Claire's Prayer

by Yvonne Cloete

  Switching off the engine, Seth explained quietly, “These are African elephants, Claire – you can always tell the difference between African and Indian elephants by the size of their ears, and African elephants’ are much bigger.”

  Sensing Seth was enjoying acting the tour guide, Claire played along. “And tell me, Seth, how do elephants sleep?”

  “Well,” he replied, smiling at her gentle mockery, “they sleep standing up under shady trees, mostly during the mid-day heat.”

  Claire was about to pose another question when Naomi, quiet until now, squealed, “Oh look, Claire, see that gorgeous calf! Isn’t it just too cute?”

  Claire looked around: the elephant calf was, indeed, very cute. Starting the engine as the she and his sister cooed, Seth drove on. He followed slowly behind the car in front of them, allowing it to pull ahead to give them a dust-free view of the bush.

  Reminded by the elephants, Naomi enquired, “Seth, I never asked about how the ranchers’ and rangers’ meeting went – what did you decide about the cull?”

  Claire listened as the siblings chatted, but remained confused. She waited for a gap in the conversation before asking, “What do you mean by ‘culling’?”

  Naomi answered her. “Often the elephant population just gets too large and then the National Parks have to carry out control methods,” she said delicately, but Claire still looked puzzled. “Culling is the only really effective way of controlling their numbers. It simply means killing off a few hundred of them,” she clarified.

  Seeing Claire’s shocked expression, Seth said in a soothing voice. “It has to be done, Claire. Otherwise herds that are too big could have disastrous effects on the whole cycle of things.”

  Claire shuddered in revulsion. It seemed so cruel, especially after seeing these beautiful animals in their natural habitat – but she was beginning to understand that the bush veldt was a place where life and death both had to be treated very carefully. Still, though, the thought of whole herds being deliberately ‘culled’ horrified her.

  For about twenty minutes, all she, Seth and Naomi saw were graceful impala leaping away from the dirt track and a herd of sable antelope, but these were too far away to allow a good look. They decided to stop for a while and, driving onto a narrower dirt road, they soon came to a viewing platform. Built up on stilts, in amongst the trees, it overlooked the waterhole Claire and Naomi had been able to glimpse from the hotel’s veranda.

  Parking next to the other cars, Seth said, “Bring your camera, Claire – and the binoculars. Now is the time you’ll see some real Zims magic.” He raised one eyebrow mysteriously, and both girls laughed.

  Naomi led the way up the wooden steps and onto the platform. It was bigger than it looked from the ground and already held quite a number of people leaning against the rails snapping photos. Everyone spoke in hushed whispers, as if afraid their voices would carry and frighten the many animals that came and went below them.

  Claire didn’t know which way to look first: the panoramic view was absolutely breathtaking, but there were already animals drinking by the pool. Pulling her to the railing, Naomi pointed out the different species to her, and soon she was taking photos as eagerly as anyone. A herd of zebras frolicked happily, their white and black striped coats astonishing to see in real life – as though someone really had just painted them. Further away a group of warthogs, quaint little grey pig-like animals with tusks on their lower jaws, foraged for food. Every time they were disturbed, they would dash off with their tails sticking straight up and their bristles on end. Claire took as many pictures as she could, but also imprinted the indignant-looking animals’ behaviour on her memory; she knew they’d make great characters for a set of books after Shoko.

  On the far side of the waterhole was a huge mixed herd of antelope: eland, with their deep dewlaps; the more stately sable; kudu males and females, the males with their magnificent corkscrew horns. Naomi pointed out waterbuck to her, too, both the males and females of which carried horns. They were a dark, grizzled brown colour, each with a distinct elliptical ring on its rump. Numerous impala were also spotted amongst the gathered groups. Claire’s artist’s eye drank in the details. None of the breeds was staying still long enough that she imagined she could paint them, but she was picturing herself using her photos for countless illustrations for her books. She smiled; she’d never planned so far in advance before, but she was finding inspiration everywhere.

  By the time Claire looked around, Seth had left them; he was talking quietly to the Game Ranger, who kept a watchful eye on the animal-lovers. He caught her eye, which was radiant. Claire absorbed the admiration of Seth’s glance along with the beauty all around her, and her stomach flipped. She felt so elated she couldn’t stop herself lighting up.

  How long they lingered on the platform in the end Claire did not know, but suddenly – as if the light had gone out – the burnt orange sun slid behind a hill, and night was upon them.

  The drive back to the hotel was accomplished in contented, contemplative silence. Claire was happy that she’d come. The sight of all those animals, wild and free, was one she would always treasure. The quiet was broken only by the crunch of the Jeep’s handbrake as Seth parked the car outside her and Naomi’s lodge.

  “I’m going to have a shower,” he said, “and then I’ll come back here so we can go to dinner together. That okay by both of you?” he asked, his eyes locked on Claire. She could only nod, mutely.

  Inside, Claire insisted that Naomi shower first. She craved just a short time alone to think, and stood on the veranda gazing into the distance, trying to retain some perspective. She could not stand the way Seth was behaving towards her: one moment acting as if she were not even there, the next focusing on her so intently that she felt they were the only people who existed. When they had been in the car, studying the lions… Claire tried and failed to drive from her mind the way he’d made her feel. Her body craved him, but things between them were intolerable. It cannot go on like this, she told herself tearily. With a wrench, she realised that there really was nothing she could do but return to Ireland straight after Naomi’s wedding. Saddened but supported by her resolution, she wondered how she could approach the subject with Seth and Naomi – without having to explain her real reasons.

  She couldn’t bring herself to broach the issue that night; dinner was superb, and the dining room veranda filled with gaily chattering people, of which Naomi and, for once, Seth were two. Seeing Craig again had clearly brought back happy memories of their childhood for both of them, and they reminisced and, entertaining Claire, teased each other with anecdotes. Naomi, however, eventually refused coffee and excused herself, saying she was going to telephone Tony from the phone bank in the lobby.

  Mild panic threatened to grip Claire. Left alone with Seth, she could not think of a thing to say. Grabbing at her first impulse, she said, nervously, “Thank you, Seth, for taking the time to bring me here. I’ll remember it forever.”

  Regarding her triteness with mocking eyes, Seth replied facetiously. “Glad you’re enjoying it. The pleasure has been all mine.”

  Claire knew her gambit had been a lame one, but she’d been scrambling for words. Hating Seth’s smug attitude, and the mockery in his voice, she rose quickly from the table and, in a rush, said, “I’ll see you in the morning, Seth. I’m going to have an early night.” Swinging around, she headed down the veranda steps and towards her lodge.

  Frustrated, Seth stood quickly and followed her. He caught up with her on the pathway. Reaching out, he gripped her arm and swung her around to face him.

  Trying desperately to stop her tears from falling, Claire asked quickly, “What do you want, Seth?”

  Letting go of her arm he said, softly, “Look, Claire… I’m sorry. Sorry things are so complicated between us. I don’t mean to snap at you all the time. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I think there’s something I need to tell you about me, about the way I am…”

  Sighing deeply,
Claire stepped back, putting some distance between them. “I… It’s okay, Seth,” she managed to say. “I’m trying to understand, too.” Seeing the sincerity and worry in his eyes, Claire stepped into his embrace, loving the feel of his strong arms as they closed around her in an affectionate hug. Unable to stop herself, Claire raised her hand and cupped the side of his face, lifting her mouth instinctively for his kiss.

  Firmly, Seth pushed her away. “No more, Claire,” he pleaded. “You’re… you’re torturing me. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I can’t…”

  Claire stumbled away from him again, feeling his rejection right down to her toes. Humiliation and shame quickening her footsteps, she only realised as she entered the lodge that she’d left her handbag behind in the dining room. Oh well, she thought, Naomi will bring it, won’t she? There was no way she was going back to fetch it. Feeling depressed and embarrassed, Claire undressed and climbed into bed. Why had she lifted her head for his kiss? Why couldn’t she just have accepted the hug and turned away? Why did she seem to need Seth’s touch so much? Her tears trickled down her cheeks, but she wiped them away, furiously. How she wished this confusion and tension between them would just go away…

  Over an hour later, she heard Seth and Naomi talking outside the lodge, and wondered what they’d been doing for so long – before she realised she must have missed the drinks that Craig had promised them. Her heart sank: the thought that they might have been discussing her scorched her with shame. Closing her burning eyes, she turned over and pretended she was asleep. She hated deceiving Naomi now just as she’d hated lying to her earlier that day, but she couldn’t handle speaking to anyone about this. The door opened and a light wind flowed into the room, causing the curtains to billow.

  She heard Naomi say, softly, “Claire? Claire, are you awake? You left your handbag – I brought it for you.”

  Forcing herself to breathe deeply, feigning sleep, Claire was relieved as Naomi clicked off the light, undressed and climbed into bed without trying to speak to her again. Long after Naomi’s breathing was as slow as Claire’s had seemed, Claire herself lay wide awake, thinking, confused and sad.

  She was finally dozing off into disturbed, nightmarish sleep, when an eerie ‘whoop’ noise cut through the quiet night and a high-pitched, ghoulish giggling came from somewhere nearby. Sitting bolt upright in bed, Claire gave a frightened scream: she had no idea if she was still trapped in bad dreams, or really being attacked…

  Naomi awoke suddenly, startled. Yanking on the light she stared sleepily at Claire.

  “What is it, Claire? What’s wrong?”

  Before Claire could answer, there was a loud crash and the piercing laughter came again. Now awake, Naomi smiled reassuringly as Claire continued to panic.

  “Don’t worry – that’s just the hyenas! Seth told me to warn you about them, but you were already sleeping when I came in. At night they scavenge for scraps in the rubbish bins.”

  Claire shuddered as more whoops joined with the shrill giggles. Seeing she wasn’t convinced, Naomi walked over to her and, holding out her hand, said, “Come on, then. Let me prove to you that it’s just another fascinating animal, and not some monster out there!”

  Only slightly reassured by Naomi’s smile, Claire reluctantly left the sanctuary of her bed. She followed Naomi into the small kitchen. Opening the curtains and flicking on the light, Naomi pointed. The hyenas, four of them, had pulled over the metal rubbish bin, and debris was scattered everywhere. Claire stared in horror at the strange, dog-like animals, which stared unblinkingly back at them through the window. The hyenas were certainly funny-looking creatures, with sloping hindquarters and heavy forequarters, which gave them a wasted look. Then a noise from a distant lodge disturbed the scavengers and, as one, they took off with a lopsided, shambling run.

  “You see, Claire? Their giggles are pretty eerie, but they’re just hyenas out to make mischief at night. It’s safe enough to watch them behind a window, but bear in mind they’re quite savage – I wouldn’t have gone outside to scare them off. Their jaws are very strong and they have barely any sense of fear. But they’re gone! Are you okay now?” Naomi looked at her dazed friend with concern.

  Claire nodded. Then, realising she’d got her friend out of bed, said, “I’m so sorry, Naomi. Seeing as we’re both wide awake now, should I make some tea? I need to calm down a bit before I’ll be able to sleep again.” She shuddered. “That perfectly horrible noise they make…”

  Setting out the cups as Claire filled the kettle, Naomi defused the situation by chatting on about her earlier conversation with Tony.

  This time when Claire settled into bed, sleep came quickly – and it was as though the real-life monsters had exorcised her nightmares.

  Naomi pulled at Claire insistently. “Claire, wake up now! We overslept – we’ll miss breakfast! The dining room closes at nine o’clock and it’s eight fifteen now!” Feeling as if she had to prise open her eyes, Claire sat up and accepted the cup of tea Naomi held out to her as her words sank in.

  Swinging her legs out of bed, Claire gulped down the tea and ran her fingers through her hair. This wasn’t the best start to a day during which she’d hoped to be able to pull herself together. She hurried to the bathroom.

  “I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes,” Claire called back. “I’m starving – we can’t miss breakfast!”

  Confident in Claire’s appetite if nothing else, Naomi started to relax.

  In record time, Claire had washed and dressed. Over breakfast, Naomi told her. “Seth popped by while you were showering – he’s gone to see Craig about something. He said he’ll pick us up at about ten o’clock, to take a drive to Main Camp. We’ll have lunch there – that okay?”

  Claire nodded in agreement through a mouthful of scrambled eggs and then, swallowing, asked, “What time are we leaving tomorrow? I’d like to give Aunt Ellen a call if we don’t get back to Impunzi too late.”

  “We won’t leave late – probably just after lunch. I know Seth is eager to get back to the ranch… and, y’know, I’m quite keen to see Tony!” Naomi told her.

  Claire was glad. Having finalised her own decision, she’d decided to tell her aunt as soon as possible that she planned to return to Ireland early. She would, she knew, gloss over the real reason and convince Aunt Ellen that she just wanted to get back home and begin to live her life. While this wouldn’t precisely be a lie, Claire told herself, she’d been disheartened at how easily untruths seemed to come to her lips now. That was just one for reason for getting out of the situation as soon as possible.

  True to his word, Seth hooted for them shortly after ten o’clock. The temperature had risen, and a heat haze hovered over the bush veldt. As they had done the day before they drove slowly but, for the first half an hour or so, no-one saw anything. Then Seth pointed out a herd of giraffe, cleverly camouflaged between the trees. Soon after that, Naomi spotted a group of graceful impala leaping across the landscape and, just as the gate of Main Camp came into sight, a large herd of about forty buffalo with reddish-brown coats ran helter-skelter across the road.

  Main Camp was much larger than Sinamatella. It was bustling with tourists, their vehicles coming and going, but its layout and operation seemed similar: waiters still hurried to and fro, and the terrace also overlooked a vast plain. Indulging Claire’s growing fondness for retail therapy, she and Naomi looked in the souvenir shop for a while, and then were quite content to laze in the shade until lunchtime, flicking through the magazines they’d bought. As noon approached, long tables were set out under a huge baobab tree, and soon hungry people gathered around to serve themselves from a large variety of cold meats and salads. After lunch Seth disappeared again for a while, stating as delicately as he could that he had to finalise dates for the culling with the camp manager. Savouring the food, the girls sat contentedly, watching a herd of elephants make their way to the edge of the small lake adjacent to the trees.

  Claire was beginning sincerely to app
reciate feeling genuinely relaxed when, seemingly out of nowhere, Seth interrupted them. He had an alarmingly grim look on his face.

  “Come on, you two, we need to get on our way. Naomi, there’s a problem at the ranch.” Naomi leapt to her feet, her face stricken with alarm. Seth laid a hand on her arm, and softened his tone. “Tony’s fine – but his mother’s had a heart attack in Bulawayo, and he’s been called to get there urgently. I think you should be with him through this, Naomi – she isn’t expected to pull through.”

  Concern filled Naomi’s face as she said, shocked, “Oh – oh, poor Tony – she’s already had one heart attack this year. He was warned that if she had another it’d fatal. He must be in such a state. How can I get back to Impunzi, Seth?” Everyone at the table knew the pain of losing parents, and that there wasn’t a moment to lose.

  As they headed back to the car, Seth said, “That’s all taken care of. Craig’s sending a truck to Hwange for supplies this afternoon. I’ve asked him if you can catch a lift, and then Tony will pick you up in Hwange later, at the Baobab Hotel. He’s managed to get both of you on the evening flight to Bulawayo. Okay?” He looked at her for reassurance.

  They reached Sinematella as quickly as they could, and the next hour passed in a frenzy of activity. Claire helped Naomi to pack and then, promising to pray for Tony’s mother, she waved as the truck pulled off. She and Seth turned towards one another as it turned a corner, vanishing from sight. Only then did it strike Claire that now she was alone with Seth.

  Claire’s mind raced. “Seth… Are we staying? Shouldn’t you get back to Impunzi?”

  Regarding her dully, Seth paused and then said, “Craig and Cheryl have prepared a braai for us, otherwise we’d leave now. As it is, we’ll be leaving early tomorrow morning. With Tony in Bulawayo, you’re right: I need to get back to the ranch.”