'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  She replaced the receiver and lay back against the pillows. At least she knew for certain where he was tonight and could go to sleep with peace of mind.

  ***

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  ‘Where are we going?’ Jess asked as Jon turned the Jeep in the opposite direction to home.

  ‘Somewhere we can have a bit peace,’ he replied. They travelled in silence down a few miles of country lanes, before Jon turned into the gateway of a rundown farm. He killed the engine, switched the lights off, and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

  Her stomach looping and heart pounding, Jess reached over and touched his cheek. ‘What is it, Jon?’

  He turned, his eyes burning into hers. ‘I’ve been longing to touch you all night, but there were too many people around who knew us.’

  ‘We’re alone now.’

  He released her seatbelt, pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She responded, running her fingers through his hair. Tugging his denim shirt from the waistband of his jeans she undid the buttons and nuzzled her face into his dark, curly chest hairs. That musky cologne – how she loved the smell of him.

  ‘Shall we get in the back of the car?’ she suggested. ‘I can’t get close enough to you here.’

  ‘We’d be better with somewhere we can lie down,’ he replied. ‘With your ankle and lack of space, it might be a struggle. There’s a barn in that field.’ he said. ‘Come on, I’ll carry you.’

  He leapt from the car and ran round to her side. She flung her arms around his neck as he lifted her out. The gate was ajar and he squeezed them through. The old barn was over to the left and the narrow path leading to it was lit by silvery moonlight.

  ‘What if there are cows in the barn?’ she said. Cows weren’t her favourite farm animal since a herd had chased her and dad when she was small.

  ‘It’s usually empty,’ he replied.

  ‘Ah - so you’ve been here before?’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘And who was the lucky lady?’

  ‘No one you know,’ he replied. ‘And it was years ago.’

  ‘You can put me down now,’ she said, struggling out of his arms as they drew level with the ancient stone building. ‘I can manage to walk, the ground’s quite flat.’

  Jon swung open the barn door and they peered inside. It was empty except for a few bales of hay and some rusting farm machinery.

  ‘This’ll do fine.’ Jon led her in and pushed the door closed with his foot. ‘It’s dry and quite warm and there’s no one to disturb us.’

  Jess sniffed the air. ‘Doesn’t smell of cows,’ she said, feeling relief. ‘In fact, it smells quite nice.’

  Jon spread a bale of the sweet-smelling hay on the floor at the back of the barn. He wiped his hands on his jeans and turned to her. ‘Your bed awaits,’ he said, looking anxious.

  Jess smiled and reached up to pluck pieces of straw from his hair. ‘You look like Worzel Gummidge,’ she said, looking into his eyes.

  He grabbed her and crushed her to him, then dropped to his knees, took off his shirt, spread it on the hay and lowered her onto it. She pulled him down and he lay beside her, kissing and caressing her.

  ‘I love the scent of you, Jon,’ she said as his hands slid under her sweater. ‘Front fastening,’ she whispered as he unhooked her bra and pulled her sweater over her head.

  ‘Your scent drives me wild,’ he said, tracing her nipples. ‘You’re so beautiful.’

  He rolled on top and she loved the feel of his naked chest against hers. When his hand wandered up her skirt she pushed it away. No matter how tempting, they couldn’t, it wasn’t right. They’d be breaking the law. ‘No, Jon, this is as far as we go. We can kiss and touch as much as we want, but nothing below waists.’

  He sighed and kissed her again, tongue searching her mouth, pushing against hers. She responded, frantically kissing him back. Then he was squeezing and kissing her breasts and her nipples stiffened against his tongue. She moaned, feeling a familiar tugging in her tummy and dampness between her legs. She wanted him so badly and it was all she could do to keep her hands from straying to his crotch where his erection twitched impatiently against her.

  Jess felt like she was floating. Her senses were heightened. The sweet scent of the hay, Jon’s musky cologne, the taste of his kisses, the scrabbling that she was certain must be field mice, the moon shining through the grimy, cracked windows, throwing mysterious light on their semi-nakedness.

  ‘I’ve dreamt about this so often,’ he was whispering as she ran her hands over his slim, muscular body, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. ‘I need you, Jess.’

  Then his hand, soft and warm, was up her skirt again, stroking her thighs and his fingers were caressing insistently through the soft lace of her knickers. She groaned as he pushed her legs apart, she needed him, too, but….

  He knelt up, fingers inside her now, driving her wild, each touch electric and she moaned with pleasure. Her skirt and knickers were off and tossed to one side. His lips moved down her body, raining kisses, teasing. His tongue explored her and she writhed in ecstasy. She was powerless to stop him and reached out to unzip and push his jeans off.

  ‘Jess,’ he groaned as she held and caressed him and arched her back to draw him in. ‘Jess, I love you.’

  ‘I love you, too,’ she said as he slid into her. His long, slow strokes were confident, loving and sensual and she moved with him, enjoying sensations she’d never felt before. As their breathing deepened he slipped his hands under her bottom, pulling her ever closer; his thrusting becoming more urgent. She saw his face, his gentle green eyes full of love, looking deep into hers. Her shuddering orgasm sent Jon to an explosive climax. He collapsed on top and buried his face in her neck, whispering her name again and again. She ran her fingers through his curls and burst into tears.

  ‘Jon, that was amazing,’ she said. ‘It was so - so loving.’

  ‘I know.’ He stroked her hair from her face, ‘But why are you crying.’

  ‘Because it was wonderful,’ she sniffed. ‘How can it be wrong?’

  ‘Oh, Jess,’ he said, wiping her tears with the back of his hand. ‘I love you so much.’ He kissed her again and held her close until her tears subsided.

  ***

  As he held Jess tightly, Jon reflected on the last hour. How could a love like theirs possibly be wrong? Nothing had ever felt more right to him in his life. He’d always loved her and she was his now. He wanted to love her and protect her for eternity. There had to be a way to be together. It saddened him to think they could never have a normal relationship, holding hands in public, getting engaged, married, having kids. But for him, to be with Jess and experience love like they’d just shared would be enough.

  He felt tears welling and they tumbled down his cheeks. He wiped them away with his hand. No matter what the future, holding her tonight, kissing her, touching her, the scent and taste of her, would remain with him forever. She stirred in his arms and looked up at him.

  ‘You okay,’ he asked, caressing her cheek.

  She nodded, smiling.

  ‘Me too.’ He bent to kiss her again.

  ***

  ‘How was your night out with Stu?’ Jane asked.

  ‘Very nice,’ Sammy replied.

  Jane grinned knowingly. ‘Stu always had a soft spot for you, but you only had eyes for Roy.’

  ‘I did. I’m having lunch with him again today. I might be a bit late back.’

  ‘Is that right?’ Jane raised an amused eyebrow.

  ‘Jason told me he, Jon and Jess enjoyed themselves last night,’ Sammy changed the subject. ‘They’re planning to do some jamming when Jess can play her bass again.’

  ‘That sounds positive. I haven’t seen Jon and Jess today. They were late home last night. When I got up, Jess was still in bed and Jon was leaving for work.’

  ‘They must have gone on somewhere,’ Sammy said. ‘Jason was home when I got back and it was only around eleven, if that.’

  Jane frowne
d. ‘Where would they have gone? The pubs would be closed and if they’d gone to a club, surely they would have taken Jason? Jess can’t dance at the moment anyway, so clubbing seems unlikely.’

  Sammy shrugged. ‘Maybe they met up with friends on the way home.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Jane nodded thoughtfully.

  ‘What is it?’ Sammy saw a look of concern cross her friend’s face.

  ‘Nothing, I’m being stupid again. My imagination’s working overtime.’

  ‘Do you still feel there’s something going on?’

  ‘It horrifies me that I think that way, but yes, I do. I popped into Jess’s room last night, before they went out. Jon was kneeling in front of her and they were both flushed. She said she’d banged her arm on the headboard and he was rubbing it better, but I’ll swear they’d been kissing.’

  ‘You should tell Ed your suspicions before it gets out of hand.’

  ‘I can’t, Sam, he’d go absolutely mental.’

  ‘Well I bloody would, before something happens.’

  ‘What if it already has?’ Jane bit her lip. ‘Last night I was awake when they came home. It was after twelve-thirty and you said they left yours before eleven. So they’d been on their own for well over an hour. They might have parked up somewhere.’

  ‘Talk to Ed, Jane, you have to. They’ve been brought up as brother and sister. It’s incestuous.’

  ‘It’s not though, is it?’ Jane said. ‘They’re not related. What if they’re in love? I’ve seen the way he looks at her. Even when she was with Nick he looked at her in a certain way and she’s always been very close to him. I knew something like this would happen one day. We should have been honest with Jon when he was old enough to understand. If I say something and I’m wrong, it will spoil that closeness they share and they’ll be afraid to show their feelings.’

  ‘Well, you know my opinion on the matter, but if you’re not ready to discuss it with Ed until you’ve made further observations, just make sure they’re not alone together.’

  Jane nodded. ‘I’ll make sure Katie gets in their way as much as I can.’

  ‘That shouldn’t be too difficult,’ Sammy said. ‘Do you want to go home when I get back from seeing Roy? Spend a bit of time with Jess.’

  ‘Yeah. Maybe I’ll take her shopping.’

  ‘You do that.’ Sammy put on her jacket and picked up her handbag. ‘I’m off. I’ll see you later.’

  ***

  Roy made a mental note of things he needed to do as he drove into Manchester. He’d taken the references and deposit to the estate agents earlier and Sarah told him he could collect the keys to the flat on Monday morning. Guitar strings from Flanagan and Grey’s and a quiet word with Livvy was next.

  Sean greeted him with a broad grin. ‘Hi there, Super-Stud, long time no see.’

  ‘Leave it out, Sean,’ Roy said good-naturedly. ‘Is Livvy in today?’

  ‘She’s in the staffroom making a brew for us overworked and underpaid slaves. Isn’t that right, Jon?’

  Jon nodded, but had a look on his face that told Roy he hadn’t heard a word Sean had said.

  ‘Wake up, Jon lad.’ Sean winked at Roy. ‘I think the boy’s in love.’

  ‘Is he now?’ Roy joined in the banter. ‘Who’s the lucky lady, then? Thought you’d dumped Helen?’

  ‘I have,’ Jon grunted. ‘There’s no lucky lady. Sean’s got the wrong end of the stick as usual.’

  ‘Well something’s bothering you,’ Sean said. ‘You’re not normally so head in the clouds. That’s Livvy’s domain.’

  ‘I’m tired, that’s all. Jess and I were out with Jason last night. We were late home and then I couldn’t sleep.’

  ‘Oh well, that explains it,’ Roy said, grinning. ‘Okay if I pop through and have a private word with Livvy?’

  ‘Feel free,’ Sean nodded.

  ***

  Livvy was pouring milk into a mug as Roy popped his head around the door. She jumped and slopped the milk onto the tray.

  ‘Jon, now look what you’ve made me do.’ She turned, an annoyed expression on her face. ‘Oh, it’s you. I thought it was Jon. He’s always sneaking up on me, making me jump.’

  ‘You’re a grumpy cow this morning,’ Roy said. ‘I need a word and Sean said it was all right for me to come through.’

  ‘Sit down while I take them their coffees,’ she said and picked up two of the mugs. ‘You can have mine if you like.’

  Roy parked himself on the old armchair as she left the room and he sipped her coffee. She came back in and made herself another.

  ‘Why don’t you come to the flat after I finish work?’ she said, sitting on a small chair opposite.

  ‘I can’t come to the flat again,’ he said. ‘I promised Sam I wouldn’t and I’ve no intentions of breaking the promise. She’s in full agreement with me about the money side of things, that we should support you, but she doesn’t want me to have contact with you. Get your bank details for me and I’ll transfer some money and set up a standing order. I’ll keep in touch, make sure you’re okay, but I can’t see you alone again, Livvy.’

  ‘But you said,’ she began.

  Roy held up his hands. ‘I know what I said, but I can’t see you on my own. I don’t want to hurt Sammy further. You chose to stay pregnant. I own up to fathering the kid. I’ll help financially like I said, but that’s it. I’m sorry, honestly. I have too much to lose if I see you again.’ He stood up and patted her shoulder. ‘Get me those bank details.’

  She looked at him. He wasn’t meeting her eyes. This wasn’t what he wanted, she was certain. This was what Sammy was telling him to do. ‘Stay in town, Roy. Have lunch with me, we could talk a bit more.’

  ‘Sorry, no can do. I’m having lunch with Sam,’ he replied. ‘Besides, there’s nothing else to say. I know you told Jon and Sean that I’ll feel differently when the baby arrives, but believe me, I won’t. I want to stay with my wife, Livvy. I’ve never stopped loving her; I made sure you knew that right from the word go. If you’d been honest with me, we wouldn’t be in this mess. I never wanted to bring another kid into the world. But like you told me the other night, I’ve no rights over your body and what you choose to do with it.’

  She blinked back tears. ‘You’re right. I’ve no reason to expect anything of you. It’s my fault and I’m grateful for the offer of support.’ She rummaged in her handbag for her chequebook, wrote the numbers down and handed over the piece of paper. ‘I’ll see you around, I expect.’

  He nodded. ‘If you need me, contact Ed or Jon. Don’t call the house. I don’t want Sammy upsetting at any cost.’

  ‘Are you moving back home then?’

  ‘Not yet, Sam needs more time. I’m moving into a flat on Monday.’

  ‘Can I have the phone number for there? In case I have any problems.’

  ‘No, it’s best if you don’t. Call Ed if it’s urgent. He’ll let me know right away and I’ll get straight back to you. I’m going now or I’ll be late for Sammy.’

  Livvy nodded as he stood up. ‘Bye then, Roy,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Bye, Livvy.’

  ***

  ‘I’m sorry to take up her working time, Sean,’ Roy apologised as he went back into the shop. He felt awful, hurting her like that. But there was no other option if he wanted to stay with Sammy.

  ‘That’s okay. Is she all right?’

  ‘She’s a bit upset. She had to face a few home truths and I know I’ve really hurt her. But at the end of the day it’s her decision not to have an abortion. I hope I’ve got through to her and this time it sinks in.’

  Sean shook his head. ‘It’s a mess, Roy. I don’t envy you one little bit. I sometimes wonder if Livvy’s not quite all there, you know. Two sandwiches short of a picnic, as Tina says.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’ Roy asked.

  ‘Sean’s right, Roy,’ Jon chipped in. ‘She doesn’t always listen to what you’re telling her.

  Like Granddad Ben says, she's, two sheep shor
t of a flock, half the time. She hears what she wants to hear and it’s not always what you’ve told her.’

  ‘For God’s sake, are you two trying to tell me she’s fucking loopy?’

  ‘Not loopy exactly,’ Sean reassured him. ‘A bit strange now and again, but not really loopy.’

  ‘You don’t think she’ll do anything stupid do you?’ Roy asked, concerned. ‘I mean anything to harm herself or the baby?’

  Jon shook his head. ‘No, well I hope not anyway.’ He broke off as the staffroom door opened and Livvy walked out, eyes red rimmed.

  ‘I thought you’d gone!’ She glared at Roy. ‘You said you had to get back for Sammy.’ She almost spat the name out.

  ‘I’m going now. I need to buy guitar strings.’ Sean followed him downstairs and led the way to the display of strings and accessories.

  ‘I need a quick word,’ he said to Roy.

  ‘What’s up?’

  ‘Find out if Jon’s got a problem at home. What with him and Livvy, between them they’re doing my bloody head in.’

  ‘What sort of problem?’ Roy frowned and handed Sean two packets of strings. ‘I ate with them last night and they were all fine then.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Sean shrugged, giving the strings to the girl at the till. ‘I wondered if the meeting he had with Angie’s family might have upset him.’

  ‘From what I understand, that went off all right. Leave it with me. I’ll ask Sam. See if Jane’s said anything. I’ll call you later.’ Roy paid for the strings and slipped the package into his pocket.

  ‘I’d appreciate that, thanks,’ Sean said as Roy left the shop.

  ***

  Sammy’s Porsche was on the hotel car park and he swung alongside it.

  As he hurried through reception, Sharon told him his wife was in the bar. He thanked her and joined Sammy. Bending to kiss her lightly on the lips, he pushed Livvy’s hurt expression to the back of his mind, for now.

  ‘Do you want another drink down here, or would you like to go upstairs?’ he said, gazing into Sammy’s eyes. He’d been so looking forward to this and the look she was giving him told him she was feeling the same.