'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  Eddie nodded. ‘We’ve gone all these years without the boat being rocked. I suppose we’ve been lucky. It’s been a crap year so far, what with Pat’s cancer, the accident, Nick’s death and Roy’s affair. I hope nothing else goes wrong, especially when you consider the implications of Jon meeting up with Angie’s family.’

  ‘Let’s put everything out of our minds for at least an hour,’ Jane said, snuggling up to him.

  ***

  Sammy parked her Porsche around the corner from Livvy’s apartment and put on her shades. She sank low into the driving seat so she could observe the car park entrance without being seen. Fifteen minutes later her patience was rewarded when she saw Livvy pull out and turn in the opposite direction. Good, if she arrived around the same time tomorrow morning, she would be sure to catch the girl before she left for work. Satisfied, Sammy started up the engine and drove across town to the factory.

  When Jane came in later that day she planned to go home. She hoped Roy would be gone by then. She couldn’t face seeing him with that hangdog expression. If she really looked into his eyes she’d be lost. But that would mean giving in and he didn’t deserve it. She’d continue to support him through his grief as much as she could, but his affair with Livvy was something else. She felt so betrayed for one thing. If only he’d listened to her and not gone to Livvy’s flat that night, it would have made all the difference in the world.

  ***

  Jon arrived in the staff car park at the same time as Livvy. He clambered out of his car and greeted her with a hug. ‘You okay, Liv? You look a bit pale.’

  ‘I’m alright, Jon,’ she said, smiling at him.

  Sean nodded as they ran up the stairs. ‘Get that kettle on, Liv and you, Jon, phone Helen. She called a couple of minutes ago sounding really miffed.’

  ‘Oh fuck, I meant to call her last night. I was talking to Jess for ages and I forgot.’ He picked up the phone and dialled Helen’s number.

  ‘Helen, it’s me.’

  ‘Oh, hi.’ Her tone was clipped ‘Why didn’t you call me?’

  ‘I was going to, but Jess needed me.’

  ‘You’re always with Jess. I need you too, Jon. What are we doing tonight?’

  ‘I can’t see you tonight. I need to talk to my dad about something important.’

  ‘That sounds like an excuse to me.’

  ‘It’s not an excuse at all,’ Jon said. He raised an eyebrow at Sean and shook his head.

  ‘Well I’m fed up of hanging around waiting for you to spend time with me instead of Jess.’

  ‘If that’s the way you feel, Helen, then we might as well call it a day. Jess needs me. I’ll spend as much time with her as I can. Why can’t you be a bit more thoughtful and think about what my sister has been through, instead of thinking about yourself all the time?’

  ‘I’ve been very tolerant these last few weeks. You’re my boyfriend, but you’re not acting like one anymore. You’re so wrapped up in your sister anyone would think you fancied her.’

  Jon sucked in his breath. ‘Right, that’s enough. I’ve had a lot on my plate lately. I don’t need this. I expected more support from you, not all this nagging. We should cool it until you grow up a bit.’

  Obviously stung by this remark, Helen’s reply was furious and Jon held the phone away from his ear as she shrieked, ‘I’m grown up enough when you want to sleep with me. Well fine, if that’s how you feel, then there’s nothing more to say, goodbye.’ She slammed down the phone leaving Jon sighing.

  ‘Bloody women!’ He replaced the receiver and shrugged his shoulders.

  ‘Trouble?’ Sean asked.

  ‘Why do women think they own you once you sleep with them? Helen was fun to be with at first, before she started getting clingy and serious. Now she’s telling me I spend too much time with Jess. She’s just accused me of fancying my own sister. Anyway, she can stew for a while. I’ll be glad of the break. I haven’t been home from work for dinner for ages.’

  Livvy appeared behind them with a tray and handed them both a coffee.

  ‘That’s a bit of a sexist remark,’ she said.

  ‘What is?’

  ‘About women thinking they own a man once they’ve slept with him. More often than not it’s the other way round.’

  ‘Sorry, Livvy, I’m not pointing fingers.’

  ‘I know. But the remark is out of character for you. Isn’t it, Sean?’

  Sean nodded and ruffled her hair. ‘What about you, young Liv, have you decided what you’re doing about this baby?’

  ‘I’m having it,’ she replied.

  Jon saw the challenge in Livvy’s eyes as Sean replied. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Dead sure!’

  Sean tapped his fingers on the side of his mug and gave a low whistle. ‘You do realise you’ll be starting world war three when Sammy finds out?’

  Livvy nodded. ‘Yes. But this is my baby. It doesn’t matter who fathered it, I’m the one carrying it. No one has a right to force me into any decision I don’t want to take.’

  Sean held up his hand. ‘Okay, being a good Catholic, I agree with you and you’ll have my support. But Sammy’s been my friend for many years and she’s gone through hell recently, so don’t expect an easy ride. Being pregnant and single’s one thing, but to be pregnant by Roy Cantello will attract all sorts of unwanted attention. I hope you’ll be able to cope with it. When are you going to tell him?’

  ‘I don’t know; when I pluck up the courage I suppose. It’s my own fault I’m pregnant. I missed a couple of my pills.’

  ‘Ye Gods, Livvy.’ Sean shook his head. ‘Rather you than me, love. He’ll be livid, but you’ll have to tell him sooner rather than later, because you’re looking rounder by the day, so you are. As soon as he claps eyes on you he’ll see you’re in the club.’

  Livvy patted her tummy proudly. ‘I know. I had to move the button on my skirt this morning.’ She picked up the mugs. ‘I’ll go and wash these.’

  Sean stared after her as she waltzed into the staff room. ‘Is she for real or what? I don’t fancy being caught in the cross fire of this little lot, do you?’

  Jon shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t think we’ve much choice. We’re bang in the middle of the bloody firing line.’

  ***

  ‘Oh, those look nice.’ Jane admired the mountain of brightly coloured corduroy and brushed cotton fabric samples that Sammy was wading through. She picked up a pastel pink and grey check that was pinned to a piece of pink jumbo cord and ran her fingers over the soft, velvety pile.

  ‘I thought they’d make up into toddler outfits,’ Sammy said. ‘They’re hard wearing and there’s a selection of primary colours too. What do you think, Jane?’

  ‘Brilliant,’ Jane nodded. ‘Where have the samples come from? It’s not our usual supplier, is it?’

  ‘No, it’s not. It’s someone Stuart Green knows. They’re actually American fabrics, but they’re reasonably priced. Stuart brought them over this morning. We had coffee and a chat and he left them with me to browse through. He’s acting as a rep for a friend and he’s hoping to set up in business by importing fabric from the States and Europe.’

  ‘So, Stu’s back in the rag trade after his foray into selling records?’

  ‘He is, but he’s not designing anymore,’ Sammy replied. ‘He’s got some really good contacts, so we might do well out of it.’

  ‘We’re too late for the winter catalogue and the fabrics are too warm for summer. So when do you plan on using them?’

  ‘What do you reckon to a Winter/Spring supplement? We could add a few more items to the range. Perhaps some smocked dresses in the checks and maybe jackets and long pants in the cord?’

  ‘Yeah, great idea.’ Jane was so pleased to see Sammy looking animated again that she would have agreed to anything.

  ‘I’ll do some sketches tomorrow and we’ll take it from there,’ Sammy said. ‘How’s Jess?’

  ‘Okay, we’re getting there very slowly. We didn’t hav
e tears last night, or this morning. But she won’t have the radio on or listen to any records at the moment. Anything she and Nick used to sing triggers her off. She’s spending a lot of time with my mum and dad. Then she just goes to her room and waits for Jon to come home. He’s brilliant with her, but it’s causing him problems with Helen. Anyway, how are you and Roy? How did it go when you got home last night? Eddie told me Roy might be moving out for a while.’

  ‘He is - today. He’s booked into a hotel, don’t know which one, I didn’t hang around to find out. He said he’d find a flat to rent until we’re sorted,’ Sammy replied, almost dismissively. She looked at her watch. ‘I’ll leave now. I want to pop into Kendals to buy new bedding to brighten up the guest rooms for Pat and Tim. ‘I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see them again.’

  Jane looked at Sammy and shook her head. ‘Roy’s going to be really lonely. He’s lost Nick, now he’s losing his home, you and Jason.’

  ‘He should have thought about that before he jumped into bed with Livvy. I’ve no sympathy for him.’

  Jane sighed. ‘But he’s never been unfaithful before. He wasn’t seeing her for very long. He hasn’t even been in touch with her since the night it finished. Can’t you find it in your heart to forgive him?’

  ‘Could you, if it were Ed?’

  ‘Yeah, and I did. Ed hurt me more than I would ever have thought possible when he married Angie. But I forgave him. You’re still in love with Roy; you know you are. You’re throwing away a lifetime over one mistake.’

  ‘He might do it again, Jane. How can I ever trust him?’

  ‘He won’t. He’s a broken man. You can see it in his face. He’s desperate to make amends but you’re not even willing to try.’

  ‘We need this break. It’s better this way. I can’t stomach him near me. My mind conjures up the smell on him that night. It’s awful, I know, but I can’t help it, I really can’t. It isn’t doing him any good either, my constantly rejecting him.’

  ‘Well, I still think you could try a bit harder. How’s Jason?’

  ‘I don’t know. He wasn’t home last night when we got in and he was still in bed this morning when I left the house. I want to try and preserve a bit of normality for him if possible. Ah, normality!’ Sammy snorted. ‘Who the hell am I kidding? One son dead, the other thinks he’s gay and a song-writing adulterer for a husband.’ She chewed her lip and continued. ‘All the time Roy and Ed were in the spotlight we tried to live a fairly normal life and we managed it most of the time. None of the kids, apart from Jon, knew their Dad’s were famous. The group was a job, like the song-writing is. It’s a means of support at the end of the day. But since the accident and Nick’s death, there’s been bloody reporters prowling round the lane again. If they get wind of Roy’s affair with air-head and they suss Jason out as gay, then God help us. They’ll be raking up all sorts of muck from the past and normality will fly out the window. Oh dear, Pat and Tim don’t know what they’re coming back to.’

  ‘They do,’ Jane said. ‘Ed spoke to Tim and put him fully in the picture. No one knows about Jason of course, just you and I. But if he and Jules are always together, and unless they’re very discreet, then like you say, God help us.’

  Sammy stood up and stretched. ‘Well, I’m off. I’ll leave things in your very capable hands. Will you have a quick word with Ruby? See what she thinks about these fabrics and my ideas for them. I’ll call you tonight. Bye, Jane.’

  ‘Bye,’ Jane called, staring after Sammy’s departing back.

  ***

  Eddie could hear sobbing and called up the stairs. ‘Jess, are you okay?’

  ‘Dad, can you come here please?’ Jess yelled a note of hysteria in her voice.

  He raced upstairs two at a time. Jess was sitting on the landing, tears pouring down her cheeks. ‘Darling, what’s the matter? Why are you out here?’ He cradled her in his arms.

  ‘I fell over, I want Nick, Dad. I want Nick. I can’t bear this.’

  Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat. ‘Jess, I wish I could give you what you want, I really do. I swore when you were born that you would have everything you ever needed. But the one thing I can’t give you is Nick.’ He held her tightly, kissing the top of her head. He really thought that she’d been making a bit of progress, but now they appeared to be back to square one.

  ‘What triggered this?’ he asked gently, wiping her eyes and nose with his hanky.

  ‘I was looking at the photos of Nick’s eighteenth and Brittany. I shouldn’t have done it. It’s too soon. I was lying on my bed thinking about the way we used to be and I couldn’t picture his face. It was gone from my memory so I panicked and looked at the photographs. Then I thought back to that day in Brighton when you and I had a fight and I ran to the beach. Nick came and found me and we sat on the pebbles holding each other. He told me he’d never leave me and that we had a whole lifetime of loving in front of us.

  ‘We only had four more months, Dad, only four months and now he’s left me and it’s all gone. All I have is this awful emptiness and the photographs.’ She took a deep shuddering breath and looked up, her blue eyes pleading. ‘Help me, Daddy, please.’

  Eddie covered his eyes with his hand. ‘I don’t know how to, Jess.’ Only once before in his life had he felt this inadequate and that was when Mark Fisher kidnapped her.

  Lennon ambled upstairs and placed his paw on her shoulder. Whimpering, he licked her salty tears away.

  ‘Lennon, what do you want?’ She stroked his silky ears. ‘I can’t even take you walkies at the moment. Do you need to go outside?’

  ‘The front door’s open,’ Eddie sniffed. ‘He’ll find his own way out if he needs to go.’

  ‘Eddie, Jess,’ a voice called from the hall.

  ‘We’re up here, Gran,’ Jess replied.

  Enid walked slowly up the stairs and looked at father and daughter, sitting on the landing with their arms around one another. ‘Hello, you two, bad day, is it?’

  Eddie sniffed. ‘I’m afraid so, Enid.’

  Jess sighed and looked at her grandmother through her tears.

  ‘Come on, love. Do you want to come next door, or would you rather stay here with your Dad? Let’s go downstairs while you have a think about it.’ Enid helped Eddie to lift Jess from the floor and they made their way downstairs and into the kitchen.

  Roy was sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He raised his eyes wearily as the trio approached. ‘I heard you upstairs with Jess, so I came in here. I didn’t want to disturb you. Are you having a bad day, Jess love? Join the club, kid.’

  ‘Oh dear, what will I do with you all?’ Enid shook her head.

  ‘It’s not getting any easier to live with like everyone keeps telling me it will,’ Roy told Enid.

  ‘I don’t suppose it is, Roy,’ Enid replied as she busied herself, making a pot of tea. ‘And your problems at home aren’t helping you very much either.’

  ‘I don’t have a home anymore,’ Roy said. ‘I left this morning. I’m staying at The Grand in Westlow for now and I’m going flat hunting tomorrow. I’ve made a couple of appointments to view places.’

  ‘I’ll come with you, if you like,’ Eddie offered.

  ‘Thanks, mate. I was hoping you’d say that. It’s a shame our original flat in Westlow isn’t available. We could have had a real nostalgia trip down Memory Lane.’ Roy had a faraway look in his eyes. ‘Do you remember all those wonderful nights we spent there with the girls before we were married?’

  Eddie signalled frantically with his eyes while Jess smiled through her tears.

  ‘What? Oh shit! Sorry, Enid,’ Roy apologised, clapping his hand over his mouth and blushing as she plonked a mug of tea in front of him.

  ‘That’s the first time I’ve ever seen you blush, Roy Cantello, in all the years I’ve known you. At least you’ve put a smile back on our Jess’s face. Hey, and you needn’t think I’m that daft either. I knew what went on in that flat and so did Molly. We used to call i
t “The Den of Iniquity” and we weren’t far wrong, were we? Well I’ll leave you to your reminiscing. Get your dad to bring you over to ours, Jess, when you’re ready.’

  ‘Thanks, Gran, I will.’

  As Enid left the house, Jess turned to Roy and smiled. ‘Roy, only you could have got away with that in front of Gran. I bet you had some fun at that flat.’

  Roy nodded. ‘We certainly did, didn’t we, mate?’

  ‘Yeah, we did,’ Eddie replied. ‘Especially as I was seeing your mum again. The time without her wasn’t so nice, so I do know a little of what you’re going through, Jess, believe me.’

  Jess sighed. ‘Dad, I know you don’t like talking about Angie, and you obviously have your reasons, but what was Jon’s mum really like? I mean she can’t have been that bad or you wouldn’t have dated her in the first place. Don’t you think it’s time you told Jon a bit more? He’s dying to know, but he doesn’t want to upset you by asking.’

  Eddie looked at Roy for inspiration. ‘Roy will tell what Angie was like.’

  Roy blew out his cheeks. ‘Well, she was a fit bird. Everyone fancied her. We were all in the same year at school. She was the prettiest girl by far, but she only had eyes for your dad.’

  Eddie nodded and took up the tale. ‘Yeah, she fancied me and I suppose I fancied her. We started dating when we were fourteen.’

  ‘Were you serious?’ Jess asked.

  ‘We were, well, sort of. She was always telling me she loved me. I couldn’t say it back and mean it, because I didn’t really love her.’

  ‘Was she very popular?’

  ‘She was. Like Roy said, everyone fancied her. She had long curly hair, like Jon’s but not as dark, green eyes, a cute smile and a very sexy figure. She was a brilliant dancer and a bloody good kisser,’ he grinned, remembering a few passionate clinches with Angie in Norman’s Woods after school. ‘But then I met your mum and that was it. I fell in love, although I didn’t realise it right away.’

  Jess looked puzzled. ‘So, you dated them both at the same time?’

  ‘Not really, I started dating your mum and I kind of finished with Angie.’