By the Book j-6

by N. J. Walters

  “It was a smart move on his part. If he’d found the journal, he could have shown up to see Elizabeth and had a perfect alibi.” Jonah placed his hand over hers, stopping her nervous movements. “I left after I got off the phone with you. I knew something was wrong, could feel it in my gut. I was just turning onto the street when Levi called. There was no time to wait for the cops.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I’m sorry he hurt you. I’m sorry I let you down.”

  She frowned. “You didn’t let me down. No one could have predicted my attacker would try something this desperate in the middle of the day. Good Lord, the man is a respected businessman.”

  Jonah jumped to his feet and started pacing. “I should have seen through his ploy.

  You could have been killed.”

  “But I wasn’t.” Rising from the bed, she stepped in front of him. His eyes were hooded as he looked down at her. She could feel the heat emanating from his body, but he didn’t touch her. She wanted his arms around her, but he seemed distant from her.

  Maybe it was time to put all her cards on the table. Facing death for the second time had a way of putting a person’s priorities straight.

  “Look, I know all you wanted when this started was a simple affair. Instead, you’ve been drawn into this mess. I’m sorry for that, but I’m glad it’s over.” She tried to smile, but it quickly slid away. She’d never felt less like smiling in her life. “Thank you is totally inadequate for what you’ve done for me. You’ve saved my life twice.”

  Jonah was as still as a statue. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

  Taking a deep breath, she forged onward. “I understand totally if you want to leave.

  You didn’t bargain for having your life so disrupted when we started this affair.”

  “You understand.” He cocked his head to one side and stared down at her. “I’m glad one of us does.”

  “We’re leaving now!” Patrick yelled up from downstairs. “I expect to see you both first thing tomorrow to give statements.”

  “We’ll be there!” Jonah called back as he left the room and started down the stairs.

  Noise drifted upstairs as all the members of the sheriff’s office gathered their belongings and left. Would Jonah leave with them? She didn’t think so. He was an honorable man, and she knew that in his mind, she was still his responsibility. She hated that thought. She didn’t want to be anyone’s responsibility. She wanted him to stay because he wanted to, because he loved her, not because his sense of honor dictated that he should.

  Amanda scrubbed her hands over her face, wincing when she accidentally struck the bandage on her face. Shivering, she kicked off her shoes and crawled under the comforter, pulling it around her for warmth.

  The house was quiet now and a sense of calm settled over her. No matter what happened, she couldn’t regret the time she’d spent with Jonah. She loved him more than she’d thought it possible to love someone. She wanted to be with him but she didn’t want to be just another one of his responsibilities. It was time he knew that.

  Amanda didn’t know what she’d do if all he still wanted was an affair. The sensible part of her warned she’d have to end things with him before her heart was irreparably broken. The woman in love urged her to take a chance that he might eventually come to love her.

  She didn’t hear his boots on the stairs, but she knew the second he entered the room.

  Lowering the covering from around her face, she watched as he walked straight to the bed and sat down beside her.

  Her fingers tightened around the comforter and she picked up the conversation where she’d left off. “I don’t want you to feel responsible for me, Jonah. You’re an honorable man and I thank you for everything you’ve done. But you don’t owe me anything.” She gave a rueful smile. “If anything, I owe you.”

  He planted his hands on the mattress and leaned toward her. “You don’t owe me anything.”

  “Fine. Then we’re even.” This entire conversation was getting ridiculous. “So where does that leave us?”

  “Where do you want it to leave us?”

  Amanda was realistic. They couldn’t go on living together now that the threat to her life was gone. If they continued their affair, they’d probably continue to see one another several nights a week. That would be enough for now, but eventually she would resent the fact that Jonah didn’t love her. Either she would end it or he would. Their affair was temporary, doomed to end from the moment it started. Tears pricked her eyes, but she blinked them back. No one ever promised her happily ever after.

  “I guess we could keep on seeing one another.” She glanced at him, trying to get a sense of how he felt about the situation before she laid her heart bare. She was immediately captured by the haunted look in his eyes. “Jonah?”

  “I’ve never been the kind of man to settle down.” He leaned back but stayed seated on the bed beside her. “My career in the military took me to some of the worst places on the face of the planet. I’ve seen things that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.” He paused and looked away. “Been betrayed by someone I trusted. Done things I’m not especially proud of, but they were things that had to be done. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  She knew that he was telling her that he’d killed people during his time in the army.

  That was the nature of war and conflict. She sensed that the betrayal by someone he’d trusted had hurt him in an even deeper way.

  Her heart ached for what Jonah had been through, but his experiences had made him the man he was today. He was self-sufficient, brave, honorable and the finest man Amanda had ever known. “I understand.”

  He nodded, but didn’t look at her. “I have nightmares sometimes.” He glanced back at her before turning away again. “Not often, maybe every few months or so.”

  “That’s understandable.” She wanted to reach out and touch him, but was afraid he’d stop talking if she did. He was opening up to her and she didn’t want to do anything to disrupt him. Hope blossomed deep within her. Maybe a relationship between them was possible.

  “Maybe.” He propped his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands between his legs, staring at the wall in front of him. “I banked and invested most of my money.” He gave a small chuckle. “Well, Levi invested it. That man has a talent for making money on the stock market and he’s doubled my money more times than I can remember. I’m financially sound even if I never work again.”

  “That’s good.” She propped herself against the headboard so she could see him better. Jonah wasn’t a man who shared himself easily. The fact that he was doing so now, making himself vulnerable to her, made her heart skip a beat. He was offering up a part of himself to her, a painful part, and he would only do that because he trusted her completely. It also meant he had feelings for her. For a man like Jonah, this was a big step. His face was set like stone as he continued.

  “I inherited the house and the family business. I’m an electrician by trade, compliments of the military. I’m also an expert in weapons, explosives and hand-to-hand combat.”

  “All handy skills.”

  He gave a short bark of laughter and turned to her. “What I’m saying is that I’m no prize.” He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, the motion stretching his T-shirt over his chest. Amanda ignored the distraction and concentrated on his face, trying to understand exactly what he meant. “I’m rough around the edges and that will never change.”

  She nodded, not quite sure what he wanted her to say. To her he was simply Jonah, the man she’d come to love.

  “It never mattered to me before.” He swiveled around to face her again. “I knew I’d never settle down, never marry.”

  Amanda tried to ignore the pain in her heart. It hurt worse than either of the knife wounds she’d received. The cuts on her neck and cheek would heal. She was afraid the one on her heart never would. She understood what he was trying to tell her now.

  He might care for her, mi
ght even love her, but he didn’t want anything permanent.

  Maybe it was because of his military past, or the betrayal he mentioned. Whatever the reason, she had to accept it. This obviously wasn’t any easier for him than it was for her.

  She could tell each word he spoke was painful for him.

  “It’s okay.” Reaching out, she took one of his hands in hers. “I knew you weren’t looking to settle down when this started. You were perfectly honest with me.”

  A low rumble rose from deep in his chest. “Amanda.”

  “No.” She had to get through this quickly or she’d break down and cry. “I understand and I have no regrets. You don’t have to worry about letting me down easy or anything.

  If you want to go, just go.” She bit the inside of her mouth to keep from crying. All she had to do was hold it together until Jonah left. Then she could bawl her eyes out.

  “What if I want to stay?” His words were so low she almost didn’t hear him.

  “What did you say?” Amanda wasn’t certain she’d heard him correctly. Was afraid to believe he meant anything beyond staying for the moment.

  He shifted closer to her and cupped her cheek with his palm. “I don’t want to leave.”

  He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. “Not now.” He dragged his tongue over her bottom lip. “Not ever.”

  “Jonah?” Her heart rate had doubled in speed in the past ten seconds. She couldn’t manage to catch her breath. “What are you saying?”

  The corners of his mouth tilted upward. “I know I shouldn’t ask you this now.

  You’ve been through a trauma and you’re emotional. But damned if I’m not bastard enough to take advantage of that fact.”

  “Ask me what?” If he didn’t get to the point soon, she was going to explode. She couldn’t take the suspense. Hope hovered just above the despair that had threatened to overwhelm her only moments before.

  “I want to be with you now and forever. I’m no prize, but I’ll always be faithful to you, take care of you.” He brushed his thumb over her cheeks and down her nose. “No one will ever love you as much as I do.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. She knew her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn’t manage to speak. Jonah loved her. It was hard for her to wrap her head around what she was hearing.

  “You don’t have to give me your decision right now. Just think about it.” He dropped his hand from her face and stood.

  “Jonah.” Her fingers released the death grip on her comforter and it slid to her waist.

  She lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Oh, Jonah.” She wanted to say so much more, but her tongue wouldn’t work. Tears trickled out of the corners of her eyes and she sniffed.

  “Are you crying?” He tilted her face up and swiped at her tears with the pads of his thumbs. “I’m sorry, sugar. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m a bastard. I told you I was rough around the edges.”

  Her tears flowed faster. “I love you.” His hands froze on her face and she nodded. “I love you so much.”

  “You’ve been under a lot of stress lately.”

  She shook her head and laughed. “I’ve been under stress, but I’m not stupid, Jonah. I know my own mind. You’re strong, intelligent, honorable, stubborn, a little overbearing at times, and you make every cell in my body tingle.”

  A slow smile crossed his face and he laughed. “All that. Overbearing, huh? I can see you’re under no illusions about me.”

  She laughed. “I know that we’ll have our disagreements and that life won’t always run smoothly, but as long as we face our problems together, we’ll be okay.”

  “Amanda.” He eased them both back down onto the bed and pulled her into his arms.

  “How did I get so lucky?”

  She snuggled closer to his chest. “I was smart enough to buy a house that had electrical problems.”

  Jonah laughed and swooped down to capture her lips in a searing kiss.

  For the first time in his life, Jonah felt a sense of total peace descend upon him.

  Amanda’s lips parted, inviting him into her warmth. He didn’t hesitate, surging forward, he let his tongue tangle with hers. She tasted so fine, like an aged whiskey. He savored her unique flavor, rolling his tongue over every inch of the warm cavern of her mouth.

  His arms tightened around her. He’d almost lost her tonight. That bastard Brown had almost killed her. He’d known the truth before, but he hadn’t truly understood the depths of his love for Amanda until the moment he’d seen the knife at her neck. She was his world. He’d have killed Brown in a heartbeat if he’d really hurt Amanda.

  He’d known then that he had to tell her how he felt. It hadn’t been easy. He wasn’t the kind of man to go around spouting his feelings, but Amanda was different. It was easier to talk to her, to tell her things he wouldn’t tell anyone else.

  Easing back, he gasped for breath as he absorbed every inch of her precious face. He loved everything about her, from her cinnamon-colored hair and freckles to her curvy shape. He loved the way she read the paper from back to front and always did the crossword puzzle. He loved the way she nibbled on her bottom lip when she was thinking about something. Heck, he even loved her stubborn streak and the way her chin jutted out when she was about to give him hell about something.

  Her fingers feathered over his face and he closed his eyes, absorbing the tender care in her touch. Amanda was the most open and honest woman he’d ever met in his life. He knew deep down in his gut that she’d never betray him, never hurt him. She’d also make his life richer and a heck of a lot more interesting. Amanda was a challenge and she was the woman he’d been waiting for his entire life.

  The past was over and behind him. Amanda was his future.

  Need surged through him. He fought with the urge to strip her and make love to her.

  She’d been hurt and needed tender loving care, not him jumping her.

  “Jonah.” Her fingers were making circles on his chest and that light touch was driving him crazy. His cock was pressing hard against the zipper of his jeans and his balls were drawn up tight against his body. Still, he didn’t care how much discomfort he was in. Amanda was here in his arms. Nothing else mattered.

  “Yeah, sugar.” He shifted to try to get a bit more comfortable. It didn’t work.

  One of her hands slid lower, skimming over his stomach and landing just above the waistband of his jeans. He sucked in a breath. She peeked up at him through her thick lashes. The corners of her mouth turned up in a mischievous grin as she allowed her hand to drift lower.

  “Amanda,” he groaned. “You’ve been through a trauma. You need to rest.”

  She squeezed his cock through his jeans. He tightened his hands around her shoulders, but he couldn’t bring himself to push her away. His hips thrust toward her touch.

  “What I need,” she countered, “is for you to touch me.” She slid her hand up and down the hard ridge of his erection. “For you to make love to me.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” he gritted out as she fingered his balls through his jeans.

  “You won’t.” Sitting up in bed, she started to pull her top over her head.

  “Let me.” He scooted up beside her and carefully lifted the material so it didn’t hit her neck or her cheek. “You should be in a hot bath. Your neck and shoulders will probably be stiff tomorrow.”

  “Later.” Reaching for the front closure of her bra, she unhooked it. The cups fell away and she shrugged her shoulders, letting the straps fall down her arms.

  Jonah leaned forward and captured a turgid nipple with his lips and sucked it into his mouth. Amanda made a small sound of pleasure, her fingers tangling in his hair to hold him close.

  His clothing felt way too restrictive. Giving her nipple one final tug with his lips, he rolled off the bed. He was naked in less than ten seconds. Amanda watched him, her eyes wide and dreamy. She glanced at his erection and licked her lips. A bead of liquid seeped from
the tip.

  She came up on her knees and reached for him, wrapping her hand around his shaft.

  Jonah closed his eyes and gritted his teeth to keep from coming as her soft, warm fingers encircled him. She pumped her fist up and down, stroking him from root to tip.

  His eyes popped open when he felt her moist breath on his cock a second before her lips closed over him. He groaned as she traced her tongue around the sensitive ridge at the base of the head. She wrapped her hands around the base and squeezed him tight as her mouth glided up and down his shaft.

  He tangled his hands in her hair, loosening it from the clip that held it at her nape.

  Using his hold on her, he silently encouraged her to move her mouth faster. “Suck harder.”

  Her cheeks hollowed as she followed his instructions. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were a moist pink.

  Her green eyes glowed as she took his length into her mouth. It was better than anything he’d ever imagined. And that was saying a lot because he’d been imagining this moment from the instant he’d met her.

  She dragged her tongue along his shaft, encircling the head with her tongue before taking him deep once again. Jonah moaned, his balls drawing up tight. He had to stop or he’d come here and now, and he wanted to be inside Amanda when that happened.

  He pulled her away from him. There was a small pop when she released him. She smiled up at him and licked her lips.

  Opening the drawer in the bedside table, he grabbed a condom, opened it and smoothed it on. He couldn’t wait any longer.

  Reminding himself to be gentle, he reached for the button on her jeans.

  Amanda found it hard to breathe as she lay back on the bed and watched Jonah roll the condom over his erection. Fully dressed, he was a sight to behold. Naked, he almost made her heart stop. He was all corded muscles, thick bones and sinew. His shoulders were wide, his waist lean.

  And his erection made her mouth water. Like the rest of him, it was hard and thick.