Ashes

by Taisha S. Ryan

  Vance dug in his pocket and pulled out a small paper and pen. "I'm gonna give you my number too. Whenever you wanna talk, whenever something's bothering you, I want you to call me. Doesn't matter what time it is, I'll answer." He wrote down his number and handed it to Javier.

  Javier hesitantly took it.

  "So, is this the last time I'm gonna hear about you fighting?"

  "Yeah," he said lowly.

  He patted his back. "Alright, good. C'mon."

  They got up and left the locker room.

  Chapter 5

  Vance veered off into the next terminal, then glanced at his watch with a sigh. Laurie's flight was supposed to be arriving any minute now and he was running late.

  He and Laurie had been together, on and off, for 6 years. They first met 8 years ago, during his senior year of undergrad at Rutgers University. While he was a Business Administration major, she was a Chemistry major, studying to become a doctor. They came from opposite sides of the tracks. While he grew up poor, in a dysfunctional household in the projects, she grew up privileged, in a two parent home in the suburbs.

  Despite their differences, they immediately connected. She had a light about her that he didn't see in many girls. She was a good girl, focused, and determined, with her head on straight, something that drew her to him in the first place. Over time, they became lovers. She helped him during his most trying times, and had been there for him when he needed it the most. She was the only woman in his life, apart from his mother, he could truly count on. He cherished her.

  Today, Laurie would be arriving back from Haiti. After the vicious earthquake that hit two years ago, the country was still suffering from the destruction, with the people in dire need of sufficient resources. So, Laurie and a few doctors from her hospital had been assigned to provide aid for the people in need of care.

  This would be the first time in 3 months they'd be seeing each other. It had been a long time coming, and he couldn't wait to see her again. He missed her.

  When he finally arrived at the airport, she immediately caught his eye. There she stood outside of the airport, dressed in an aqua floral dress and sandals, with a pair of sun glasses fixed at the crown of her head. Her long jet black curls swayed in the light winds, as her hazel green orbs roamed the traffic. Her olive skin tone that was now a visibly tanned hue, her striking eyes, her button nose, full pink lips, the very features he loved, shined like a rare piece of diamond under the beaming sun. Damn, she was beautiful.

  He parked his car along the curb then got out. When she noticed him, her face lit up.

  "Vance!" She hurried to him.

  He smiled as she jumped in his arms.

  "Wassup, girl," he said, as they embraced each other. He closed his eyes, basking in the scent of her sweet perfume. He missed the way she smelled.

  "I missed you so much," she said.

  "I missed you too," he said, before pulling away. He scoped her slender curves from those perky breasts down to her slim waist and thick thighs. He licked his lips.

  "Still sexy as I remember."

  "Oh, hush." She hit his arm, blushing.

  "How was the flight?"

  "It was nice for the most part. Just feeling a little jet lagged though. I can't wait to go home and rest."

  For the whole ride, Laura filled Vance on her trip to Haiti. She spoke about the interesting people she met, what she did, and where she stayed. She also spoke on the devastation that plagued Haiti, as well as the beauty that shine through the very place and people she cared for. She spoke with so much excitement, saying so much at one time, that all Vance could do was smile. Laurie loved what she did, and it showed.

  "Oh and I bought you a souvenir," she said digging in her bag.

  "You did?" He glanced at her.

  "Mhmm." She pulled out a wooden sculpture and handed it to him.

  When he stopped at the red light, he took it from her. He stared at it. It was a wooden carving of what appeared to be a man and woman woven together in an abstract form. He scoped it carefully, trying to understand it.

  "A guy was selling them on the side of the road, so I thought to buy it."

  "What's it supposed to be?"

  "It's called, renmen, which means love in Haitian Creole. It's supposed to symbolize the everlasting love between a man and woman. I thought it was beautiful. You were the first person I thought of when I saw it."

  He stared at the piece, unsure of how to take to that.

  "You like it?" she asked.

  "Yeah, it's nice." He nodded. It wasn't something he would think to buy for himself but he appreciated it nonetheless. "Thanks, love."

  *

  "Ayee papi, que se siente tan bien...(Aye, papi that feels so good)" Laurie moans wailed through the bedroom.

  Vance groaned, turned on at the sound of her accent. He loved it when she talked that shit. He thrusted deeper into her center, reveling in her warm tightness as she clawed her nails into his back, screaming in ecstasy.

  "¡ Ssss quiero que me folles duro papi! (Ssss… I want you to fuck me hard, papi!)."

  He stroked quicker, his groans more profuse as he neared his peak. When they finally came, they laid in each other's arms, exhausted.

  "God, I miss that." Laurie said, breathlessly.

  He smirked, running his fingers through her damp curls. "You did, huh?"

  "Mhmm. A whole lot." She kissed his lips.

  Vance definitely missed hitting it as well. The moment she dropped her bags at the door, he took her to her room and fucked her like she had never been fucked before. He just had to show her what she'd been missing these past few months.

  "Is your house finished renovating yet?" Laurie asked, tracing her fingers across Vance's chest.

  He closed his eyes, tiredly. "Nah, not yet."

  "How long till it'll be done?"

  "The contractor said about another two or three months."

  "So, you're still at Rodney's house?"

  "Yeah."

  "Oh."

  When she grew silent, he looked at her. "What?"

  "I was just thinking now that I'm back home that maybe you could stay here, instead."

  He grew still. "You think so?"

  "Yeah. It'll be a good idea. There's enough space for you here, and plus it'll be easier for us to spend time together, since we barely ever do now."

  "We spend a lot of time together."

  "No, we don't Vance. Not as much as we should. Especially with me working this new job at the hospital, I barely have the time. It'll be best if you stay here for the time being, that way we'd be around each other more often."

  He rubbed his eyes. "I would, but... it's just gonna be a hassle."

  "A hassle? How?"

  "I'm already settled over there. To deal with the whole process of moving all my stuff here, is unnecessary."

  He knew he was just speaking bullshit, but he would only offend her if he told her the truth. As much as he loved Laurie, he couldn't stay under the same roof with her for too long. They tried living together earlier on in their relationship and it didn't work. Laurie had the habit of becoming overbearing after a while. She always wanted too much. Too much of his time, too much attention, too much commitment. She wanted more out of him than what he could give, and he just couldn't deal with it. She was a great woman, and he loved her, there was no denying that. But he needed his space.

  "Just tell me the real reason, Vance. Just say that you don't want to be around me. I'm a big girl, I can take it."

  He sighed. He knew she would be offended. "You know that's not true. I'm around you right now, ain't I?"

  "Don't play stupid, Vance. You know what I mean. You don't want us to live together, because that means you won't have the freedom to do what you want when I'm not around."

  He frowned, annoyed. "Don't even start with that, Laurie. It ain't even like that and you know it. You're making a big deal out of nothing."

  She could be so damn insecure sometimes and he hated it.


  "Oh, I'm making a big deal? Tell me, what are we doing Vance? We've been together for 6 whole years and we're still playing games like we're in high school. Don't you think it's about time we start thinking about our future?"

  He let out a tired sigh. He knew where this was going.

  "Look, I gotta go."

  She scoffed. "As usual."

  She moved away and he got out the bed.

  As he put on his clothes, he heard sniffling sounds and turned his head to see Laurie crying against her pillow. His heart softening, he trudged to the bed and knelt down beside her.

  "I hate how much I love you, sometimes," she whispered.

  He rubbed her face, wiping away her tears. He didn't mean to hurt her, but he didn't have anything else more to give. He kissed her cheek then left.

  Chapter 6

  Vance took a sip of his mixed drink as he relaxed comfortably in the plush leather seat, vibing to the upbeat sounds of rap music reverberating the atmosphere. He scoped the beautiful women that occupied the dimly lit vicinity, taking notice to each of their feminine curves.

  Tonight, he, Rodney and two of their close friends, Travis and Anthony spent the night at a lounge in Harlem. Hanging out with the fellas was always a stress reliever. All growing up in the same neighborhood, they had been his boys since day one. They shared countless memories, from good to bad, holding each other down through it all. They had become his brothers, the only few people in this world Vance could really trust.

  "See, this right here is why I'm gonna stay single for the rest of my life. Look at all these sexy ass women up in here, got damn," Travis said, staring at the group of women passing by.

  "I know. Shit, Sheena got me in the house so damn long, I almost forgot other women existed," Anthony replied.

  "Yeah, that's 'cause Sheena got you wrapped around her finger," Travis shook his head.

  "The hell you talkin' about? Ain't nobody got me wrapped around no finger. Sheena knows what time it is, whatever I say goes."

  “Yeah okay.” Travis turned to Rodney and Vance. "I went to the bar with this fool last week right, tell me why his punk ass ran straight home 'cause Sheena wanted a foot massage."

  They laughed.

  "You serious?" Vance said, in disbelief.

  "I mean what else was I supposed to do? Tell her no? You know Sheena's ass is crazy."

  "So what? You're the man. You supposed to lay down the rules," Travis voiced.

  "Man, I lay down the rules. I just-you know...give her whatever she wants so she don't cut up my shit. But still, she knows what it is."

  Vance grinned. Anthony was a fool.

  "See, what I'm saying? Pathetic." Travis shook his head. "And Rodney, I don't know why you laughing either. Reyna got you wrapped around her finger too."

  Vance nearly spit out his drink with laughter.

  "Holdup, what?" Rodney frowned.

  "You heard me. You know damn well it's true."

  "Says who? I ain't Ant, I wear the pants in my relationship."

  "Yeah, she got you to put a ring on it though."

  "Oop, got 'em!" Ant teased.

  "He got a point, there." Vance agreed.

  "So, what? I did it because I love her."

  "Man, please. Ain't no man marrying a woman just out of love. They either doing it because their girl keep pressuring them to, or they so old, they dick can't get hard on more so they decide to settle down. That's it," Travis explained.

  "What? Man, just shut the hell up. You're not even making any sense right now." Rodney shook his head.

  "Fellas am I right?" Travis extended his hands and they both gave him daps in agreement.

  "Look, I don't give a damn what none of ya'll fools say. There's plenty of chicks out here that ain't about shit. And until you find that special one you wanna spend the rest of your life with, you're just gonna be wasting ya time on a bunch of chicks that ain't worth the effort, money, time, or sperm. 'Cause at the end of the day, don't none of that matters, believe that," Rodney said fervently.

  Anthony pretended to play an imaginary violin and Rodney gave him the finger.

  "Aye look, that's great and all. But ain’t no bitch worth me giving up allll this pussy in the world," Travis said.

  "Exactly. Sex with the same woman for the rest of your life? Nah, couldn't do it." Vance shook his head.

  The idea of marriage seemed like a joke. There was no way he could commit to the same woman for the rest of his life. He was a man. He needed to have his options. His freedom. He couldn't even imagine taking that step with Laurie. He loved her deeply, but he wasn't sure she was worth being with forever.

  "Yeah okay. When ya'll muthafuckas get old and lonely, ya'll gonna remember this conversation." Rodney nodded.

  "Hell nah. I'm a be the black Hugh Hefner. Gonna have all my bitches lined up like an assembly line," Travis joked.

  They laughed.

  When his phone vibrated, Vance pulled it out of his pocket to see his supervisor’s name flashing on his screen. He frowned, puzzled as to why she was calling him this time of the hour. He got up and stepped outside into the cool night air, away from the noisy commotion.

  "Hello?" he answered.

  "Hello, Vance?"

  "Uh, yeah. How're you doing Mrs. Wright?" he said, still hesitant as to why she was calling. He was sure it had to be important, because that was the only time she called his phone after a certain hour.

  "Excuse the late call, but we’ve just received some terrible news about the dance teacher, Ms. Stevens," Mrs. Wright spoke in a heavy tone.

  He suddenly grew tense. "What about her?"

  "She got shot."

  His heart dropped. "What?"

  "She was walking home from the grocery store and some men robbed and shot her."

  Stunned, it took him a while to speak.

  "I-is she okay?"

  He was afraid to even ask.

  "Right now, we're uncertain. They say she was shot two times in the stomach and chest. She's in the ICU, getting care. Hopefully, she'll pull through."

  Damn.

  It pained him to hear such a thing. Ms. Stevens was such a sweet, vibrant woman that always had the power of lifting anyone's spirit by being in her presence. She was a great dance teacher and the students loved her. It angered him to know some senseless fools would even lay a finger on her.

  "What hospital is she in?" he asked, after gathering his thoughts.

  He had to at least pay her a visit to see if she was okay.

  "She's at Mt. Sinai."

  Within an instant, he went back inside the club to say goodbye to the fellas. Partying was no longer on his agenda. He had to go check on Ms. Stevens.

  *

  Zara leaned against the window, staring up at the dark blue skies. The brooding silence filled with nothing but the faint sounds of her breathing, only deepened the pain of loneliness. The night always brought such a feeling. And it seemed that being here, now sober, loneliness had become an unwanted company of hers. Tonight, the house was empty. Reyna was busy working overnight, while Rodney and Vance were out of town. With no one here to talk to or hang out with on this Saturday night, it was damn near unbearable.

  She didn't even have anyone to call. She had lost touch with all of her friends over the years and most of all, her dearest friend, Trish, was gone. Right about now, they would probably be out at some party or roaming the city like they used to do.

  Sadness washing over her, Zara sighed and stood up. She wasn't going to dig herself deeper into the dark hole of depression. Not tonight. She had done too much of that in the past. It was time to cheer herself up for once.

  Zara decided to bake.

  As she stirred the liquid cake mix in the bowl, she danced and sang along to her favorite Sade album, Soldier of Love. There was no going wrong with Sade. She blasted the music in the kitchen, allowing the music to take her away. Lost in bliss, Zara pretended the spoon was a mic and sang along to the words, swaying her body to
the music. She even humored herself. She was sure she sounded like a dying cat compared to Sade, but she didn't give a damn. She was having the time of her life.

  She twirled around, only to stumble at Vance's presence. He stood by the front door, staring at her with an unreadable expression. Her face burned with embarrassment. She cleared her throat, adjusting her clothes. She didn't even notice him walk in. She wondered how long he had been standing there.

  Without a word, he shut the door and walked up stairs. Zara shut her eyes. She always managed to make a fool of herself in front of him. If this were anyone else she wouldn't give two shits, but with Vance it meant a lot. He always made her feel so nervous. Unsure of herself. Insecure. And as much as she didn't want to admit it, she cared a lot about what he thought of her. Which obviously wasn’t much. He made it known that he didn't think she was shit, but a hoe that caused his sister's death. His cold words still lingered on her soul like a heavy plague and it tore her apart.

  Because he was right.

  She tried ignoring him and keeping her distance, but seeing him damn near every day, it was impossible. They hadn't spoken since then, but she was well aware of his presence, and it always had her on edge.

  Zara continued her mixing. This time with the music off.

  When her cake was finally done, she cut a slice and took a bite. She moaned in pleasure at the delicious taste. Hungrily, Zara ate another slice before finally becoming full. After a while, she felt a bit bad for not offering Vance any. Not that he deserved it, and he was sure he was going to say no. But still, it was the least she could do. And also, a small part of her wanted to talk to him just for the hell of it. She craved the company.

  Zara placed a slice on a plate and headed upstairs, only to hear the shower running in the bathroom. She figured to wait patiently downstairs while he took a shower, but decided against it. She didn't want to leave just yet. Nosily, Zara walked into his room. She knew she had no business doing so, but the curiosity got the best of her. The scent of him lingered in the air and she basked in the intoxicating smell of Armani cologne with a mix of pine wood furniture.