Running to Stand Still

by J Theron

  “We can’t part like this. It would be a travesty. I haven’t seen you in so many years and I deserve the chance to make it up to you.” He was watching her intently, willing her to give in. She wavered and he realised immediately that he had won their battle of wills.

  “You have to promise to be on your best behaviour, Michael,” she said. She hoped he could not hear the desperation in her voice.

  “I’ll cook you dinner and we’ll have a glass of wine. I might even be convinced to listen to some Nina. I will be here to pick you up at six.” He leaned closer and kissed her on the cheek. He lingered for a second, his lips still touching her skin, before he pulled back abruptly.

  “I’ll see you later, Danielle.” He stared at her intently for a few seconds and his expression was one of determination before he turned around to walk to his car.

  She watched him as he got into his Aston Martin and decided that she would have to be on her own best behaviour as well.

  Danielle spent the day doing some sightseeing. She strolled along the streets with no specific purpose. She would follow the signs to interesting tourist attractions and lost count of the number of museums and art galleries she entered. It was late afternoon and she was walking down a quiet street when she came to a beautiful cobble stone plain with an old fashioned carrousel in the centre. The top was embellished with beautiful paintings framed by gold. The horses were white with red saddles and the upright bars were painted gold as well.

  Danielle sat down on a bench underneath one of the beautiful old oak trees that lined the plain. The children playing on the carrousel were laughing and squealing in delight and she could not help but be mesmerized by the moving carrousel. She sat there for hours, simply watching the children play. She was deep in thought and she could not figure out how a trip that was supposed to clear her head had turned into such a disaster.

  When she eventually looked at her watch she realised with a start that it was past six in the evening and the time to meet Michael had already past. She had no idea how far she was from the hotel and she started running. The streets were quiet and she got lost taking wrong turns in her haste. When she finally reached one of the bigger roads she managed to flag down a taxi. It was past seven o’clock when she rushed into the hotel lobby and she quickly realised Michael was not there.

  “Damn it! You’re an idiot, Danielle,” she exclaimed in exasperation.

  She did not go to her room but ran back onto the street. She had a fairly good idea how to get to Michael’s house and prayed that she would not get lost again! She felt an enormous rush of relief when she recognised the façade of his house. She was out of breath from running and she waited with bated breath as she knocked on his door. The lights were burning, giving her hope that he was home, but it seemed to take forever before she heard the lock turning from the inside.

  “What are you doing here?” Michael was standing in the doorway, making no attempt to let her in. His hair was loose, he was barefoot and he was dressed in faded jeans and a dark T-shirt. He stood with his arms folded across his chest and he was scowling at her.

  “What do you mean, what am I doing here? You invited me to dinner!” She felt self-conscious in her white halter top summer dress that left her arms and shoulders bare.

  “I assumed you didn’t want to see me after I waited like an idiot in your hotel lobby for an hour. I called your room and got no answer, so I left. Did you change your mind about making a fool out of me? Making me beg until you agree to have dinner with me and then just not show up?”

  He spoke with a carefully modulated tone, but she could see he was very angry and it made her feel like a recalcitrant child. She did not appreciate being scolded and it made her hackles rise immediately.

  “First of all, l don’t remember you begging me for anything, and secondly I got lost on my way back to the hotel. Not everything is about you!”

  Danielle spun on her heels and walked down the stone pathway to the street. Before she could open the gate Michael was beside her grabbing the gate and holding it closed.

  “Danielle, please wait. I’m sorry. Again. I hate being messed about. I always do what I say and it drives me crazy when other people don’t. I couldn’t figure out where you were since you don’t know anybody in Avignon. I just assumed you changed your mind about seeing me. You have to admit that it was a fair assumption on my part after what happened last night.” He held the gate firmly and she let go.

  She watched him speculatively before she came to a decision. “Next time ask before making assumptions. And you’re not the only person who does what he says. The main reason I didn’t want to come here tonight is because I’m engaged and I know this is a mistake. But here I am anyway! Against my better judgment.” She was still angry and she had to concentrate to cool down.

  “I’m extremely glad you’re here, Danni,” Michael replied in a softer tone before continuing more forcefully, “and I won’t make assumptions if you promise not to make me wait again. Few things bother me, but I don’t like to be kept waiting. You know that about me just as I know you hate crowded spaces. It drives me insane, actually. Especially if I’m waiting for you and unsure if you’re going to show up. I think that’s fair.”

  Danielle nodded and decided not to push any further. He had a point and she decided to back down. “Fair enough.”

  She turned around to walk back to the house. He put his hand on the small of her back as he guided her through the door. She welcomed his touch and it made her feel better. Michael being angry with her was one of the worst feelings she had ever experienced.

  “The kitchen is through there.” He pointed to a pair of French doors that opened onto the well-lit kitchen beyond. “I just arrived home myself. I must have just missed you at your hotel. I haven’t started dinner yet. Please take a seat and I’ll pour you some wine.”

  Michael pulled out a chair for Danielle at the massive oak kitchen table. The kitchen was rustic and the stone floors from the hallway extended to the kitchen. There was a large island in the middle of the kitchen with a wooden work surface and copper pots were hanging above the island, suspended from the roof on a copper scaffold.

  “What would you like to drink? May I suggest one of my Bordeaux Blends?” He took some wine glasses from the cabinet and placed it on the table.

  “Thanks. I haven’t had a decent Bordeaux Blend in a while. Surprise me,” she replied.

  Michael disappeared through a heavy wooden door and she assumed it led to the cellar. Curiosity to see the cellar prompted her to follow him through the door and down the narrow wooden staircase. The cellar was freezing and she was shivering as she paused at the bottom of the stairs. The room was dimly lit and had a slightly musty smell. There were rows and rows of wine bottles lining the walls and heavy wooden wine racks filled the rest of the floor space.

  “You have an impressive wine collection,” Danielle said. She walked over to where Michael was standing in front of one of the wooden racks and leaned against the stone wall of the cellar.

  “This was bottled the year we met,” he murmured.

  He sounded distracted as he pulled the bottle of wine from the rack. He held it in his one hand and stared at it for a few seconds before placing it on the oak table in the corner of the cellar. He turned to face her where she was leaning against the wall, watching his selection with interest.

  Michael stood very still and Danielle could see the movement of his chest as he breathed in and out. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest as he slowly started to walk towards her, never taking his eyes off her face. He stopped a few inches from her and watched her intently before putting both his hands on the wall next to her head, effectively trapping her with his body.

  “Do you know what I remember the best about you, Danni?” He leaned forward and smelled her neck just behind her ear. She could feel the goose bumps travelling down her arm as she felt his breath on her skin. “Your smell. It used to drive me crazy.”

  He m
oved his hand from the wall and gently trailed one of his fingers down her arm before reaching her hand. He grabbed her fingers and placed her hand around his neck, but she pushed gently at his chest with her other hand.

  “You promised to behave, Michael,” she said breathlessly and she could not drag her gaze away from his stormy blue eyes.

  “No, Danielle. I never promised. I do not make promises I can’t keep.”

  Michael suddenly grabbed both her hands and pinned them to the wall above her head. He pushed her to the wall with his body and she could feel his erection through the thick material of his jeans. The hard length of him was impressive and she had the sudden uncontrollable urge to touch him. She was immensely grateful that her hands were pinned otherwise she would not have been able to stop herself.

  He moved closer and his mouth was only a few inches away from her lips as he loomed over her. His gaze was fixated on her mouth and the intensity of the desire in his eyes scorched her soul. She opened her mouth to protest, but she never had the chance to utter a word because his mouth came down on hers, claiming her.

  He pressed his body against her and there was no part of her body that did not touch his. He angled his head to deepen the kiss and as his tongue touched her lips, she opened for him. She tentatively touched her tongue to his and the electric shock went straight through her body. A thousand sensations washed over her and it was too powerful to comprehend all at once. Rational thought fled her mind and all she was aware of was Michael’s touch, his smell and his mouth on hers.

  Danielle was pulled back to reality by a loud banging on Michael’s front door. He let go of her hands and pushed back from the wall. He swore under his breath as he took a few deep breaths.

  “Who is at your front door?” she asked breathlessly. She tried to regain her composure by smoothing her dress and her hair. Her hands were trembling and she clasped her fingers tightly together.

  “Only one person will bang on my door this time of night,” he said in exasperation. He absentmindedly grabbed the bottle of wine and was visibly irritated as he ascended the stairs in front of her. He placed the bottle of wine on the kitchen table before turning in the direction of the front door.

  Danielle sat down at the kitchen table, already having her own suspicion of who the late night visitor was. As soon as Michael opened the door she heard the agitated voice of a woman speaking in French. She was speaking too fast for Danielle to understand and the next moment she barged into the kitchen. She came to an abrupt halt in front of Danielle and the look of rage on the young woman’s face stunned Danielle. She was scared that the woman was going to strike her and she had to fight the urge to get up and move away from her.

  Danielle could not help but acknowledge that she was very beautiful. She was petite like most French women and Danielle knew that she would most definitely feel like a giant next to this waif of a girl. Her hair was short and very dark, with a dishevelled look, as if she could not be bothered to brush it. She had big eyes, so brown they appeared almost black. She was dressed entirely in black, with tight leggings and a black T-shirt, and the irony was not lost on Danielle as she looked down at her own all white dress.

  Michael followed behind her and he turned to Danielle to introduce her to the late night visitor. He spoke in English but he spoke slowly and carefully articulated the words and Danielle assumed it was so that his French visitor could understand what he was saying.

  “Danni, meet Lucienne. Lucienne, this is Danielle. Danielle and I have known each other since we were kids. She’s a good friend of mine. We ran into each other by accident and we have been catching up.”

  Lucienne did not acknowledge the introduction and asked in French, “Why is she here?” She addressed Michael but she was watching Danielle and she spoke slowly enough for Danielle to understand. Her voice was bordering on hysterical and Danielle could tell the situation was extremely volatile.

  “I thought I have explained to you. She’s an old friend. I invited her.” He was careful to keep his voice even.

  “I’m pleased to meet you. Michael has spoken of you,” Danielle said as she rose from her chair. She held her hand out in greeting but Lucienne ignored her hand and turned around to shout at Michael.

  “I should have known you would entertain old lovers the moment my back was turned. Do you think I don’t recognise her? I go out of town for a few days and come back to find you with her! Make her leave. Now!”

  “What is she talking about, Michael?” Danielle asked anxiously.

  He did not answer her but instead turned to Lucienne. His face was flushed and the anger he fought so hard to control oozed from every pore. Danielle could not remember ever seeing him this way. Even though he was trembling from barely contained rage he still did not raise his voice.

  This time he answered Lucienne in French and he towered over her as he said, “Lucienne, she is a friend and I will not make her leave. I invited her here. You are the one who’s uninvited. I’m tired of you spying on me and banging on my door at all hours. I cannot take this shit anymore.”

  “I spy on you because I don’t trust you. You’re a lying, cheating bastard!” Lucienne was becoming hysterical and she lifted her hand to slap Michael but he grabbed her hand mid-air before she could strike him.

  He let go of her hand slowly and then seemed to take a minute to compose himself before he said, “Don’t ever lift your hand to me again!” His eyes were blazing as he pinned Lucienne to the spot.

  Danielle took that as her cue to leave. She started to walk past Michael to the door when he grabbed her arm. “Where are you going, Danielle?” He held her arm firmly and did not let go when she tried to free her arm from his grip.

  “You clearly have some issues to work out with your girlfriend, Michael. I’ll find my own way back to the hotel. I can see my presence here is worsening the situation,” she said calmly.

  “You’re not leaving. Please give me a minute. Go to my studio and wait for me there.” He still held her arm firmly when Lucienne suddenly grabbed his hand and tried to dislodge his grip.

  “Don’t touch her! Why are you touching her? I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Michael! Make her go away! I’ll do anything…… ” Lucienne started sobbing and Michael let go of Danielle’s arm.

  “Please go to my studio, Danni. Please do it for me,” Michael asked almost desperately.

  Danielle looked at Lucienne one more time and then walked up the stairs to the studio. She turned on the lights and decided to lie down on the bed. She felt tired to the bone and this emotional roller coaster was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She could hear the hysterical sobs coming from Lucienne, but she could not hear Michael’s voice.

  She closed her eyes and must have fallen asleep, because she came awake with a start when somebody got in bed with her. She was momentarily disorientated before she realised that she was in Michael’s bed and he was lying in the bed with her. She bolted upright and stared at him as he lay on his back with his one arm over his forehead and the other next to him. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. His jeans and shirt were discarded, hanging over the back of the chaise longue.

  “What’s going on? Are you okay?” she whispered.

  He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. “Lucienne is gone. We broke up. She wasn’t always like this, you know. When we met she was full of spirit and we shared a passion for art.” He was silent for a few moments before he said, “I have often tried to pinpoint when it was that I realised I would never love her. I have known for a long time that it was over and she could sense my withdrawal but she didn’t want to let it go. She became increasingly jealous and possessive. I tried several times to break it off, but she became so emotional I couldn’t see it through. Tonight was just the final straw.” He turned his head away and closed his eyes again.

  “I’m sorry, Michael.” Danielle knew that she had to get out of the bed, but she could not make herself leave. She made the decision to li
e back down again, but a voice in the back of her mind told her that she was playing with fire.

  She turned her back to him and willed herself to fall asleep. She listened to his breathing and knew that he was awake as well. Her whole body was filled with sexual awareness of this beautiful man, her first love, lying next to her. She was instantly aware the moment he turned towards her and put his arm around her waist. Thankfully she was still wearing her dress but the back was low and she felt his smooth chest pressing to the bare skin of her back as he pulled her close.

  She could feel every contour of his body because he was holding her so tightly and she had to fight the urge to turn around in his embrace when he placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder. She was engaged and being in his arms felt wrong on so many levels but also incredibly right. He did not do anything else or kiss her skin again, but his hand remained tightly around her waist.

  She eventually fell asleep after what felt like an eternity. She woke up a few times during the night, feeling his arm around her waist. He held her the whole night, never letting go.

  CHAPTER 9

  Bright light was streaming through the windows when Danielle woke the next morning. She was lying on her back and she became aware of Michael’s arm slung across her waist. He was lying on his side and he was watching her. She turned towards him and looked at him intently. He did not speak but pulled her closer, hooking his foot over her lower legs and pressing his hand against her back.

  “What are we doing, Michael? I’m engaged.” She traced her fingertips over the stubble of his jaw. It felt rough against her soft fingers.

  “I’m going to ask you again. Do you love him?” He slowly caressed the bare skin of her back above the waist of her halter neck dress.