Ashes

by Taisha S. Ryan

  She never thought her past mistakes would come back to haunt her this way.

  "Listen, you're not going back to jail, I'm gonna make sure of that. I'll ask around and see if anybody knows of some job openings. We're gonna find you that job."

  For the rest of the afternoon, they had a girl's day out. They went to the spa to get themselves pampered, and also got their nails done at the salon. Getting pampered really relieved Zara's stress and she was more than thankful Reyna came up with the idea. She always did her best to cheer her up when she was down and she loved her sister for that.

  "I was thinking something more like this color for the bridesmaids." Reyna pointed to the picture in the magazine as they sat on the living room couch.

  When they arrived home, they relaxed for the rest of the evening. They talked, ate ice cream and watched TV, things they used to do together when they were much younger. Zara missed doing stuff like these with her sister.

  Zara looked at the picture of the model in the lavender hued dress and nodded in approval.

  "Yeah, that's a cute color." She said, taking a bite of her vanilla ice cream. "It's kind of plain though."

  "Yeah, that's how I want it. I can't have none of you bitches showing me up on my wedding day," Reyna joked and they laughed. She flipped the pages and they continued looking at the various dresses.

  "I still can't believe you're getting married," Zara said after a while.

  "Yeah, I know. Still feels surreal sometimes," Reyna agreed.

  "14 years though." Zara shook her head. "Who knew ya'll would've lasted this long."

  "I sure didn't," she said, chuckling. "The shit me and Rodney went through...it's a miracle that we lasted this long."

  She and Rodney had some trying times. They had their share of fights and break ups, and had gone through the darker periods of figuring out life as young people, deep in love. They sure had been tested, but the love made them inseparable.

  "Ya'll are made for each other," Zara said.

  Reyna nodded with a faint smile. "Yeah. Despite what we've been through. I can't imagine myself with another man. He's the only one I ever really loved."

  "I wonder how that feels," Zara said lowly.

  "How what feels?" Reyna looked at her.

  "To find love like that."

  Zara wasn't sure she ever would. The type of love Reyna and Rodney had was rare. Zara had her fair share of tumultuous relationships with no good men who she thought she loved. But now looking back, she realized that it was only her desire to be loved that allowed her to stay in such relationships. She had been burned too many times and had done the same to others, she wasn't sure she could ever open her heart and allow herself to love again.

  Reyna opened her mouth to speak, but the front door swung open, cutting their moment short. Vance and Rodney stepped in the house, and her insides tensed.

  "I was wondering when ya’ll would get back," Reyna said as they entered the living room.

  "Sup, baby." Rodney approached her and they kissed.

  When Vance walked in and took a seat on the couch, Zara's eyes followed his every move. A black Nike sleeveless shirt adorned his upper frame as a pair of matching basketball shorts hung loosely at his waist. She lusted at his brawny muscular arms through the sleeveless shirt, her stomach swarming with butterflies at the beautiful sight. She didn't know how a man could look so good in anything he wore. When his eyes met hers, she looked away.

  "How was the game?" Reyna asked.

  "Baby, do you even have to ask? I won." He sat next to her with a smile.

  "This fool here." Vance shook his head. "I got the best, 2 out of 3."

  "Barely."

  "A win is a win."

  "Yeah, that's because ya ass kept calling fouls."

  "Nigga, there's a difference between defending and manhandling. If I'm goin' for the shot, you can't grab my arm. This ain't wrestling, it's basketball."

  "Wait, hold up. When did I grab your arm?"

  They went back and forth like two bickering kids.

  "Why did I even ask?" Reyna mumbled, and Zara chortled.

  She never understood the passion between men and sports.

  "Man, whateva. Either way I won the bet," Vance said.

  "Ya'll made a bet?" Reyna asked.

  "Yeah, the bet was if he lost, he gotta run a mile in the hood with a bra and wig on."

  Zara and Reyna laughed.

  "This fool tryna get me shot." Rodney shook his head.

  "That'll be hilarious, baby. I should do ya make up too." Reyna rubbed his cheek playfully.

  "Girl, getchya ass on with that." He swapped her hand away. "There ain't no way this nigga 'bout to have me in the hood looking like Rupaul."

  Zara laughed, humorously. She could just picture Rodney running in the hood with a horrible wig and tights on. That would be hilarious.

  As Vance held his stomach in continuous laughter, Zara took notice to the foreign sound. His laughter was a deep grunt, trembling with exuberance. Her heart lightened at the sound. She loved hearing him laugh. And that smile. Damn, it was beautiful. Dimples deepened his cheeks, as his lips showcased his pearly white teeth. Seeing him smile was so rare. Come to think of it, this was probably the first time she ever saw such a genuine smile from. If only he would do it more often.

  For the rest of the evening, they spent the time watching TV. The vibe was a much lighter one. Even though she and Vance hadn't spoken, not even once, at least they were able to coexist in the same room without him trying to bite her head off. Every now and then, she would feel his gaze. She pretended not to notice, but she was well aware. She wasn't sure why he was staring at her, but it made her heart flutter in ways she couldn't help.

  "Oh, yeah Vance, what ever happened to that dance teacher that got shot a couple weeks ago?" Reyna asked, randomly when a commercial appeared on the screen.

  Vance let out a sigh. "Not too good. The bullet ended up paralyzing her from the waist down."

  "Wow, that's horrible." Reyna shook her head.

  That was horrible. She couldn't imagine not being able to use her legs. When Reyna had told her the story of what happened a while back, her heart broke for the woman. Only a heartless person would commit such a heinous act to rob and shoot an innocent person for no reason. This world was cold.

  "It's just sad 'cause she's a good person, you know. Young too. And for this to happen, it's just..."Vance shook his head with a sigh.

  "Yeah, I can imagine. Thank God, she's alive."

  "Yeah."

  "I swear, there's always some dumb ass niggas that ruin it for everybody," Rodney chimed in.

  "So, were you guys able to get another dance teacher?" Reyna asked him.

  "Nah, not at the moment. We're still looking. But right now, the dance program is at a standstill," Vance told her.

  Reyna gasped. "Wait! I just thought of something." She sat up, accidentally bumping Rodney in the chin.

  "Ow! Girl ya head just hit my chin." He rubbed it in pain.

  She ignored him and spoke, "How about, Zara becomes the dance teacher?"

  "What?" she and Vance said simultaneously.

  "You said your program is looking for a new dance teacher, right? Well here she is."

  "Are you serious? Hell no!" Zara gave her a crazed look. She must've been out of her mind.

  "That ain't happening." Vance shook his head.

  "C'mon, why not? She could dance. In fact, she's a great dancer."

  "No, I'm not. I stopped dancing a long time ago," Zara said, annoyed that she was speaking for her.

  "So what? You could get back into it. And plus you need the job."

  Zara cringed, hating Reyna for putting her business out there. "I don't need it that bad. I could find a different one."

  She would rather clean toilets for a living than work for Vance, the man who hated every fiber of her being. He would make her life a living hell.

  "Yeah, like what? You already know your situation and there's n
o guarantee that you're gonna find one in time. So, here's the opportunity. Take it."

  "There ain't shit to take, 'cause like I said, it ain't happening." Vance stood up.

  Reyna hissed her teeth. "Really, Vance?"

  Ignoring her, he left the room.

  Chapter 9

  After a whole week of Reyna’s pestering, Vance finally gave into her request and agreed to hire Zara for the job. She was surprised he did, given that he seemed so adamant about not doing so. But then again, Reyna had the ability to break down even the coldest person on earth to beckon to her command.

  It was her first day and Zara was incredibly nervous. She hadn't danced in years. The last time she had broken out into a dance step, she was about 17. And much more in shape than she was now. Just to even prepare for this day, was a struggle. She barely had any stamina, and had forgotten most of the moves she used to do when she was younger. But, the one thing she couldn't deny, was the nostalgic feelings that engulfed her as she danced again. Dancing had always been her passion. From dancing in local competitions around the neighborhood, to competing in talent shows at school, she lived, ate and breathed dancing. And after weeks of practicing, in preparation for this day, the familiar spark of passion burned within her, as she hit each step. She never thought she would ever feel that feeling again.

  Dressed in her tank top, hoodie, baggie sweatpants and sneakers, with a duffle bag of clothes dangling her shoulder, Zara mentally prepared herself as she strolled the halls of the community center. With each room she passed, she noticed children engaging in different activities, from academic to recreational activities the center had to offer. She also took notice to the display of memorabilia adorning the walls as well as pictures taken of various events from sports tournaments to poetry slams and other festivities.

  The center seemed to be a great place for the youth. She even wished she had gotten involved when she was younger. Maybe, she wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble as she did.

  She walked along side Vance as he led her to the dance studio. Silence wavered between them. She could feel the tension emitting from him, and she knew for certain he was not keen on her working here. It probably took his all, to give in. Even so, she was appreciative of the opportunity. Despite how she felt about working for him, the truth was, she needed the job. And at this point, she would take whatever she could get.

  Zara tried her best not to swoon at how attractive he looked in his black suit and tie. She loved the professional look on him. Standing at about 6 ft. 2, he strode with confidence, his presence demanding attention. It always did. Even though he wasn't much of a talker, his presence reverberated a loud aura of confidence whenever he entered a room.

  Zara cleared her throat. "Vance?"

  He met her gaze and her heart fleeted in her chest. God, those eyes always did something to her.

  "Uh, I never got to thank you for letting me work here. I really appreciate it," she admitted meekly.

  He faced forward. "I didn't do it for you."

  Her chest tightened at his cold response. She should've expected that. Without a word, she followed him in the dance studio. A small group of teens, ranging from about 13 to 17 years old, lounged around, conversing amongst each other. Their attention shifted when they entered the room.

  "Aye, yo wassup Mr. V," one boy called out to him. The rest of the group also greeted him in the similar manner. Zara could tell Vance was well liked around here. Nearly everyone who passed by him, greeted him warmly.

  "Wassup, how's everyone doing?" He said coolly.

  "Ain't nothin' chilling," the same boy replied.

  "Alright, everybody gather around. I wanna say something," Vance announced.

  They made their way to where he stood and sat on the wooden floor, their attention now on him.

  "I know, it's been rough with Ms. Stevens gone and you guys being without a dance teacher. And I apologize for that. I know this program means a lot to you, and so did Ms. Stevens, and we wanna make sure you still get to enjoy the program. So, I want you all to meet Zara. She's gonna be your new dance teacher," he introduced.

  Their eyes shifted to Zara and her face grew hot.

  "Damn, she fine," another kid said, causing the rest to laugh.

  "So, Ms. Stevens ain't coming back, ever?" one girl asked, folding her arms.

  "Duh, dumb ass. You ain't heard she caught a bullet?" one guy replied.

  "Shut the hell up, Javaugn," she snapped.

  "Make me, with ya bobble head ass," he teased, arousing laughter in the room.

  "Alright, settle down. Settle down. And no, Mia, Ms. Stevens isn't coming back. Zara is gonna be your new dance teacher for now. So, I want ya'll to welcome her with open arms, alright?"

  They mumbled listlessly.

  "Alright have fun." Vance gave her a nod of approval, before walking out of the gym. She nearly reeled him back, not wanting him to leave her alone. She didn't know how the hell she was going to do this on her own.

  She turned to the students nervously as they stared at her like hawks. What hell did she get herself into?

  "So, how's everyone doing?" she finally spoke up.

  Silence filled the room. She stood there uncomfortably, waiting for an answer.

  "Okay, well...um, how about we go around the room and introduce ourselves. We'll start with you." She pointed to a particular girl.

  And just like that, each person stated their name. Zara made a mental note of each face and name.

  "Alright, well it's nice to meet everyone. How about we get started. Anyone wanna show me where you guys left off?"

  None of them moved.

  Zara bit back a sigh. "Anybody?"

  "Look, Ms. Whateva-Ya-Name-Is, this shit is stupid iight. Ms. Stevens was teaching us just fine. Now you wanna come up in here, and wreck the flow well it ain't gon’ happen. So why don't you just leave?" one girl, who she learned was Mia, spoke up boldly.

  The rest mumbled in agreement.

  Zara couldn't hide her hurt. Coming into this, she didn't exactly expect them to be receptive, but at the same time, she didn't expect to be shunned away either.

  This reminded her of her high school days when the students would gang up on the teacher. She, herself, being the main culprit. Now, she understood what those teachers felt like. She nearly laughed at the irony.

  Zara pressed her lips, to keep her calm.

  "Listen, I understand that you guys aren't happy with the changes. But the fact of the matter is, I'm your new dance teacher and that's that. Anyone got a problem with it, you could leave now," Zara spoke in a firm tone.

  The air fell silent.

  "Nobody?" She looked at each of them daringly.

  When no one answered, she nodded. "Okay, good. Let's get started."

  Unzipping her hoody, Zara turned away, only to notice Vance standing at the doorway. Her face grew hot. She wondered how long he had been standing there. She could've sworn he just left a moment ago. She then figured he was just checking up on her to see if she was doing her job.

  She removed her hoody, baring herself in her fitted tank top. She then dug in her duffle bag for her CD.

  "Since no one wants to show me where they left off, I'll show you the new routine you're gonna learn." She placed the CD in the stereo and pressed play.

  Within moments, Rihanna's song, Jump, played from the speakers. Tying her locks into a ponytail, she strutted to the front of the gym and faced the mirror. Vance's eyes followed her every move and she forced herself to focus although her nerves riveted like wild fire. The class stared attentively.

  Swaying her hips rhythmically to the music, Zara closed her eyes, allowing the music to resonate her spirit. When the beat dropped, she began to dance. She mentally counted her steps, as her body moved in sync with the up-tempo beat. She popped and locked, wined her hips, dipped, and freestyled at certain points. She danced fast, then slow and smooth, moving at whatever pace the music took her.

  When the song finally ende
d, Zara stopped dancing. Her chest heaved as she caught much needed breaths. Beads of sweat surfaced her skin from the rush of adrenaline surging in her veins.

  She glanced at Vance, who stared at her without a word. There was a certain look in his eyes she didn't expect. If she weren't imagining it, he almost looked impressed. He quickly broke his gaze and walked away, cutting their moment short.

  "Yo, that was tight," one boy complimented.

  The rest of them agreed.

  Zara faced them with a smile, relieved that they liked it. She hoped they would. She really worked hard on it.

  "Alright, so how about we start over from the top. Everyone get in place." Zara sauntered to the stereo and replayed the song.

  The students stood in place. Zara made her way to the front of the gym and faced the mirror.

  "Follow me. Let's go, 5-6-7-8," she snapped her fingers to the beat, then danced.

  *

  Vance was relieved to finally arrive home. After meetings upon meetings at work, and also with the contractors about the renovations on his house, he was drained. His stomach churning with hunger, he stepped into the kitchen for something to eat. He hadn't eaten all day, and he would do well with a freshly made ham and cheese sandwich.

  When he noticed the light shining from the backyard, he walked toward the sliding door and noticed Zara sitting on the railing of the deck, smoking a cigarette. Leaning against the wall, he watched as she sat under the dim light, listening to music on her mp3 player, staring out at the view of the backyard. His eyes roamed her smooth honey toned legs, revealed through her shorts, as she sat comfortably against the wooden post, with one knee raised, and the other leg swinging along with the cool breeze. He licked his lips. He didn't remember her body looking this good years ago. Or maybe he just didn't pay attention enough or didn't want to. But living here for the past month and a half, a man could only resist looking for so long.

  There was no denying how sexy Zara was. With those golden brown locks flowing down her back, her almond brown eyes, full lips adorning that heart shaped face of hers, to those tattoos imprinted on various parts of her body, she definitely was a perfect 10. Under different circumstances, he would've made his move and fucked her. Even now, the temptation spiraled in his brain, exciting a certain region below. But he quickly erased such thoughts, hating himself for even thinking that way. His best bet was to leave right now. But a small part of him urged to say something to her. Today, she had blown him away. The way she danced with such ease, impressed him. He didn't expect her to do so well. A small part of him hoped she would fall flat on her face, just to give him a reason to fire her. But she danced with perfection, and even handled the students professionally, he couldn't. She had a gift.