that I will get you out of here.” He was gone before she had a chance to say anything. She sat on her bed and began looking through the notebook. The last journal entry, just the evening before, alarmed her.

  “Fuck!” Jill whispered. How was she going to remember to warn Paul that his life was in danger if she couldn’t remember him when he came into the window. She remembered her vision and that he’d die saving her. She had to warn him; she just didn’t know how.

  ***

  The room was still dark. It must have been in the middle of the night when a pair of strong arms lifted her off her bed. Her eyes jolted open. An unfamiliar ogre-looking man carried her out the room. “What? Who?” Jill shook her head. “Who are you. Let me go!”

  “Good morning, dear,” It was Rocco’s voice. “Or should I say good evening.”

  “What are you doing, Rocco. What time is it?”

  “It’s a quarter to five in the morning. I have a little surprise for you.”

  “Let go of me.” The man just tightened his grip as Jillian fought her release. Rocco continued to speak as the three walked—well, two walked, and she was carried—to the laboratory.

  “Don’t you know how special you are? Josef and I searched high and low for others like us, and the only one I found has been you. There are over six billion people on this Earth. I’m sure there are other psychics, but we’ve only found you. We have to stick together.”

  Jill shook. She wasn’t at all sure what was happening. “Yes, but you manipulated me into staying.” She probably shouldn’t have let on that she knew, but she was scared, and it was the first thing that came out of her mouth.

  “I did no such thing. You are free to leave at any time.”

  “Liar!” She screamed at the top of her lungs.

  Rocco glanced at Josef, who had been standing by the gurney waiting for them. There was just the slightest nod from Rocco to Josef, barely noticeable, but Jill noticed.

  “What? No! What are you are doing?”

  “Darlin’, this is for your own good. You’re just confused.”

  Jill moved backwards, away from the two men. “Of course I’m fucking confused. You’ve been fucking with my head. I just want to leave. Please. I’ll help you, but I want to go home. Something’s wrong with Alexander. I need to see him. Please.”

  “You’re free to go. I’ve told you this.”

  She took a moment to think about it. “I can’t and you know it. I can’t leave this place. I swear I’ll come back. Let me just go see him. Something’s wrong. Please.”

  Suddenly, Josef was next to her. She didn’t know how he got there so fast, but there he was. Rocco walked towards her in slow but deliberate movements, and the Ogre-Man grabbed her hands behind her. She looked side to side, frantically. “What . . . W-what are you—?” Then there was blackness.

  ***

  When she awoke, she was still in the lab, but she was strapped to the gurney and couldn’t move. It took her eyes a few moments to adjust. She was lightheaded and slightly confused. Rocco and Josef stood a few feet away talking. Ogre-man was gone. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

  From the corner of her eye, she saw movement. She squinted but couldn’t quite make out what it was she was seeing. She tried to breathe and stop the panic that was building and building.

  “You’re awake, dear. Lovely.” He smiled at her, but she recoiled. “I’m sorry. You left me no choice but to tie you up. You were hysterical, and we were very worried. Are you ready to cooperate now?”

  When she didn’t answer, Rocco yanked the large syringe from Josef’s grip and stepped closer to her. “Why can’t you just understand that we must stick together. You’re my daughter. You have a talent that no one else has. We are better than other people. That Jacobs boy will never understand or put up with your visions. Maybe if you could learn to control them. You were doing well, but not well enough, and it’s taking too long. Don’t you want to know how to control them? That’s what you want, right?” Her wide eyes just stared at him. “Say something.”

  “This is my surprise? You drugging me?”

  “No. We are speeding things up for you. It’s for your own good. You’ll thank us.”

  For a few moments, she couldn’t say anything. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out at first. She tried again. “I don’t want to be anything like you!” she spat out. “You are an evil old man who wants to destroy me.”

  “That is completely untrue. Do you know how wonderful the world would be if people knew what others were thinking. Imagine a world where people were empathetic towards others. It would end wars and famine. People would be globally conscious.”

  “But I’m clairvoyant, not telepathic. We aren’t some sort of super human. We’re glorified tarot card readers. Yes, we can sometimes see the future, but we aren’t different from other people. We aren’t special. Anyway, I know enough about you two to know that you wouldn’t use whatever it is you learn about me to end famines! You’d use it to sell it to the highest bidder, most likely terrorists, someone who’d use it nefariously. Millions of dollars in research later, and you’ve discovered nothing! Some people have higher intelligence; some can run faster. We can see the future sometimes. Big fucking deal! We aren’t special.”

  Josef slammed his fists on the table. “To hell we’re not. We are special. We are better than the rest of the human race. You are special, and your children will be special and their children. I will make sure that the next generation can read other people’s minds. Being psychic is only the beginning. Telepathy is where we will really be above the human race. We will change the world.”

  She moved her head to look at her father. “Listen to him, Rocco. Your brother’s crazy.” She then moved her eyes down to look at Josef. “You sound like a mad scientist in a sci-fi movie. This is crazy. I should’ve listened to everyone.” She looked back at Rocco. �
��You don’t love me! You didn’t want to get to know me. You were using me for your crazy experiments.”

  Rocco went to place his hand on her shoulder, and she screamed. “No! Don’t touch me! When you touch me, I forget things.”

  Rocco touched her anyway. “That’s where you’re wrong. I thought I could teach you and you would feel the same way that I do, but now I see that you refuse. You’re stubborn and blind. You can’t see how special you are, more than I could ever be. The mere fact that you can bear children and continue our gene pool makes you special.”

  From the corner of her eye, she saw movement again; instinctively, her eye wandered, and Rocco’s face turned. “What are you looking at, child?”

  “N-nothing. Just thinking about your crazy, fucked-up world-domination plan.”

  Josef’s head fell back, and he roared out a laugh. “I’m trying to make the world a better place, not dominate it.”

  “You really think that’s true? So if you did, somehow, hit a breakthrough in your psychic warfare bullshit, and you were offered millions for the research, you’re telling me you wouldn’t sell it?”

  “The kind of things we are researching wouldn’t be sold for millions, darlin’. We’re talking about billions upon billions. We are changing everything, the ways wars are fought, for Christ’s sake.”

  “So you would sell it.” She snorted. “It’s about money.”

  “Everything has a price.”

  “Yeah, even your own daughter.”

  “Yes, darlin’, even my own stubborn daughter.” Without hesitation, he nodded at Josef, who pierced Jill’s skin with the needle he’d been holding. Jill screamed, both in pain and in shock. The next moment there was a scuffle, and the syringe fell to the floor.

  “What did you just put into her?” Paul had Rocco’s arm bent back on the cusp of being broken.

  “Who the hell are you?”