Ashes

by Taisha S. Ryan

  She strolled deeper into the small room that consisted of a simple bed, furniture and a plasma screen TV. His room was well organized with nothing but suitcases packed at the corner of the room. A variety of his clothing filled the closet, from street wear to suits. Sneakers to dressy shoes. The variety of his attire showed that as much as he could be street, he could still present himself in a professional manner when the time called for it. Beside his clothing, and a few devices and gadgets rested on his nightstand, there wasn't much to see. Everything seemed to be either hidden or packed away. She didn't even know what she was particularly looking for, really. But she at least expected to see more. Or at least hoping.

  Taking notice to the picture across the room, she walked toward it. She rested the plate on the dresser and picked up the picture frame. Her heart softened. It was picture of Trish and Vance in their younger years, seated on the couch, smiling. They looked so young. She would've guessed Trish to be about 14 or so, while Vance in his late teens. They looked so different, one would've assumed they were more distant relatives than siblings. While Trish was more farer skinned with features of her father, Vance inherited more of his mother’s looks. However, no one could deny how close they were. She remembered how much Trish looked up to him. Although she complained half of the time of his overprotective ways, she adored him dearly.

  "What the hell are you doin' in here?"

  Zara jumped, startled, nearly dropping the frame. She placed it down and spun around to see Vance at the doorway, glaring at her. His body instantly caught her gaze. Clad in nothing but the towel that wrapped around his waist, his bare upper body coated in droplets of water, grasped her breath like a thief in the night, and she scoped his muscular physique in pure lust. Quickly catching herself, she forced her gaze away and fumbled for words that seemed to have vanished from her brain.

  "Uh...I um..." She cleared her throat to rid her trembling voice. "I just came by to see if you wanted a slice of cake. But, you were in the bathroom so..."

  "So, you started snooping through my shit instead," he added brusquely.

  "No, no, I wasn’t snooping. I was just-"

  "Being nosy."

  She pressed her lips together. "No...I wasn't being nosy."

  He folded his arms. "Really, so what is it? ’Cause that's what it seems like to me."

  "I just came by to offer you some cake. That's it." She said lowly and began to leave.

  He blocked her path. She tried to pass him and he blocked her again. She frowned, wondering what was up with him.

  "Excuse me," she said with a slight attitude.

  "Nah, you're not excused."

  She shot him a glare. He had the nerve.

  Before she could attempt to leave, he spun her around and pressed her against the wall. She gasped. He pressed his hand against the wall, hovering her.

  "Don't ever go snooping through my shit again," he uttered with clenched teeth.

  In shock, Zara was speechless.

  "Do, I make myself clear?" He roared, arousing cold shivers within her.

  She nodded.

  Silence brooded the air. Her heart pounded viciously against her throat, she was sure, even he could hear its restless rattling. She waited for him to step back, but he didn't. He was so dangerously close. She drew in her bottom lip, forcing herself not to bask in the addictive scent of his soap as it intruded her senses without mercy.

  Shit, he smelled so damn good.

  No amount of strength or will power could prevent her eyes from following the droplets of water trailing the lump of his throat, down to his firm chest and six pack abs. She swallowed the spit in her throat, urging to lick every drop of water off his milk chocolate skin. She quickly blinked away.

  "Are you done?" She spoke up, frustrated. She needed him out of her space. With him standing there so close, naked, drenched with water, looking the way he was, was messing with her head. She hated the effect he had on her.

  The muscle in his jaw bulged, as though he were restraining the anger brewing in his soul. She prepared for him to spew her with another insult, or even yank her up like a rag doll, for the remark she made. At this point, she was beginning to get used to his always-mad-at-the-world attitude to the point it no longer fazed her as much.

  His eyes fell to a particular area on her body. In that moment, she became well aware of the thin tank top that snugged her upper frame, pronouncing the curves of her C cup breasts through the thin material. Her heart pounded when she noticed what seemed to be lust in his eyes. But he blinked away so quickly, she was certain it was all in her imagination.

  He stepped back, with a glare.

  "Get out."

  Letting out a sigh of relief, Zara quickly turned away then left the room in a flash.

  Chapter 7

  The sweltering heat struck Zara mercilessly as stepped into the backyard. She huffed out a deep breath as she carried the tray of food, already on the verge of melting under the beaming sun. She was more than glad she decided to wear the outfit she wore. Her aqua crop top, denim shorts, and sandals, were perfect for the humid weather.

  Today, Rodney and Reyna had thrown a small barbeque with all of their close friends in attendance. The tantalizing aroma of barbequed chicken and hamburgers sizzling on the grill wafted the atmosphere as Hip Hop music blared the airwaves.

  Just being in the midst of it all, Zara felt out of her element. She barely knew anyone here. Although she did know a few of Rodney's and Reyna's friends from growing up in the same neighborhood, she was never close with any of them. And even back then, she always got the gut feeling they never cared for her anyway, since she didn't exactly have the best reputation around the neighborhood. And now, she couldn't help but feel as if she didn't belong. She had been in hiding for so long, and to now show her face in public was unsettling. She could just feel everyone's eyes on her, and hear the whispers of disgust as she passed by. She was sure it was all in her head, but that was how she felt.

  It was ironic that years ago, she was once the life of the party. Now the party did nothing but suck the life out of her.

  Instead of hiding away in her room like she urged to do, she busied herself by cooking and cleaning up. It was the least she could do.

  Zara placed the tray of macaroni and cheese on the table.

  "Damn, all the chicken is already done?" Reyna approached the table.

  "Yup. That's black people for you."

  It hadn't even been an hour since they put the food out on the table and people already managed to gobble up most of the food like starving 3rd world civilians. It was a good thing she already had a plate or she would've been mad as hell.

  "A damn shame. You would've thought it was Feed the Children up in this bitch." Reyna voiced, scooping rice into her plate.

  "Yo, Rey hook me up with that last piece of chicken right there," Rodney's friend, Travis approached the table with his plate.

  "You see what I'm talking about?" Reyna turned to Zara, who simply grinned.

  "Boy, this is like the 5th time you asked me for chicken. You're the reason why there's no more left," Reyna told him.

  "Aye, this is a barbeque right? So, I came to eat." He handed her his plate. "Give me that piece right there and 3 of those ribs."

  She gave him a look, and he flashed her a sweet smile. "Please?"

  Rolling her eyes, she snatched the plate and served him the food.

  "Thanks, sis.’Preciate it." He winked at her and strolled away with his plate of food.

  "Niggas." Reyna shook her head.

  After a while, Zara gazed around, wondering where Vance was. She hadn't seen him all afternoon. She would be lying if she said she didn't miss his presence.

  As if on cue, he entered the yard and her heart tumbled in her chest. Dressed in a casual white crew neck T-shirt, fitted denim jeans with crisp white sneakers, he looked more than desirable. She had been so engrossed in his presence, it took her a moment to notice the woman beside him. Her mood instantly shi
fted. She frowned, wondering who the hell she was.

  "Who's that woman with Vance?"

  "Who?" Reyna asked, busy pouring ice into the juice bowl.

  "Over there." Zara hitched her chin at their direction, not wanting to make it too obvious.

  Reyna looked across the yard. "Oh, I didn't know she came back."

  "Who is she?"

  "That's Vance's girl, Laurie."

  "He has a girl?" she said, shocked. "Since when?"

  "For a while now," Reyna said, stirring the juice.

  Her heart cringed with a pain she didn't expect to feel. She didn't know Vance was in a relationship. This was the first time she had ever heard of her, or even saw her around. Vance was so damn private, she always wondered if he had a woman. Even back in the day, she hardly ever saw him with another female, despite how many girls used to fawn over him. There was one point, she even thought he was gay. There had to be some explanation as to why he hardly ever acknowledged her. Although she was certain she was just making it up all in her head, it brought her some level of comfort to ease the pain of the constant rejection he shot her way. As attractive as Vance was, she would be foolish not to think there was at least some woman who had his heart. He was a good catch. She shouldn't have been surprised, but she was.

  Zara stared at the woman. Smooth olive skin, long curly black hair with exotic features. The face of a model. She looked to be Brazilian, or maybe Puerto Rican. She could see why Vance would go for someone like her. She was gorgeous.

  A pang of jealousy stung her as she watched them roam the barbeque together, like two Hollywood stars walking down the red carpet. They looked like the perfect couple.

  When a hand waved in her face, she snapped out of her thoughts.

  "Huh?"

  "You alright?" Reyna gave her a weird look.

  "Huh? Uh, yeah." Zara turned away and poured herself some fruit punch. It took her all not to grab the bottle of liquor and drink it down to quell the sudden burn in her chest.

  Reyna stared at her for a while.

  "Wait holdup," Reyna slowly took the cup from her. "Don't tell me you still have feelings for Vance."

  Zara scoffed. "What? No."

  Reyna tilted her head with a suspicious look.

  "I don't, that was years ago. I've been over him," she explained stiffly.

  "Zara, don't even try that with me. I know when you're lying." And Zara hated her for it.

  "You still love him don't you?"

  Zara looked away shamefully. She tried to convince herself that it was some silly little childhood crush. But she knew deep down, that her feelings for Vance ran deeper than that. What she felt for him was different than what she had ever felt for any other man. And the more she tried to suppress her feelings, the more it festered beyond her control.

  "Look Za, I know you can't help how you feel for him, but you're just gonna need to let that go, eventually. For your sake."

  "You don't think I tried? You think I wanna love someone who hates my ass? I can't, Rey. No matter how hard I try," she said, painfully.

  "I know, but sometimes you have to-"

  "Oh my gosh! Reyna?"

  Their heads turned at the sudden voice to see Laurie walking toward them, with Vance following behind. Zara tensed and turned away.

  "Hey, chica!" Laurie greeted.

  "Hey, girl!" Reyna said, as they hugged.

  "I didn't know you were back," Reyna said, pulling away.

  "Yeah, I just got back a couple weeks ago."

  "Oh okay. How was Haiti?"

  "Girl, it was amazing. Just an eye opening experience, you know? With all the destruction that's going on and everything, it just makes you thankful for all the things you do have.”

  "Oh, definitely. I hear that." Reyna nodded.

  "But anyway, how've you been? It's been forever!"

  "I know, right? I've been good. Just-"

  "Wait, oh my gosh. Is that what I think it is?" Laurie gasped and held her hand, gazing at her ring.

  Reyna blushed, nodding.

  "Oh my god! Congrats. I’m so happy for you!"

  "Thank you."

  "You must be excited. When's the special date?"

  "We’re thinking December."

  "Wow, that's great. Vance, isn't it wonderful that she's getting married?" She turned to him. They shared a certain look and Vance paused a bit, before nodding.

  An awkward silence filled the air and Zara felt it. She wondered what that was about.

  "This is my sister, Zara," Reyna turned to her.

  "Oh, your sister?" Laurie said, taken aback. Her gaze fleeted to Vance before shifting back to Zara. "Hi, I'm Laurie. Nice to meet you," she said with a wide smile, extending her hand.

  Zara shook her hand with a forced smile. "You too."

  "Laurie, you want somethin' to drink?" Vance turned to the cooler. The muscle in his jaw bulged, and Zara could feel the tension exuding from him.

  "Yeah, thanks. I'll just take a wine cooler, please."

  As Reyna and Laurie conversed, Zara excused herself and made her way inside. She needed to get away from them. Just seeing Vance and Laurie together became too unbearable to withstand.

  Zara sat by herself in the empty kitchen, smoking her cigarette. The endless chatter and the music booming from outside combated her heavy thoughts. It was amazing how a person could be in a place full of people yet still feel so alone.

  When the sliding door opened, Zara turned her head to see Laurie entered the house. Zara nearly rolled her eyes. Something about this bitch rubbed her the wrong way.

  Zara watched her suspiciously as she entered the kitchen. She assumed she had come by to search around for some food, but when she leaned her back against the counter, it threw her off. For a moment, Laurie stared, her green eyes drilling her as though she were reading the very thoughts imprinted on her brain. Zara frowned.

  "Can, I help you?" she said with an attitude.

  "Listen, I wasn't going to say anything. But I've never been the one to hold my tongue, so here it goes." Laurie placed the bottle on the counter and folded her arms. "I've been with Vance for 6 years now. We're very close and we've been through everything together. I love him, and the last thing I want is to see him hurt. But what you did, was the worst thing you could've ever done to him. You took someone who meant the world to him, all because of your careless indiscretions."

  Zara blinked. She was so caught off guard, she didn't even know how to respond.

  "Do you know how much you hurt him?" Anger gripped her tone. "It's because of you, he's a different person. The Vance I knew was more open, willing to love, happier. Now he's just..."She huffed out a sigh, shaking her head. "You ruined the person he was. And it's gonna take a long time for that Vance to come back. Maybe never. You ruined his life. And because of that, he'll forever resent you for it. And so will I."

  Her words were like a stab to the heart. Zara swallowed hard, unable to speak.

  Vance entered the kitchen, breaking their moment. He stopped in his tracks, his confused eyes shifting from Laurie to Zara.

  "What's going on?" he asked Laurie.

  "Oh nothing, just came in here for a drink," she said, wrapping her arms around his torso.

  Zara blinked away.

  "I'm starting to get a headache. Can you take me home?" she asked.

  "You alright?"

  "Yeah, I think I'm still a bit tired from last night."

  "Iight, let me just go tell Rodney that we're leaving."

  She complied and they stepped out of the kitchen.

  Now by her lonesome, Zara's eyes welled with tears.

  Chapter 8

  Zara sat anxiously as the white haired man reviewed her resume. The clock ticked to the cadence of her beating heart. The time seemed to tread by slowly, each passing minute tugging her riling nerves like fingers pulling the strings of a guitar.

  Today, she had an interview for a waitressing position at a local diner. She hoped to god she got the job
. It had been a month now since she had moved in with Reyna, and she was still unemployed. She had sent countless number of applications to any place willing to hire, but so far no luck. And it was already stressing her out. If she didn't find a job within the next month, she could risk violating her probation. And the last thing she wanted was to go back to jail. She couldn't allow that to happen. She was desperate at this point.

  He flipped the page of her application. "This application says you were involved in a felony."

  Her chest tightened. She knew that would come up.

  "Uh, yes a few years back," she spoke up.

  His blue eyes met hers. "For what, exactly?"

  "Uh..." She cleared her throat. "I was involved in a DUI."

  "Hmm." He averted his gaze to the paper. His vague response brought her unease.

  After a while, he placed the application on the desk.

  "We'll call you."

  Her heart fell. She knew exactly what that meant.

  She didn't get the job.

  "Look, I know my past doesn't look the best, but I could do the work if you just give me a chance. I need this job. Please," she begged, now at the point of desperation.

  He stared at her unfazed, like he had heard it all before. "We'll call you."

  Zara stormed out the restaurant. The chilly wind smacked her face as she rushed to Reyna's car parked along the curb. When she got in, she slammed the door.

  "What's wrong?" Reyna asked, concerned.

  "I didn't get the job." Zara dug in her purse for her New Ports. She desperately needed to smoke right now.

  "Wait, why not? What happened?"

  "It's because of my criminal background."

  Reyna sighed. "Damn."

  Zara shook her head, before lighting her cigarette. "This shit don't make no sense. These muthafuckas expect you to go out and get a job when you leave jail, but how the fuck can you do that, when nobody's willing to hire you?" Frustration edged her tone.

  "Za, it's okay. I mean it's only been a month. I'm sure something will come up. Just give it time."

  "I don't have time, Rey. If I don't find a job in the next month, I'm fucked." She rubbed her forehead with a sigh. "I don't know what I'm gonna do..."