Carved in Ice

by Ivy Smoak

  “Kins?” I called as I followed V toward the kitchen. When I turned the corner Kins was standing in our headquarters staring at the target on the wall. She reached out and ran her finger along one of the arrow tips.

  “Don’t touch those,” V said.

  She jumped and turned around. “So…so all this is real? Everything? You’re really the mysterious vigilante that’s been terrorizing the city streets?”

  “I’m not terrorizing the city.”

  “That’s not what the news says.” She looked over at me. “But I know they lied about you. So I don’t exactly trust them anymore.”

  “V is saving this city, not tormenting its citizens,” I said.

  Kins nodded. “I won’t tell anyone who you are. You can take off your mask.”

  V didn’t move.

  “Even if I did tattle, no one would believe me.” Kins walked over to the couch and sat down. “No one believes anything I say.” She stared at V. “What, you don’t trust me?”

  “No.”

  “It’s nothing personal,” I said. “He doesn’t trust me enough to take it off either.”

  She looked back and forth between us. “So you two live together and he never takes off his mask? Doesn’t that get uncomfortable? And I don’t just mean the awkwardness of lack of trust. I mean literally that material doesn’t look comfortable.”

  “It’s fine,” V said. "It's a proprietary blend of Turkish cotton, Pakistani cashmere, and Peruvian llama wool." He smiled.

  What the hell was that?

  Kins laughed. “If you say so. You look really familiar by the way.”

  Are they flirting? My stomach churned. Why does my stomach hurt at the thought of them flirting?

  “We’ve never met.” He cleared his throat and his smile disappeared. “I’m going to let you two talk. And you can stay in Sadie’s room…temporarily.” V started to walk back toward the hall.

  “Why don’t you call her Summer?”

  He froze.

  “That’s her name, right?”

  V turned around. “No, not anymore.”

  “But you know the truth about the witness protection program. Sadie isn’t her real name. She’s going to legally change it back to Summer as soon as she can.”

  He glanced at me and then turned his attention back to Kins. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Then what did you mean?”

  “That Summer Brooks died as soon as Don Roberts laid his hands on her.”

  The way he said it sent a chill down my spine.

  “Don Roberts?” Kins asked. “You mean the mayor? Mayor Roberts?”

  “We hadn’t gotten to that yet, V,” I said.

  “You have a lot to talk about then. I’ll leave you to it.” He walked away, leaving me with the lingering questions. Apparently visiting Eli would have to wait.

  I sat down next to Kins. “It’s a long story.”

  “I have time.” She smiled.

  I watched her smile vanish as I told her about my parents’ deaths. I watched the way her expression changed when I talked about what happened in the years that followed. It was the same way Mr. Crawford had looked at me. Like I was damaged. As if I needed their emotions to know it was true.

  Kins shook her head. “Why is he doing all of this? Do you think it’s because you look like your mom?”

  “That’s our working theory.”

  “How quickly love can turn to hate,” she said.

  “Yeah.” The awkward silence was almost palpable.

  “I’m really sorry…”

  “We don’t have to talk any more about that,” I said at the exact same time.

  We both laughed.

  “Really, just ask me a normal question. Something that people our age are supposed to be talking about. I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too. And I am dying to know…are you and V like an item?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m dating Eli.”

  “I hate to break it to you, Summer, but Eli is not aware of your relationship status.”

  “He was just acting. He doesn’t want me to end up behind bars. He barely got out of this mess himself.”

  “He’s a really good actor then.”

  I remembered her conversation with Patrick. “What do you mean?”

  “He was laughing and holding some other girl’s hand when I visited him. They looked smitten if you ask me.”

  I frowned. “What did she look like?”

  “Short. Frizzy brown hair and glasses. I actually kinda thought they were dating.”

  Phew. “No, that’s just Liza.”

  “The other girl that lives here? You’re sure they’re not hooking up?”

  “No, she’s my friend. She wouldn’t do that.” Right? “Besides, she’s madly in love with V.”

  Kins laughed. “Oh, yeah, I get that. Geez, he really does look familiar though. Not his face obviously, but his build. I know I’ve seen him before without the mask. I just can’t place it. That thing that messes with his voice doesn’t help either.”

  “Tell me about it. I’ve been trying to solve the mystery of V for months.”

  “So that’s it? You’ve been together will Eli this whole time? That’s great. We can still go on double dates.”

  “Actually I’m not really supposed to leave the apartment. And we haven’t been together this whole time. We recently decided to give it another go.”

  “So…”

  “So…nothing.”

  “You told me you kissed V once. Back when we were still roomies. Remember that?”

  “Yeah.” I shrugged. “We had a short tryst.”

  Kins laughed. “Doesn’t that make things awkward?”

  “A little. Speaking of relationships, how are you and Patrick doing?”

  “We fight a lot. About you mostly.” She smiled. “Not that I’m blaming you. I blame him. He wouldn’t believe me when I insisted that you weren’t guilty. He’s been so annoying. All he ever wants to do is talk about it. And I didn’t want to talk about it, I was upset.”

  “I’m really sorry that I left. I thought the note would…”

  She laughed. “Oh, your very informative note that kept me completely in the dark but with just enough intrigue to make it impossible to forget about you? Thanks for that.”

  “Intrigue? I just said goodbye and that you were my friend.”

  “Best friend. You called me your best friend and asked me to forget about you. Best friends don’t forget about each other.”

  I smiled. “I guess not. I noticed that Miles moved out.” The words just came out of me like vomit. I couldn’t even swallow them back down if I tried. I had been dying to ask her about it ever since she showed up in her dorm.

  “He did, unfortunately.”

  I was just about to tell her that Miles was the childhood friend I had talked about, but she kept going.

  “The whole thing was really weird. He stopped by our room before he left actually. He wanted me to tell you something if I ever saw you again. Hold on, I wrote it down because it was so strange.” She pulled out her phone and scrolled through some notes. “Here it is. He said, ‘Seasons change but they always return.’ What on earth do you think he meant by that?”

  Seasons change but they always return. Summer. Summer was a season. He was talking about me. I thought about how V always said I wasn’t Summer anymore and that I never could be. Miles was saying the exact opposite. He knew who I was. And he believed a part of Summer still existed inside of me. That had to be what he meant. “Did he say anything else?”

  “Nope that was it. Like I said, it was really odd.”

  “But why did he leave?”

  “He said he needed time to figure out what he wanted. I guess he was having a crisis over what to major in.” She shrugged. “I miss his sexiness in the halls. Our floor isn’t the same without him. And the new R.A. is such a bitch.”

  I laughed. “Why do you say that?” Miles needed to figure out what h
e wanted. Did that mean me? He needed time to figure out if he still wanted me? I shook my head. That didn’t make sense. He had wanted me on the roof that night. And judging what he said to Kins, he knew who I was. Had he known the whole time? Had he figured it out after we had been together?

  “Because she always hits on Patrick whenever he visits. She’s a jerk.”

  I remembered the new R.A. flirting with Miles. It was nice to know that he hadn’t been trying to get in her pants. But Kins should take a look in the mirror. She flirted with everyone too.

  She yawned. “Is it okay if I get some sleep? Although, I’m a little worried that I’m going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream.”

  “Kins, I promise you’re not crazy. But yeah, my room is the third door on the right. Make yourself at home.”

  “It’s really good to have you back,” she said as she stood up and stretched. “And I’m glad you’re not a murderer.”

  I laughed, knowing perfectly well that I would be eventually. “I promise that I’m not. I’ll be in soon.”

  “Okay. Goodnight, Sadie. I mean Summer. That’s going to take some getting used to.”

  “Night, Kins.” I should have gone with her. I should have put the thoughts stirring in my head to rest. And I certainly shouldn’t have given V any reason to think I was actually going to share his bed with him. But as soon as Kins went into my room, I walked toward his. We had a lot to discuss. Mainly why he was trying so desperately to control my life.

  Chapter 27

  Monday

  I tried to turn V’s doorknob, but it didn’t budge. Catching him unaware would have made this conversation easier to control. But he seemed to think of everything to keep the scales tipped in his favor. Before I even lifted my hand to knock, the door opened.

  He was pulling his mask down and I got the smallest glimpse of stubble underneath his chin before it disappeared from view. Stop focusing on him. I looked past his shoulder. I had never been in his room when the lights were on. But there wasn’t much to see. The room was completely empty. Nothing on the walls. No pictures of any kind. And everything was black. A black comforter on his bed. Black pillowcases. A black chair and desk. It was so unemotional that it made me feel sad. No wonder he had been sleeping in my room. This felt like a prison.

  The only odd thing was that there was a stack of posters on his desk, facing down. Had he taken them off the walls so I wouldn’t know what he was interested in?

  V cleared his throat. “I thought you’d be stubborn and sleep in your room with Kins.”

  I turned my attention back to him. “I am going to sleep in my own room. I just needed to talk to you.”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even try to hide it.

  “How was your visit with Eli?” he asked.

  I stared at him. He knew perfectly well that I didn’t go to Eli. He knew it and was just trying to push my buttons. Because I should have gone to Eli. Yet, all I had done was try to see Miles and now I was here with him. I was the worst girlfriend in the history of girlfriends. “Did you follow me?”

  “There was no need. I know exactly who your heart belongs to.”

  “If that’s true, and I’m not saying it is, then why would you steal that letter? Why would you prevent Miles from knowing the truth? And if you know everything, then you knew he left. You knew he was gone. So why the hell did you let me go to him in the first place?”

  “So you admit that you were going to him?”

  “Of course I went to see him. I had just found out that you interfered with…”

  “Do you love him?”

  I pressed my lips together.

  “Just say it.”

  I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. There were no words.

  “You love him. It’s always been him.”

  I shook my head.

  “You two were written in the stars, right? You were destined to be together. He’s your one great love.”

  “He broke my heart.”

  “And didn’t you do the same to him?”

  I wasn’t even sure why he was asking me these questions. He had read the letter I wrote to Miles. He knew the answers. He knew everything.

  “Just admit that you’re still in love with him.”

  “Why? Why does it matter to you?”

  “Because I want to know the truth.”

  A tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. “I think you’ve already made up your mind.”

  “And I’m sick of waiting for you to make up yours.”

  I wanted to tell him that I had. That I was in love with Eli. That I wanted nothing more than to be with Eli and only Eli. But why had I gone to Miles? Why the hell was I with V now? “Do you know where he went?”

  “Miles?”

  “Who the hell else would I be talking about?”

  V smiled. “He’s still in the city if that’s what you’re wondering.”

  “Where?”

  “I thought you didn’t want me to interfere…”

  “Would you just tell me one single thing I want to know?”

  “You’ll find him when you’re ready. But don’t be surprised if he’s not who you remember. I’m pretty sure he’s changed as much as you.”

  “That’s the thing, V. I don’t think he has. Because he still believes I can be Summer.”

  “And we both know that you can’t be.”

  Fuck you. I opened up his door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Anywhere but here. You can hang your posters back up. I’m never stepping foot in your room again.”

  “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  I turned and looked at him before closing his door. And for just a moment, I thought I saw the night sky in his eyes. A darkness with no light from the stars. Did my eyes reflect his? I didn’t want the darkness in my soul. But I was scared that he was right about me. No matter how much I still wanted to be Summer, I hadn’t been her in so long. I didn’t even remember what it was like to be happy. To be truly, madly, deeply in love. To look at the world with hope instead of dread. I had lost sight of the stars.

  Chapter 28

  Monday

  It was as easy as I thought it would be to sneak into the hospital. I could have been coming every day if V hadn’t locked me in the apartment. I scanned the list of names. Room 454. I ducked down as a nurse came around the corner.

  There was a beeping noise and I heard her sigh. I lifted my head to see the nurse walking back in the direction she had come from. Close call. I slid the clipboard back in place and hurried down the hall until I reached room 454.

  I was expecting it to be locked or something. But like the rest of the hospital, the security was severely lacking. I walked into his room and froze. Liza was lying in his hospital bed with him. Her head resting on his shoulder. His arm around her. They looked so content. They looked so happy.

  Kins had said that he was doing a great job acting. Maybe her initial assumption was correct, though. What if he wasn’t acting? Because it certainly seemed like I was intruding. I didn’t belong here. It felt like my heart was beating in my throat. I stepped back and ran into something. A metal tray clanged as it fell to the ground.

  Liza sat up with a start. “Summer?” She shifted away from Eli. “What are you doing here?”

  Eli groaned.

  Interfering. I swallowed hard. “V let me out.”

  “That’s great.” Her voice sounded squeakier than usual. She slid off the bed and Eli groaned again. His hand moved like he was reaching out for her.

  I recognized that noise. I recognized that movement. He did the same thing whenever I left his arms. That groan was the smallest noise. But it meant everything. I was just wrong about the meaning. Because I thought it meant he loved me.

  I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes. “I should leave you two alone.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I…”

  “No,” I s
aid. “Really, it’s okay. I’m just going to go. I’ll come back when he’s awake.”

  “Summer.” Her voice had lost the squeakiness. She just sounded sad and tired. “This isn’t how it looks. I was upset when V said he loved you, but I wouldn’t…it’s not what you think.”

  I shook my head. How could she possibly know what I was thinking? I didn’t even know what I was thinking. My stomach was twisted in knots. I felt nauseous. I stepped back again, this time stepping on the metal tray. It screeched as it slid on the floor.

  “Summer?” Eli’s voice was groggy. His eyes focused on me. “You came.”

  Liza grabbed her jacket and rushed past me without another word.

  I wanted to go over to his bed. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to tell him everything was going to be okay. But I couldn’t move. And the longer I stood there, I realized none of it was true. I wanted to want to go to him. I didn’t actually want to. Honestly, I’d rather retreat with Liza. I cleared my throat. “Of course I came.”

  He didn’t tell me to come closer either. He didn’t say anything at all. It was like a light switched on and whatever we had was left back in the darkness.

  “I wanted to come sooner,” I said. “But V locked me in the apartment.”

  Eli didn’t say anything. His eyelids drooped like he was about to fall asleep again.

  “He wouldn’t let me leave. You can even ask Liza. I came as soon as I could.” The lie came out before I could stop it. I had gone to Miles. I deserved to be looked at the way he was staring at me.

  “V’s been here,” Eli said with a yawn. “A few times actually.”

  So? “I know.”

  “He was trying to protect you. I get that.” Eli shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing, but his eyes narrowed at me.

  “Do you? Because you look mad at me.”

  “Mad that you didn’t come sooner? Why would I be mad about that?” He didn’t let me respond. “I almost died, Summer.”

  “I wanted to be here.”

  “Did you? Because it doesn’t really seem like you did.”

  “I…”

  “Did you know that I got an infection after the operation? Did you even care enough to ask V or Liza about how I was doing?” He laughed even though it was the opposite of funny.