This Changes Everything

by Helen Mcginn

  ‘She’s still got a few more minutes.’ Annie put her hand on Ben’s arm reassuringly.

  ‘I know, it’s just… it took us a while to get here, you know? Hey, Annie, you remember my parents?’

  ‘Of course, lovely to see you!’ Annie waved, Ben’s parents waving back.

  ‘Hi, darling.’ Julia appeared on Annie’s other side.

  ‘Mum! You’re here! Where were you two? I was worried about you!’

  ‘Patrick’s fault. He couldn’t find the right tie this morning.’ Julia gestured to Patrick, making his way towards them. ‘I can’t wait to see the bride. Is she here yet? Have you seen her?’

  ‘Yes, earlier. She’s with Dad on the other side of that door. Hi, Patrick!’ Annie pointed to the heavy double doors at the back of the room before giving Patrick a warm hug. ‘She looks so happy, Mum.’

  ‘Would you all like to take your seats?’ the registrar called over the noise. Slowly, the gathered guests hushed and did as they were told. ‘Right, a few housekeeping notes…’

  Moments later, the doors opened and in walked Jess on the arm of her father. He looked so proud of his daughter; Annie was in tears before Jess had made the short walk to the front. Julia’s hand reached for Patrick’s, and next to them Ed and Sophie beamed.

  Simple vows were exchanged, Ben and Jess’s daughter, Tessa, in Ben’s arms throughout, charming everyone in her eyeline, even the ones who didn’t like babies that much. The whole thing took less than fifteen minutes. It was wonderfully, refreshingly informal.

  The newlyweds stood on the steps of the Old Town Hall and kissed, their guests whooping cheers of encouragement. Ben turned to Jess. ‘Hello, you.’

  ‘Hello, you.’ She smiled back at him.

  ‘Thank you for marrying me.’

  ‘Thank you for saying yes.’ Jess grinned. ‘Come on, let’s go and eat. I’m starving… haven’t eaten since Tuesday to get into this.’ She gestured at her outfit, a beautiful belted emerald-green silk trouser suit. In her hand she held a simple bunch of winter roses and grey-blue eucalyptus leaves.

  Slowly the crowd moved off down the street towards the restaurant, carried on a wave of love and the promise of a cold glass of champagne. Standing in front of the restaurant’s familiar wooden revolving door, Jess and Ben urged their guests to go on ahead.

  Ben squeezed her hand. ‘You know, if I hadn’t seen you that day, passing you on your way in, I think I might have carried on convincing myself that I was definitely over you.’

  ‘Well, it certainly took me a while but… here we are. And I’m still not sure what I did to deserve you but somehow you seem to see the good before the bad, and my bad bits don’t seem to bother you too much.’ She pulled a face. ‘But you make me feel like I can do anything. And all I want to do now is make our lives as good and as much fun as they can possibly be. This is where I want to be.’

  ‘You could of course have said all that in your speech later.’

  ‘I’m not making a speech, as you well know. And promise me you’ll keep yours short.’

  ‘Promise. Now in you go; our guests will be waiting.’ They went in one after the other to be greeted with a great cheer.

  A long table strewn with candles ran down the length of the room, with bunches of camellias, paper-white hyacinths and magnolia arranged along the middle.

  In the corner a man played the piano as friends and family mingled, trays of champagne cocktails passing between them.

  ‘Well done, fellow witness,’ said Ed as Annie joined him by the bar.

  ‘I know, who’d have thought it? I mean, the only thing more surprising than finding out I have a brother – a divine one, by the way – is Jess getting married.’ Annie laughed.

  ‘What made her change her mind, do you think?’

  ‘Well I’m not really sure but maybe it’s to do with meeting the right one? It’s like all the walls she’d built up around herself over the years just fell away when Ben came back into her life. Or maybe she had changed even before he came back. I wonder if something happened when we were in Rome. Mum, Jess and I had a massive row – God, it was awful; poor Patrick must have wondered what the hell was going on – and it all came out. That’s when we found out about you, too. In fact, Rome has got a lot to answer for. Good things, I mean. Anyway, I think she realised back then she was still in love with Ben. The rest, as they say…’

  ‘Well, they look insanely happy now.’

  ‘I know, don’t they just.’

  ‘And as for our parents…’ Ed looked across at Julia and Patrick, chatting with cocktails in hand.

  ‘I know, at their age. Ridiculous, but very sweet.’ Annie laughed.

  Champagne coupes were soon joined by enormous wine glasses and bottles of Burgundy, both red and white, on the table. Great pie dishes were placed on the table along with platters piled with roasted vegetables – artichokes, carrots, parsnips – liberally sprinkled with Parmesan. As the light outside faded and the wine flowed, the room took on a warm glow. In one corner a small band set up their instruments. People started to move around, the smokers heading for the revolving door, others to the bar.

  Jess leaned across the table, a mischievous look on her face. ‘So, Mum, do you think you and Patrick might follow suit?’

  ‘Darling, no, I don’t think so.’ Julia laughed and put down her glass.

  Annie couldn’t help herself. ‘Really? But all these years we’ve basically banned you from getting married again and now you’ve found Patrick and you don’t want to marry him?’

  ‘Well, when you get to my age, darlings, you see things a little differently. I mean, when we first met, we were so young.’ She looked across at Patrick, now seated between Sophie and Emma, on the other side of the table. They were talking animatedly, Sophie’s head thrown back mid-laugh. ‘Back then we thought we had all the time in the world. Turns out we didn’t. But the difference between falling in love when you’re young and falling in love when your old is knowing we might not have much time left.’

  ‘Even more reason then, surely?’ Annie raised her eyebrows at her mother.

  Julia lowered her voice. ‘The only man I married that I truly loved was your father.’ Julia looked down the table to see David chatting with Ed and Monty on either side. ‘The others, not so much, but your father is a lovely man. And he has been a good friend to me ever since. With Patrick, it’s different. We lost so much time… but you can’t change the past. And given the time we might have left, even more reason not to waste it worrying about it. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance with Patrick and I intend to enjoy every moment of it. Of course if he really wanted us to get married, I would. But it’s not like that. Being together is enough.’

  ‘Well, I think that’s a gorgeous sentiment. Here’s to enjoying the moment.’ Annie raised her glass to her mother and sister.

  ‘To the moment,’ they chorused.

  The sound of a teaspoon clinking against glass slowly brought the table to a hushed silence.

  ‘Family and friends,’ began Ben, standing, ‘I just wanted to say a few words, if I may.’

  Whoops and applause filled the room.

  ‘Thank you.’ He took a sip of water and cleared his throat. ‘As most of you know, Jess is the love of my life.’ Cue more loud applause. ‘But as you also know, our path here was not exactly smooth. And that’s OK because I believe that we met – again – when the time was right for us both.’

  ‘Definitely not going to cry,’ Jess laughed, looking at Ben.

  ‘The point is, life has a habit of not always working to plan. And the best thing we can do is not to try and control it but instead be ready to just… take it on. And now that I’m with you…’ Ben turned to Jess, ‘I can’t wait for us to do it together.’

  There was a second of silence. Sophie squeezed Ed’s hand. Another joyous round of applause followed.

  Slowly, Jess stood up. ‘I told Ben I wasn’t going to do this.’ She looked at him, smiling. More
cheers, then: ‘But the thing is, I thought luck was for other people.’ Jess caught Annie’s eye and her sister winked back at her. ‘But then you came back. And if there’s anything I’ve learned over the last few years it’s that sometimes you just have to make your own luck and not let an opportunity go by.’ She looked at Ben with Tessa, curled into his lap, gazing up at her. ‘And this time, I’m going to make the most of it.’

  Ed shouted, ‘To Jess and Ben!’ and together the company raised their glasses and cheered.

  Hours later, as the couple swayed gently on the small dance floor, the sound of ‘Sea of Love’ floating across the room, Annie and James watched, perched on a small sofa near the door.

  ‘Don’t they look so happy?’ Annie sighed.

  ‘They really do. Actually, Annie, I’ve got something to ask you, too.’

  ‘What?’ Annie turned, wide-eyed.

  ‘Well, as you know, I’m not great at remembering certain things.’

  ‘Like wedding anniversaries, you mean?’ She raised an eyebrow at him.

  ‘Well, yes, exactly. Anyway, I’ve gone early for our next one. Really early, actually… and it’s kind of a very belated one from before as well but anyway… here. This is for you.’ He reached for his jacket and pulled out an envelope from the pocket, handing it to her. ‘Go on, open it.’

  Annie took the envelope. Inside was a folded piece of paper. Slowly, she unfurled it and scanned it for information. One word jumped out.

  ‘Rome?’ she whispered, looking at James, tears springing to her eyes. ‘Really, Jimmy? But how…? When did you plan this?’

  ‘A while ago, but I thought it would be a good day to tell you. We go next month, for three nights.’

  ‘But what about the kids?’

  ‘All sorted, between Mum and Julia.’ He grinned. ‘Just us.’

  Annie kissed him. ‘Thank you. I honestly don’t know what to say. I can’t believe it. It’s my favourite city in the world.’

  ‘Well, that’s why I want to see it too. Properly, I mean, with you showing me. I’ve been doing a bit of online research and we’ve got a lot to fit in…’

  ‘I thought you just said I was showing you?’ Annie laughed, looking at him.

  ‘You are, Annie. I’ll just follow you around Rome.’

  Jess appeared. ‘Come on, you two! Definitely your turn to have a dance.’

  ‘On our way! Just give us a second.’ Annie indicated her glass.

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Promise!’

  Jess returned to the floor swaying to the music, one arm in the air holding her champagne coupe aloft.

  Annie turned back to her husband. ‘James, I know it’s hard work sometimes with work, the kids, having so little time for ourselves… but I want you to know, I’m so happy I get to do it with you.

  ‘Even with my terrible dance moves?’

  ‘Especially with your terrible dance moves.’

  He took her hand and led her to the dance floor, passing Patrick and Julia by the bar as they did.

  ‘Are you two joining us?’ Annie called out to them.

  ‘We’re happy here!’ Julia shouted back, both raising their glasses as Annie went past.

  Julia turned back to Patrick. ‘Very happy, actually.’

  Hours later, as Patrick and Julia sat in the back of their black cab, the lights of the bridge throwing a low orange glow onto their faces, Julia tipped her head onto Patrick’s shoulder, listening to the music floating gently from the radio. It was a familiar tune taking her back to a moment years before, standing in her parents’ shop, choosing a different path. She closed her eyes with a deep contented sigh. ‘That was such a wonderful day, wasn’t it?’

  ‘It was. And now…’ Patrick squeezed her hand gently, ‘… we have tomorrow too.’

  Book Club Questions

  Do you think Annie and Jess made the right decision when they followed Julia to Rome?

  How has Jess’s childhood affected her relationship choices?

  Which of the three women in This Changes Everything do you relate to the most, and why?

  In what ways has a lifetime apart made Patrick and Julia’s relationship stronger? Do you think their love would have survived if they hadn’t been separated?

  How do Jess and Annie’s expectations and hopes for their own romantic lives change throughout the book and by watching their mother reunite with Patrick?

  What did you make of Ed’s first meetings with his sisters, Julia and with Patrick? Which touched you the most?

  Which location came alive most for you – Rome or Cornwall?

  Did Julia’s parents make the right decision when they decided she was too young to have a child? How would her life have been different if she had kept Ed?

  Everyone gets their happy ending as we reach the last page of This Changes Everything. Did you find the ending satisfying or had you hoped for any different outcomes?

  Questions with answers from Helen

  Do you think Annie and Jess made the right decision when they followed Julia to Rome?

  It was obviously a crazy, rash decision but I’m so pleased Jess called it. Obviously she had ulterior motives – needing to escape an awkward situation – and Annie was annoyed with James for forgetting their anniversary but both craved a change of scene. The idea of stealing time together, topped with a whiff of adventure, was impossible to resist (especially after a few big glasses of red in Annie’s case).

  * * *

  How has Jess’s childhood affected her relationship choices?

  I think her parents’ divorce left her unsettled by the idea of marriage. But I think her choices were as much a result of her own self-worth (or lack of) rather than just her childhood experiences. My own experience of having divorced parents was an increased determination from an early age to not let history repeat itself.

  * * *

  Which of the three women in This Changes Everything do you relate to the most, and why?

  I’d love to be more like Julia or Jess in some ways but I know I’m definitely most like Annie. I relate to her as a mother, as someone who married someone she’d known forever and I identify with the friendships she has. I also live close to my own parents and in-laws and know how fortunate I am to have my close and extended family nearby.

  * * *

  In what ways has a lifetime apart made Patrick and Julia’s relationship stronger? Do you think their love would have survived if they hadn’t been separated?

  I think the fact that they wouldn’t change what happened whilst they were apart is key to them being so comfortable together again after all that time. And experience taught them both to appreciate the now rather than regret what might have been. I think Julia had no choice but to tell Patrick to leave back then. Living together, knowing what had happened, would have been incredibly tough for them to bear.

  * * *

  How do Jess and Annie’s expectations and hopes for their own romantic lives change throughout the book and by watching their mother reunite with Patrick?

  They develop as the story unfolds but Rome brings so many realisations to the surface for them all. For Jess, it’s the fact that she still loves Ben and can’t spend the rest of her life running away from happiness she doesn’t feel she deserves. For Annie, it’s that she wants her mother and sister to know that her seemingly together marriage and family life didn’t just fall into her lap; she has to work at it. But seeing their mother and Patrick back together makes the sisters think about Julia as a person with a past, not just their mother.

  * * *

  What did you make of Ed’s first meetings with his sisters, Julia and with Patrick? Which touched you the most?

  Those scenes were really challenging to write. I so wanted to do it justice but obviously I haven’t experienced it myself so spent a lot of time researching adoption stories and watching hours of Long Lost Family (one of my all-time favourite programmes). I think what touched me was the fact that so often in real life, no matter
how many years have passed, in the very moment people are reunited it’s not about the sadness of what’s lost but about the joy of being together at last.

  * * *

  Which location came alive most for you – Rome or Cornwall?

  I’ve spent many happy summers in Cornwall and one of my favourite pubs on the planet, The Gurnard’s Head near Zennor, is the inspiration for the pub where the sisters meet Ed for the first time. For years we stayed in the same cottage on the south coast too, at the top of a river, so that really helped when writing about it. We went to Rome for our honeymoon, which I adored of course. But I loved it even more when we returned with our own children a decade later. For them it was mostly about the ice cream but it was one of our favourite holidays ever.

  * * *

  Did Julia’s parents make the right decision when they decided she was too young to have a child? How would her life have been different if she had kept Ed?

  It was Julia’s mother’s decision based as much on her own selfish concern about what people might think as the practicalities. If Tessa had been her mother, Julia would have kept the baby and Julia and Patrick’s life would have been quite different. But that’s the heart-breaking thing: their story was determined by another person’s actions. Luckily, it’s not the whole story.

  * * *

  Everyone gets their happy ending as we reach the last page of This Changes Everything. Did you find the ending satisfying or had you hoped for any different outcomes?

  At one point it nearly didn’t have a happy ending! But then I thought, hang on, life isn’t always a f*cking fairy tale but if I want this particular story to have a happy outcome then it will. That’s the real beauty of fiction. You can just make it up.