Claire's Prayer

by Yvonne Cloete

  Standing before the full-length mirror, she studied her body critically. For once Claire’s self-appraisal was not abstract, but of physical reality – and wasn’t wholly negative. Her eyes took in her halo of hair, her narrow waist, her slim legs… All in all, she supposed she didn’t look bad: she had seen better and worse. What she could not understand, though, was why this body of hers was suddenly betraying her. Is desire something that clicks into action when one reached a certain age or maturity – or a certain vulnerability? she wondered. If so, why was it only Seth who awakened this latent feeling within her? Grabbing the first items of clothing her fingers touched, she dressed. Knowing it was hopeless to try and work when her thoughts were in such turmoil, Claire started packing for the National Park trip she knew she wouldn’t be able to avoid. She felt apprehensive about going with Seth now, but clung to the comfort that Naomi was accompanying them. Apparently unaware that her radiant and increasing happiness wasn’t universal, Naomi seemed, to Claire, oblivious to the tension that arose whenever Seth and Claire were near each other.

  Soaking in a steaming-hot bath, Seth felt pleasantly tired after his bad night’s sleep and the work he’d already done that morning. He’d always believed in doing at least his share of the ranch’s necessary labour himself, as opposed to delegating it. He felt it was a matter of honour that he could, and often did, put in a good ten-hour day with the ranch hands, and their relationship with him had been made stronger as a consequence. The work was also, of course, a particularly productive distraction from his thoughts.

  After the fiasco of the previous night’s episode with Claire, he had decided again to leave her strictly alone. He knew he could not give her the permanence she seemed to crave. Now, he just had to get through these next few days at the National Park. After that, he told himself, he would be able to cope by burying himself in work and keeping to himself until Claire went home and out of his life forever. The whole morning, Seth had grappled with different excuses, trying to find a way out of the proposed trip. Realising finally that it was pointless to avoid the issue, and assuring himself of his ability to handle himself even in Claire’s proximity, he left things as they were.

  Later, after tea and scones and once Seth had discussed last-minute work instructions with Tony, Claire followed Seth to the BMW and left Naomi and Tony to say their goodbyes in private. Beyond a curt greeting Seth had not spoken to her, and both, independently, wondered just how uncomfortable the trip was going to be.

  Joining them soon afterwards, Naomi insisted that Claire sit in front with Seth as she planned on getting forty winks – which offer Claire was not quick enough to counter. During the beginning of the drive, however, Naomi kept them amused with tales of her previous trips to the National Park, with other visitors.

  Claire determinedly kept her eyes off Seth, who seemed quite content to drive in silence. Soon after they reached the main road, though, Naomi was dozing on the back seat and the quiet became pervasive. Claire pretended avid interest in the passing bush and, obviously equally uncomfortable, Seth switched on the stereo to fill the car with the drone of the radio. Its low hum, and the endless swish of the tyres on the tarmac, lulled Claire into a light doze. Eyes closed, head bumping gently up and down against the head rest, she was content to feign sleep. This way, she did not have to feel guilty about not speaking to Seth. Pretence soon became reality and, before she knew it, a firm hand was shaking her. Naomi’s voice reached her through her dream: “Wake up, sleepy-head – we’re almost there!”

  Opening her eyes, Claire pushed herself up on the seat. They had stopped in front of a boom gate, and a khaki-clad park official was writing down the car particulars. As they drove through the gates, Claire noted the hotel further along the dirt road, and the surrounding lodge area. Stopping outside the reception building, Naomi suggested the other two order lunch while she checked them in and collected the keys for the lodges – but Seth quickly offered to do it himself, and strode away.

  Claire looked around; the hotel was tastefully laid out. Thatched rooves and glitterstone floors gave the whole place a cool, peaceful air. As they passed through into the restaurant, she saw there were only a few other groups of people scattered around on the long veranda. Claire’s gaze took in the panoramic view from where she and Naomi sat down. The hotel was built on a natural plateau and overlooked a vast plain. Not far away, she could clearly see a muddy waterhole. It was beautiful.

  The two girls sat in companionable silence in the cool restaurant, glancing over the menu until a smartly-dressed waiter came to take their order. Looking across at Claire for acquiescence, Naomi ordered the ‘menu of the day’ for the three of them, and Seth joined them just as their drinks were delivered. Lunch was lovely: a thick, creamy vegetable soup, followed by roast beef with all the trimmings. Then there was ice cream and fruit salad for those who wanted dessert – which Claire did.

  After lunch, Seth dropped the girls outside their lodge before driving on to his, telling them that the rest of the afternoon was free until four o’clock, when they would meet at the hotel for a game drive. The lodges were comfortable and airy: each was a compact thatched dwelling surrounded by towering, shady trees. Barbeque areas had been built in front of each lodge, and Claire did not have to walk far to see the waterhole in the distance.

  As Naomi unpacked, Claire picked up the hotel pamphlet she found on the coffee table. ‘Hwange National Park is one of the world’s most impressive wildlife reserves’, it read. Claire scanned the glossy pages. It had the largest concentration of elephants anywhere, as well.

  “I’d better get lots of camera film, Naomi,” Claire said, excited. “Looks like we’re guaranteed to see some stunning sights in the next few days!”

  Naomi nodded. “There are wooden game-viewing platforms overlooking the waterholes all over. I think we’ll go to one of them this afternoon. It’s still incredible seeing the teeming herds of wildlife coming down to drink – even for me, and I live here!”

  Phoning through to the restaurant for a tray of tea, Naomi proposed they relax for an hour or so and then go for a walk – and maybe browse through the curio shop at the hotel.

  “Seth’s probably gone to visit Craig Halloway. They’ve been friends since school, and they were at uni together as well. Craig, his wife and their sons live here at Sinematella; they oversee the running of the whole camp. We’ll probably be invited to a braai with them one evening, if you want to go?”

  Claire nodded, and Naomi rattled on. “It’s not often Seth and Craig get together these days, what with both of them being so busy.” Naomi paused, noticing again the slight flicker across Claire’s eyes every time she mentioned her brother’s name. She’d suspected things were developing in an odd way there – despite her own contented preoccupation, the tension between them hadn’t gone unnoticed. She just hadn’t wanted to get involved. Only now, seeing Claire so ill able to disguise her vulnerability, she decided to ask.

  “Look, is there something going on between the two of you, Claire?” She saw Claire’s eyes dart uncomfortably away. “He’s not said anything at all,” Naomi reassured her; “I’ve just never known my brother to be so… well, so moody!” Naomi looked at Claire expectantly.

  Swallowing, Claire walked to the window, her mind racing. Eventually, she answered with her back to Naomi. “No – nothing’s going on with us, Naomi. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but I think I can say with confidence that I am not the cause of Seth’s moods.”

  Although she hated lying, Claire had decided not to make the problems she and Seth were causing for one another known to Naomi: she deserved to concentrate on her coming wedding, and not be worried about their confused feelings.

  Seeing Claire’s defensiveness, Naomi reprimanded herself for trying to interfere. She chose to change the subject. “Claire, I was thinking about what you told me about Ireland – how would you feel if Tony and I came to stay with you for a bit next year?”

  Claire answered her enthu
siastically, turning from the window with a smile. “Of course you can come! I’d love to have you. There are loads of places to see – I might even be able to rival some of Zimbabwe’s sights! And you can meet Aunt Ellen…” Her thoughts turning to home, Claire trailed off, and came to sit down. The prospect of arriving back in Ireland had been on her mind more and more over the past few days, but she’d not yet put her worries into words. “Naomi, I’ve barely let myself think about it, but it’s going to be so strange living in the house without my parents.”

  Naomi looked over at her friend with sympathy. She knew exactly how she felt. Reaching over to hold Claire’s hand, she nodding in understanding. “There’s no way out of it: it’ll always be hard for you to adjust, Claire. But at least you have your aunt close by – you’re really close, aren’t you? Seth and I found so much strength in each other after it happened to us, so she should be a real comfort to you. Plus, look at how much you’ve done and changed since you got here! I think that by the time you go home you’ll be ready to face all the changes, no matter how awful they are.”

  Claire squeezed Naomi’s hand in gratitude. She really hoped she was right.

  Standing and moving the tea tray to an outside table, Naomi locked the lodge and they walked the long way around to the hotel, taking in what they could of its grounds en route. Only a few tourists remained when they arrived, the main crowd obviously having gone in to eat lunch. The curio shop was open, and Claire was glad to browse amongst more trinkets. She was really getting used to shopping again, she smiled to herself, reflecting on her reluctance even to pick out her own holiday clothes before coming to Zimbabwe.

  A young girl sat behind the shop counter, reading. Putting down her book, she eagerly assisted Claire, who had spotted a glass cabinet in the corner of the shop that contained numerous books on the National Park and the animal species found there. Claire soon found what she was looking for: a book with vivid pictures of all the wildlife in the National Park, as well as a write-up about each animal. Claire knew she would look at it often once she got back home. Continuing to browse, she now couldn’t resist buying herself a wrap-around khaki skirt with a safari frieze printed across the bottom and a lovely pair of leather sandles – and, spotting a rack of postcards, chose four with close-up pictures of animals on them. She and Naomi also bought more films for their cameras. Paying for her items with a traveller’s cheque, Claire followed Naomi onto the veranda, quietly pleased with her splurge.

  Before they had seated themselves, a smiling waiter came to see if he could get them anything. Smilingly requesting a refreshing pitcher of cordial, the girls pushed their wrought-iron chairs into the sunlight. They flicked through Claire’s new book, anticipating which breeds they’d be able to see, and the minutes ticked past in a relaxed haze. Sitting back and looking out over the Reserve, Claire noticed that the heat was causing the surface of the waterhole to shimmer and sparkle, and the air around it to rise in ripples. Occasionally, an animal braved the heat to trot cautiously to the water’s edge and drink thirstily. Naomi and Claire relaxed in the sun like two lazy lizards, their bodies absorbing the warm rays.

  “Hey, you two – here’s someone who wants to say ‘Hi’!” Seth’s voice disturbed them, dragging them out of their semi-comas. Claire turned her head, and her eyes fed impetuously on the figure of Seth striding closer before she could stop them. Today he wore cargo longs and a faded ‘Save the Rhino’ t-shirt, both of which garments hugged the contours of his physique faithfully. Swallowing, mouth and throat dry, Claire stood up at the same time as Naomi. She hung back as Naomi ran across the floor, throwing her arms around the shoulders of the man standing beside Seth.

  The sun-browned, slender stranger swung Naomi around, saying laughingly, “So, squirt, you did eventually grow up!”

  Swatting him playfully on the arm as he lowered her to the floor, Naomi answered.

  “Same to you, Craig! How are Cheryl and the boys?”

  Before he could answer, they had reached the spot where Claire stood, waiting slightly awkwardly to be introduced. Craig held out a friendly hand to her.

  “Hi – you must be Claire. I’m Craig. How have you found your stay in Zims so far? These two treating you okay?”

  Smiling, Claire shook his hand, and wondered which question to answer first. But Naomi pushed her arm through Craig’s, drawing his attention back to her.

  “Oh, yes – you asked something, didn’t you, squirt? Well, Cheryl’s in Hwange with Travis and Guy. They had their tonsils out about ten days ago. In fact, I was just telling Seth that they’ll be home sometime this afternoon. How about we all get together for a braai tomorrow evening?”

  Having discussed the possibility with Claire already, Naomi agreed for all of them and turned to glance at her friend. She saw that Claire’s eyes, as if driven by some invisible magnetic force, had met Seth’s. Naomi turned back, hoping Claire knew what she was doing, and spoke further to Craig about his family.

  Seth had been watching her; Claire knew it. Holding his gaze, she did not hear the rest of the conversation between Naomi and Craig. A tremor passed through her as if the sun had been covered by a thick cloud. How could his mesmerising brown eyes promise so much, yet deliver so little of lasting value? Trying to refocus her attention back onto Craig and Naomi, she caught the last sentences of their friendly banter – but a waiter soon appeared and told Craig there was a phone call for him. Excusing himself, promising that they would all get together after dinner that night for drinks, Craig disappeared into the restaurant.

  Linking her arm through Seth’s, Naomi watched him go. “He doesn’t change, does he, Seth? But… wow! Did you hear what he said, that Guy is only three and Cheryl is pregnant again?” she remarked.

  “Mm-hm,” Seth nodded; “Craig always wanted a big family, though. Comes from being an only child, I think. And now, whenever he sees me, he asks if I’m ready to settle down in marital bliss, too! The guy thinks that just because he struck it lucky, everyone else will be as lucky too.” Seth tailed off, and Naomi glanced covertly at Claire. Her expression was mask-like. “Anyway,” Seth picked up again, “what d’you say we grab some cold drinks and see what animals we can spot for Claire?”

  Claire noticed as he walked off to request an open-topped Jeep that Seth still had not addressed her directly. Picking up some chilled water bottles from the shop on the way out, she wondered how long they could possibly keep up this evasion they were both practising. She and Naomi had been sitting outside the hotel for only a few minutes, and Claire had just finished snapping a new film into her camera, when Naomi called that Seth had arrived.

  “Knowing the manager obviously pays off when it comes to getting cars in a hurry!” she joked as they jumped in. Very soon, they had left all signs of civilization behind. Claire admired the autumn shades of oranges, yellows, browns and greens that adorned the trees. Constantly, leaves were floating on the breeze – and some branches were already totally bare of foliage. In other places, however, the bush was thick, the trees growing very close together, and there it was very difficult to see anything moving at all. The veldt was an ever-changing canvas, thickly covered and then sparse and rocky. Then, it was sandy, with tall, shady trees. Scattered randomly throughout were the squat baobabs, some with sections of bark ripped off. Claire recalled from the book she and Naomi had browsed through that elephants were responsible for the damage to the many bent and bark-stripped boughs, though the trees managed to flourish regardless.

  They had not gone far when Naomi practically hung out of the backseat window. In an excited, whispery voice, she said, “Lion, Seth! What luck, a whole pride of lions – over there!”

  Seth reversed slowly, watching where Naomi was pointing. Then, in the shade of a wide-spread mimosa tree, in full view, was a lion. Claire’s breath caught in her throat. The blond-maned king stared through half-closed eyes at them. Further back, she could just make out two lionesses and a few playful cubs. Claire took her camera out of its case, pr
aying that the lions would not move off before they could be immortalised on film. Leaning closer, Seth stretched his arm in front of her, pointing further to the left. Following his finger, Claire tried to suppress a shiver as his breath tickled her ear.

  He whispered, “There – look over there. A lion cub playing with the lioness’s tail!”

  The playful antics of the lion cub brought a smile to Claire’s face that excused the blush in her cheeks. Seth was now close enough for her to feel the heat of his body and smell the intoxicating male scent of him. Trying desperately to focus only on the pride, Claire watched them intently. Nothing but the cubs seemed to move in the late-afternoon heat, until the male got lazily to his feet. Claire tensed, shocked at his actual size, and instinctively moved back; she’d backed into the cradle of Seth’s upper body.

  Flicking his tail in contempt, the lion seemed to stare at them defiantly. Then he turned and strolled majestically away, disappearing almost immediately amongst the trees and bushes. Soon the lionesses also stood and followed their leader. Sighing in contentment, Claire was spellbound – but, rousing herself, edged deliberately away from Seth. He restarted the Jeep.

  They drove slowly, all three staring intently into the bush. Then Seth slowed and stopped, indicating the car they’d approached in the road ahead of them. The other car’s driver leaned out of his window and gestured for them to slow down, pointing to something on the right. Sitting on the edge of her seat Claire craned her head forward, trying to see what had caught their attention. Seth had only just drawn up when an elephant bull lumbered out of the tree line. Flapping its wide ears and raising its trunk, the huge animal hesitated for a few seconds and then ambled across the road. Right behind him, the rest of the herd followed. This close up, Claire could really see just how big elephants were.