A New Kind of Bliss

by Bettye Griffin

  “Yeah. A man can take only so much. I felt like shit—excuse my French, Emily—when I realized she was just with me until she could get who she really wanted. And that’s someone who can afford to drop a couple of hundred dollars a week on dinner.” He paused. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, Emily, but it’s Aaron.”

  I shrugged. “She’s never made a secret of wanting him, ever since Rosalind’s dinner party when she announced she and her husband were divorcing. And then there was her ‘accidental’”—I held up my hands and made quotation marks with my index fingers—“outburst New Year’s Eve.” I didn’t add that that outburst was presently causing static between Aaron and me.

  “What outburst?” Teddy wanted to know.

  “That’s right, you were dancing with Elias’s date,” Wayne said. “We were talking about how so many of us at the party had known each other since childhood, and how neat it was that we’d formed couples as adults. Tanis had been drinking almost nonstop, and she blurted out that you and Emily were a couple, Teddy.”

  “Son of a—”

  “When I asked what she meant by that, she said she’d seen Emily out with you last summer at a convenience store in Euliss. It sounded kind of convoluted. She said something about Emily trying to hide from her, and then she said that whatever you’d bought, Teddy, it was too small to go into a bag.”

  “She said that?”

  “I told her you stopped to get some gum,” I said quickly.

  “I got her out of there quick,” Wayne said, “but I’m afraid she left a vivid impression on everyone’s mind on what might have happened that night.”

  “Well, as I told you New Year’s Day, Wayne, there was no harm done,” I said. “Aaron said he remembered my telling him about my car breaking down and how I’d called Teddy to bring me home.”

  “Tanis said she felt awful about it when she woke up, and I believed her, but I’ve since learned what a little schemer she can be,” Wayne continued. “You know, I’m tired of all the plots black women have run on me. I think I might find me a white girl.”

  I lowered my chin to my chest. “I know how Tanis can be, but don’t judge all black women by her.” I must say I was getting a bit tired of seeing black women portrayed by black men as evil, scheming creatures.

  “First there was Tracy, getting pregnant on me like that.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “And she did this by herself?”

  “No, but she took advantage of me one morning, and I ended up operating without my gloves. She knew exactly what she was doing. Then she got an attitude when I told her I wasn’t marrying her. Hell, I didn’t even like her all that much. I sure as hell didn’t want to get stuck with her forever. I think part of the reason she wanted to hold on to me was because I had a steady job. I’m sorry to say, Emily, that it’s been that way for me in every relationship I’ve had except with my ex-wife—and that relationship had a different set of problems. I’m tired of being viewed as a security blanket.”

  Maybe he had a point. I knew from myself and my friends that the older we got and still remained single, the more fearful we tended to become, and one had to work at not appearing desperate. Nonetheless, hearing it expressed made me cranky. I was tired of seeing good black men run to the other side. Who the hell were black women like my friends supposed to hook up with? In my annoyance I glared at Wayne. At least you’ve got something that makes you desirable to women. Your looks alone sure as hell aren’t going to attract anybody.

  “I don’t know, Wayne,” Teddy said. “White women can be just as bad. I don’t think it’s a color thing as much as it’s just a female thing.”

  The waitress brought our food and handed Wayne a bag and a check. “I’m gonna pay for this and get going,” he said. “It’s good to see you both. Take care.”

  “At least he found out about Tanis in time,” I said to Teddy after Wayne had gone.

  “That bitch. I still can’t believe I fell for her telling me that you knew she was inviting me to your party. I told her when the clock struck twelve that she’d better not be up to anything to try to make trouble for you or else I’d see she regretted it.”

  “Teddy! You threatened her?”

  “Damn right. I knew she was up to something. I guess she didn’t believe me.”

  “She knows you wouldn’t do her any harm. But it doesn’t really matter now, Teddy. Wayne dumped her—” I believed his version of the breakup more than I believed the one Tanis had told Rosalind—“and she hasn’t been heard from since Aaron backed me up at the party.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  As Teddy and I ate, I inquired innocently, “So you’ve revised your opinion of black women as being gold diggers?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised that you still remembered that? All right, you got me. I told you that I’d have to cut back on my social activities once my rent went up.”

  “And that didn’t sit too well with the woman you were seeing.”

  “No. I bought a co-op on Maynard Street. I decided that if I was going to pay all that rent I might as well get some equity in something.”

  “Congratulations, Teddy!”

  “Thanks. I just moved a month ago. It’s a nice place. Garden style, with a big patio and views of the river. It’s got hardwood floors and granite countertops in the kitchen, and there’s a pool and a gym.”

  “It sounds wonderful.”

  “I’m pretty happy with it. The previous owner made some nice improvements, like mirrors on the bedroom closet doors and a step-in shower with glass door instead of a bathtub. But the lady I was seeing already had a house that went to her in her divorce settlement. To her, buying a one-bedroom apartment is no big deal. She just wants a man who’ll spend money on her.”

  I hesitated, not sure if I should ask what I wanted to know. “Teddy,…it was Shelly, wasn’t it?”

  The startled look on his face made confirmation unnecessary. “How did you know?”

  “Because I saw the two of you in the parking lot here last year. I guess I wasn’t the only one who was seeing someone else simultaneously, huh?”

  “I told her she needs to take up with one of those doctors she comes in contact with. She’s a leading salesperson at her company. Easily makes six figures.” He smiled. “So how have things been going for you these past months? How do you like living on Aaron’s property?”

  “It’s not bad, but it’s not perfect, either.”

  Teddy was a perfect gentleman at lunch, making only one reference to our affair. “I missed you,” he said as we were pulling bills from our respective wallets to pay the check. “But you seem happy, and I’m not going to interfere with that. I want you to be happy, Emily.” He sounded sincere, and I believed he really meant it.

  It was nice to be cared about.

  I looked at Arden’s neat cornrows quizzically as she got out of the backseat after tagging along on Kirsten’s driving practice, which we now did once or twice a week, with me staying for dinner afterward. “Your hair wasn’t like that yesterday, was it?”

  She giggled. “No, a friend of mine did it at school today at lunchtime.”

  “Oh. Well, it looks very nice.”

  “You really like it, Emily?” she said, obviously pleased.

  “Yes, I do. Do you plan on keeping it in long?”

  “That’s going to depend,” Kirsten said a tad ominously as we walked into the house.

  I thought I might be missing something, or walking into a trap, but I asked anyway. “Depends upon what?”

  Before either girl could answer, Beverline appeared. “Arden? Is that you?”

  “Hi, Grandma!” Arden patted her hair. “I had my hair braided at school today.”

  “So I see.”

  Had I imagined it, or was there disapproval in Beverline’s tone?

  “Emily just told me how nice it looks,” Arden said proudly.

  I understood what was going on here even before Beverline gave me a stare that could put o
ut a forest fire. “Oh, she did?”

  “I seem to have stumbled into the middle of a family disagreement,” I said quickly. “Arden, maybe it’s best that we forget about what I said.”

  “Arden is well aware of my feelings about those hairstyles,” Beverline said in her snootiest tone. “Young lady, I want you to know that it doesn’t matter in the least to me whose opinion you solicit. I’m your grandmother. And no grandchild of mine is going to walk around looking like…a field hand.”

  Every fiber of my being wanted to jump to Arden’s defense. Even though I didn’t appreciate her setting me up, I also felt that Beverline was overreacting to a ridiculous extent. Arden’s hair couldn’t have been braided neater. Her parts were straight and even, and the coated rubber bands that kept her hair from unraveling were all black and blended nicely with her hair.

  Beverline brushed past us in a manner that suggested she wanted nothing more to do with Arden until she took out her braids.

  I expected to see a chastened Arden come to the dinner table with her hair brushed out. I was surprised when, in an obvious show of defiance, she appeared with her hair unchanged. Aaron, unaware of the tension between his daughter and mother-in-law, remarked, “Arden, you got your hair braided.”

  “Yes. Do you like it, Daddy?”

  I averted my eyes downward. Sometimes it was nice to know that even parents got used as pawns.

  Beverline cut off Aaron’s response. “I was telling Arden that no granddaughter of mine would wear her hair that way.”

  Aaron’s eyes narrowed. “Beverline, stop acting like Mrs. Astor.”

  She recoiled as if Aaron had slapped her.

  I silently told myself over and over that the best thing I could do was stay out of their business, but I heard myself speaking, “So Aaron, what do you think of Arden’s hair?”

  “I think it looks really cute,” he said without hesitation. “Whoever did it did a good job.”

  “I’m surprised there’s anyone at that school who even knows how to braid that way,” Beverline said. She pronounced “that way” like she was talking about something illegal, like hot-wiring a car. “Who did it, Arden?” she demanded.

  I couldn’t help thinking that Beverline’s agitation was more in keeping with the reaction of a parent upon learning her unmarried daughter was pregnant.

  Aaron ignored her, instead asking me, “Do you like it, Emily?”

  “Yes, I do. Cornrows are always so nice and neat.”

  “Can I keep them in, then?” Arden asked Aaron, hope in her eyes.

  “It’ll probably be just a few days before strands start coming loose, but it’s all right with me if you keep them.” His eyes on Beverline, he added, “Don’t worry about your grandmother. She and I will talk after dinner.”

  “Thank you, Daddy.” Arden gave me a shy smile. “Thank you, too, Emily.”

  “You asked me if I liked them,” I explained, “and I do, so I told you as much. Just for future reference, I won’t lie to either of you girls, so you might not want to ask for my opinion unless you really, really want to know the answer.”

  “Thanks for sticking up for Arden,” Aaron said to me later, while we enjoyed our after-dinner cocktails—actually wine for me—in the living room.

  “It’s like I said. If I didn’t like the way her hair looked, I would have said so.” My voice had a deliberate coolness to it.

  He reached for my hand. “I have to ask you, Emily, are we all right?”

  I sighed. By nature I disliked confrontations, but we had to talk this out. “Aaron, if you and I are going to work, you have to trust me. I’m not sure you do.”

  “Of course I do. I never said I didn’t trust you, Emily.”

  “No, but can you honestly tell me you didn’t think about what Tanis said on New Year’s?”

  “All right, I did, but just for a second. Come on, Emily. Maybe I came off sounding like a jerk when I asked for an explanation, but you told me what happened, and that ends it. We can’t let this interfere with what we have. Especially not now that the girls are really warming up to you.” He held my gaze. “I love you, Emily.”

  How could I resist? “I love you, too.”

  He leaned in for a kiss, which made me forget about everything else.

  Aaron might be a bore in the bedroom, but the man could kiss me senseless.

  Chapter 26

  I just about choked on the tapioca balls on the bottom of my iced tea at the Asian restaurant when I saw the glistening diamond in the box Aaron had just presented to me. It brought tears to my eyes. “Aaron…I don’t know what to say.”

  “You could say yes.”

  I laughed nervously. For the first time I understood the meaning of the clichéd expression, “This is so sudden!” But it truly was.

  Aaron and I had been getting along great, and he never failed to defend me against Beverline’s criticisms, which had diminished in recent weeks. A fed-up Aaron had told her that if she couldn’t be pleasant to my mother and me, she would have to go. Of course, she still resented my presence, although Kirsten and Arden had lightened up considerably, and Billy was a doll, like always.

  Mom was doing well also, having adjusted completely to our new home. I giggled at the crazy thought that if Aaron and I did get married, both Mom and I could move into the house and put Beverline in the guesthouse. Or, as she liked to think of it, “the servants’ quarters.”

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing really. Just a nervous reaction,” I answered semihonestly. “I’ve got to tell you, Aaron, I really didn’t expect this.”

  “Emily, I get the distinct impression that you’re avoiding giving me an answer.”

  He was right, of course. Our relationship had actually headed down that primrose path my mother so badly wanted it to, but I knew that sex with little to no spontaneity for the rest of my life would be a hard sell. Yes, I’d get to live in a luxurious house and have maid service, take fabulous vacations and buy pretty much whatever I wanted, but would that really be enough to fill that void?

  “I don’t want to pressure you,” he continued. “But everything’s been going so well the last couple of months, since you and your mother moved into the guesthouse. We’re in love, and I don’t want it to ever end. I want you close to me always.”

  I caught my breath. Aaron spoke so simply, yet eloquently. His words came from the heart. He spoke the truth. I did love him, and he loved me. The sex wasn’t quite there, and I had to consider that it might not ever be. In nearly a year’s time we’d made love in two positions, with just two out-of-the-ordinary sessions. But I did love him; I truly did. I reminded myself that it was up to me to get more juice in our sex life. In the meantime, in asking me to marry him, Aaron was practically placing a kingdom at my feet. I’d be crazy to turn it down.

  My lips curled up in a smile. “The answer,” I said softly, “is yes.”

  The next thing I knew we were kissing, and then I heard the sound of applause from the other restaurant patrons. We had an audience.

  He slipped the ring on my finger. “I took a guess about the size.” He twirled it, and it was a nice fit, not too snug. “Looks like I was right on the money.”

  “Oh, Aaron, it’s a beautiful ring.”

  “If you’d like something different we can always exchange it.”

  “No, it’s perfect.” The ring, a gleaming solitaire, made my fingers look long and tapering and my entire hand look pretty…as well as in need of a manicure. “My mother’s crazy about you, so I know she’ll be thrilled. But what about your family? Things have gotten better between Kirsten and Arden and me, and of course I’ve never had any problems with Billy, but even he might feel differently when he learns we’re getting married. And we both know how Beverline will feel.”

  He delivered his words with steely determination. “I love my children, Emily, and Beverline held us together during a very difficult time for our family, but none of them has the right to determine what I d
o with my life.”

  I appreciated his firmness, but I was worried just the same. “You can’t blame me for being a little concerned, Aaron. I mean, although Kirsten and Arden and I have been getting along a little better these days, a shock like this is likely to wipe out all that progress. Do they have any idea you were going to propose to me?”

  “None. I figured it would be best if you and I told them together. Why don’t we all have dinner Friday night? I’ll get Shirley to fix something special. I’d like your mother to join us as well. But I have to ask that she not give anything away before that.”

  That wasn’t the same as asking me not to tell her the news. How sweet of Aaron not to ask me to keep my big news away from Mom. No wonder I was so crazy about him.

  A little voice spoke to me. Emily, you just agreed to marry the man. You have to be in love with him, not just crazy about him, and if you’re not, you need to give him his ring back.

  My inner voice started having a conversation with itself, right there in the restaurant.

  It’ll be fine. I do love him…a little bit. The rest will come in time. You wait and see.

  Yeah, fool yourself. But you can’t fool me.

  My mother grabbed my wrist. “Emily! Oh, my goodness. Is that a diamond?”

  “Ouch! Lighten up on your grip, will you, Mom?” I doubted police handcuffs hurt that much. “Yes, Aaron gave it to me last night.”

  “You did it!” Mom cried out joyously. “You’re going to be Mrs. Aaron Merritt. Oh, I’m so happy.” Her voice cracked a little, and she quickly wiped the outer corners of her eyes with her fingers.

  “Mom, try to control yourself.”

  “Oh, you don’t know how I prayed this would happen. Your father would be so happy.”

  I had to admit, I felt a little giddy myself.

  “I always knew you’d get married again one day,” Mom said. “But I had no idea it would be to someone as good as Aaron. Now, don’t misunderstand me….”

  I chuckled. This was the part where Mom was going to say that his being a doctor didn’t have anything to do with it, that she would love him equally as much had he been a bus driver, just because he made me happy. Such a line of shit.