Wherever My Heart Roams (Brides of the West Series Book Nine)

by Rita Hestand

  "You sure look nice Sis," Daniel remarked.

  "Thank you Daniel."

  "Yeah, I didn't hardly recognize her," Matthew spouted.

  Mark was quiet, he didn't talk a lot, but he was smiling which Beth was glad to see.

  "You kids get washed up for supper and maybe you should wake Mrs. Cahill up now." Her mother suggested.

  "All right mother." Beth nodded.

  It seemed so strange that Martina wasn't here, Beth shook off the blue feeling that assailed her. She really did need to talk to her though.

  ~*~

  While her mother and Mother Cahill sat and talked and started making a stew for the next day, Beth decided it was time to talk to Martina. The Savage place wasn't but a few miles down the road. She remembered it wasn't that much of a place, but maybe Martina could fix it up. When she tried Martina could really fix things up nice.

  As she walked up to the house, she saw the missing shingles on the roof, the broken glass in the front room. The porch had a hole in it, it was quiet and Beth knocked on the door.

  No one answered. It wasn't locked so she went inside. She didn't see anyone, so she looked around. There were dirty dishes in the sink, bugs crawling all over them and the dust was incredible.

  She happened to open the bedroom door and caught Martina, in bed, trouble was, she wasn't alone, and it wasn't her husband.

  "Martina?" She gasped and shut the door quickly. It took Beth a full minute to recover from the shock. Disheartened, she moved away from the door. She felt sick at her stomach.

  Of all the things she expected to see, it wasn't that. Here she was married and had barely even made love to her husband and her sister was in there with a man…not her husband!

  She put her hand over her mouth and flopped into a chair in the kitchen, stunned. She didn't know things were this bad, how could she help her?

  Directly Martina came out, dressed in a long robe and glared at her. "Well, look at you…dressed like one of them citified ladies. Your hair all fixed up nicely, and red lips. Aren't you the grand lady?"

  Martina's nose snarled, and her voice dripped with sarcasm.

  "Martina, what in the world do you think you are doing?" Beth tried not to sound over condescending but her sister knew better.

  "Well, I think by now, you should know…" Martina shot her a sly smile.

  "But that isn't your husband in there."

  "He's gone out the back. And no, it wasn't John. I guess I've shocked you. My, my."

  Beth didn't know where to begin. Martina was no longer the sweet little girl she used to be. She was a vixen. There was an air about her that Beth recognized but didn't care for. If she were any other person, she'd call her a whore. But this was her sweet sister. Or it used to be.

  "I just have one word. Why?" Beth knew she sounded witchy, but she couldn't tolerate what Martina was doing.

  "You left me, with a warning to find myself a man. So I found one, John courted me for a month, then we got married. At first I thought it would be grand. I imagined all kinds of things. But that was little girl thinking. I ended up in this dump."

  "What happened?"

  "Well…he's not very good in bed." Martina complained. "For starters."

  "And you are?" Beth's eyes widened that she would say such a thing.

  "Well, if you must know. Yes…I am." Martina snickered and saw the displeasure on her sister's face. "Don't you dare judge me. You've done it, I'm sure."

  "Yes, I've done it, with my husband."

  Martina's eyes rounded on her now in disbelief. "So, you got no call to judge me."

  Beth swallowed her pride. This was Martina she was talking to, not the church choir.

  "No I have no right to judge you. You are right. But you are my sweet little sister, and I never imagined this for you. Never!"

  Martina flopped down on a chair and stared, "So you're Miss Prim and Proper are you? Come here to judge me, like the rest. I never thought you would. I never thought you'd turn your nose up at me."

  "Martina, this isn't like you. Look at you, you aren't dressed and it's the middle of the day, your hair's a mess, this place is a mess…What is wrong?"

  Martina lit a cigarette from her robe pocket and blew smoke in her face.

  Beth turned her head.

  "I don't love him. I'm married to him, but I don't love him. And I can't get out of it. He won't give me a divorce."

  "You haven't been married long enough to know if it will work or not. You have to try. And you need to stop doing what you are doing. You know that."

  "Hey, this is my marriage, not yours. I don't love him. It was a mistake. How did I know it would turn out this way? Pa shoved him off on me, and I don't love him. I'm miserable. I want to go home, but Pa won't let me come home. John refuses to give me a divorce. So I cheat on him…and he knows all about it. It doesn't upset him unless he's drunk and as long as I give him some."

  "Some what?"

  "Some loving, of course." Martina's brow shot up. "Boy, you are something. So naïve."

  "But Martina, you'll get a bad reputation. Have you even given it some consideration?" Beth's brows met in the middle of her forehead and she found herself flushing.

  "First time someone comes along and wants to take me out of here, I'm leaving…and I won't be back." Martina affirmed. "I don't care what the old biddies around here think."

  "You don't mean that…"

  "Oh I darn sure do. You weren't gone any time at all and Pa decided it was time for me to marry. He just couldn't wait to get rid of me. And John…he was great when he courted me, but now that we're married, he just goes off to work in the fields and forgets I'm here. I’m alone all the time. I hate it here." Martina almost cried but she didn't let the tears fall. "Well look around you, there's bugs all over the kitchen, the curtains are torn, the bed's worn out. I hate it here."

  "This is Pa's fault. You were too young to marry. And he had no reason to push you out, Wade set up an account at the General Store, so no one would go hungry. There is no reason for this. I'll speak to Pa about it. But if I get him to let you come home, you can't be sleepin' with every man that asks you, Martina. Do you understand?"

  "I like it, Beth. With everyone but John that is…"

  "Martina, if you come home, there will be none of that, understand?"

  Martina sullied up her lip and frowned. "I ain't sure I can say no. I'm not sure I want to. I got men that pay me for it."

  "My God!" Beth frowned at her. "What's come over you?"

  "I tried it, and I liked it. That's what. I could go to a big city like Dallas or Ft. Worth and make all kinds of money in one of them saloons."

  "But you're talking like a hussy." Beth hollered at her now. "Look at this place. You were raised better than this Martina."

  The frustration in Beth's voice had Martina glancing about. "Well, at home all of us kids helped out. Here I don't have no help." Then her face turned cold and her frown was cemented into her face. "Pa sold me down the river, just so he wouldn't have to feed me. So he can go out and gamble. I hate him!"

  "Martina!"

  "It don't bother you, even a little that he sold you down the river too?"

  "I'm leaving…I'll be back. I love you Martina, remember that, will you?"

  She hugged her sister and shook her head.

  As she walked home she wanted to cry. How could this have happened?

  But Martina ran after her, "Beth," she pulled at her arm, "Don't talk to Pa."

  Beth stopped and stared into her worried brown eyes, "Why not?"

  "It's too late…" She ran back. "I can't go back to how it was. Not now!" She cried.

  Beth sighed heavily as the tears rolled down her cheek. Maybe it was too late…

  Chapter Nineteen

  As night fell Beth and Mrs. Cahill sat on the front porch, listening to the cricket and frogs in the distance. A blanket of stars shone like diamonds above them. A couple of magnolia trees perfumed the air, and the dogwood colored the y
ard. Her parents had learned to cultivate them to perfection. There were wild plums growing in the distance. Beth loved picking them when the fruit ripened and making jelly with them

  "It sure looks peaceful here." Mother Cahill sighed.

  "Yes, most times it is peaceful." Beth said with a tired voice.

  "Something wrong dear?" She seemed to sense something in Beth's voice.

  "No…I'm just missing Wade…" She said softly. "And my sister."

  "We're probably safer here for the time being. Poor Wade he's being put in a position I wouldn't want."

  "Mother Cahill, if Wade spies for the North will you be disappointed in him?" Beth asked. The sincerity of the question demanded a truthful answer.

  She looked at Beth with understanding and a slow smile, "No dear, I'm more like you on that, whatever he decides to do is all right with me. I just wish he wasn't in such danger, juggling both of them on that boat. I feel no matter what he does, he'll be in danger. The Confederate officers have been very rude to him. They've practically accused him of sloughing off the war. The south wonders why he hasn't enlisted, the north wonders if they can trust him. Wade just wants to keep his boat safe during all of this and fight for what is right. Despite the fact that I'm a southerner, I don't believe in slavery, never did. I don't agree with the north altogether either, but thank God I'm not a man. I'm not sure I'd know which way to turn. But Beth, one thing I must warn you of. The way we feel, we can't be voicing that to anyone but each other. It isn't safe you know?"

  Beth nodded. "That's kind of how I feel too. I wish they had been right about this war, that it would be over quickly. I don't see that happening. It seems to put everyone's life on hold."

  "It has, and it's destroying a lot of lives in the meantime."

  "I hate dwelling on the war, but I am so worried for Wade."

  "Wade is very strong, he got that from his father."

  "From what you've told me about his father, he was quite a man." Beth smiled.

  "I miss him every day."

  "But Ma was right about one thing. You can't come home after you marry. It's just not the same…It feels so different to me here now."

  Mother Cahill nodded sadly. "You can visit. Show them you love them, but no, it's never the same again. You have a lovely family though dear. And have faith that your sister will see the light. Sometimes it takes longer for some to grow up."

  "You're sweet for saying that." Beth smiled at her.

  "When you are older dear you will learn that there are skeletons in every closet and that you have to learn to accept them and go on and love them for who they are, not what you think they should be. As a child you see only the good in your family. As adult I'm afraid we see more of the bad. But it doesn't matter, they are still family."

  Beth ran to her and hugged her. "I love you Mother Cahill. You help me put things in perspective."

  "And I love you Beth, like the daughter I never had."

  ~*~

  Two days later Beth cornered her father in the barn, to talk to him.

  "I want to talk to you about Martina, Pa." Beth told him as she watched him scattering the hay.

  He stared at her a long time. His eyes going over her with perception. "I knew you would."

  "I don't mean to be judgmental. But, tell me how could you marry her off like that, Pa?" Beth's accusing voice took her father by surprise.

  "Worked with you, didn't it?" Her Pa turned away to spread the hay about the stall.

  "You've no right to do this." Beth pulled at his arm.

  He turned to face her. "I guess there is one rule of thumb we neglected to tell you, daughter. We owe you as your parents until you are of age, after that, it is up to you to start making decisions for yourself and think on your own. She was of age, I done what I thought best for her. John Savage has a place of his own, he's a good man, and he was interested in her. And…she was interested in him....at the time at least."

  "Yes, apparently, until she married him." Beth shook her head. "She might have been of age, but she wasn't ready for the world yet, Pa. Can't you see the difference"

  "How could I know how she'd act?" He hollered. "When you've had children of your own, then you can tell me if I was right or wrong. But there comes a time in everyone's life that they have to grow up and take responsibility for their own actions."

  "We aren't cows, Pa. We're people, we got feelings. You can't make all the girls marry because you and Ma had too many children. You wanted us all, so we could help run this farm. But you forgot you'd have to feed and clothe us too. How could you do this to her Pa?" Beth cried. "Your gambling is not her fault, nor mine. It's time you faced up to that. You can feed all of us, it is hard, yes, but you can do it. You just don't have money to go gamble on. It's money you don't have that's driving you to send your children into marriage. You think you'll have more by getting rid of us."

  Her Pa turned on her then, his anger unleashed. "Now you lookie here. I raised her right. We taught her just like we taught you, by the good book. I can't be responsible for her going wild. Who'd have thought it? I'm as ashamed as you are. I can't turn her back. I can't take her back."

  Beth shook her head, "You think in terms of animals Pa, not humans. Martina wasn't mature enough. Neither was I, but Wade was gentle and understanding with me. It was Wade that made things good for us. I see that now. I fell in love with him Pa. I aim to keep my vows. But…if you marry another sister of mine off to a man she doesn't want, I might just kill you Pa…" She said and ran out of the barn in tears.

  He didn't run after her. He was stunned and he didn't work anymore that day.

  Mother Cahill and her mother got along famously and she was glad of that. She realized she was taking all he anger out on her father for what Martina did, and that wasn't fair, but her anger had to spew. It had to.

  There were more Indian raids on the other side of the creek that day, they saw the smoke. They knew what it meant.

  "Have you notified the authorities of the raids?" Beth asked her father that same evening, knowing he wasn't in the best of moods for her nagging.

  "The authorities as you call them are more than ninety miles away, no, I haven't." He frowned at her. "But you can get in that fancy buggy of yours and go tell them if you want, little good it will do you. They got their hands full right where they are. The Masterson's already did that for your information. You can't come home and be here one or two days and know everything that goes on. The Indian raids are something the whole community knows about. Word has been sent, but you see how quickly they are moving up here to do somethin' about it. Don't you?"

  Mother Cahill heard him shout and Beth's mother's face flushed with embarrassment. "I’m sorry for this."

  "Don't you fret. All families have ruckus every now and then. These are trying times. Between the Indians and the war, it's not a good time for anyone."

  "Thank you for understanding."

  "They promised to send some troops up here the first chance they got." Her mother explained.

  "It's hard to fight two wars at the same time." Mother Cahill remarked.

  "The best I can do is keep my barn locked and the shutters in working order." Her Pa told them.

  "Are there Indians on your boat?" Joan asked as she came and crawled up in Beth's lap.

  "No darling, but there are Yankees and Confederates all over the place with their guns." Beth explained.

  "What does a Yankee look like, Beth?" Joan asked.

  "The same as a Confederate…" Beth had to laugh.

  "If they are the same, why are they fighting."

  "Lord only knows…" Beth muttered.

  "I like Wade, is he kin to me now?" Joan asked.

  "Well, yes, he's your brother-in-law." Beth explained. Joan got down and went to tell Janet.

  Mother Cahill laughed. "This reminds me of my family. Kids all over the place, and something going on all the time."

  John the black man had left with a message for Wade that Beth would ret
urn in a few weeks.

  Somehow she wanted to stay long enough to help Martina. If that were possible.

  ~*~

  The next day she headed over to Martina's house. She hoped she didn't find another man in the house.

  She was prepared to wash the dishes, and sweep the floors and make the bed, and hopefully talk some sense into her sister. Her hopes were high, but maybe if Martina realized that not that much had changed, she'd see things differently.

  That was her hope. But it failed miserably.

  What she found was John sitting at the kitchen table, his hands folded in prayer.

  "Where is she, John?" Beth asked breathlessly as she joined him at the table.

  "She done run off, Beth. She left this note." He handed it to her.

  Dear John and family,

  I've moved on, I hope you all can understand. John won't divorce me and I can't live there any more. We don't love each other and I want a better life. Please understand I love my family, but I won't bring shame and dishonor on them for what I do. And John all I can say is, I'm sorry…

  Martina

  Beth stared at the letter for a long while and tears came rolling down her cheek. "She's gone…"

  "I was pretty sure she didn't love me when I married her, but I was lonely and thought having her with me would make everything better for both of us. But in many ways, Martina was still just a child. Maybe that's what I liked about her most. She was childlike. Someone to cuddle with and all. I couldn't keep her. She was like a wild filly."

  "I saw that in her John when I come home. I didn't want to admit it, but I saw it. I did. I'm so sorry."