by Fiona Murphy
Flushing from embarrassment, the twins half-heartedly argued on their instruments but quickly gave in and finally by ten thirty their light was off. Puttering around the kitchen she pulled out the documents the lawyers had sent over. Bethany could sign them tomorrow when she got here but if she did then Carrie would break down and share her worst fears and it would be a mess. Just one more month and she would know, after the holidays, she could make it until then. What she couldn’t do was have Bethany know or anyone else and not become a sobbing wreck at least once a week about how scared she was.
In a fit of determination, she had gone through her family history searching for more information but it hadn’t helped. Her mother’s great-grandmother on her mother’s side had died young at only forty-nine but without a cause given. Her mother’s father’s side had all lived long boring lives. It should have helped, Carrie wanted a long boring life but the information on the cancer showed it came from her mother’s side. What had her great-grandmother died of so young? Had it been cancer and of what? Those thoughts crowded her mind in the times when she was alone until she felt crippled by them. So many times she wanted to tell Rafael her fears, knowing he’d say the right thing, do the right thing, even if it was simply holding her. In his arms she felt safe and secure, nothing bad was going to happen when she was in his arms. Yet, she didn’t dare. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was afraid he’d leave or stay just because of it.
That sounded crazy, even to her, she had been willing to take him sexually any way she could get him. But she wanted his love and loyalty because he gave it freely not because he felt he had to. Rafael was old-school loyal and would do the right thing, even if it wasn’t the right thing for him.
The knock on the door had her thoughts crashing to a halt and she was relieved. Opening the door she motioned to be quiet, she wasn’t sure the twins were asleep just yet. Closing the dishwasher she set it and turned to find Rafael studying the paperwork for the guardianship.
“What is this?”
“What does it look like? I was thinking of talking to Bethany about it when she came tomorrow to pick up the boys. Then I was thinking it sounds like a downer and I’ll talk to her about it after Christmas.”
“Hmm, if you really want her to sign them then it would be best to have her sign them before she spent too much time with them. She’s picking them up, why aren’t you driving down with them?”
“I’m not going with them, until this morning I thought I had to work and they were so excited at the thought of going down all on their own. I don’t want to kill their buzz, plus it will be nice to have the place to myself for a few days. They deserve a little bit of positive attention and not having to hear me get after them for one thing or another. Also Wendy makes the best stuffing ever, it always makes me feel bad about my cooking.” Carrie tried to laugh as she took the paperwork from Rafael and slipped them back in the large envelope. Without looking at him, she went down the hall toward her room.
“So you’re going to be home alone?”
“Hmm, I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine. Javier mentioned you were spending the holiday with your father, that’s good. He hinted it had been awhile since you spent time with him.”
“I guess, he’s got his life and I have mine. My grandfather isn’t in the best health to be spending hours in the car but he hates flying. I’m not looking forward to spending hours in a car with Javier and my grandfather. Javier enjoys tweaking my grandfather and trying to annoy him.
Come here, mi dulce, I need you tonight.” His kiss was demanding and needy and Carrie didn’t hold back. Letting go of the fear and the frustration she gave him everything she was.
His hands weren’t gentle as he undressed her, pushing down her jeans and panties in one go. He pulled up her shirt and her bra disappeared with a flick of the wrist. “On your knees, I want you on your knees.”
She didn’t hesitate and followed his instructions, hearing the sound of him undressing with haste he hadn’t shown in weeks her pussy grew even wetter with anticipation. Seconds later he was deep inside her, hard and rough and it took her breath away.
“Yes, please.” Carrie urged him on, it had been weeks since he had been rough and she needed it as badly as he did. His thrusts were so powerful it wasn’t long before she was on the edge of orgasm and was pushing back to meet him. Without warning he pulled out and she nearly screamed in frustration her head went down, what the hell?
Then she felt him, pushing steadily, without stopping into her ass and she couldn’t hold back the moan of pleasure. Buried deep inside her, he gave her seconds to adjust and enjoy the feel of him before he began to move again. Fiercely he moved, his strokes bordering on out of control and oh lord it felt so good. She was spiraling in a daze to her orgasm when she felt his fingers slip into her pussy. Finding her swollen clitoris he kept time with his pounding thrusts and Carrie grabbed frantically for a pillow and buried her face in it so she could scream as loud as she needed when her climax hit. Still, he continued to move inside her, drawing out her orgasm. Harder now, he was practically pounding into her and she was lost, her whole body centered only on the feeling of him moving inside her until another climax swept over her and she was shaking from the force of it. At last, she felt him thicken and then spill into her. Staying inside her, he pulled her into his arms and held her.
Drifting off into sleep, Carrie was content, loving the feel of him still inside her, right where he belonged.
The next morning she woke alone as she was now used to. Her whole body throbbed and ached, Rafael had taken her so many times she lost count. Whispering he needed to build up for their lost time. It had been the only reference he made, he would miss her at all over the long weekend. There had been no more talking once their lovemaking began, not even the soft murmurings of approval he so often whispered to her and most importantly, no invitation. Had she really expected it? No, but the words would have told her what she needed to know. What was she to him? He spoke only of need, of want and desire. They never talked of anything further than the next day or sometimes the next week. She remembered the entry on his calendar was he really going to break up with her in two weeks or had it been something he needed to do to reassure himself he was in control?
Riley was yelling at Elliot to hurry up and she wanted to spend time with them but she was also scarily close to tears. Instead she went and took a very long and hot shower. By the time she was done, they were gone and she got dressed slowly, without really caring what she was doing.
Linda was waiting for her, apparently she had convinced Oliver to get an early start on his drive to Denver. Carrie was glad it was Linda she was working with, Linda was sweet and smart but she wasn’t one for asking personal questions. Oliver on the other hand had been pumping her for information on her relationship with Rafael within weeks. Sweet but nosy as hell, Oliver took it in and then chewed it over as he gave Carrie unwanted advice. Lately, Oliver had been of the opinion Carrie needed to make some demands and do some pushing. Carrie knew Rafael enough to know it wouldn’t work, he hated being pushed and nothing would make him back off faster, even if her patience was wearing thin.
On the one day when she would have welcomed a busy day the front desk was practically dead. While there were numerous deliveries from local restaurants and grocery stores, since the deliveries were heavy and large, it was security escorting the delivery person up. Security was adamant Linda and she were not to be bothered so she retreated to the office to do some paperwork. Hours later, Linda asked to be relieved for a quick lunch and Carrie shooed her on, apologizing for forgetting. Bringing up the close out report she was almost done with, her time passed without interruption. Linda came back and ate in the office.
There was no warning, she didn’t even hear the door. One moment she was running through numbers and the next she was enveloped in the scent of Chanel and Rafael’s mother was waiting with a smile.
“Carrie Whitney, you are looking beautiful again. I have
come in person to invite you to my home tomorrow for an afternoon Thanksgiving get together. Bring your brothers, I’m excited to meet them.” She extended a heavy vellum envelope, it felt expensive.
“Actually, the twins will be in Austin tomorrow.” Carrie had no idea how to turn the woman down.
“How disappointing, but you won’t so you’ll come. I do so hate the idea of you being alone on a day when family is so important. My brother and his wife along with three nephews will be there. I’ve invited a few friends who are at loose ends as well. Come dear, I promise a good time and I won’t even mention you and Rafael.”
“I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“If you don’t come on your own, I’ll be forced to come and get you. Say, yes, be a good girl.” The woman was firm, Carrie saw Rafael’s tenacity in the woman’s eyes.
“Ok, fine. I mean, thank you.”
“Good, it’s settled. Casual dear, jeans are fine.” With a fluttering wave of fingers the woman was gone.
Shit, she called Javier. As he picked up, Linda came out of her office. “One sec.” She said to Javier as she let Linda know she was going to have lunch in her apartment.
“Javier, your mom just invited me to Thanksgiving lunch. I said yes, but only because she scares me a little. What do I do? Rafael is going to be pissed, I know it.”
Javier laughed and Carrie wanted to hit him. “No choice, hermana, when mother wants something, she’s worse than Rafael. I had a feeling this was going to happen. She assumed you’d be coming with us to Houston and when she found out you weren’t coming but still seeing Rafael her response was not a good one.”
“So there’s no getting out of it?”
“On a scale of one to ten, you are at a negative ten. Go, have fun. Her brother is an ass but his wife isn’t so bad. From what I remember two out of three boys aren’t assholes just slightly annoying.”
“But won’t Rafael lose it when he finds out?”
“Well, I doubt he’ll find out. He’ll make a morning call to mother and that will be the extent of it. Mother won’t tell and neither will I, promise.”
“Wait, is that why he never blew up about me meeting your mom. He didn’t know?”
“Carrie, come on, he would have already been molten because we were having lunch but then to know you met mother. Hell no, we didn’t tell him. Mother was shocked you had lasted longer than three months. She was afraid if she tried pushing you together he would get bullish on you.”
Feeling let down Carrie understood their reasoning, she had just hoped he had known and it not been a big deal. Now that she realized he never knew she was starting to have more doubts. “Okay, thanks.”
Without another word, she disconnected the call. Her stomach was twisting, tears pricked her eyes and she practically collapsed at the dining table. What was Rafael doing with her, what was she doing with Rafael? Whatever it was she didn’t think she could do it for much longer.
Her cell phone rang, it was security announcing Bethany. Shit, she had completely forgotten. Giving the okay, she splashed water on her face and was wiping it off as she opened the door.
“Hug! Oh, fuck what the hell is the matter now, Carrie? Damn it, I knew I should have brought my gun.”
“Bethany, I love you but please stop talking about your gun.”
“I will if you spill it. Talk to me, what has you looking like you’re about to fall apart on me?”
Carrie shook her head, not wanting to give Bethany the whole story but when she opened her mouth it all came tumbling out. Bethany was patient but had to have her repeat herself when her voice got high-pitched and she started crying again. When Carrie had finally run out of words she waited, hoping Bethany could tell her what to do.
“Well hell, it looks like I gave you bad advice. This man sounds about as immovable as a mountain. You sure know how to pick them, Carrie. Some kind of paragon of mannish virtue combined with the stubbornness of a jackass. Fuck, I’m racking my brain and I wish I could tell you a way out of it but the only thing I can think of, I have a feeling you’ve already been thinking the same or you wouldn’t be in tears right now.”
“I have to let go.” Just saying the words hurt and caused fresh tears.
“Yep, sorry honey. You could wait until the stupid date he gave to break it off but you doing it first, it will keep him on his toes. It will push him to know if he wants more from you and it really does sound like he does. From the sound of him, he’s gotten used to having things on his own terms for too long. You need to shake up his world a bit. Also, if you break it off then when he realizes how much he loves you it will hurt much more to make sure he never fucks up again.”
Carrie couldn’t stop thinking about Bethany’s words long after the twins were gone and she knew Rafael was too.
Getting dressed the next afternoon, she dressed in jeans but picked out her nicest top. The drive out to the house was long but quiet and once she got there she was surprised by how much fun she did have. Bitsy, as she demanded to be called, had some interesting friends and her beautiful home was open and entertaining. After a few hours, Carrie was tired out and ready to make her way home. Bitsy walked her out.
“Dear, just a moment please. I know I promised I wouldn’t bring up Rafael but you have a light in your eyes that has me worried. Give him more time. Rafael has long taken his own time to think before he leaps. In fact, he isn’t one to leap, tread carefully is more like it. Carrie, none of his girlfriend’s in the last ten years have lasted longer than three months. Some of them barely made it to six weeks, he’s in a position he hasn’t been in, in a really long time. Don’t give up on him.”
Not meeting her eyes, Carrie kissed the woman’s cheek. “Thank you for inviting me. I had a very lovely time.”
Without another look Carrie left.
Chapter Twenty
Rafael was feeling sorry for himself and getting sick of hearing his father and his girlfriend squabbling. Needing air, he went out onto the back balcony and closed the door. Hearing Javier talking below him, he almost turned around to give his brother privacy until he heard Carrie’s name. He went still, then.
“Mother, how can you be sure Carrie is going to break it off? You were supposed to be nice and show her a good time so she wouldn’t be on her own. Instead, she leaves you with the mind to stop seeing Rafael. What did you do?
Don’t say you didn’t do anything because you did something. No, not as far as I know. He’s acting like a bear with a sore paw so I’d say he hasn’t talked to her. I’m not sure, I know he saw her Tuesday night but I don’t think since. Mother, I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me a damn thing. From what I can tell from Carrie, his main thing is to not talk at all. I just don’t believe from one day to the next she’s just going to up and call it off. She’s put up with a lot of his shit. He never takes her out, never calls her during the day, a few texts are nothing to him. A woman doesn’t put up with all she has if she’s not in love with a man and women in love don’t call things off.
How are you sure? I don’t want to hear about instinct. I’m not about to talk about instinct to Carrie, hell no I’m not talking to Rafael. Fine, let me get off and try to talk to Carrie.”
His chest felt tight and his ears were ringing. There was no way his mother and brother was talking about his Carrie breaking things off.
“Carrie, I just wanted to see how you were doing. Made it through the day okay with my mother and her family?
Are you okay because you don’t sound okay? You sound like you’ve been crying. Shit, Carrie, don’t do this. Give Rafael a little more time, okay? Carrie, don’t go, don’t hang up.
Damn it.”
Rafael heard a crack and knew it was Javier throwing his phone on the table. Carrie was really going to do it. Swallowing was hard, his throat felt as tight as his chest. This wasn’t happening. He still had another two weeks with Carrie, he needed those two weeks. Fuck that, he need more than two weeks.
On automatic
pilot he started packing, throwing things in his bag. It took minutes and he knew there were things he forgot, he didn’t care. He needed to talk to Carrie. He ran into Javier, as he came down the stairs.
“Rafe, where are you going?”
“Dallas, I have to talk to Carrie.”
“Thank god, yeah man, you fucked up but I know you can fix this.” Javier didn’t ask how why or how Rafael knew he needed to get to Carrie, he had no idea Rafe had been listening to his conversations all he knew that he was glad Rafael was on his way. It didn’t matter it was a little after seven and Rafael wouldn’t make it to Carrie until around eleven. Rafael would make it and he would make things right, Javier really believed he would because the alternative wasn’t an alternative at all.
Throwing his suitcase in the back seat Rafael gunned the engine and headed for the highway. As he drove Javier’s words to his mother haunted him. He’d made him sound like an asshole for the way he treated Carrie, had he really been that bad? Carrie had been the one to make the rules, just his nights and nothing else. Hell, she hadn’t even wanted the twins to know about him and her. Shit, was all of that to make himself feel better? The twins not knowing had lasted all of a month, she had no idea the twins spent the majority of their weekends in his condo. One day they had shown up to warn him to treat Carrie right. In as few words as possible he tried to explain what Carrie wanted, without making her look like the slut she proudly proclaimed herself. The twins had shrugged off his words, they knew Carrie had weird ways of thinking and brushed them off. Then the next thing he knew they were in his pool asking him questions about school, his company and what they should do with their future. At first, he had been less than pleased but then they had grown on him. Bit by bit he saw and heard Carrie in them and it helped him get through the day, it was as if she was there. As school had started and the twins had gotten more involved in activities, they had come around less. He had been surprised to realize he missed them, the sounds of them in his condo made it feel more like home. They still made their way to his pool at least once a weekend during the month but it was usually only for a few hours a day.
