by Sara V. Zook
I felt nervous as hell going back to the hospital. I knew I was going to have to have that conversation sooner or later, see the pain in Livvy’s eyes and know I’d hurt her—something I’d never done before. I took a deep breath as I rounded the corner of the parking garage. Maybe today I wouldn’t have to be a monster. I could probably get away with putting it off for a little while. I mean, Livvy would have to be going somewhere else for a while to get her strength back up. Maybe I wouldn’t even have to be the person who broke the news to her. Someone else could. I could just leave her life as suddenly as she’d left mine. A pang of guilt lingered for a moment in my guts. Damn. This sucked.
“Darin!”
Livvy was sitting up in bed. More color had come back into her face. She was smiling that bright toothy grin of hers that could make anyone’s bad day turn into a good one just by looking at her. Her hair was fixed and pulled back on the sides. She was wearing makeup. My heart sank.
“Come here!” Livvy yelled out in joy, waving for me to hurry up and get over to her. “Guess what?”
“What?”
She smiled again, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. “I was walking today.”
Her excitement was too much to bear. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Walking? Really?”
She nodded her head. “They took me in a wheelchair down to physical therapy. I used my arms and these two bars to balance myself. They said I did a great job. I just have to build back up the strength in my arms and legs.”
“That’s amazing, Liv.” I ran my hand through my hair and stared at her. My heart pounded in my chest. It wasn’t fair that this was happening to her. I had moved on, but the poor girl hadn’t had a chance to. She was still stuck in a past that didn’t even exist anymore. It truly was heartbreaking. I went to reach for the chair.
“Wait!” She tossed off the blanket from her legs. She was wearing a pair of sweatpants. She swung her legs out over the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing?” I asked, alarmed.
She grinned. “Just watch.”
“Liv, is this a good idea? I mean, you only just started moving around again today. You probably shouldn’t push your body…”
She put her finger to my mouth, shushing me. “Help me.”
I swallowed but didn’t bother protesting anymore. “How?”
Livvy reached for my hands to steady herself. Her blue eyes were looking into mine. She was focused on me as she slowly put her feet to the floor and attempted to stand up. She was wobbly but managed. Then she took a step forward as I moved backward, still keeping her balance. She took another step, then another.
“Wait, Darin.” She bent her knees slightly and started to let go of my hands.
“No. You’ll fall.”
“I’m okay. I feel okay. Just give me a second.”
Livvy always was strong-willed and wanted to do things on her own terms. I cautiously let go of her. She began to straighten up then, standing up the whole way.
“See?” She laughed, holding her hands out at her sides like she had wings. “Told you I could do it.” Then before even giving me warning, she attempted to take a step forward on her own. Her weak muscles gave way, her knees buckling underneath her, and she began to fall. I reached out for her and caught her in my arms, saving her from crashing to the floor.
She looked up at me then, our lips only inches apart. I stared down at her mouth as I struggled to keep my breath. “God, Liv, you scared me half to death,” I murmured as I scooped the rest of her body up into my arms. She was so light. There was nothing to her. I carried her over to the bed and sat her down. “What the hell are you trying to do, bump your head again?”
She swallowed hard and frowned, disappointed with herself. “Thanks for catching me.” And that was it. Her good spirited mood gone.
“Hey,” I said, putting my finger under her chin and pulling her head up. She glared at me. “Don’t be upset. Look at how great you’re doing. You do realize you haven’t walked in seven years. I bet in just a few days you’re going to be up and around again, probably going for jogs and shopping for shoes.”
She rolled her eyes, but I saw a glimmer of amusement in her eyes.
“Or have you forgotten your love of shoes—expensive ones?” I asked.
“Oh, no, I haven’t forgotten. I can’t wait to see what styles I’ve missed out on. A whole new wardrobe is headed my way very soon I think.” She grinned again then.
A nurse popped her head in the room. She looked at both of us and smiled. She was very young, wearing dark red lipstick and dark blue eye shadow that went the whole way up to her eyebrows. “You two are so cute.” She began organizing things in the room. “So, what’s the story on you guys? How’d you end up together?” the woman asked.
My eyes glanced at Liv who blushed slightly at the question. She pressed her lips together as if lost in the memory. I sat down in the chair beside the bed, my right hand clenching into a fist as I, too, recalled how it happened.
Livvy began, “I was on my way to an interview. It was windy and raining. I had on a dress.” Her eyes moved to me. “Remember that dress, Darin?”
I swallowed and nodded. “Flowers. Lots of pink and yellow flowers on it.” Very short and skimpy.
Half of her mouth curled up into a smile. “That’s right.” Her gaze shifted back to the nurse who continued to maneuver around the room checking supplies and checking machines as she listened intently. “It just wasn’t my day.” Livvy shook her head and chuckled. “The wind turned my umbrella upside down, and as I was trying to fix it, it slipped away from my hand and blew up in the air, landing in the street.”
“I was walking to my apartment. I was across the street,” I said, picking up where she’d left off. “I saw this pretty girl struggling with an umbrella, the rain soaking her.”
“Then this man ran into the middle of the road, stopping traffic with his hand. He grabbed my umbrella and hurried to give it back to me. I must’ve looked like a drowned rat.” Livvy folded her hands across her lap, the fingers on her ring hand moving rhythmically across her smooth gold wedding band. “He asked me if I was all right. I told him I was and thanked him. Then I turned to walk away, the heel on my shoe broke, and I fell in a puddle.”
“Oh my!” the nurse bellowed out, grabbing her belly as she howled in laughter. “I’ll say that was a bad day!”
I shook my head. “She was a mess.” I remembered walking back to her after seeing her fall. She looked up at me as she just sat in the middle of the sidewalk, her hair dripping wet, mascara running down her cheeks, her dress stuck to her body. Despite all that, I remembered my heart feeling like it was being squeezed, much like I felt right now as I listened to her retell how we met. I had never seen a more beautiful girl in all my life.
“Did you make it to your interview, Mrs. Thorne?” the woman asked, stirring me from the stupor of my nostalgia.
Livvy made a snorting sound. “No. I didn’t even attempt to show up. Darin invited me out to dinner instead to make up for the bad day. He drove me back to my place so I could get changed into dry clothes. And the rest is history.” Her eyes met mine again briefly, a smile playing on her lips before she returned her attention to the nurse who was now placing a cuff around her upper arm so she could check her blood pressure.
“Are you Mr. Thorne?”
Another woman stepped into the room, this one much older and without the scrubs. She had a medical badge pinned to the side of her collar.
I nodded.
The woman walked over to us and reached out to shake our hands. “I’m Betty Lou. Nice to meet you both. Mrs. Thorne, I just wanted to personally say how miraculous your recovery is to the medical world. I’m so happy for you, that you’ve come out of your coma. Things like this just don’t happen. It truly is amazing.”
Livvy smiled as she shook her hand. “Thank you. It’s been…something to wake up and realize that all these years have gone by.”
Betty Lou chuckled. “Yes
, I can only imagine how crazy the last couple of days have been for you. But miracles do happen, and doctors aren’t always right.”
“This is true,” Liv remarked.
The woman’s eyes returned to me. “Well, I’m here to discuss living arrangements for Mrs. Thorne after she gets released from the hospital.”
“How long do you think I’ll be here?” Liv asked.
A sick feeling came over me.
Betty Lou shrugged. “Don’t know. Haven’t heard word yet from the doctors. You seem to have stumped them.” She cracked a grin.
The nurse removed the cuff from Liv’s arm. “Pressure’s good, Mrs. Thorne. I’ll be back to check on you later.” She turned around to leave. “By the way, loved your story—super romantic.” She walked out of the room.
“Okay.” Betty Lou searched the room for another chair. “Let’s get down to business then.”
“Wait,” I said a little too quickly, my voice shaky. “Can we…?” I looked at Liv for a second. “Can we speak about this privately please?”
“Privately?” Betty Lou asked, the expression on her face one of confusion.
That sick feeling came on stronger as my ab muscles clenched together. I nodded. “Yeah. If you don’t mind,” I mumbled.
“Of course.” She gave a hesitative glance to Livvy and then walked out of the room. I followed close behind. “We can go to an office down the hallway, Mr. Thorne.”
“Darin,” I corrected her.
“Darin,” she repeated.
I hadn’t wanted to look back at Livvy. I could only imagine what she was feeling. I hadn’t expected to have this conversation in front of her. I don’t know what I was expecting, though, honestly. This whole thing had thrown my entire life off course for the moment.
It was a small office which was only large enough to hold a desk and two chairs.
“Have a seat.”
I sat down but found it impossible to relax.
“I have you listed as power of attorney. You are Mrs. Thorne’s husband, correct?”
“Well, yes, technically,” I told her.
Betty Lou studied me for a few seconds, then slowly nodded as if understanding. “Oh.” Lines formed between her eyebrows. “Oh, I get it now. You’re not together?”
My throat felt suddenly extremely dry. “Any chance you have some water in here?”
“No. There’s probably a machine down the hall.”
I shook my head. “Never mind. I’ll be all right.” I sighed. “Livvy doesn’t know yet.”
She raised her eyebrows in question. “Know what?”
“It’s been seven years,” I blurted out. “They told me she wasn’t coming back, that she’d be in that coma state for the rest of her life. I…I moved on. I have a girlfriend.”
Betty Lou nodded again. “I see,” she said quietly, pressing her lips together as the situation unfolded in her mind. “But why haven’t you told her?”
“Livvy?”
“Yes, Darin, Livvy.”
I huffed out an exasperated chuckle. “Because she just woke up! In her mind, nothing’s changed because she’s literally slept through the entire last seven years.” I puffed out my cheeks and blew out all the air. I met the woman’s eyes, then quickly looked down at the desk. Was she sitting there judging me, or was I just being paranoid? “I mean, I guess what I’m thinking is, why traumatize Livvy more? She doesn’t have to know yet. We can arrange for her to go back to a home until she can walk and function on her own. I have time. That’s why I wanted to speak with you in private. I don’t want to spook her anymore.”
“Spook her?” Betty Lou grunted a little. “Mr. Thorne—Darin—anyone would be plenty spooked to find out they’ve been in a coma for a very long time. She’s being pleasant and hasn’t freaked out yet, but I’m sure in due time it’ll come. I give her credit though, she’s making the best of it, putting on a good face and all. To your suggestion about not telling her because you think she’s going to have a prolonged period of physical therapy in which she’ll be put back inside a home, I’ve just spoken with Dr. Paulson, the attending for Livvy. They don’t have an exact release date yet, but your wife—I mean Livvy—will need physical therapy, sure, to regain muscle strength and overcome her weaknesses, but it’s not going to take her long to be up and going again. Have you seen that woman in there yet? She’s ready to go out those doors now.”
I raked my hand through my hair trying to ascertain the situation at hand before me. “I…I don’t understand.” Was I going crazy? My mind was in a hazy fog.
Betty Lou sighed. She didn’t seem to care for me very much. She had an attitude. “How do I say this? I’m afraid there’s no easy way. If you don’t plan on taking Livvy home with you, she has nowhere to go.”
My skull was throbbing with a sudden headache. “Wh-what?” I put my hand on the edge of the desk to brace myself—for what, I didn’t know.
“You are her power of attorney. You are still legally married to her, are you not?”
“Yes, but…” My mind continued to swirl as I processed the information more slowly than usual because of the shock of the situation that went along with it.
The woman leaned in closer as if taunting me. I didn’t care for her either. Her face was too fat. “Who else does she have? Any close relatives? Are her parents still alive?”
I bit my bottom lip. I was still on the verge of hyperventilating. “No. They both died before I married her.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “You can’t throw her out on the streets after she’s just woken up from a coma.”
I couldn’t possibly have my wife and girlfriend under the safe roof either. God, I was going to puke. “No, I didn’t mean it like that…” But what did I mean? My mind was racing trying to think of someone who could take her. All I could picture was Violet’s hands wrapped tightly around my neck as she strangled me to death.
“If I may make a suggestion.” She brought her face in even closer. I couldn’t stand it when people felt like they needed to be breathing the same air as you when they spoke. “Emotional distress isn’t going to put Livvy back in a coma if that’s what you’re so worried about. She’s a grown woman with a lot of decisions ahead to make. I think by not telling her, you’re going to be leading her on, and that is going to be harder to swallow than you not telling her now, but hey, that’s just my opinion. Ultimately the decision is up to you. I just need to know where she’s going when they discharge her.”
“How long?”
“Till she’s discharged?”
“Yeah. I mean, I heard you tell Liv that you weren’t certain yet, but give me an estimated guess.”
She backed up a little, but only slightly. She folded her hands on the desk in front of her and thought for a moment. “Probably a week I’d say.”
I felt the vomit rising in the back of my throat. The chunks were about to fly out right here on Betty Lou’s lap. “Where’s the bathroom?” I could feel myself turning green.
She looked horrified as I gagged but clenched my jaw together tightly. “Across the hall.”
I bolted out the door, straight into the men’s bathroom, and buried my face in the toilet.
FOUR
Darin
I splashed water on my face and looked in the mirror. I looked like shit. I dabbed my mouth a couple more times with a rough brown paper towel and tossed it in the trash can. Whenever I was stressed, it never failed that it always went straight to my stomach one way or another. I’m sure by the end of the day, it would be coming out the other end.
“Okay, Darin,” I told myself, putting two hands against the cold sink and giving myself a stern look in the mirror. “Time to do this. Man up. Don’t be a wuss.”
I strolled back down the hall. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Betty Lou talking to another patient. She paused briefly to glance my way. I just kept moving past her.
“What’s going on, Darin?” Livvy asked the moment I stepped back in the room. She had been flipping th
rough TV stations and turned it off as I approached her. She lowered her eyebrows. “You look flushed. You okay?”
I nodded and sat on the edge of her bed. I took her hands in mine, my eyes landing upon her rings again—rings that meant she was still married to me. I slumped my shoulders and sighed. “Listen, Liv, there’s something we have to talk about.”
“Okay,” she said quietly.
I couldn’t stand to look her in the eye, not yet. I started to say something, then my voice choked. I looked up then, seeing the concern on her face. “Liv, you understand it’s been seven years?”
“So everyone’s been telling me,” she replied dryly. “I’m pretty sick and tired of hearing that number.”
I nodded and let go of one of her hands to run my knuckles across the bottom of my stubbly chin. “The doctors told me there was no hope,” I whispered. This hurt incredibly more than I wanted it to. If I was feeling like this, what was she going through? I was breaking up with my wife after she woke up from a coma. What kind of horrible low-life person does that? Me.
Livvy put her hand on one of my shoulders. She was the one comforting me. She rubbed her hand gently across the back of my neck. “Shh, it’s fine, Darin. Just tell me.”
I shook my head in defeat. “I’m with someone else, Liv.” I looked up at her to see her blue eyes becoming stormy with tears and confusion. “I’m so sorry to have to tell you like this, but it’s not fair for you not to know.”
Just like that, she stopped touching me and recoiled back into a place of retreat that didn’t include me. Even her legs lurched back and underneath her. If it were possible, I was willing to bet she’d try to melt right through that wall behind her just to get away from me. I thought about putting my hand on her bare foot, but she jerked it away, too.
