The Beast Inside

by Monique Singleton

  I just let him talk. Trying to control my breathing. Keep the change at bay. I needed to find my peace again.

  ‘Your fore-bearer had the same you know. It’s probably a Primal thing.’ That irritating laugh again. I don’t know what agitated me most about him. The arrogance, his megalomania? Or that aggravating laugh? Whatever, he was getting to me.

  ‘Now that was a beautiful woman, like you. Nature sure knows how to choose them. She was tall and dark skinned, originally from Ethiopia I think, anyway very statuesque. Not that you are hard on the eyes. You just have a different beauty. Love the long hair. And the colour suits you. Best of both worlds.’ He stopped for a moment, seemingly in thought. ‘Where did you come from? Originally, I mean. Where did your Watchers find you?’

  He started moving again. The circling motion was disorienting me so I stopped turning with him. I just stood there and listened.

  ‘Ah, the Watchers. Let’s talk about them a bit more shall we.’ He was enjoying this. ‘As you probably know I sacked most of my clan. Though sacking might not be the correct word. I, shall we say, terminated our connection. But they will have told you that. I won’t be controlled. No one will tell me what I can and cannot do. I make my own decisions. I’m not ruled by any man-made restrictions. Or Nature’s for that matter.’

  He stopped again, looking down at me. ‘Yes, yes, I know that too. I know all about the balance, and how we were supposed to keep it. Well I say—fuck the balance. What’s the fun in that? Let’s create chaos. That would be wonderful. That would be a blast. But no, you’re much too impeccable. So virtuous.’

  Get to the point I thought. Then leave me.

  ‘So, you leave me no choice. I will have to do away with you. You are a threat to my lifestyle. And I cannot permit that.’

  He was going to kill me, big surprise.

  Suddenly he was all smiles again.

  ‘But first, it’s time for fun.’

  What did he mean? Torture? I was no stranger to that, but his version would be different. Wounds he inflicted wouldn’t heal like any others. They would pose a realistic threat to my own existence. And right now, I wanted to live a while longer.

  He left the rim of the well. I heard him walk somewhere. It was quiet for a moment. Then his footsteps returned, only he wasn’t alone. There were more footfalls. His and someone else, someone being dragged against his will.

  ‘Back again’ he proclaimed enthusiastically. ‘And I brought a friend.’ He dragged the other into sight on the rim of the well. My heart sank. It was Panat. He was bound and had a gag in his mouth. He was trying his best to fight Azazel, but he was losing the battle. Like me, Azazel was stronger than a mere mortal. He easily held on to Panat. I could see and smell that Panat was bleeding. He had a large gash over his chest. Very recent. The blood was seeping out of the wound, though it wasn’t necessarily life threatening in itself.

  ‘I thought you would like to say goodbye to your Watcher and may I add, your lover.’ He laughed. ‘Is this another Primal thing? Your ancestor did the same you know. She fell for her Watcher. And that made her vulnerable.’

  I was dreading what he would do. Would he kill Panat in front of me?

  ‘Anyway’ he was so enjoying this. ‘I thought you two lovebirds would like some time together.’

  The realisation hit me just as he pulled the gag out of Panat’s mouth, cut the bonds, and in one smooth motion pushed him over the rim.

  He wouldn’t kill Panat. He would leave that to me. The ultimate betrayal.

  The drop would have broken some of his bones so I caught Panat before he landed on the stone floor. Quickly putting him down, I moved as far away from him as possible. In the restricted space, that wasn’t far enough.

  I felt the murderous bloodlust overpowering me. The proximity of a bleeding human intensified the urge to rip into whatever was near. My vision rapidly turned red. In the background, I heard the insane laughter coming from above the rim of the cistern. He was enjoying this to the extreme.

  ‘What are you waiting for. Kill him. It is your destiny. Let history repeat itself.’

  Panat was terrified, and justly so.

  Panat tried to crawl into the wall of the cistern, as far away from her as possible. She was constantly morphing in and out of the change. Her face was almost unrecognisable as she strove to keep control over her bloody urges. He could see the effort it took. He could also see that she was losing the fight. He had to do something. But what?

  Pulling every last smidgen of courage and love from God knows where, he took one small step in her direction.

  She roared. He sprang back, took another breath and once again took a step forward, shaking all over. He stood his ground when she roared at him. Trying to keep breathing regularly, he sought his own inner peace. He didn’t find it. The circumstances were just too extreme. Still, he was adamant to carry on. She could attack him, probably would, but that was going to happen anyway. So, there was no added risk there.

  ‘Anadi’ he said softly. She had turned her back on him, trying in vain to block him out. ‘Please Anadi, please listen to my voice.’ He took another step. ‘Listen to my words. Let me be your anchor. Follow my voice back to sanity.’ It was a long shot. But there was nothing to lose. Anadi slowly sank down to the floor of the well, her arms with the claws on the end of her hands folded over her head.

  ‘Oh, come on.’ Azazel was disappointed. ‘Kill the bastard, you know you want to. Rip his heart out.’ He urged Anadi on. ‘Don’t be such a wimp. You’re not strong enough to withstand the blood. You can smell it. Can’t you? Go on, take a whiff.’

  She stayed in the same position, growling under her breath. Her vision was coloured bright red. She was losing the battle.

  ‘Find your peace.’ She heard a voice far away. It only just came through the haze. ‘Let the river carry you there.’ Panat took a very small step forward. He was just an arm’s length from her now. There was no going back. He had to continue on his chosen path. ‘Breathe.’

  ‘Don’t listen to him.’ Azazel screamed. ‘Listen to your Primal Force. Kill the meaningless insect. Show your real self.’ He encouraged her on.

  Anadi was tortured by the conflicting emotions. They were so unbelievably strong. She could hear Aze’s ranting, it was pushing her over the brink. She was holding on by a hair and her grip was failing. The blood was winning. She could smell Panat close by, knew that he was only a metre away. All she had to do was turn around and rip his throat out. Her murderous needs would be met. She would relieve the tension. All she had to do… …

  But behind the insanity she heard Panat’s voice. Urging her to connect to that one place she had found up in the mountains. Her peace. His voice was steady. Slowly the words came through. She tried to concentrate. Push the blood back.

  ‘Shanti’ he said. ‘Shanti.’ He kept repeating the word, louder and louder.

  ‘What the fuck is Shanti? Azazel screamed from above.

  Panat ignored him. He chanted the word, took that last step and placed his hand on her shoulder.

  She shivered, Panat left his hand there even though he was terrified. ‘Find Shanti’ he said. Softly ‘Please Anadi, focus on your breathing and find Shanti.’

  Anadi concentrated on Panat’s voice, and on her own breathing. Infinitely slowly, she forced herself to relax a bit. To block out any other sounds and smells. The nearness of Panat was comforting on the one hand, but it made her smell the blood on him all the more. She had to concentrate. The river. Shanti.

  Panat placed his other hand on her shoulder and knelt down behind her, his head closer to hers. Internally, he was terrified. Forcing his voice to carry a courage that he didn’t feel, he continued his soft-spoken words.

  Gradually the words took hold and she felt a trickle of control coming back. Gripping it tightly she concentrated on the river, helped by Panat’s closeness and his touch. She fixated on the river, letting it warm her while she floated in the soft current.

  Pana
t could feel the tension slowly, very slowly, ebb from her shoulders. He wanted to jump for joy, but it was too soon for that. Her control was fragile. He continued to talk to her, encourage her onwards.

  ‘No, no!’ Azazel was livid. ‘No! Kill him!’

  She blocked him out. The river was winning. She was winning.

  Disgusted Azazel screamed out his frustration. ‘You won’t be able to keep it up. This is just a reprieve. Enjoy the few minutes you have won for yourself Panat. It won’t last. She might be able to fight the blood lust this time, but given time she will go berserk. And time is what I have in abundance. You’re dead, buddy.’

  Panat heard Azazel leave the cistern’s rim and head into the stronghold.

  He kept his hands on Anadi’s shoulders. Willing her to find her Shanti. He felt her relax. Bit by bit.

  I felt myself float on the river. The water was still red, but the brilliance was fading. Slowly it turned translucent, to more or less normal water. I let myself drift where the river took me. Not trying to steer, confident that the river would bring me to the place I needed to be. I could feel my breath, my heartbeat. Both were slowing. Becoming more regular. Panat’s hands were warm on my shoulders. They felt familiar, encouraging. His steady voice urged me on. The air seemed fresher, cleansed by the water. The sky above the river blue and warm.

  My paws morphed back to human hands. My facial features settled back to their normal proportions. I was winning.

  And there it was.

  Shanti.

  The feeling flowed over me, filling each pore in my skin, every cell in my body.

  We had won.

  For the time being.

  I opened my eyes and turned around to face Panat.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Always.’ He answered.

  We sat there and just breathed.

  ‘We need to think about how we can get out of here.’ I said. ‘Azazel was right, the peace won’t last. The urge is too strong, and you’re bleeding.’

  He nodded. ‘Besides, if we don’t get out quickly, he’ll think of some other way to kill us.’

  ‘Yes. It won’t take long for him to come back. He’s too set on seeing me kill you.’

  ‘So why don’t we show him just that?’ he suggested.

  I was confused. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘If we pretend that you have killed me and want to eat me, maybe he’ll leave you to it.’

  It sounded like a very stupid idea, but unfortunately it was the only one we had.

  ‘How can we deceive him, he can read your mind?’ one of the holes in the plan.

  ‘You’ll have to confuse his psychic powers, and convince him that you’ve really killed me.’

  I was dreading what the solution was. ‘How?’

  ‘We can smear blood all over my neck, I’ll make sure that it’s bent in an unnatural posture. And if you roar loud enough it should work. Your roar unnerves even him.’

  ‘Yes, but then I’ll have to change. And I don’t know if I can keep control in feline form. It’s much more difficult. I’m only just hanging on as it is.’

  ‘You can do it Anadi’ he whispered, taking my face in his hands. ‘I know you can.’

  ‘I’ll have to.’ I answered under my breath. He kissed me on the lips. Our first real kiss. Not under the best of circumstances, but still.

  When Azazel walked back to the well, he could hear the roars and screams. Not wanting to miss the actual kill, he started running.

  Standing on the rim of the cistern, he saw that he was just a few moments too late. She had changed back fully into the magnificent lion. She was fantastic. Truly impressive. She was standing over the body. Had ripped the throat out by the looks of it, the neck was broken, his head lying at a crooked angle. Azazel was satisfied with the outcome even though he was sorry that he had missed the actual kill. But hey, you couldn’t win them all. The roars were continuous, and confounding. They threaded his nerves. He found himself becoming flustered. Not a state of mind he was used to. Her presence influenced him, just as his did her. But it was the roars that really got to him.

  He decided to leave her to the body. He didn’t expect her to feed, but maybe she would, compounding the effect. What she had done would kill her once she came back from the bloodlust. She would go mad with grief. And finding out she had eaten her lover would seal the deal.

  He wanted to watch, but the incessant roars were getting to him. So, he left.

  Anadi kept on roaring, as she heard the footsteps leave the well site. She was holding on to her sanity by the hairs on her teeth. The urge to actually kill Panat was almost overwhelming. The only thing that stopped her was the memory of his kiss. It allowed her to hold on to Shanti. Though it was exhausting. As the cat, she was closer to the Primal urges anyway, so it made it that more difficult to hold them at bay.

  Slowly she stopped her roars. And listened. There was no sound of Azazel. No scent either. He wasn’t anywhere near.

  Anadi stepped back from Panat. He slowly stood up, shaking all over. Listening for sounds from above, as she was.

  ‘He went for it,’ he whispered.

  Anadi changed back to her human form. They had decided that this was the only way they would be able to escape. She stood up against the wall of the well. ‘Are you sure Panat?’

  ‘Yes, I’ll be ok. You have to throw me up as high as possible.’ She stood in front of him, her fingers interlaced in front of her stomach, her knees bent slightly so she could generate maximal uplift.

  ‘Ready?’

  ‘On three.’

  ‘One…Two…Three.’ he started towards her, getting as much speed as the small space would let him, stepped onto her folded hands with one foot and pushed himself off the floor of the cistern. Anadi put all her strength into launching him upwards towards the rim of the well.

  He made it. Falling over the rim of the cistern, he grabbed on to the stone border so that he wouldn’t slip back.

  Panat scrambled up and stood upright. Now he had to find something to get Anadi out of the well. He searched around, listening intently all the time, just in case Azazel came back. It remained quiet. Finally, he found a thick rope, probably the original rope that had been used for the cistern. He tied the end of the rope to the wooden beam over the cavity and dropped it down.

  Anadi quickly climbed the rope and made it out of the cistern. They promptly ran to the cover of the forest bordering the clearing. They left the rope where it was. The idea was that it would confuse or at least anger Azazel.

  They only had to wait for a few minutes before Azazel and Sarah came back to the well to check on what had happened. They had noticed that the roaring had stopped.

  Walking into the small clearing it was Sarah who first noticed the rope. ‘My lord!’ she exclaimed pointing to the wooden construction above the cistern.

  ‘No!’ Aze was livid. ‘No, it can’t be.’ He hurried over and looked down into the depth. ‘No! No!’ the acolyte was looking around nervously. Where had the prisoners gone to, and most important, were they being hunted now?

  A nerve-freezing roar answered her worst fears. Anadi rose to her full feline hight at the edge of the jungle. Sarah panicked and ran. Azazel turned from the cistern and took a few steps backwards, keeping the construction between him and his nemesis. To no avail, she easily cleared the cavity when she pounced on him. He fell over backwards. She landed on top of him, her front paws on his chest, pinning him to the ground with her weight and claws.

  I lowered my fangs to his face. Instead of fear, he just laughed.

  ‘Go on’ he said, ‘bite me.’ Something in his words, and the way he said them, stopped me in my tracks.

  ‘Come on, what are you waiting for? This is what you came for, isn’t it?’ He really wanted me to do this, or was he just taunting me?

  I heard Panat in the background. It took all my self-control to stay in the zone. I had to keep the Primal under control. Pinning Azazel to the ground meant that I was in
the closest contact possible, I was touching him, and that was detrimental to any form of peace I was trying to keep inside myself.

  ‘Bite me! Come on, kill me! That’s what you want isn’t it? Do it! Don’t let them get me alive. I won’t give in, no matter what, not this time, they won’t control me again. Don’t do what they want. Screw up Joseph’s plan!’ He was shouting at me. Making it even more difficult to ignore the bloodlust. ‘Finish it, make me proud.’ I was confused. Why would killing him make him proud? How would that screw up Joseph’s plan? He had told me to kill Aze. And what about him? I thought he wanted to live.

  Then it hit me. Killing him would have an even greater impact on me. Or was it just the biting? He was pushing me to sink my fangs in, that would hurt him—badly. But there had to be more. It was almost impossible to think with my vision turning red. I had to do something quickly or I would lose it because of the close contact. This was even more difficult than staying sane near Panat.

  He must be reading my mind. Maybe the bloodlust finally let him in. ‘Losing it are you?’ he was enjoying this in his own perverted way. ‘Come on, bite me, that’s what you want. Let it all go, let the Primal loose. Show the world what you’re made of. Claim your rightful place as the predator supreme.’

  No, no, I had to stay focussed.

  My head moved closer to his face. His maniacal laugh urged me on. He felt my hot breath.

  I had to kill him, but I didn’t necessarily have to bite him. I didn’t have to taste his blood.

  My front paws were on his chest, pinning him to the ground. Slowly, I extended my claws further, cutting into the flesh. I could smell the blood, but tried to ignore it.

  The panic on his face was priceless. ‘No, no, you need to bite me.’ He struggled to free his arms, but my weight must have been too much. The claws went deeper. His anguish increased. ‘No, no, it won’t work this way. You have to taste my blood.’