Carved in Ice

by Ivy Smoak

  “But why would I lie like her? I’m not about to die. She was scared and troubled.”

  That was true. She had been terrified. But I knew lies when I heard them. After all, I had grown up with him. And my aunt hadn’t been lying. Filled with resentment, yes. But lies, no.

  “You hated her for choosing Mr. Crawford. And you’re taking it out on me because I look like her? You’re insane.”

  He lifted up another bottle. “Ah, William Crawford. Good old Will.” He shook his head. “He’s in the next room, you know.”

  I swallowed hard. “Why?”

  “Because I’m going to kill him. I spent years trying to keep you away from that Miles boy and he dumps you in the one city that he shouldn’t. There’s no forgiving him this time.”

  I still didn’t know all of Mr. Crawford’s story. But I knew he didn’t deserve to die. “You’re wrong. He told me to stay away from anyone I recognized from my past. He made me promise that I would.”

  “And what would you tell a vulnerable girl? I’d fucking tell her she had to stay away from her childhood sweetheart. He basically insured that you’d run to Miles. He put you in the same city. The same school. The same fucking floor as him. Coincidence only goes so far.”

  It was too much of a coincidence. I had taken it as fate. But maybe Don was right. Maybe Mr. Crawford wanted me to run to Miles. To tell him everything. “But why?”

  “Because he loved your mother too.”

  I knew that. My mom chose him over Don. But then she had to go into hiding because she was scared Don would come for her. My grandmother and mother changed their names. They moved. I wanted to believe that she left Mr. Crawford in the past, but I knew that wasn’t true. I knew it was even possible that he was my father.

  I thought about how all of Mr. Crawford’s addresses had been close to mine growing up. But that had even been before Don took me. He had been nearby when my parents were alive. I sat down on the edge of the bed. “I don’t understand.”

  He walked over to the bed. “He’s been trying to save you, doll. From me.” He put his knee between my legs, pushing my thighs apart.

  I couldn’t breathe.

  “Like you’d want to be saved from me.” He grabbed the cord around my robe and pulled.

  Stop. I tried to close my thighs, but he leaned forward and put his hand on the center of my chest, pushing me backward on the bed.

  Fire. His touch felt like flames. The feeling spread through my chest. I can’t breathe.

  I felt my robe slip open.

  Don ran his fingers down my torso and over the scar on my stomach. Tears pricked my eyes. I wasn’t strong enough when I was 16. But now? I had been training for this exact moment. I wasn’t some weak girl anymore. I balled my hands into fists. No more pain. No more hurt. He was never going to touch me again.

  The expression on his face morphed before my eyes. His smile turned more sinister than I had ever seen as his fingers left my skin. He put them up to his ear like he was listening to something. He turned away from me.

  I took a huge gulp of air. The feeling of fire left my skin. My head cleared. I gripped my robe closed and I eyed the phone on the ground. If I grabbed it, I could knock him over the head.

  “Fuck!” Don yelled before I had even started to inch away. He lifted up a vase from the coffee table and threw it against the wall. It shattered into a million tiny pieces.

  “We’ll continue this later.” He walked out of the room and slammed the door closed.

  It felt like the walls shook with his fury.

  Chapter 34

  Tuesday

  I slammed my fist against the glass one last time. It wouldn’t budge. There was no use. What would I do if I broke it anyway? I was too high up.

  The sun was starting to rise, but the city was eerily still. There were barely any taxis zooming by below. Barely any noise. It was almost peaceful. Everyone would be waking up soon and no one was going to care that my life was over. That I had just lost everything.

  I turned away from the window. My eyes followed the light streaming into the room and landed on the vent. The vent. I ran over and knelt down on the carpet. Please. It wasn’t a way out. But it was a way to get answers.

  “Mr. Crawford?” I whispered into the vent.

  I stared at it. The morning sun was lighting it up in an odd way. Like I was meant to be speaking into it. Like maybe this was where I was meant to be. I shook the thought away. Meant to be? I was meant to be in Miles’ arms. No one deserved this.

  I cleared my throat. “Mr. Crawford?” I said a little louder.

  I looked behind me. There was another vent across the room. Maybe he was on the other side. I ran over and knelt down, putting my lips close to the vent. “Mr. Crawford?”

  Nothing.

  “William?” I tried.

  Nothing.

  I pressed my forehead against the wall. It was no use. I’d never get my answers. I’d never get a chance to live. The game was over. Don had won.

  “Summer?” The voice was a whisper.

  I lifted my head. “Mr. Crawford, is that you?” I pressed my ear against the vent.

  “It’s me.”

  I had a million questions to ask him. “Are you okay?” The words tumbled out of my mouth. All the answers I needed and that was what I asked him. What if he was my father? What if he was the only family I had left?

  He sighed. “No. No, not really. Has he…” his voice trailed off. “Has he hurt you?”

  Almost. “No.”

  “Thank God.” He sounded truly relieved.

  “You’re not part of the witness protection program, are you?”

  “I’m sorry, Summer. I didn’t want to lie to you. I was just trying to keep you safe.”

  I closed my eyes. “Why?”

  “Because I was friends with your parents.”

  Both of them? I opened my eyes back up. “What?”

  “You really didn’t remember me, did you? I hoped you wouldn’t. It was easier that way.”

  “Remember you? Remember you from where?”

  He cleared his throat. “You used to call me Uncle Billy.”

  Uncle Billy. The memory came flooding back. I remembered him giving me a stuffed animal for my birthday. Forever ago. Before I even moved in next to Miles. I couldn’t have been more than 5. I didn’t remember him, but I did now. Barely. He looked so different. The years had changed him. “You’re my uncle?”

  “No, no, just a family friend.” He laughed. “You moved in next to Miles when Don was closing in on your parents. And I started to stay away. It was safer that way.”

  But he hadn’t stayed that far away. “You and my mother…were you…” I let my voice trail away. I needed to rip the Band-Aid off. “Are you my dad?”

  “What?” He laughed and then started to cough. “No.” It sounded like he was in pain. “Why on earth would you think that?”

  “You always lived near my parents. My aunt said…”

  “She lost her mind a long time ago. Yes, I loved your mother once. But that was over twenty years ago. We were just friends when she met your father. And I was fast friends with him too. He was a good man.”

  I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. “So why are you a part of this then?”

  “It was my fault that Don was trying to find your mother. She chose me over him all those years ago. I was trying to protect her ever since.” He paused. “And then there was you. You were just a kid.” Another long pause. “Summer, it took me forever to find you after Don adopted you. Every time I was close he’d disappear. It took me so long to finally get to you.”

  “Why didn’t you adopt me after my grandmother died?”

  “I would have. I wanted to. I filed the paperwork but you disappeared. You always just…disappeared. He had ties everywhere. You were in his clutches as soon as you entered foster care. Why do you think you moved around so much even before you met him?”

  I wiped the tears away from bene
ath my eyes. “Because no one wanted me.”

  “That wasn’t true.”

  “The agency said I had my head in my books too much. I was sad all the time. I tried to get the families to like me. But there was always something wrong with me. Always.”

  “Summer, there was nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve always been wanted.”

  Even those years before Don, I felt so alone. Moving from one foster family to the next. It seemed like everyone around me was adopted. But Don was just keeping me away from Mr. Crawford. Keeping me away from happiness. “What does he want from me?” I wiped my tears away again.

  “At first I thought it was revenge. But I think it’s more than that now. He wants what your mother never gave him.”

  I was trying so hard to keep it together. Love. He wanted love. “I can’t.” My voice broke.

  “Summer, I’m going to get you out of here. He’s not going to hurt you anymore.”

  “You did get me out. But he just found me again. He’ll always find me.”

  “Take a deep breath, okay?”

  “I don’t understand why you did this. Why you left me alone in New York. Why didn’t you just tell me everything? Why didn’t you just let me stay with you?”

  “I thought you’d be safer without me. Don wants me dead. I wanted you to know the truth. I knew you’d figure it out when you dug deeper about your new name. And with Miles so close by, you’d have someone if you needed them.”

  “Miles is dead. Don killed him right in front of me.” I couldn’t stop the tears now.

  “Summer, I’m so so sorry, I…”

  “Did he kill my parents too?” That was the question I had been dying to ask. I had to know.

  “It was reported as an accident. But he had the cops in his pocket. I don’t know how...” his voice trailed off. “I know he killed your grandmother though.”

  “So why hasn’t he killed me yet?”

  “Like I said, that’s not what he wants from you.”

  Right. He wants me to love him. I stared at the empty hotel room. “I don’t have anything left to live for.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  Miles’ love lifted me up. My whole life it had. It helped me out of this hell. But now? There was nothing to lift me back up. I wasn’t stronger now. I was pretending to be tough this whole time. I had always been good at make-believe. Really, I was weak. And stupid. And worthless. Just like Don always said. Don already took my body. He was seared into my brain. What did it matter if I gave him my soul? It was rotten anyway. “I’ll give him what he wants,” I whispered. “And then I’ll be able to get my revenge.”

  “Revenge? Summer, that’s not you.”

  I stood up.

  “Summer? Summer there’s more we need to discuss!”

  I walked away from the vent. I didn’t have any more questions for Mr. Crawford.

  Chapter 35

  Tuesday

  Every time I closed my eyes I saw V falling. I gripped the edge of the sink. Part of me didn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe it. How could I still be breathing if he wasn’t?

  I opened my eyes and stared at the ghost of Summer Brooks. I understood why V always called me Sadie instead of Summer. We had both changed. But we were still written in the stars. We always had been. The stars couldn’t be rewritten. Miles was dead. And I was about to be.

  I finished the small bottle of vodka, ignoring the burn in my throat. Liquid courage. I shook my head. That wasn’t it. I was trying to numb the ache in my chest. But I knew it would never go away.

  I cracked the small bottle against the side of the sink. The glass shattered and I was left with several piercing shards sticking off the bottle’s neck. The next time I saw Don, I was going to sink it into his throat.

  Now I just had to wait. I walked over to the window and looked out at the city street below. The cars and taxis sped by just like on any other day. The whole city kept going like nothing had happened. The fact that no one else’s life had stopped made me feel even more alone. Each beat of my heart hurt. It should have been me.

  I used to have so many dreams. But the feeling of home had been ripped out of my chest. It no longer felt like I was living. There was only one thing keeping me breathing. The fact that Don still drew breath.

  I wasn’t sure how long I stood there before the door to the room opened. My cheeks were stiff from my dried tears. I wasn’t scared of what I was about to do. The world was going to be a better place without Don in it. I watched the people walking on the sidewalk below. And not a single person was going to miss someone like me.

  I plastered a fake smile on my face, took a deep breath, and turned around. “Don.” I ran over to him and threw my arms around him. I swallowed down the bile rising in my throat. We had never hugged like this before. I had never pretended to want anything he gave me. I had just become used to it. Numb to it.

  His arms wrapped around me. “Feeling better, doll?”

  “So much better. I’ve been so scared without you. I…” I let my voice trail off. I couldn’t force anything else out like that. “When you sent those hitmen after me…”

  He pulled back and grabbed my shoulders. “I was angry with you.” He stared into my eyes. “I wasn’t thinking clearly after you left. That was a long time ago. I never meant it.”

  But didn’t you? Or else you wouldn’t have tried to have me killed. I swallowed hard. “I know.”

  “Please forgive me.”

  Please? I had never heard him use that word before. Hearing it made me even more uncomfortable. He was up to something. “I forgive you.” Never. “Can I please have my clothes back now?” It was worth a try if we were suddenly using the word please.

  He smiled. “I don’t think you’ll be needing them. Are you hungry?” He nodded to the table. There were two covered trays sitting on it.

  Eating wasn’t on my list of things to do this morning. “I’m not hungry.”

  “You need to eat,” Don said.

  I tied my robe a little tighter even though it would be coming off soon enough.

  His eyes followed my movement. “Sit. Down.” The anger I was all too familiar with was back.

  I wished I could forget what the edge in his voice meant. I wished I could forget everything.

  “Summer.”

  I looked back up at him and all I saw was death. He killed Miles. He killed him. My parents. My grandmother. How could I pretend everything was okay? “V is dead. You got what you wanted.” My plan was flying out the window. I was losing control. My fingers itched to reach into my pocket and grab the broken bottle.

  “I don’t have everything I want.” His eyes traveled down my neck and stopped at where my robe crisscrossed. “Not everything.”

  Me. All I had to do was play make-believe for a little longer. Until he used my body. Until he was relaxed and happy. Until I had the perfect moment to stab him in the throat. I smiled. “And what is it that you want?” Before he could respond, I added, “because before Joan knocked me out in her diner, she said that the only person you wanted dead more than me was V. You got that. What else could you possibly want?”

  He smiled. “Did you love that boy? Is that what this is about?”

  With all my heart. He was my everything. “No.” I shook my head. “No, I didn’t love him.” It hurt to say the lie. It didn’t just hurt, it made me angry too. My heart started to race. And for the first time I realized it wasn’t beating against something. Where was my necklace? It was the last thing I had left of Miles. “He was a childhood friend, nothing more.” I tried to pause between my thoughts, hoping it was long enough so that he wasn’t suspicious. “Do you know where my necklace is?”

  He pulled the chain out of his pocket. “You mean this?”

  I reached for it but he held it away from me. “I always wondered why this trinket was so important to you.”

  “It reminds me of my parents, that’s all.”

  “You don’t need t
o remember them.” He tossed the necklace onto the table.

  I kept my eyes glued to him and shrugged my shoulders. If he didn’t think it was that important, he wouldn’t keep it from me. The silence stretched between us.

  “Your mom was a slut.”

  It felt like he had slapped me. But I kept looking at him. His words weren’t true. There was no reason why they should affect me. It was impossible not to think about my plan, though. That would be one of the last things he ever said. That was justice enough. Just wait. Wait till the right moment.

  “And your father was weak.”

  I put my hand in my pocket, wrapping it around the bottle. “Did you kill my parents?” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. He didn’t even have to reply. I could see it in his eyes.

  “Weak until his dying breath.”

  I thought the bottle might snap in my hand.

  “Like you were when we first met. But I knew I could make you strong. You’re welcome, doll.”

  He didn’t make me strong. Yes, Miles had trained me. But the strength I had was my own. It came from within me. I was made of fucking steel.

  I lunged at him, pulled the bottle out of my pocket, and aimed for the side of his neck.

  He knocked it out of my hand before I even reached him, like it was nothing but a nuisance.

  I hadn't waited for the right moment. What the hell had I been thinking? I took a step back from him.

  He slapped my face with the back of his hand.

  My body fell toward the table. I was able to put my hands out just in time to catch myself.

  “Not as strong as I thought then,” he said with a laugh.

  I grabbed one of the metal covers for our food, turned around, and slammed it as hard as I could against his face.

  The noise it made was satisfying, but he barely stumbled back.

  He ran his hand down the side of his scarred face. “You’re going to regret that.” He stepped forward and wrapped one of his hands around my neck.

  I took a strained breath before he cut off all my oxygen.

  He lifted me up until my feet were dangling off the ground. I gripped his wrist and pulled as hard as I could. I can’t breathe. It was like I was transported in time to the last time he had done this. But I’m stronger now. I dug my nails into his skin.