Running to Stand Still

by J Theron

  “Wow! You are amazing. I’ve never had my ass whipped like that! I thought you didn’t play. Or was it beginners luck?” Danielle grinned at Michael.

  He did not say anything but watched her with a speculative gaze on his face as the seconds ticked by. She did not know what to say and shuffled her feet uncomfortably. Michael put down the cue and seemed to come to a decision.

  “Thanks for the game sweet Danielle. Have a good night.” And just like that he turned around and was gone.

  CHAPTER 5

  It was perfect beach weather and Danielle was lying on the Main Beach with Thomas and Carin and a few other friends from school. Rachel and Craig were sitting under the umbrella, but they were so engrossed in each other’s company, they did not notice anything around them. It had been six weeks since the party. Six weeks of utter agony for Danielle.

  The neighbourhood kids went to the beach every day and spent their nights either playing pool at the Beach Hotel or having parties on the beach. Michael always accompanied them, but he did not seem to notice her even though he was never far away from her. When she tried to speak to him, he would quickly cut the conversation short and then avoid her the rest of the time. She was desperate to know where Michael was today, but she did not know how to ask Thomas without making it obvious that she was completely and devastatingly in love with his brother.

  “Hey babe! You’re burning. Let me put on some sunscreen,” Thomas said as he sat down next to Danielle. She was lying on her stomach and he absentmindedly brushed some grains of sand from her back. He then took her bottle of sunscreen and squirted some on her shoulders and back before rubbing it in.

  “I love this black and silver bikini of yours, Danni. It makes you look hot. I think I’ll need to put on some extra sunscreen to counteract the hotness coming from your body.”

  “Thomas, stop talking nonsense!” She wriggled her back and hesitated for a few seconds before asking, “Where is Michael today?” She could not help herself. She hoped her voice had just the right amount of feigned nonchalance.

  She became aware of Thomas’s fingers slowly travelling over her back and felt uncomfortable for some strange reason. He was always touching her, but she had never felt uncomfortable before. She turned on her back and peered up at him, squinting her eyes in the bright sunlight.

  “I invited him to come along, but he’s been in a foul mood lately. I honestly don’t know what’s going on with him. He said he didn’t feel like coming to the beach,” Thomas replied.

  “Speak of the devil…” Thomas pointed to Michael as he slowly sauntered across the sand towards their small group. “Guess he changed his mind.”

  Danielle had a sudden rush of adrenaline as she watched Michael’s approach. He was only wearing his dark blue boardshorts and it was hanging low on his hips, showing off his rippling abdominal muscles and smooth chest. His beach towel was hanging over his shoulder and he was wearing a very sexy pair of sunglasses.

  “Hey Bro! Glad you changed your mind and decided to come to the beach. It doesn’t feel right if you’re not here.” Thomas got up and slapped Michael on his back.

  Michael dropped his chin and peered over his sunglasses at Thomas. “I missed you little brother! I couldn’t stay away.”

  Thomas gave him an amused grin and flopped down on his back next to Danielle again, lying closer that necessary. Danielle had to suppress the urge to push Thomas away. Michael glanced in her direction, barely acknowledging her with a curt nod of his head before walking to where Carin and some of her girlfriends were sitting. He sat down next to one of the girls and started chatting to her as if they were old friends.

  Danielle felt as if her chest was gripped in a vice. She had difficulty breathing and could not see anything other than Michael seemingly deep in conversation with Andrea and volunteering to put some sunscreen on her back. She jumped up and started walking towards the ocean.

  “Where are you going, babe?” Thomas asked.

  Danielle stopped walking and turned to Thomas to say, “I’m going for a swim. I’m overheating and I need to cool off. Do you want to join me?”

  “Yeah babe. Get rid of all that hotness,” he said with a smirk on his face while gesturing up and down at her.

  She rolled her eyes. “Are you coming or not?” She struggled to keep the irritation out of her voice.

  “Nah. The water is too cold today. Maybe later. Don’t boil the ocean.” Thomas winked at her before lying back on his towel.

  She walked to the edge of the waves and peered at the horizon. The waves were perfect for body surfing and she decided to walk a little further along the beach where there were no other people in the water. She hated it when she caught the perfect wave and then had to duck because some idiot was in her way. She had to catch her breath as she stepped into the water. It was colder than usual and she slowly walked deeper and then dived under the first wave to get used to the cold water.

  She swam deeper until she was behind the break of the waves, but it was not very deep and she could still stand. She lifted her feet and turned on her back to float on the water. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind of thoughts of Michael. She had to forget about him. He was clearly not interested and dwelling on it was futile. She was relaxing in the gentle swell of the water and slowly moved her arms to stay afloat, but the painful pressure in her chest did not ease.

  She must have drifted like that for ten minutes when she felt a warm hand brush over her abdomen. The soft caress gave her an enormous fright and she flew upright. Michael was standing in the water next to her and he was watching her with an unreadable expression on his face.

  “Why are you sneaking up on me, Michael? It isn’t funny!” She brushed her wet hair back from her face and slapped on the surface of the water in irritation.

  “I saw you from the beach. This is the first time in more than a month where Thomas is not attached to your hip. I wanted to talk to you so I followed you,” he stated simply. He did not move, his face not giving anything away.

  Danielle gaped at Michael. She had no idea where this conversation was going, but her heart started racing and she struggled to breathe normally.

  “What was so important that you had to follow me into the ocean? Why couldn’t you speak to me on the beach?” she asked with a faint quiver in her voice.

  He moved towards her and put his hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him. He gently brushed a few strands of wet hair from her forehead and looked into her eyes so intently that it took her breath away.

  “I’m leaving in a few days. I have to go back to the army. I’ve been here for more than a month and my leave is up.”

  Michael looked conflicted, as if he had something weighing on his mind. His thumbs were caressing her waist where his hands were resting on her hips.

  Danielle did not respond. She was gazing into his blue eyes and then couldn’t help but look at his mouth. She desperately wanted him to kiss her, but she was frozen, too afraid to do or say anything.

  “You are so beautiful, Danni. You take my breath away,” he whispered as he tightened his grip on her waist and she felt her heart slam against her chest. She was sure he could see the rapid pulse in her neck. Something shifted in his expression, almost as if he came to a decision. He pulled her against his chest and she could feel the hard muscles of his torso pressing against her breasts.

  His one hand moved up to hold the back of her head and the other circled her waist. His hand was on her lower back, pushing her body against him and she gasped when she felt his erection pushing into her belly. She had never felt it before, but she knew what it was, and could not believe she had such an effect on him. She was standing in cold water, but it felt as if her whole body was consumed in flames.

  He hesitated for a few seconds and then uttered a few hoarse words under his breath, “Screw that. You are mine. I saw you first.”

  And then he kissed her. His mouth was crushing her lips, kissing her as if he was starving, and she was
the key to his survival. All thought fled from Danielle’s mind except for his mouth and his hands roaming over her body. His tongue touched her lips, demanding entry into her mouth. He tasted delicious, a slight minty taste mixed with the salt from the ocean.

  Danielle had never been properly kissed before and she never in her wildest dreams imagined it could feel so amazing. His tongued moved in and out of her mouth in a sensual movement and it almost paralysed her. She gripped his shoulders and then put her arms around his neck to keep her legs from buckling. She pulled her head back for a second and looked into his eyes with adoration.

  “I love you, Michael. I’m so in love with you I can’t eat, I struggle to sleep. You’re all I think about. I couldn’t understand why you’ve avoided me all these weeks!”

  Her whole body was trembling. She could not believe this beautiful boy whom she loved so completely wanted her too. Michael did not respond, but he lowered his head to kiss her again. His hands were caressing her back and then skimmed over her ribs, his thumbs brushing the lower swell of her breasts.

  “Michael, what the hell are you doing?”

  Danielle first heard the voice and then realised Michael was gently pushing her away. As she opened her eyes she saw Thomas standing a few feet away, with a stricken look on his face. He was glaring at her and Michael.

  “I’m kissing Danni. What did it look like?” Michael returned Thomas’s glare, not backing down.

  “Yeah, I could see that. My next question is, why are you kissing my girl, Bro? You know how I feel about her!” The last sentence came out as almost a shout.

  “Wow! Stop right there. What the hell are you talking about? I’m nobody’s girl,” Danielle said as she moved closer to Thomas and looked into his face searchingly.

  “I love you, Danielle! I’ve been in love with you since I met you.” Thomas sounded desperate. He grabbed her hand and tried to pull her towards him, but she pulled her hand out of his grip.

  “You’re such a shithead, Thomas. Why are you telling me this now? You know I love you, but we’re just friends. Have I ever given you reason to believe otherwise?” Her eyes filled with tears when she saw the look of utter mortification on his face.

  Thomas turned to Michael and looked at him with such contempt it took her breath away. He stepped towards Michael and poked him in the chest with his finger repeatedly as he spoke. “This is your fault! You can have any girl you like but you just had to have mine, didn’t you?”

  Michael slapped Thomas’s hand away with force. His voice was threatening when he said, “I will say this only once. Don’t put your hands on me again. As for Danielle, I’m sorry Thomas, but you have no claim on her. She can kiss whomever she wants. And she wanted to kiss me.”

  Michael turned around and started to walk out of the water towards the beach. Danielle stared after him and wanted to call his name. She wanted him to come back and kiss her again. She wanted him to tell her he loved her too. Instead she watched him walk away.

  Later that afternoon after she had finally managed to calm Thomas down, she ran to Michael’s house in desperation. She had to tell him she chose him, but when she barged into his room it was empty. He was gone.

  PART TWO

  I have often wondered if you are destined to love only one person with your whole soul. What if fate intervened and you met that person when you were still too young to understand. Once you have given your soul to another person, how do you get it back? How do you retrieve that part of yourself that was given freely? Is it possible to love another when that person is ripped away? Yes, we can all love again. Just not with your whole soul. That only happens once. If fate loves you and you are extremely lucky it can last a lifetime. If fate hates you it can be over in the blink of an eye.

  CHAPTER 6

  It was spring in Avignon. Danielle stood in one of the towers in the Palais des Papes and looked at the city sprawled in front of her. She had never been to France before and she was in love. Everything about the city enchanted her. She watched the Rhône as it snaked through the landscape and made a mental note to take a trip on one of the barges. The myriad of medieval houses within the walls of the old city were creating a patchwork quilt as they jutted from the ground at different levels.

  She felt at peace for the first time in many months. She did not think about the decision she had to make when she got back to Cape Town. She absentmindedly twisted the engagement ring on her left hand. She still was not used to wearing it and it irritated her. She never thought she would be engaged at twenty six. Her growling stomach alerted her that she had not eaten since that morning and she reluctantly walked down the stone steps to the exit, not wanting to leave this peaceful place.

  Danielle liked to travel alone. She made her own decisions and did not have to consult someone else when she wanted to do something. Eating alone was another matter. She did not like to eat alone, and as she sat down in one of the many restaurants, she longed for some company.

  The waiter approached her and asked in rapid French what she wanted to eat. She had to concentrate very hard to follow what he was saying. Her French was passable but years of night classes in Cape Town did not prepare her completely for speaking French in France to actual French speaking people. At least they acknowledged her effort and her French surname helped when she made hotel and restaurant bookings. She hoped it would get better the longer she spent in France.

  Just as her food arrived and she picked up her knife and fork, she became aware of a man staring at her. He was sitting at the other side of the restaurant, but his table was facing hers. He was alone as well and he looked at her intently. His thick, dark hair was long and loose, reaching his shoulders. It was hanging over his face partially obscuring his features, but something about him seemed incredibly familiar.

  Danielle decided to ignore him. The French men were very charming and since her arrival in France she had been approached by at least one a day, asking if they could join her for lunch. She always politely declined and they would express regret and then leave her in peace. She actually found it quite amusing and secretly enjoyed it a little bit.

  She was half way through her lunch when she became aware of a very tall man in a pair of faded jeans and dark grey button down shirt standing next to her table. It had to be the same man who was studying her earlier. She had to suppress her irritation as she put down her knife and fork. She had hoped that if she ignored him, he would not come over to her table.

  “Excusez-moi mademoiselle.” Danielle looked up and all breath left her body. It had been ten years since she looked into those blue eyes.

  “Michael?” She gaped at him.

  “Danielle Rousseau, fancy meeting you here.” Michael was beaming at her. He pulled her from her chair, kissing her on the cheeks in the usual French custom before hugging her close to his body.

  “Michael! I’m speechless. What are you doing in Avignon?” She grabbed his hand and pulled him down in one of the chairs at her table as she sat down again, more out of necessity than anything else, because her legs felt weak all of a sudden.

  “I could ask you the same question!” He was still holding her left hand and he was looking at her with an incredulous expression on his face.

  “I’m travelling through the South of France. I needed to get away from Cape Town for a while.” Danielle wanted to pull her hand from his grasp but Michael tightened his grip and turned her hand to look at her engagement ring.

  “I see congratulations are in order,” he said sincerely. “What does your husband have to say about you traveling alone to France?” He seemed curious, watching her with interest.

  “My fiancé understood that it was something I needed to do,” she replied with more force than she intended. She tugged her hand away and reached for her wine glass to take a sip.

  “Ah Danni, I’m so glad you haven’t changed. Still as hard headed as ever. Why the dire need to get away from Cape Town?”

  “The reasons are both personal and profes
sional. It’s nothing serious.” Danielle kept her face averted, not meeting his eyes. She toyed with the stem of her glass as she spoke.

  “I sense there is more to that story. Are you going to tell me?” Michael sat perfectly still, his full attention on her face as he spoke.

  “Maybe.” She shrugged. “I don’t usually discuss my personal life with strangers.”

  Michael seemed amused by her comment. He sat forward and seemed to study her face for a few seconds before saying, “We’ve known each other for eleven years.”

  “I haven’t seen you in ten!”

  “Touché!” Michael sat back in his chair and smiled at her. “We are complete strangers. How would you feel about visiting a stranger in his house?”

  Danielle felt indecisive. She had not seen him in ten years but on the other hand it felt like only yesterday when she watched him walk out of the ocean and out of her life. She had never realised how vivid her memories were of that summer ten years ago until right that minute. She immediately pushed the memories aside.

  “Okay. I’ve wondered in the past where you were and what your life was like. It would be amazing to see your house,” she said. When she looked up from her glass, she realised he was studying her with a curious expression on his face.

  “Danielle, are you admitting that you thought about me the last ten years?” Michael had a gentle teasing note in his voice.

  “Don’t get a big head, Mike! It was a passing thought if anything,” she said smilingly. He laughed and waived at the waiter.

  “Come! Let’s get out of here.” He pulled some notes from his wallet and chucked it on the table. He pushed his chair back and stood with the same graceful ease she remembered from her youth when she used to watch his every move.

  “Where’s your house?” she asked as she followed him out of the restaurant onto the cobbled streets of the old city.