The Beast Inside

by Monique Singleton

  Keeping my sanity was almost impossible, the need to bite him, to snuff all the life out of him was overpowering.

  ‘Focus.’ It was Panat. ‘Focus.’ He had struggled over to me and placed his hand on my back in support. A potentially suicidal move. Never get between a lion and its prey. But in this case, it was just what I needed. The energy in his touch momentarily pulled me from the edge, again, for the second time today.

  I had to finish this.

  Fully extending my claws into Azazel, I punctured his lung, the blood quickly bubbled up in his mouth, obscuring his frantic screaming. Straightening up, I raked my claws down through his body cavity cutting through muscle, bone and organs. My right talons grabbed the heart, ripped it loose of its constraints and out of the body.

  Jumping up off the body I retreated a few paces, I needed to get some distance. The smell of the blood and gore was threatening to overwhelm me, push me over the edge. Panat didn’t know what to do, come to me or stay away. He took a few steps in my direction but I growled at him to stop. He retreated.

  The blood on my paws was burning me. It seemed as if I was on fire. I brought my paw up to my mouth.

  ‘No Anadi, don’t lick it. You need to wash the blood off.’ Panat yelled at me. ‘Go to the water, don’t lick it off. There’s something wrong with the blood.’

  Through the red haze I heard his voice. Though it was barely registering. Something strange was happening to me. I had never had this kind of reaction to a kill. But then, I had never killed one of my own kind before. My grip on myself was slipping. I was losing the battle with insanity. My vision was warped. Shaking my head didn’t help. It actually made it worse. My head hurt. Light burned my eyes. All I wanted to do was lash out at something and get out of here.

  ‘The water!’ Panat was screaming now.

  The sound was irritating.

  But I had to focus.

  On him, and on what he was saying. Not on the bloodlust and the pain.

  Focus.

  ‘Breathe.’ He yelled.

  Panat grabbed a pot filled with water and threw it over me. The shock of the cold liquid momentarily brought me a little closer to my senses.

  ‘Get to the river. Now.’ He screamed. ‘Wash it off.’

  I looked down at the blood on my paws. It had turned jet black. The fur underneath was smoking as if on fire. I roared. Then the haze returned with a vengeance, and with it the Primal Nature.

  I slowly advanced on Panat. He had retreated during my roar. Now he turned and ran.

  I tried to focus, but his fleeing motion had reignited the Primal. I needed to hunt him. To bring him down. I couldn’t see that it was him anymore, he was just prey. There was no stopping me now.

  I sprang into motion, running after Panat. He slipped through the trees, not looking back. He chose his route well. On a straight and open line, I would already have caught him, in between the trees and shrubs my progress was hindered. He was a lot smaller than me and able to stay ahead, though only just.

  I was gaining on him.

  The red haze was now more and more overwhelming.

  He stopped all of a sudden.

  He had reached the edge of the cliff. Turning around he looked at me, just as I launched myself in a last and murderous attack, claws fully extended and jaws wide open.

  He threw himself off the cliff.

  My momentum carried me over as well.

  We both plummeted down, more than thirty meters, into the freezing water of the fast-flowing river.

  I lost sight of Panat.

  The icy cold woke me from my insanity. The dashing current pulled me along, away from where I had landed in the river, and probably away from Panat. Initially I fought the river, but then realising what had almost happened, I stopped my struggles and let the water take me from the scene. Hopefully far from Panat.

  CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN

  Panat struggled to reach the surface of the fast-flowing river. He had no idea where Anadi was. She might have surfaced already. She might be waiting for him with murderous intent. He had no way of knowing if he would survive the next few minutes. The river and the jump had been a gamble. There had been no time to think it through. He had just jumped.

  Surfacing, he gulped a breath, trying to keep his head above the raging river. He was pulled along with the current, no way that he could swim against that. He let himself ride the river, concentrating all his energy on keeping his head above the water and avoiding any boulders he could see.

  Anadi was nowhere in sight.

  He would worry about her later. First, he needed to get out of the river. Trying to steer himself to the left bank, he made minute alterations to his course and finally his feet brushed the bottom of the river. Straining against the current, he fought his way to the bank and climbed out. Exhausted, he lay on the soft grass catching his breath.

  Slowly he focussed on the sounds of the jungle around him. The birds called in the trees. Far away a monkey screamed his anger at something. The fact that the birds were still here meant that Anadi wasn’t. She had that effect on birds and animals especially in her feline form. It gave him a spark of hope.

  Sitting up he looked around the bank. There was a small stretch of grass and low bushes between the river and the jungle. The water near the bank was relatively tranquil. It was a soothing place.

  He waited.

  Finally, he felt her presence.

  He turned to the tree line. She was standing there. In human form. Her wet hair sticking to her beautiful naked form. He was amazed. She was so stunning. He could see the peace in her eyes. And in her stance. The river had done its job. It had washed the contagious blood off her.

  She walked over to him and sat down on the grass in front of him.

  ‘What made you realise that the blood was tainted?’ she asked.

  He contemplated it for a moment. ‘He was so adamant that you bite him, there had to be a reason for that. And when you didn’t, when you used your claws, he panicked. That was not what he had planned.’

  She nodded.

  ‘We have to remember that he has been through it all before. He fought your predecessor. When she bit him, he found out what the effect of his blood was on her. She went berserk, we know that. We just didn’t know exactly why. We thought it was because he was so close. She killed everything in sight. I think that was what he wanted now.’ It sounded logical. ‘I think he knew he couldn’t win this time. So, he wanted to maximise the damage.’

  ‘What did he mean that he wouldn’t be taken alive?’ Anadi asked. Panat shrugged. ‘And that killing him wasn’t what Joseph had planned? He sent us here to do exactly that.’

  ‘He was completely insane. Or just completely evil. If there is such a thing.’

  ‘Was he?’

  They sat on the grass together, both lost in their own thoughts about what had happened.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ Panat asked her.

  ‘Strange.’ She answered.’ I feel relieved that it’s over and that I didn’t go absolutely nuts. But I also have a remarkable sense of loss. I know he had to die, but he was the only other of my own kind that I have encountered. It feels as though something was ripped from me.’ She paused for a moment. ‘And then there’s the realisation of the power that I have. I feel as though I only now know what the extent is of my power and strength. And that terrifies me. ‘

  ‘Why?’

  ‘No one should have this much power. It’s just too much for one person.’ She was shivering despite the heat. ‘How can it ever be controlled? How can I do that?’

  He moved closer and took her hands. ‘You were chosen for this.’ He said softly. ‘There was a reason for that. Maybe the reason is that you are the only one who can handle it.’

  ‘But I don’t want it.’ She whispered, tears in her eyes. ‘It’s all too much for me.’

  ‘You don’t have to do it alone.’ He answered. ‘I’m here.’ She was about to say something, he put his finger on her lips to
stop her. ‘And when I’m not here anymore, there will be someone else. You have more than me, there is the clan. And even though we don’t live forever individually, the clan is immortal, and will be there to support you throughout. In eternity.’ She pondered his words. He had effectively read her mind. She would outlive him, she always did. But the thought that she was not solely responsible for everything was comforting. Though the thought of the clan reignited her doubts about their legitimacy.

  ‘Ultimately I think it’s good that you found us. I know Kahdi won’t agree with me on this.’ That brought chuckles from both of them. ‘But I don’t care. It happened as it was supposed to. You needed us and we needed to change our ways. No longer be Watchers, but partners. We might even have to change our name.’ She smiled at that. ‘It’s time we entered the present century once and for good. We have to stop living in the past. There are no rules for what we do, other than what was accepted as the traditional way. Up to now we only changed if we discovered something new we couldn’t go around. Nature didn’t give us a manual, so we have to make our own. And in my book, that means that it’s dynamic. Or should be. The past centuries we’ve kept up with technology, but our fundamental beliefs have been around for thousands of years. It’s about time that we calibrated them and caught up with the rest of the world. You have been the catalyst for that.’

  He kissed her. ‘Thank you for that’ looked her deep in the beautiful eyes. ‘And for letting me be here with you.’

  ‘I almost killed you.’ She whispered.

  ‘And I betrayed you.’ His answer was simple and without resentment or accusation. She smiled. ‘But it wasn’t us. We were both under Azazel’s influence.’ Then he added: ‘but hey, looks like we survived. It can’t be all that bad.’

  She held on to him. Feeling reassured and safe in his arms. Whatever was to come, would come. She had a long road ahead. Lots of soul searching to do, but she now had a spark of hope that things would be ok. Maybe not great, but she would settle for ok for now. She wasn’t alone anymore.

  CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT

  One thing led to another and they stayed in the clearing for another two hours.

  Standing up they finally left the riverbank and made their way back to the clearing where she had killed Azazel. As they neared the area they heard a keening sound. A woman was screaming out her anguish. Panat and Anadi entered the clearing and saw the woman who had been Azazel’s companion bent over with a black husk in her arms.

  The husk was all that was left of Azazel. He looked like a centuries old mummified corpse, less than half the size of what he had been in life. His face had sunken back down into his head, giving the effect of a crushed skull. His chest had done the same. In no way did he look like he had hours ago.

  The woman looked up at them and screamed. ‘You!’ she spat at Anadi. ‘You killed him.’

  Well that was evident. They stayed silent, not sure how to react to her.

  ‘He was my life.’ She continued. ‘He was everything to me. You did not have the right to kill him. It’s not right. He was immortal. He was destined to live forever. How could you do this?’ She broke down and bent over the form in her arm, crying incessantly.

  Anadi and Panat looked at each other. Unclear what to do or say. Out of the edge of her vision Anadi saw the other acolyte—Rafael, standing hesitantly at the edge of the jungle. He had returned. Probably because of the woman’s hysterics. He was skittish. Unsure what to do. He kept his eyes on Anadi as he inched forward to the woman. Reaching her he took her in his arms, trying to pry her away from Azazel’s remains. To no avail, she refused to budge.

  ‘You should not have killed him.’ Rafe said softly. ‘It wasn’t supposed to go down this way.’

  ‘What was supposed to happen then?’ Panat asked.

  ‘His plan was that you both lived.’

  ‘Azazel’s plan?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then who’s? Anadi was confused.

  ‘Joseph’s.’ Again, Anadi and Panat looked at each other, both puzzled. Joseph had given them the task to kill Azazel. This was the second time a different plan had come up. What was the truth?

  ‘Joseph wanted me to kill Azazel.’ Anadi said to the acolyte.

  The woman screamed an answer for him. ‘No, he wanted you to wound him. He wanted both of you wounded. Azazel knew, he read Sarah’s mind.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘So that he could control both of you,’ it was the man again.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Panat was as bewildered as Anadi.

  ‘He wanted to weaken both of you and then swoop in and take control again. So that you would be made to do what he wanted.’

  A shiver went down Anadi’s spine. This was not what she wanted to hear. Memories of what Azazel had told her while she was in the cistern started to re-emerge in her conscious mind. What was Joseph up to?

  What had they gotten themselves into?

  The body was disintegrating. Falling in on itself. The sand-like consistency slipped through the woman’s fingers onto the jungle floor.

  ‘We need to leave, Rashidi.’ Rafael said to the woman. Slowly he took what was left of the husk from her arms and placed it on the ground. He stood up with the crying Rashidi hanging on to his arm and with a last glance at Anadi and Panat, they walked into the jungle.

  ‘She is Joseph’s niece. Esther’s daughter.’ Panat said incredulously. Anadi looked at him in surprise. Another unexpected twist.

  Anadi and Panat let them leave. Without their master, they were no longer perceived as a threat.

  There was no sign of Sarah—she had disappeared too. Anadi couldn’t catch her scent, at least not a recent one.

  The clearing was quiet. The only sound was the scream of a monkey somewhere in the jungle. And then the whirring of a helicopter.

  Panat looked at Anadi. Neither of them knew what to say.

  CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE

  We didn’t know what to think. There were so many inconsistencies. And what did Joseph have to do with all this? What of all that Azazel had told us was true? Who was manipulating whom?

  And what do we do with Aze’s remains? Not that there was much left of him.

  We decided to set fire to them. A jungle cremation. It seemed fitting. There was no precedence for how to deal with a dead force, so we were winging it.

  We had to make up our mind what to do now. Go back to the clan? And then what? Or if not, what then? And what to do with all the information that Azazel had given us?

  ‘We need to talk about Joseph’ I said. Panat nodded.

  ‘Azazel talked a lot while I was here’ he said. ‘He told me strange things. I don’t necessarily agree with what he said, or believe him, after all, he was the master manipulator, but it has made me think.’

  ‘Me too’ I replied, curious to hear what Azazel had told Panat.

  ‘Let’s get something to eat and drink and then catch up on the information he gave us.’ Panat turned to the buildings. ‘We can take a look at this place then as well. There’s a strange vibe here. I want to know what it is and why.’

  ‘Good idea. Azazel told me this was the origin of the Watchers. If so, then it figures that you feel some kind of connection. I know I do. A very strong one.’ I looked around. ‘But first we eat and drink.’ The deep grumble in my stomach was a clear sign of definite agreement.

  We found supplies in one of the buildings—canned food and plastic bottles of water. The barely legible labels on the cans were in a language that I am not familiar with, so we had no idea of their contents other than through the faded pictures. It was potluck. We just tried one. The can we opened looked and ultimately smelled like goulash so we emptied it into a metal pan we’d found. There was a small camping style cooker in the corner of the building and we warmed the food. Though I was completely happy to eat anything even if it was cold or raw, Panat had more culinary expectations.

  The change always sapped my strength. Changing as often as I had in the past tw
enty-four hours, along with all the adrenaline, had completely emptied me of energy. I needed to eat, to replenish it. I was famished.

  The first can was quickly followed by the second, third and finally the fourth. Panat stopped eating after the second, I just kept on going, much to his amusement.

  ‘You sure can eat.’ He laughed. ’We’ll have to find a place to stay somewhere near a supermarket, just to keep you fed.’

  ‘It’s the change.’ I replied, scraping out the last remnants of the food from the can and licking the spoon. ‘You should see me when I’m really hungry.’ That made him laugh even more.

  We shared a bottle of water.

  ‘What did Aze say about this place?’ Panat asked.

  ‘That it is the birthplace of the Watchers. Maybe not of the forces, we seem to be a lot older.’ Panat nodded. ‘He also told me about a hallucinogenic that was grown here. The first Watchers used it to commune with Nature, Aze used it as the main ingredient for Shiva. It’s indigenous to this part of the Amazon. Nowhere else. We need to find it, have it analysed. Maybe then they can make an antidote for Shiva. Or at least something to lessen the effect.’ I pondered another thing that was bothering me. ‘Makes we wonder whether the helicopter we allowed to leave was carrying any.’

  ‘Hope not.’

  ‘Me too, but something tells me this isn’t over yet.’

  We thought on that for a while.

  ‘Another thing that’s bothering me’ I said. ‘I had expected a reaction to Azazel’s death.’

  ‘What do you mean exactly?’ Panat was confused.

  ‘Well, when Ashanti died, there was an implosion and it killed an enormous number of people. I killed Aze and nothing seems the have happened. No impact. I had expected something like with Ashanti.’

  ‘Yeah, good question.’ Panat was as confused as I was. ‘I have no idea why nothing happened. It seems as though he was counting on a big impact if you died, but you’re right, where’s the reaction to his death?’