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Page 13
Early the following morning, we were on our way to the airport, thankfully, there was none of the emotion of our previous trip, as she was only going to be out of the country for a couple of days. After she had checked in, we walked to the gate and hugged tightly,
“You be careful, won’t you Mum?” she asked seriously.
“You too, have a great time and give my love to Damon, won’t you ?” I replied, at the mention of his name, she blushed slightly,
“I will, see you soon.”
I watched her stride confidently away, trying to remember if I had ever felt as totally besotted with someone as she was, even when I couldn’t, it didn’t seem to matter, I was just relieved to see her so happy and anxious to meet the man who was the cause.
When I arrived home, the house seemed very empty again, but I refused to give in to the threatening tide of loneliness and tried to think of something to occupy my mind, as I took off my coat, my eyes fell on the laptop, left open on the table. I sat down before it, with no real idea what I was going to do, until the vague notion of checking my e-mails drifted into my mind. As the page loaded, I was fairly sure the inbox would be filled with countless special offers from various supermarkets and dubious prize award schemes, when the list finally appeared, as I had predicted, a quick scan showed nothing very inspiring. I was on the point of signing out, when I noticed, right at the bottom of the page, an e-mail from Marcella, at first, I thought it was the same one from before, but a quick check of the date meant this was new and, as yet unread. For some inexplicable reason, I held my breath, I suddenly felt almost nervous, as I clicked on the message,
“Apologies for delay, Imelda has free appointment 7.30 on 24th, at usual place, no need for response, will assume you will be there.”
It took only a matter of seconds to absorb the content, but I read the sentence twice before I completely realised today was the 24th , I sat back in my chair, still unable to quite comprehend what was happening. I read the message again, but there was no mistake, no possible way I was misunderstanding, suddenly, in a mild state of panic, I glanced at the clock, when I saw it was still only early afternoon, I sighed with relief. But this respite of emotion was short-lived, when the reality hit home, I would be seeing Vanessa again in a few hours, I found myself embroiled in a heady mix of excitement and anticipation.
After switching off the computer, I flopped down on the sofa, my head now filled with questions and thoughts, all whirling around my mind, amidst the confusion, one rose above the rest, why had she really wanted to see me again ? When she had phoned me that night, was there something more to be said ? And was that something a goodbye ? Before I could wonder any more, I forced myself to stop, realising how quickly time can pass when you start dwelling on something, I forced myself out of both the sofa and my mind, to focus on getting ready.
Chapter 10
Only a matter of hours later, I was in a taxi fast approaching the hotel, as we got nearer, the butterflies in my stomach seemed to have given up fluttering and were now recklessly careering around my whole body. I glanced out of the window, the hotel loomed up in front of us, just as the cab driver switched on the car’s indicator, I suddenly noticed a small group of photographers slumped on one of the outside walls. I scanned their faces, looking for the pudgy-faced man who, for a time, had seemed to be everywhere I was, at first, I didn’t see him, but as the cab started to turn, he came into view. He was standing under one of the trees, having what seemed to be something of an irate phone call, his large, flabby arms were gesticulating wildly, making the cameras resting on his fat stomach, swing randomly from one side to the other. For a moment, I contemplated the idea of my rushing through the entrance, while he was so obviously distracted, but when I remembered how he had once managed to pick my face out from within a crowd, this notion seemed nothing short of foolish. Knowing I needed a moment to think, I leant forward to speak to the driver,
“Can we go round the block please? I’m a bit early.”
“Alright by me, darlin’, it’s your money,” he replied, somehow, he managed to change the direction of the cab at the last minute and rejoin the traffic, most of which seemed more than happy to show their displeasure at this move.
The driver just laughed good-naturedly at one angry woman, as she unleashed a torrent of abuse,
“And a lovely day to you too,” he called back, before the cab sped forward again, as he seemed totally occupied, I tried to decide what to do next as, clearly, I could hardly drive round and round London all night. At first, there seemed no answer, but, after a couple of moments, it came to me, when I remembered how I had sneaked in through the back door before. I leant forward again,
“Can you take me to the back of the hotel?” I asked.
“I can take you anywhere you want to go, my love,” he replied cheerily, “Hold on.”
The cab swerved quickly to the left, causing me to make a grab for the door handle to stop myself falling off the seat completely. Within moments, we were speeding down a narrow street which, at first glance, seemed far too small for the cab to fit safely, I would have felt anxious had it not been for the drivers’ apparent total confidence.
“There it is, you sure you want to be dropped here?" he said dubiously, I looked out the window, there was no question, the back had absolutely none of the glamour of the entrance, but from my point of view, the sight of only a couple of staff throwing rubbish bags into a large bin, made it infinitely more welcoming. After thanking the driver for all his help, I paid him, considerably more than the actual cost, when he realised, he beamed at me,
“Thank you darlin’, look after yourself.”
Before I had a chance to reply, the cab started swinging into reverse and disappeared back up the narrow street and out of sight. As I turned back to the hotel, the two staff eyed me with suspicion, one muttered something to the other who nodded in agreement, I took a deep breath and walked confidently towards them. As I reached the doors, I smiled politely at them and sailed through without pausing, trying to give the impression, I belonged, in the hope they wouldn’t feel moved to stop me somehow. Within seconds of entering, the sheer heat from the kitchens hit me like a wall, almost taking my breath away, I barely had time to move when a man dressed in white noticed me and strode towards me. His spiky hair was almost white blonde, his face was thin and pale, although his clothes had seemed white from a distance, as he came nearer, the apron tied round his waist bore the evidence of all the meals he had ever prepared.
“What do you want?” he barked, “We don’t allow anyone back here !”
I was taken aback by just the sheer forced of his tone, as I hesitated, he came nearer and nearer, until he was only inches from me,
“Don’t just stand there ! Either say something or piss off, some of us have got work to do !”
Thankfully, I found not only my voice, but a degree of irritation at the way he spoke,
“If you could resist the temptation to shout in my face, I would be very grateful,” I replied calmly, my tone completely threw him for a moment, but when he heard a couple of the staff start to giggle behind him, he quickly regained his composure,
“So, what do you want?” he asked again, with equal aggression, his pale eyebrows now so furrowed, they met in the middle of his sweaty forehead.
“Albert is expecting me, so if you don’t mind letting him know I’m here,” I replied icily, the mere mention of the name, instantly changed his mood, but only slightly,
“You’d better come through,” he said grudgingly, before marching through the steaming kitchen, barking orders and abuse at the staff, as he went, with me following behind. At the end of the kitchen were two sets of swing doors, he slammed through them, just before they clattered into me, I quickly raised my hand and managed to stop one, giving myself time to get through unharmed. He glanced back, clearly slightly amused,
“You really are delightful, aren’t you?” I said sarcastically.
“I’m not paid
to be nice, I’m paid to run the kitchen, which I’d like to get back to,” he answered bluntly, before turning away from me to stride up a carpeted hallway. I almost stomped after him, this man was – without question – the rudest man I had ever met, with all the charm of a stormtrooper,
“Are you married?” I asked with apparent politeness.
“Divorced,” he snapped back.
“What a surprise !” I answered, again with a hefty dose of sarcasm, he paused and turned to face me,
“If you weren’t so full of it, I could probably get to like you.”
“And if you weren’t quite so obnoxious, I could probably get to tolerate you !” I replied firmly, he laughed loudly, before pushing open a large, ornate door,
“You’ll find Albert through there,” he said, nodding towards the reception desk.
“Thank you,” I replied curtly, as I was about to walk, I felt his hand on my arm,
“You didn’t say what your name was,” he asked, I turned to him, all the anger had now drained from his face, leaving him looking almost pleasant ,but not enough to erase the memory of how he had spoken earlier,
“No, I didn’t, did I?” I replied, “And you were so charming, as well.”
He cackled again, before heading back towards the kitchen, I waited until he had gone through the doors, within moments, I heard him yelling at some poor unfortunate person once more, clearly his good moods were as fleeting as his manners. Any thought of him left my mind as I glanced around the vast lobby, almost immediately I saw Albert hovering by the front doors , he kept looking anxiously through the windows before glancing at his watch, then back outside again. I walked quickly towards him, when our eyes met, he could barely contain his relief, he had probably been concerned I would be unable to gain entry, without being seen. He beamed and raced over to me, after warmly shaking my hand, we headed to the elevators, while we waited, he confirmed what I had suspected. As I told him about my encounter with the chef, his professionalism deserted him for a moment, as huge smile spread across his face,
“That’s Justin, he doesn’t like people in his kitchen, even the hotel manager makes an appointment, and to go in there when he’s really working.....” he shook his head, “Well, you don’t, not if you want to come out alive !”
“I can’t imagine why anyone would want to go in there,” I replied dubiously, “I feel sorry for the staff.”
Suddenly Albert looked almost serious,
“Don’t, not one of them would change jobs, because they know a hundred other people would love to be where they are, he’s the best.”
“I’m still not sure,” I answered, still unconvinced any amount of genius would be enough for me. Our debate was cut short as the elevator arrived and the doors slid silently open, Albert issued the floor number to the attendant, before extracting a promise I would call on him, if there was anything else I needed. I thanked him and stepped into the lift, as the doors closed, the butterflies seemed to awaken and begin their crazed dance in my stomach once more, my mind seemed unable or unwilling to prepare any words for me to say, when I met Vanessa, so when I was outside the door of her suite, I was still no better prepared. I quickly checked my reflection in the hallway mirror, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
The door opened to reveal Frank standing there, before I had a chance to say anything, he swept me up in his huge, bear-like arms,
“Hello sweetheart, it’s so good to see you,” he said, his broad smile bright enough to illuminate a whole room, just as I had remembered.
“Hello Frank, how are you?” I gasped.
“For God’s sake, Frank, let the poor woman breathe,” said a familiar voice, on hearing the clipped English accent, I knew it had to be Marcella, Vanessa's assistant, but I couldn’t see her over Frank’s massive shoulder. He sighed heavily, before releasing me and taking a step back,
“You’re looking good,” he said admiringly, “How do you think I’m doin’?” he asked, a mischievous twinkle sparkled in his large, brown eyes. I eyed him up and down, for a moment, as if taking in every detail,
“Frank, I would have to say,” I paused, he looked at me expectantly, “I didn’t think it was possible, but you’re even more handsome than I remembered !”
He chuckled, before theatrically adjusting his tie and cuffs,
“I am pretty sharp, can’t argue there.”
Marcella appeared beside him, she looked at him disdainfully, rolled her eyes and turned to me,
“Carrie, it is good to see you, clearly you managed to avoid the waiting pack of dogs outside.”
“Yes, I came through the kitchens,” I explained, “It seemed safer, Marcella, that photographer’s out there, you know, the pudgy one from before.”
She frowned, before quickly assuring me, she would try and deal with the situation, almost distractedly she took my bag and jacket, as if she had already set her mind in motion for an appropriate plan. As the three of us walked to the large sofas, the bedroom door opened, causing us to look up in unison, there was Vanessa. I had not been sure what to expect, after all, she had been in an accident, but at first glance, although she was slightly thinner, there was nothing obviously different. Her sleek, brown hair falling in loose folds across her shoulders, her large eyes framed by slightly-arched, thin eyebrows and her perfectly-glossed lips turned up slightly at the corners, giving the impression of wry amusement. Without moving from her place in the doorway, she looked directly at me, as when we had first met, it was as if she could see right through me,
“Hello, Carrie, it’s so good to see you again, thank you for coming,” her voice was quiet and calm.
“I told you, I always would,” I answered, suddenly aware despite every one of those butterflies having now gone completely, I was somehow unable to move, Vanessa smiled thoughtfully,
“That’s right, you did, I remember.”
For a moment, no-one spoke, until Marcella finally broke the almost-awkward silence,
“Come on, Frank, I feel we should be somewhere else now, am I right?” she glanced at Vanessa who nodded slightly, on seeing this gesture, Frank followed Marcella to the door and the pair left the room. Despite their departure, I still seemed frozen to the spot and Vanessa made no move either,
“How have you been, Carrie?” she asked.
“Fine, I’ve been fine,” I stammered back, before suddenly blurting out the fact I had no idea what to say or how to behave, or indeed anything else, Vanessa smiled broadly and the perceived tension evaporated instantly. We approached each other with outstretched arms and hugged tightly,
“God, it’s good to see you,” I whispered truthfully, “I was so worried when I heard about the accident, I wanted to call you, or write or do something so you’d know I hadn’t forgotten...” Vanessa put her finger over my lips to stop my chattering,
“It’s OK, Carrie, I knew,” she replied quietly, she threaded her arm through mine and led me to the sofa, where we sat down. She carefully poured us both a large glass of wine, handed one to me ,before settling back against the bank of cushions,
“The doctors say I shouldn’t, but what the hell, one glass won’t hurt,” as she took a sip, her whole face reflected the pleasure in this simple gesture.
“How are you now? ” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
“I’m OK, Ryan got pretty beaten up,” she paused, becoming momentarily lost in her own thoughts, before adding how lucky they had been to walk away from such an accident and taking another sip of wine.
“Anyway, the whole world seems to know about me, tell me about you,” she insisted, clearly happier to change the subject than dwell on the memory. At first, she listened intently as I started to explain about the wedding and Lainie coming home, but as I spoke, I started to get the distinct feeling she was waiting for me to say something in particular, but I just wasn’t sure what that could be. I knew her patience had finally run out, when she put her glass down and looked at me steadily,
 
; “Are you seeing anyone Carrie?” she asked, her tone as direct as her gaze.
“No,” I replied, “There was someone, it was nothing serious though, I’m not sure what it was actually.”
The slight humour in my answer did nothing to detract from her now-total focus,
“What happened?” she persisted.
“I just wasn’t comfortable about how I felt with him,” I replied, realising for some reason, she needed me to be completely honest, “I even ended up going to see a counsellor to try and make sense of it all.”
Vanessa looked vaguely surprised,
“Fuck,this guy must have really screwed you up.”
“No, he didn’t, that isn’t fair,” I said defensively,” I was already messed up, he just made me see how bad, anyway, it's over now."
We both sipped our wine in silence, Vanessa looked slightly troubled, it was obvious from her questions there was something more going on , I just wished she would reveal the issue sooner rather than later. Finally, after several more minutes, it was my turn to run out of patience,
“Are you ever going to tell me what this is about?” I said, sounding sharper than I had originally intended, “Or are we just going to sit here in silence?” I banged my glass down on the table and turned to look at her, her eyes suddenly seemed to fill with untold sadness,
“Before the accident, Ryan had asked me to marry him, we were so happy, that’s why I called you that night, I wanted to tell you, do you remember? You were half-asleep?”
“I remember, for days afterwards, I was sure I’d dreamt the whole thing,” I answered ruefully, “Anyway, you were saying?”
“But now, he’s gone back to the States and I’m here, alone,” she said sadly. I was dumfounded, as there was clearly a large part of this story she hadn’t told yet, when I asked, she stood up from the sofa ,wandered over to the fireplace and stared blankly ahead for a moment, before turning to face me,
“I broke off the engagement because I knew he wouldn’t want me, not like I am now.”