Something Other than Fear

by Taylor, Kerry

  “She’s badly dehydrated and nothing more than skin and bone. Underweight doesn’t even begin to cover it Matt. She’s malnourished and has been for some months.” Jack explained as I made my way to her bedside.

  “I’m here Darling” I whispered as I reached down to gently kiss her bruised cheek. “You’re safe now, I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I promise Lucy. Just rest and think about getting strong.”

  JACK

  I paced back and forth outside Lucy’s room as the on call attending from gynaecology examined her. Matt had stayed with her and I hated to think of the pain he was going through in there, having to hear what had been done to his sister.

  Lucy had yet to wake up. She was heavily sedated by the pain meds she needed to be on. Matt had sat with her for the last hour as Rob and I had gone in and out to check on them both periodically. I knew each time I spoke to Matt, that he was in hell, watching a person he loved more than anything suffering so.

  It was a hell I had been forced to witness first-hand a long time ago. My mother had fled from my father when I was six, after he near killed her for the last time. I had witnessed horrendous attacks my entire young life and the images were permanently imprinted in my mind. Seeing Lucy, in the state she was in brought those images of my mother back and even more anger consumed me. I had never been able to get justice for my mother, her monster had killed himself with a drug overdose when I was ten, but I would get justice for Lucy. I had seen in Matt’s eyes he meant to make Phil pay for what he had done and when he did I would be right there with him.

  Finally Matt came out of Lucy’s room about twenty minutes later and he was as pale as I had ever seen him.

  “Matt?” I approached him and he instantly placed a hand on my shoulder to steady himself. He seemed to be in shock. “You good man?”

  “No……no, I’m really not.” He whispered. “She…..Lucy…….The doctor said she’s been raped…...not once, but many times. She said they must have been viscous, apparently there’s bad scarring. He raped her Jack, over and over again. All I can think is how desperately I want to find that Bastard and rip his fucking head off!” Matt hissed.

  “I know man, I know, but right now Lucy needs you. We’ll get revenge, don’t worry about that, but right now we focus on Lucy and getting her strong, yeah?” Matt looked at me, and he looked pretty broken himself. He nodded and took a deep breath.

  “I……I should get back in there.” He whispered.

  “No. Go and get some air and a coffee and try to calm down for a few. I’ll stay with her. She’s going to be out for hours; she’ll be fine with me.” I suggested firmly.

  “Thanks mate.” He whispered. He took a deep breath and turned towards reception. I headed for Lucy’s room, taking deep breaths myself the whole way.

  LUCY

  After getting to the safety of my brother and allowing the darkness to wash over me, I had been in a place of bliss, a deep dark sleep, free of fear and too deep for my constant hellish nightmares to invade. There had just been peace and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to wake from it, but after what felt like days, the world started to come back to me.

  First I heard the constant beep of a monitor and I knew I was in hospital, then distant voices started to come to me. Eventually the weights which seemed to be holding my eyes closed, lightened up and I was able to force them open. I looked up to a stark white ceiling which cemented the knowledge I was in hospital. Pain hit me quickly, across my abdomen and shooting pains up my back. I tried to move my hand to investigate the injuries, but I couldn’t make any part of me move. As I began to panic frantically I felt someone take my hand and then a second later Matt appeared before me.

  “It’s ok darling, stay calm. You’re alright.” He soothed gently as he leant down and kissed my forehead.

  “You’re here?” I whispered so weakly.

  “Of course I’m here Lucy. I’m not going anywhere.” He said firmly.

  “You’re here.” I reassured myself. Tears ran down my swollen face and stung as they hit each cut on the way down.

  “Hey. Come on now, don’t cry.” Matt soothed as he wiped away my tears. “You’re going to be fine Darling. I don’t want you to worry anymore, everything is going to be fine.” I fought hard to make my hand grip his and I managed to squeeze it a little. “Rest now Lucy. I’m staying right here with you, I promise.”

  I didn’t want to sleep. I was scared Matt would disappear and I would wake to find it had been a dream having him there, but I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. My eyelids were too heavy to fight and I drifted back into the heavenly darkness once again.

  The next time I woke up I was relieved to find Matt right where I had left him. I felt a little lighter and was able to move my head to the side to look at him sat on a chair beside the bed I lay in.

  “Hi Darling,” He whispered as he smiled at me reassuringly.

  “Hi” I replied, my voice weak and shaky. “Where are we?” I asked, needing to know I was, as I thought, far away from Phil.

  “Chicago general, where I work.”

  “Why…..I…..I can’t move, why?” Was I paralysed? I was terrified of the answer, but I had to know.

  “You’re on a lot of pain medication, and you’re pretty banged up. You had to have surgery for some internal bleeding. It’ll take time to get your strength back, but you will. You’re going to make a good recovery Darling, don’t worry.”

  I was about to ask about Phil, if he had tried to follow me or called Matt, but before I could force the words out a tall man in navy scrubs walked in and studied me. He was handsome, standing at a good 6”1 or 6”2, lean and heavily muscled. His hair was a dark blonde colour and spiked up immaculately. He had a strong defined jaw and bright blue eyes that sparkled across the room.

  “Well, look who’s awake!” He said cheerily as he beamed the most uplifting smile across at me.

  “She just woke up.” Matt replied.

  “How are you feeling?” The stranger asked. His voice was so familiar to me, but my fuzzy brain couldn’t place it.

  “Ok” I answered shakily. He stepped up to my side opposite Matt and I panicked. I gripped Matt’s hand tighter and he squeezed back reassuringly. The stranger fiddled with the IV I was hooked up to and then picked up the clipboard which sat at the foot of the bed and started to write on it.

  “Vitals are good Matt. I think we can start to lessen the morphine a little, see if we can get you awake a little more hey sweet?” He looked down at me and smiled again and suddenly it dawned on me. I knew that voice very well!

  “Jack?” I whispered questioningly.

  “In the flesh honey!” He joked. Tears filled my eyes as I relaxed, so relieved that he and Matt were there with me. I may never have met Jack, never have actually seen him, but I knew him, and I loved him. In the countless times we had spoken on the phone I had gotten to know him better than anyone, except Matt, that I had ever known. He had been there with me through my toughest moments, especially in the last months when I hadn’t had Matt to turn to. Even though I could never tell him exactly what had happened, I always sensed he knew, and he had chatted to me through moments when I had lost all hope and completely given up. Without his calls I’d have ended it all in those last months. He had been all that had kept me strong enough to keep living. I reached out my left hand, which was partly covered by a pot on my wrist, and Jack noticed and took it in his.

  “Is it over?” I asked him. He looked right into my eyes and smiled softly.

  “Yes Sweet. It’s over, you’re thousands of miles away and safe now. It’s all over.” He reassured. I held both of their hands tightly as I cried with relief. It was over. I had escaped Phil and I would live. It was time to move on and start again. I could learn to live a new life, I had to. I hadn’t survived hell to dwell on it forever. This was my life, whether I wanted it or not. I had to start living it in something other than fear.

  “What about Phil?” I had to ask. I had to know if
he was looking for me.

  “What about him?” There was a sharpness to Matt’s voice when he said that which startled me, and I wondered if he thought I still cared for Phil.

  “Has he contacted you? He’ll be looking for me Matt.”

  “You don’t need to worry about that man anymore Lucy. He will never get near you again, I promise Honey. You’re safe now.” Jack reassured me. “Just try to get some rest. You need to concentrate on getting strong again.” I looked back to Matt and saw the stress on his face. He seemed to be in pieces, and I was so sorry to have brought it all to his door.

  “Try not to look so worried please Matt. It’s over, I survived. We’ll be ok now, won’t we?” I just wanted to take some of his pain away.

  “Of course we will Darling. You’re right. It’s over.” He agreed and I knew he was forcing the smile he showed me, “Now get some rest like Jack said, ok?” Was he angry with me? Something was definitely off when he spoke to me.

  “Will you stay with me?” I asked nervously. The thought of being alone terrified me.

  “One of us will be with you the whole time honey.” Jack said softly and he brushed his hand over the back of mine. I nodded a little and then allowed my heavy eyes to close. I was alive and I was safe, two things I had not felt for a long time.

  JACK

  I stood and held her hand until she was sound asleep and then I moved over to Matt and grabbed his arm.

  “Jack, what the hell?” He whispered, but I didn’t stop to reply. I pulled him to his feet and over to the doorway of the room where I was sure we wouldn’t wake Lucy.

  “What the fuck was that?” I whispered harshly to Matt.

  “What?”

  “The way you just spoke to her when she asked about Phil?”

  “I know Jack. Just leave it ok?” Matt said ruefully.

  “No, I fucking won’t! Your sister has been through hell. She’s terrified that fucker is coming after her and when she dares to ask about him you lose your fucking temper!” I was mad and struggling to keep my voice in hushed tones.

  “I…...I thought for a minute she wanted him to call. I thought she still cared about him.” Matt admitted.

  “She travelled thousands of miles to get away from him Matt. She’s not going back. She’s done with him. It’s time for you to stop acting like an idiot and get it together. You can’t get mad with her like that again Matt. It’s the last thing she needs!”

  “I know” Matt slid down the wall and sat on the floor with his head in his hands. “I can’t do this Jack.” He whispered.

  “You can, I know you can.” I sat next to him and put my arm around his shoulders.

  “I’m so angry, I don’t know how to get past it. I’m angry with Phil, but most of all with myself.”

  “You have to stop blaming yourself Matt. You did what you could, she wasn’t ready to leave him. Walking away was the best thing you could do. If you’d have stayed there you’d have just enabled her to stay with him longer. She’s out now. You have to help her move forward, not keep brooding on the past.”

  “I can’t get it together. I thought I had, but when she woke up it all came rushing back.”

  “You need to get out of here for a while. Go home, maybe work out for a bit, take a shower, eat and change. Do whatever you need to do. Just sort yourself out man. I’ll stay with Lucy and Rob’s on his way over too. We’ll be fine for a few hours.” I tried to assure him.

  “What if she wakes up?”

  “It’s unlikely with the meds, but if she does I’ll be here. I know we only just met, but she knows me Matt. She’ll be fine for a few hours.” I was being firm with him because I needed him to listen to me and do as I said.

  “Ok, but just ring me if she needs me. I’ll come straight back. I’ll be a couple of hours at the most.”

  “Just make sure you walk back into this room in a better state of mind Matt.”

  Finally he agreed and left. I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to do, but he had little choice, he needed to pull himself together, urgently!

  I sat with Lucy, just holding her hand and watching her sleep. I couldn’t get over how tiny she was. When we’d spoken on the phone I had pictured her as being bigger and tougher looking, maybe because she always sounded so strong, trying to bravely cover the fear she was obviously racked with and put on a strong front for me. I had no idea how the hell this tiny little thing had survived three years of torture and come out of the other end. I also had no idea how anyone, especially a guy who was probably twice her size could hurt her. She was almost like a child, so small and slight, so innocent. My brain couldn’t conceive the type of person that could harm her!

  “Jack?” I was jolted from my rage inducing thoughts by Rob who stood across the bed opposite me. “What’s up?” He asked obviously seeing the anger on my face.

  “Just thinking about her husband, the sonofabitch!” I vented.

  “We’ll get him Jack” He said vehemently. “How’s she doing?”

  “Pretty well, all things considered. We’ve lowered the morphine to try and get her awake a little more.”

  “Where’s Matt?” Rob asked. He was talking to me but staring at Lucy. I knew he was struggling to comprehend what she had been through, just as I was.

  “I sent him home to try and pull himself together. I’ve never seen him in such a fucking mess Rob. I can’t even understand the pain he must feel seeing his little sister like this and knowing what she’s been through, but he has to put it aside and get his shit together. Lucy picked up on it when she woke up earlier and that’s not right. She’s been through enough, without trying to make him feel better.”

  “I know what you’re saying, but I can empathise Jack. if anyone laid one finger on Amy you’d have to fucking sedate me to hold me back from killing!” I knew that was true. Amy was Rob’s, much younger, little sister and he was extremely overprotective with her. “Just give him some time. He’ll get back to himself eventually.”

  “I hope so.” I said just as a nurse appeared in the room.

  “Dr Reed? We have an incoming RTA…...drunk driver ploughed into a school bus.”

  “I’m off duty tonight. Wright is in and Dr Hirst is on call.” I explained. I didn’t want to leave Lucy.

  “I’m sorry but Dr Wright has just gone into the OR. Hirst is on his way in, but there’s at least twenty en route and more being pulled out of the bus.”

  “Ok. What’s the ETA?”

  “Three minutes out.” With that she hurried out and I knew I had no choice. I had to go and help.

  “Fuck!” I cursed. “Can you sit with her until Matt gets back? I’m gonna end up stuck in surgery all night, but he should be back in an hour or so.”

  “Is she gonna freak if she wakes up and finds me here?” Rob asked nervously.

  “I doubt she’ll wake for a few hours yet, but if she does just be calm with her and explain who you are. She knows plenty about you from me so she should be ok.”

  “Ok man. Go, we’ll be fine.”

  “Just call Matt if you need to. I’ll check in when I can.” I hurried out of the room then, just hoping she wouldn’t wake up. Rob was a great guy with a big heart but being sensitive wasn’t really his strong suit and his sheer size made him intimidating as hell!

  LUCY

  As I slept that time my peaceful darkness began to descend into a very vivid, very terrifying nightmare! Suddenly I was thrown into the lounge with Phil looming over me, kicking me as he had that last night. He kicked me until he was so exhausted he couldn’t go on and then he was flipping me over and tearing down my trousers.

  “NOOOOO!” I screamed so hard I jolted myself awake and suddenly I was back in the hospital again. I was crying and gasping for breath as I looked around frantically for a friendly face. Instead I found a huge stranger standing over me looking terrified.

  “Hey,” he whispered. “It’s ok. You’re alright.” He was a beautiful man. Even in my terrified state I realised that. He
was huge, standing at, at least, a good few inches above my brother’s six-foot height and built like no one I’d ever seen before! His shoulders must have been a metre across and the muscles on him! He was ripped, at least I thought that was the way you described a man with a clearly visible eight pack and rock-hard abs, all very well defined through the tight t-shirt he wore under an expensive looking black leather jacket. You’d think then that I would be looking at his spectacular physique as I studied him, but I wasn’t. His eyes had completely transfixed me. They were dark and wide, and they twinkled when he looked down at me. He had stunning long eyelashes that any woman would envy, which just added to his amazingly handsome face!

  “Who…..who are you? Where’s Matt?” I gasped fearfully. He may have been beautiful, but he still scared me to death.

  “Matt went home to change, and Jack had to help out in the ER. I’m Rob, a friend of theirs.” His voice was deep and a little intimidating, but it was countered by his beautiful, gentle smile and the kindness I saw in his eyes. After living with the devil himself for three years I could spot evil at fifty paces and there was none in this man, only good.

  “You’re the investigator guy?” I asked recalling the times Jack had told me about the guy he served as a marine with.

  “Yeah sweetheart, that’s right. I’m in private security.” I relaxed a little knowing who he was and realising Matt and Jack wouldn’t have left me with anyone they didn’t trust completely. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. “Are you ok?” He asked.

  “I just had a nightmare…..I’m ok.” I whispered. I felt a little more with it than I had when I woke up previously, but that also seemed to mean I felt a lot more pain. There was a terrible agony radiating from my stomach and my back was aching terribly. My broken wrist was very painful as was my pounding head! I tried to pull myself up a little to try and at least alleviate some of the backache. I put my hands on the bed to try and shimmy upwards, but I was so weak I could barely move myself and it was too painful to put weight on the casted wrist. Rob was watching me with a pained expression.