Running to Stand Still

by J Theron

  “I can’t!” he said with a hoarse voice as he pushed her away.

  “Why not?” She was trembling. She tried to touch him but he stepped away.

  “I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared to let myself love you. I will never survive if you leave me again!” Michael leaned forward and put his hands on his knees as if he had been running.

  She touched his face and this time he did not pull away. She lifted his chin and saw that his eyes were full of unshed tears.

  “I will never leave you again. I know you love me. Let me love you. Let me make love to you.” She placed her hand on his cheek as she spoke. He was watching her intently and she could sense the inner war waging within him. The seconds ticked by and she felt unbridled fear gripping her heart. This was the deciding moment. She could feel it. If Michael pushed her away now, he would never take her back.

  “Danielle,” Michael said, as he grabbed her arms and pulled her against his body. “I fucking love you.”

  And then he crushed her lips with his mouth. It was a violent hungry kiss. He devoured her mouth and his hands were roaming frantically over her body. He was touching her everywhere and he could not seem to get enough. He took the thin straps of her summer dress and ripped them off, tearing her dress down the front and exposing her full breasts. Danielle was grabbing at his shirt and tried to pull it over his head. It was too tight and she gave up. She ripped it open and the buttons were flying all over the bedroom.

  Michael was kissing her face and her neck. Danielle felt herself being lifted into the air and realised he was carrying her to her bed. He placed her gently in the centre of the bed before bending over to take his shoes and socks off. He quickly shrugged out of his shirt and unbuttoned his fly. He pushed his pants and his boxer shorts down in one motion and her breath hitched as she stared at his magnificent naked form. Her memory did not do him justice.

  She sat up and quickly shrugged out of her dress and slipped off her shoes. She never took her eyes off him as she pushed down her white lace panties. He stood frozen next to the bed as she exposed her pregnant stomach.

  “Will it be okay for the baby?” he asked uncertainly.

  Danielle laughed. “Of course!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the bed. “Michaela is kicking up a storm! It must be the adrenaline coursing through my veins,” she said, smiling as she laid back and placed his hand on her stomach. She laughed when he got a fright as the baby kicked with force under his hand.

  “Wow, she kicks hard! She’s going to kick some serious ass one day!” Michael leaned down and rained kisses all over the swell of her abdomen. “I can’t wait to meet our baby!”

  “I know. You’ll love it when you hear her heartbeat on the ultrasound.” Danielle placed her hand over Michael’s where it rested on the swell of her stomach.

  They stayed like that for a few minutes before he took his hands from her stomach and slowly moved them to her hips and up over her ribs. “I think Michaela and I are going to fight for mommy’s attention,” he said as his hands cupped her breasts.

  She gasped as he touched her. “Michael, I’ve missed you so terribly. I need you to make love to me.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her breasts against his glorious smooth chest. She could hardly believe that she was back in his arms. She was scared that if she closed her eyes, he would disappear and she would realise that it was all a dream and that she was alone in her bed like all the previous nights.

  “I will make love to you, Danielle. We’ll never be apart again,” he said as he gently parted her thighs to slide into her.

  She was moaning in ecstasy as they moved together. The feel of his skin was everything that was right. The smell of his body and the texture of his lips mesmerised her and she could not understand how she survived so long without it. His lovemaking was gentle and the velvet hardness of him inside her slowly stoked the fires of passion that was simmering inside her for so long. She shouted his name as she reached her climax and Michael followed soon after. He held her tight while they came down to earth again.

  He was breathing erratically and she smoothed her hand over his chest and his rippling abdominal muscles. She could not help but admire his perfect physique. She knew he was an active sportsman, but it still amazed her to look at him.

  “I have something for you,” Michael said. “I’ve had it for a long time.” He got up from the bed and walked to where his pants lay discarded on the floor. He took his wallet from his pants and opened it. She could not see what he was doing because his back was turned towards her.

  Michael dropped his wallet on his pants and turned back to the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and he had a very serious expression on his face. He seemed short of breath and flustered. Danielle became anxious and sat upright.

  “What is wrong? Why are you acting so strangely?” she asked anxiously.

  “I need to ask you something, Danielle. Why did you kiss this other man? This John guy?” He was staring at her intently. His blue eyes were scorching her soul. “Do you have feelings for him?”

  “Michael! No! I went out with him to try and forget you but the moment he kissed me I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to kick him off me. It felt awful because it wasn’t you. I only want you!” She was trembling and she could feel the fear making ice in her veins. If he changed his mind now she would go insane.

  He took her left hand and kissed her knuckles. Her eyes almost popped out when he slipped a platinum engagement ring onto her ring finger. It had a massive emerald in the centre of the setting with diamonds surrounding the emerald. She gaped at the ring and he gently lifted her chin to look into her eyes.

  “This stone is the exact colour of your eyes and when I saw it I knew it belonged on your finger. I bought it just after you left Avignon and I have carried it with me ever since. I knew I wanted to marry you, but I didn’t know how or when to ask you.”

  Michael took her hand and put it on his chest where his heart was beating. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. I cannot live without you. When you told me we were over I wanted to die. The only other time I’ve felt despair like that was when I walked away from you when I was nineteen….” His voice caught and he had to swallow hard to control the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. He took a deep breath to steady himself before he continued. “Will you marry me, Danielle?”

  She clutched his face and rained kisses over his mouth and his cheeks and his eyes. “Of course I’ll marry you. I would marry you this second if it was possible.” She laughed as he grabbed her and pulled her body over his as he fell backwards.

  “I want to marry you as soon as possible. How quickly can we arrange a wedding?” He was excited and his eyes were alive and sparkling.

  She made a face and bit her lower lip. “As soon as I tell my parents I’m six months pregnant?”

  He gasped. “Your parents don’t know. Oh Fuck! Your father is going to shoot me in the face!”

  “Are you afraid of my dad, Mike?” she grinned at him. He slapped her hard on her behind and she squealed.

  “That’s for calling me Mike! And I’ll tell him on neutral ground when he’s far away from the hunting rifles in his safe.” He lifted her gently and kissed her before getting out of bed to walk to the bathroom. “I suggest you join me in the shower. I don’t think we can go to your obstetrician in this state.”

  She laughed and watched him as he stepped into the bathroom. She looked at her engagement ring and she smiled before she gently touched her stomach where Michaela was kicking up a storm. “Mommy and Daddy found each other again, my baby. We’re going to be a family. Forever.”

  CHAPTER 18

  Danielle woke up with a start. She looked at her watch and realised it was just after eleven and that she had only been asleep for an hour. Michael was lying next to her. He was sleeping soundly and his face was turned towards her. They had only been married for six weeks but it was the happiest she had ever been.

  Michael had
temporarily moved into her apartment. They were discussing buying a house because he wanted a garden for Michaela to play in. Rachel was still sharing the apartment with them, which was interesting. Danielle never imagined sharing a house with her sister when she was newly married but Rachel was very discreet and she made herself scarce most of the time. She crashed with a friend for three weeks after the wedding, but she moved back temporarily until she could find another place to stay.

  Danielle could not believe her due date was two weeks away. She was so uncomfortable she could not sleep at night and she felt more than ready to have Michaela out. She had been working until the week before, but she had to stop operating long before that because her stomach was in the way. She struggled to reach the operating table. The nurses made fun of her and told her she should go to orthopaedics to get her arms extended.

  The one thing that Danielle was grateful for was John’s impeccable character. He did not take it well when she told him she was going to marry Michael, but he was gracious about it. He treated her with utmost respect and she hoped that he would find someone who would love him as he deserved.

  She felt a faint contraction over her uterus but did not give it much notice as it was probably Braxton Hicks contractions. She got up slowly to go to the bathroom and had to make an awkward rolling movement to get out of bed. It was hell not to have properly functioning abdominal muscles. She was wearing one of Michael’s T-shirts and his boxer shorts because all her clothes were too tight.

  She finished in the bathroom and opened the taps to wash her hands when an excruciating pain ripped through her stomach. She doubled over and gripped the edge of the sink to keep her from falling. She felt something warm running down her thighs and when she looked down blood was dripping onto the bathroom floor. She knew she had to stay calm, but she immediately realised that it was a very ominous sign.

  “Michael! Michael wake up,” Danielle shouted as loud as she could. She gasped as the pain gripped her stomach and she could feel her uterus go into spasm. She could no longer stand and sank to the floor. She sat in the blood but did not even notice.

  Michael rushed into the bathroom and he stopped dead when he saw her sitting in a pool of blood. “Danielle! What the fuck! Why are you bleeding?” He was frantic and he fell on his knees on the floor next to her.

  “I think I have abruptio placentae and it’s very bad if I look at the amount of bleeding,” she said in an even voice, trying to keep him calm but also not wanting to lie to him.

  “What the hell is abruptio placentae?” he shouted.

  “It’s when the placenta separates prematurely from the wall of the uterus.”

  “O shit Danielle, that can’t be good!” He was breathing rapidly and she could see the fear in his eyes.

  “Listen carefully. You have to stay calm.” She gasped from the pain and had to catch her breath. “I’m going to tell you what to do in case I pass out. You need to pick me up and take me to the hospital. We can’t wait for an ambulance. There’s no time. Get me there as soon as possible. Run to the delivery room and tell them to page the obstetrician on call. Tell them I have abruptio placentae and there’s foetal distress. The baby can die if we don’t get her out. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

  “I understand. I won’t let anything happen to you or Michaela.” Michael lifted Danielle carefully and placed her on the bed. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and grabbed his wallet and keys. “I’m going to unlock the front door and wake up Rachel. I’ll be back in a second.”

  He hammered on Rachel’s door and when she opened her bedroom door he almost yanked her into the living room. “I’m taking Danielle to the hospital. She’s bleeding. Get dressed. I’ll meet you there.”

  “Okay…Michael! Okay,” Rachel stammered. She spun on her heels and started to pull on some clothes.

  Michael opened the apartment door and ran back to get Danielle. As he ran through the door he put her down for a second to pull the door shut.

  She leaned against the wall and tried to stay upright. She did not want to look down at the blood dripping on the floor. Michael picked her up and ran down the stairs to the basement parking. She managed to get into the car and could feel herself moving in and out of consciousness as he sped to the hospital. The last thing she remembered was Michael carrying her into the emergency room and the sound of his frantic voice as he shouted to the nurses to page the obstetrician on call. And then everything went black.

  PART FOUR

  Fate did not hate me. It was taunting me. It had a wicked sense of humour.

  CHAPTER 19

  Michael was pacing up and down the waiting room when Rachel stormed in. He looked down and realised he was not wearing any shoes and his jeans were smeared with blood. Rachel ran straight to him and opened her arms to hug him tight.

  “Michael, where is Danielle?” Rachel tried desperately to remain calm.

  “She’s in theatre. They’re doing an emergency caesarean section. The obstetrician said there was foetal distress and they couldn’t wait for Danielle to deliver normally. If they don’t operate the baby will die.” His voice was flat and emotionless.

  “The doctor said Danielle could bleed to death during the caesarean section if she developed a clotting disorder. He called it DIC, whatever that means. I might lose one or both of them.” Michael pushed his face into Rachel’s hair and she hugged him while she rubbed her hands over his back.

  “How long has she been in theatre?” Rachel asked gently.

  “Maybe ten minutes?” he answered uncertainly. “I’ve lost track of time. My brain completely malfunctioned when they rushed her into theatre. She was unconscious and I could not even speak to her….” His voice trailed off and he was struggling to speak.

  “I’m going to phone John, if that’s okay with you? He’s Danni’s boss and friend and he knows all the doctors here. Maybe he can help. Then I have to phone our parents. Sit here and I will get us some coffee.” Rachel pushed him into one of the chairs in the waiting room and walked to the coffee machine to get some black coffee. She handed him the cup and watched him closely while she made a few calls. She called her parents first.

  They were frantic and Rachel could not speak to her mom who was so distressed she did not register anything Rachel was saying. Fortunately her dad managed to stay calm enough for Rachel to explain what happened. Her father said that they would get the next available flight to Cape Town.

  John was on call at Groote Schuur Hospital but he was not operating and he said he would ask one of the other surgeons to cover for him. He promised to be at the hospital as soon as possible.

  Rachel sat next to Michael after she finished the necessary phone calls. She took his hand and held it tightly between her palms. He was sitting very still and she wanted to comfort him but she was in agony herself and she did not know how. He was quiet for a long time before he spoke softly, almost inaudibly, and she had to concentrate to hear what he was saying.

  “Did you know Danielle can push an abalone out of the shell with her thumb? She showed me how to do it when she was fifteen. I tried to get it out before she showed me how and I ended up butchering the thing to pieces with a hunting knife. I never knew how difficult it was to dislodge those suckers from the shell! Pardon the pun.” He grinned as he pushed his hands through his dishevelled hair.

  “I’ve never seen anyone who enjoys scrubbing the slime off abalone as much as she does. Did you know I learned to play pool in the army because Thomas told me she liked to play? I used to practise for hours in my free time just to get good enough to play against her. I guess I practised too hard because she has never been able to beat me. I could tell it was a sore point for her. She doesn’t like losing… ” Michael dropped his face in his hands and Rachel placed her hand on his back.

  “I love her too, Michael. She’s my baby sister. She’s the kindest person I know. Nothing will happen to her. The universe is not that cruel.”

  They sat in silence for what felt like ho
urs when Rachel looked up and saw the doctor walking towards them. He had a grim look on his face and Rachel could feel her heart beating in her throat as she watched his approach.

  He came to an abrupt stop in front of them and spoke in a gentle tone. “Mr Le Roux.” Michael looked up and he immediately jumped up when he recognised the obstetrician. “Your baby is doing well. She’s in the neonatal ICU but she’s going to be fine. Her APGAR scores were good once we delivered her.”

  “Thank you! Thank you Doctor. When can I see Danielle?” He looked at the doctor expectantly.

  The doctor took a deep breath and hesitated before he said, “Maybe you should sit down, Michael.”

  Michael’s eyes widened. “Why should I sit down? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m sorry but we did all we could…”

  Michael interjected before the doctor could finish. “Excuse me? Where’s my wife? I need to see my wife! Where the FUCK is she?” He was beside himself. Rachel grabbed his arm to calm him down, but he shrugged her off.

  “She suffered massive blood loss during the surgery and she went into cardiac arrest on the table,” the doctor answered in a calm voice.

  “Cardiac arrest!” he shouted. “She’s dead?” He started to hyperventilate and Rachel felt as if she wanted to pass out. Everything was turning black in front of her. She looked at Michael and she saw all the blood drain from his face. He was as white as a sheet and he looked utterly stricken.

  The doctor shook his head vigorously. “No, No. She’s not dead. The anaesthesiologists managed to resuscitate her but she’s in a coma and we don’t know if she suffered brain damage. She’s in ICU but we will only know when she wakes up. At the moment she’s being kept sedated until her condition stabilises. As soon as I know more, I promise to fill you in. At the moment we can’t do much but wait. We will do everything we possibly can. I’m so sorry, you have to excuse me. I have to get back to surgery…” The doctor rushed away and Rachel stared at his retreating back.