Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Ermmm yes,’ I managed to utter as I gazed at him and remembered to close my mouth as I gazed into his light blue eyes.

  ‘Tyler, Tyler Jackson, I worked as a life guard at the pool and rescued you the once.’

  ‘I remember,’ I nodded. O boy did I remember. Four years my obsession had lasted for and when he’d saved me … well it had been the highlight of my young teen life.

  ‘You look amazing. I haven’t seen you around for a while,’ he smiled. He reached out to hold my shoulder as he leaned down and kissed my cheek. I looked amazing? What was it with blond sex Gods finding me attractive? He was in a black suit, jacket undone with a white fitted shirt undone at the collar and his hair was all spiked up and sexy. It must be lack of sex with Gabe, because I shouldn’t be finding another guy attractive, but I could feel my body sparking. Tyler Jackson had it going on in all the right places and I still liked what I saw.

  ‘I’m at Uni in Westhampton, I started in September. How about you?’

  ‘I’m a surgeon. I did five years at Uni for a medical degree and I’m now doing a residency here.’

  ‘A surgeon? Wow,’ I exclaimed. O my God, my very own McSteamy fantasy in the flesh.

  ‘It’s long hours, but I love it. What are you studying?’

  ‘English and Modern History. I’m not sure I’m as passionate about it as you obviously were with your choice, but I enjoy reading and culture so it seemed a natural choice.’ I reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear as I looked at his mouth, his lips were nearly as perfect as Gabe’s and I felt myself getting flustered as I imagined them on mine.

  ‘Are you seeing anyone?’

  ‘Yes … yes I am, he’s here somewhere, we met at Uni,’ I stammered. Had he really just asked if I was seeing someone? I felt my skin prickle and a hand go around my waist.

  ‘Mia baby, everything ok?’ came Gabe’s concerned voice as he kissed my temple and I was surprised to see Tyler flinch.

  ‘Yes sorry, this is an old friend of mine, well someone I used to know. This is Tyler, he’s a surgeon in town.’

  ‘Tyler,’ Gabe nodded as he held out his hand. ‘I’m Gabe, Mia’s boyfriend.’

  ‘Hi Gabe,’ Tyler replied taking his hand and shaking it firmly. I looked from one to the other. They could almost be brothers, tall, athletically built, blond and stunningly good looking, at least I was consistent with my attractions. Being sandwiched like this between them was sending my sexual desire through the roof. For a moment I even got an image of me sandwiched between them, naked, in bed with both of them devouring me at the same time, then I mentally slapped myself for having such illicit thoughts. I hopped awkwardly from one foot to another feeling some tension in Gabe’s arm around me. He was doing so well lately, I didn’t want to antagonise him by standing talking to a guy that I actually did have the hots for, not when he could go mental over Milo who I didn’t feel that way about.

  ‘It was really nice to see you Tyler, but we’d better get back, I’m here with Lexi and her boyfriend and some girls from Rowleys that I’ve not seen for ages. I don’t want to be rude by staying away.’

  ‘Of course, it was really nice to see you too, wait a second will you.’ He turned to the bar and grabbed a beer mat and scribbled on it. ‘Here’s my number, please let me know next time you’re in town and we could have lunch or something. It would be really nice to see you again.’ This time my mouth stayed open as I took the mat out of his outstretched hand, and immediately regretted it as I heard Gabe inhale sharply and his fingers dug into my waist.

  ‘We’ll do that,’ he retorted, before taking my hand and squeezed it to the point that I nearly winced. ‘Come on baby, we need to get back.’

  ‘Bye Tyler,’ I smiled with a faint flush to my cheeks.

  ‘Bye Mia,’ he smiled back, then leaned in and kissed my cheek. I gasped, feeling it in my core. I’d spent hours dreaming about him kissing me as a young teenager, and the fact that not only had he done it twice, but that he was brazen enough to do it for the second time in front of a bristling Gabe made it even hotter. I had a horrible feeling I was going to need to run some damage control.

  ‘Owwww,’ I protested as Gabe’s fingers crushed my hand as he dragged me away.

  ‘What the hell was that?’ he hissed, pulling up a short distance from my friends who were all watching intrigued.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You, all flirty and taking his number.’

  ‘He’s just an old friend Gabe,’ I protested as I looked up, worried to see he had his pre-angry face on.

  ‘Old friend? The same old friend that rescued you from the pool and you had a major crush on for years?’ he scowled.

  ‘You remembered that?’ I exclaimed.

  ‘You tell me you’ve only ever fancied two men before me Mia, him being one of them, of course I remember that.’

  ‘You don’t need to be jealous Gabe, I told him that I had a boyfriend before you even came over. I’m all yours, I promise.’

  ‘Hmmm.’ He stood with his hands on both hips as he studied my face and slowly breathed in and out. I’d noticed him doing it a lot lately, it must be some technique Dr Jarvis had given him to try and stay in control. I looked up at him through my lashes and felt my lips part and my pulse race. Wow I sure knew how to pick them, both of them were drool worthy and my body was in complete arousal mode. I watched Gabe’s face soften as he looked down at me.

  ‘I’m all yours,’ I repeated. ‘Please don’t start an argument or get yourself upset, you’ve been doing so well lately.’

  ‘You’d better be all mine,’ he sighed as he pulled me into him, one arm tightly around my waist and gripped my chin. ‘I didn’t like seeing him look at you like that.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘The way I do.’

  ‘O please,’ I sighed with a roll of my eyes.

  ‘He’s not just a random guy eyeing you up Mia, you have history and he still wants you.’

  ‘Stop it,’ I laughed. ‘He was never interested in me Gabe, he always had stunning women on his arm, he was just being polite.’ I knew I was trying to convince myself as well as Gabe, but I’d recognised the look in Tyler’s eyes as he handed me his number, he did want more than a catch up lunch, and if I didn’t have Gabe I’d have snapped his bloody hand off. If ever there was another guy I could fantasise about having sex with, he was right here in this pub with us.

  ‘He may not have been interested then Mia, but he is now and you are stunning. He’s leaning on the bar watching you right now, jealousy written all over his face, so I’m going to make it perfectly clear that you’re already taken,’ he growled. I gasped as he bent down and kissed me with an urgency I’d not felt since we were in Scotland. He groaned into my mouth and moved his hand around to grip the back of my neck and hold me against him as one hand snaked up under my dress and cupped my bottom. My stomach was knotting inside, blood surging through my veins, with sexual desperation hot on its heels as I threw my hands around his neck and returned his kiss with just as much fervour, before hopping up onto his hips and hearing a cheer and some hollering go up from our table in the corner. I pulled my head back panting, suspended as Gabe held me up and looked at me, his eyes stormy and wild.

  ‘Wow,’ I sighed.

  ‘Hmmm, I think he’s got the picture. You belong to me Mia, please don’t ever let anyone think any differently.’

  ‘Ok,’ I nodded, slightly dazed, enjoying the feel of his erection pulsating between my thighs.

  ‘Shall we re-join your friends?’ He asked as his expression changed to one of amusement and pride to see that he still affected me so badly. I nodded again and he laughed and unhooked my legs from his waist and set me down and grabbed my shoulders as I wobbled. ‘Too much to drink baby?’

  ‘Too much testosterone,’ I sighed. He took my hand smiling and led me back to our table.

  ‘Was that your long term crush Tyler Jackson chatting you up?’ asked Lexi with an evil smile.

  ‘
Not chatting me up, just being friendly,’ I replied giving her a back off look. She should know better than to wind Gabe up. What the hell was going on with her tonight? She wasn’t herself.

  ‘God Mia, you had it so bad for him for years,’ Mandy added making Gabe’s grip on me tighten again as I died a little inside. If only I’d warned my friends of Gabe’s jealous possessive streak.

  ‘O Jess, when he rescued me from the pool it was the happiest moment of my life,’ said Jess dramatically, feigning a swoon. ‘I think I love him.’

  ‘Ok, ok, I’ll admit I had a serious crush on the guy, but I’ve only ever loved one guy, this guy,’ I interrupted as I pulled Gabe’s face around to meet mine and kissed him again. ‘I’m so serious about him that I’m moving in with him,’ I announced. The look of shock on their faces was priceless, but I quickly focussed on Gabe’s and was pleased to see his face light up as he gazed at me adoringly and moved to nuzzle my ear.

  ‘You’re still moving in?’ he whispered.

  ‘Of course, you thought I wasn’t?’ I asked surprised.

  ‘I wasn’t sure until you just said it.’

  ‘We’ve just been buying the last of the stuff for the apartment together Gabe.’

  ‘I thought you were just being nice and helping me.’

  ‘Then why didn’t you ask?’

  ‘I was scared of rushing you after our fight.’

  ‘O Gabe, I’m sorry. I thought you knew, I told you even when we fight I still love you, I assumed you knew we were back on track for everything,’ I ran my fingers down his cheek as I gazed up into his relieved eyes.

  ‘I know now, that’s all that matters baby,’ he clasped my face in his and kissed me properly again. We pulled apart and laughed as we heard everyone around the table making vomiting noises.

  ‘Come on, enough of this soppy shit,’ muttered Lexi. ‘Let’s hit Onyx and dance.’ She stood up abruptly with a frown on her face and marched to the door. I looked at Doug and raised my eyebrows and he sighed, shook his head and shrugged.

  I felt excited queuing up, we’d spent so many fun nights in here and I wondered if it would be as good as I remembered. Gabe insisted on getting the round for everyone as Jess, Lizzie and Mandy went to score a booth for us all and I dragged a pissed off looking Lexi to the side.

  ‘Are you ok? You seem really grumpy.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she replied crossing her arms.

  ‘Now I definitely know something’s wrong. Talk to me, is it Doug?’

  ‘Sort of.’

  ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘He’s always looking at other women while he’s with me, it pisses me off and it doesn’t help that he’s always complimentary to you, then there’s you and Gabe,’ she muttered, flashing me a look.

  ‘What about me and Gabe?’

  ‘One minute you’re all over each other, then you’re fighting and ignoring each other for days and now you’re back to making googly eyes at each other, it makes me want to heave.’

  ‘I thought you wanted us back together? You called him to come and get me on Thursday and arranged the interventions.’ I looked at her feeling hurt, what the hell was going on with her?

  ‘I did, I do, but do you know how hard it is to compete with that? You’re that compatible even a massive fight can’t keep you apart and you’re always hot for each other, it’s just hard Mia.’

  ‘Lexi, it’s not a competition. Every relationship’s different. You can’t keep comparing what I have with what you have, and I’ve never seen Doug looking at other woman, he adores you Lex. You’re just being mean because you’re having a panic and you’re taking it out on me and Doug and that’s not fair. You were the one who insisted we change, well I have so you need to pull your bloody socks up and get with the program or you’re going to ruin something really good here.’ I flashed a quick smile at Doug and Gabe who were looking over at us and shook my head as they went to approach. I saw Gabe put a restraining hand on Doug’s arm and turned my attention back to Lexi.

  ‘Pull my socks up?’ She narrowed her eyes at me.

  ‘Yes and don’t try intimidating me Lexi Clarke, I’m your best friend so cut the crap. I’ve told you before you either get on board with being in a relationship with Doug, who’s a really nice guy, or you end it and go back to shagging around if that’s what’s going to make you happy, but make your mind up or you’ll end up pushing him away.’ She remained scowling at me and I sighed and took her by surprise wrapping my arms around her. ‘Stop being so bloody stubborn and go and apologise to Doug for being grumpy and let’s have a fun night. It’s Christmas, almost, and you know it’s my favourite time of year. Do it for me.’

  ‘Fine, whatever, but if Doug looks at your bottom like that again I’ll deck him,’ she muttered.

  ‘He never looked at my bottom, it’s all in your head.’

  ‘So what? Now you have eyes in your arse to see him not looking at it?’

  ‘He doesn’t look at anyone like that. Seriously Lex, one relationship and you’ve turned into a crazy irrational girlfriend,’ I laughed and released her. She laughed as well with a sigh, so I took her hand and led her over to the boys.

  ‘Okay Lex?’ asked Doug as he took her other hand.

  ‘Yeah, sorry for being shitty. Let’s go dance and snog.’

  ‘Right on,’ he grinned and plonked his drink on the bar and mouthed ‘thank you’ at me before following her to the dance floor.

  ‘What was that all about?’ asked Gabe, sweeping my hair over my shoulder.

  ‘She’s having a bit of a freak out about them both, she thinks he’s looking at other women and she’s comparing her relationship to ours, our sex life in particular.’ I grabbed my drink and knocked it back and shuddered.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. What does Doug say about her?’

  ‘He really cares for her Mia, but he feels like she’s holding back which is putting him off trying any harder.’

  ‘He needs to tell her that.’

  ‘I’m not interfering in their relationship, we have enough going on with our own.’

  ‘I know that, but we wouldn’t be standing here talking today if it wasn’t for them interfering in ours.’

  ‘Really?’ He stood up a little straighter and looked down at me surprised. ‘You wouldn’t have come back to me in your own time?’

  ‘Yes,’ I replied, but he picked up on the tiniest of hesitation and visibly stiffened in front of me.

  ‘That’s a no Mia.’

  ‘Well it’s not like you were beating a path down to my door to apologise Gabe,’ I replied shooting him an annoyed look.

  ‘I thought we weren’t going to fight,’ he scowled.

  ‘I don’t want too. I love you Gabe, but I wasn’t going to rush back to you. You needed to understand how much you hurt me.’

  ‘I did understand that Mia, that’s why I couldn’t face you. I didn’t think you’d take me back and staying away was easier than facing you. You’re still angry with me?’

  ‘I don’t know Gabe, we usually fight then have sex to reconnect and I know where I stand. I feel all at sea at the moment, I’m so confused. You want me, but you don’t want me at the same time, I ….’ I felt my eyes fill up.

  ‘O shit don’t cry baby,’ he grabbed me and pulled my head onto his chest. ‘You place too much reliance on sex. Sex isn’t love Mia, that’s the whole point of this exercise and the sooner you understand that the sooner we can start having it again. I’m not trying to punish you, or make you feel like I don’t want you, I always want you. I got so jealous seeing Tyler talking to you, I’d impose a three metre wide exclusion zone around you if I could Mia, the thought of someone else touching you makes my blood boil. I love you baby.’

  ‘I know,’ I sighed and rubbed my cheek on his firm chest inhaling his scent. Why couldn’t I have just waited, had a relationship and then had sex after we’d gotten to know and trust each other? Did sex make relationships this confusing for everyone
?

  ‘Come on, let’s go and give your friends something to really talk about, dance with me,’ he asked as he tipped my head back and smiled down at me. I nodded my agreement and he led me to the dance floor and spun me around and tucked in behind me, splaying his hand against my stomach, nuzzling my neck and started to move. I lay my hands over his and followed, closing my eyes and giving into it. A surge of heat rushing over me, dancing with him was so sexual, every move felt like he was making love to me. This wasn’t making love though, this was hot, dirty, sexy as hell fucking and the indent in my bottom from his erection told me he was feeling it too. ‘You’re so hot,’ he sighed in my ear as he nibbled on it while we moved. ‘I can’t wait until we move in together, I’d love to see you on the pole in this outfit.’

  I twisted in his arms and ran my hands over his tight biceps as our hips ground up and down and around. ‘I can’t wait either, I get to go to sleep and wake up with you every morning and we can fuck anywhere and everywhere, whenever we want. Please tell me you won’t make me wait until then?’ I pleaded as I looked up at him. He just smiled, bent me backwards and gazed at me longingly before kissing me and pulling me back up.

  ‘Everyone’s looking, shall we go and join them?’

  ‘I’m happy here.’

  ‘We’re on holiday now Mia, we have lots of time to spend together, you haven’t seen your friends in ages. Come on, let’s join them.’

  ‘You are trying,’ I smiled and gave him a grateful kiss. We were walking towards them when I spotted Kai over by the bar. I looked up at Gabe, but he didn’t seem to have seen him. ‘I need the loo, go ahead without me.’

  ‘You’ll be ok?’