When Fall Breaks

by Julie Solano

  A rush of adrenaline spikes through me. Did I just hear him right? I push the thought from my head and try to focus on the path speeding below my feet. I watch the blurred fields as we fly over bumps and bounce through ruts. I keep rocking into Brody, but still, I maintain strict focus on the landscape. We hit another rut, and my hold tightens against his stomach. As my grasp tightens, I feel a little burst of shivers run beneath my fingers. “You okay Brody?”

  “Whoa, that enchilada must’ve been bad last night!” he quickly replies.

  “Well that explains that!”

  “What?” Brody questions.

  “The little quiver I just felt beneath my fingers. Glad it was just gas.” Phew. I can finally relax. Maybe it is all in my mind.

  As we slow, the gravel of the riverbank begins to crunch beneath the tires of the four wheeler. We come to a stop just beside our circle of friends. Brody jumps off first, and takes my hand, not letting go until I gain my footing. We join Mason, Caden, and Jenna, who’ve already set out chairs and built a fire pit near the water. Caden is working to chop wood as Mason places it in a crisscross pattern in the center of the pit.

  Jenna watches Brody walk me toward the circle. The way she’s looking at me with her brows pulled together shows that she’s suspicious about something. “Sheesh Kait, I thought you’d never show up. Did you guys forget something, or was Brody driving slow on purpose?”

  “Ya, he’s a bit of a Mama’s Boy on that thing,” barks Caden with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “Never could push a machine to its limit,” he chuckles.

  “We’ll see who’s a Mama’s Boy later pal. It’s on!” Brody quickly challenges Caden to a race. Those two have always been competitive when it comes to guts and glory.

  “Enough boys! Quit your bickering. I really want a s’more. Get busy already.” Jenna works to calm the boys and restore peace to our circle.

  “Shoot!” I hear Mason huff. “We forgot the lighter.”

  Jenna’s eyes roam back and forth between Mason, the boys, and me. She has an insistent look on her face when she suggests, “I think all of you guys should go get it. I need some time with Kaitlyn, and it will do you boys some good to go work out whatever is eating at you tonight.”

  “You’re right; let’s go guys,” encourages Mason. “We’ll be right back,” he turns and walks toward us. “You can use this flashlight til we get back.” He hands me the flashlight and shuffles back toward the Ranger with the boys, leaving Jenna and me with a little alone time.

  I shine the light around, looking for a good place to settle down for a chat. We decide to pull the chairs down by the river and listen to the babbling brook while we wait for the boys to return. “So what’s up with those guys? There’s a lot of tension between them tonight. Everything seemed fine until we went to the bridge.” I don’t respond. I can’t. I bend over in my chair, pick up a twig, and drag it through the sand, making zig zag designs around my feet.

  “I know, you know what’s going on Kait. I can tell by the way you’re acting. Let’s hear it.”

  I have to talk to Jenna. I work to convince myself to open up. Come on. She’s your best friend. She can help. “I’m not sure, but there’s some weird energy between Brody and me today, and I think Caden’s picking up on it. You know, it’s a twin thing.”

  “Weird energy?” Jenna asks. “Are you fighting? You guys seemed pretty cozy to me.”

  “Ya, that’s the problem. I don’t understand what’s going on between us. He’s been flirting with me all day, saying suggestive things, brushing against me, holding onto me, giving me zingy feelings, and the problem is. . . .I really like it. I don’t know what to do with this, Jenna. I’ve never felt like this with Brody before. He’s always just been my best guy friend.”

  “Well, geez Kaitlyn. It’s about time you opened your eyes to Brody Tatum. It’s pretty unnatural that you’ve gone this long without noticing his jaw dropping looks. I was actually starting to wonder if you swung the other way . . .” Jenna laughs. “Just kidding. But, seriously, think about how gorgeous he is; tall, adorably wavy brown hair, blue eyes, flat abs, and that sweet dimply smile, you’d seriously have to be dead not to notice him.”

  “Kaitlyn, I’ve been watching this unfold for weeks now. Don’t tell me you just noticed. I mean, don’t you find it curious that Brody is there every time you turn around? How did he know you needed help after the garbage can? He found you in Mr. S’s room and he doesn’t even take a music class. And how do you explain fun little treats like unexpected Butterflake Chills? He’s trying to make you notice him Kaitlyn. I was secretly hoping you’d get rid of that jerk Pistol when you finally caught on to Brody’s feelings. I just didn’t know if you ever would.”

  “So, you knew about this? And you think it’s okay?” I ask incredulously. “It’s not like incestuous?” I giggle in disbelief. I am thoroughly confused by Jenna’s reaction. I shake my head back and forth. “This can’t be right. He’s been my friend since we were five. Not to mention, I do have a boyfriend. Jenna, what do I do about these feelings? He flipped on the switch, and now I can’t shut them off.”

  Jenna completely bypasses my question and fixates on Pistol. “That Asshole? I can’t believe you’re still with him after the way he’s been treating you. He breaks dates with you constantly . . . and . . . and you hear the rumors about how he is with other girls at rodeos. You just don’t seem like happy-go-lucky Kaitlyn anymore. You’re sad all the time because he’s so dang possessive he’s almost ruined your social life. I mean, he has a hard time letting you talk to your own brother. Don’t you see it? He’s not good for you.”

  I start to draw inward as I feel the air suck out of my lungs. I want to defend him, but deep inside, I know Jenna’s right. I haven’t truly been happy for months. I continuously doubt myself, wondering why I’m not good enough to keep his attention focused on me. He always drops hints about other girls and how they call, text, and flirt with him. I’m not sure if he likes making me feel insecure, or if he’s just reminding me about how “wanted” he is. I just wish we could go back to the first month when it was all excitement and butterflies. He used to be so sweet. He always made me feel like I was the most important girl in his world.

  My thoughts are interrupted by a text alert that sounds on my phone. “Just a sec.,” I tell Jenna. “This could be the boys letting us know what they’re up to.” I work to get my phone out of my pocket and see an unknown number at the top of the screen. It doesn’t say anything; it’s just a picture message. I open it, and my stomach drops at what I see. It’s a picture from the back. I see Pistol lifting a blonde cowgirl onto a saddle. I drag my fingers across the screen, zooming in to see if I recognize her face. I don’t know who it is, but what I do see, is his hand planted firmly on her butt; and from the look on her face as she’s looking down at him, she really enjoys it. I shove my phone back into my pocket while I decide how to cover this one. After what Jenna’s just said, there’s no way I want to add to her misperception of Pistol.

  “So, who was it?” Jenna asks.

  “Oh, just my mom making sure we got here okay,” I fumble for a rational explanation.

  “Well, I didn’t see you text back,” Jenna accuses, like I’m not being honest.

  “I just sent her a thumbs up. That only takes a half of a second. Why are you questioning me?”

  “You’re just acting really weird. You know if something’s wrong you can tell me,” she tries to change the direction of our conversation.

  Just then the boys pull up. Mason walks over with the lighter. “Hey, before they get over here, just a word of advice Kaitlyn . . . Whatever is going on between you and Brody needs to be toned down in front of your overprotective brother. He may be over-reacting about whatever he saw at the bridge, but he just had it out with my cousin. Whew . . . glad I’m not Brody right now.”

  I am stunned by Mason’s warning, and I decide that I don’t want to cause any more problems tonight. I pull my chair back up t
o the pit, where a low fire is beginning to spark and pop. The boys have the rake out, and Brody begins to pierce marshmallows through the metal prongs. He has ten marshmallows lined out and begins to roast them over the fire. A grin spreads over his face as he begins to slowly circle the pit. The rest of us begin to shoot perplexed glances at each other, when we hear him chanting “duck, duck, duck . . .” until he finally says “goose,” and plops down in the empty chair right next to me. I look across the fire to my brother who shakes his head slowly back and forth and shoots ninja daggers out of his eyes toward Brody. Brody smirks back in his direction and asks, “You okay over there Dude?”

  In the most sarcastic tone I have ever heard him use, Caden snarls out, “Actually, I’m getting a little bored. I’m about ready to go grab my gun and do a little goose hunting.”

  Oh crap. Mason is right. Caden is fired up tonight. Hopefully they settle this before they go work. I really don’t want anyone to end up stuffed inside a bale tonight.

  “They’re ready guys,” Brody completely ignores the hunting comment and lets us know that our marshmallows are done. “Get your graham crackers and chocolate ready, I’m bringing ’em around. Ladies first.” He stops at me and lets me pull the first marshmallow from the rake and slide it between the graham cracker and chocolate.

  “Thanks Bro,” I smile, and watch him continue to serve the others. I take a bite, and all of the crap from the day slips from my mind when I taste the sweet chocolate and gooey marshmallow melt over my tongue. I’m a few bites in when Brody sits back down next to me. He looks at me and smiles, leaning into me a bit. He begins to move his finger toward my face and I draw my eyebrows in and track his finger, wondering what this is about. I feel his finger gently swipe the left corner of my mouth and watch him grin at me with amusement.

  “Well look what we have here Pip,” he holds up his finger with a swirl of chocolatey-marshmallow. “We can’t let this go to waste now. Are you eating it, or am I?” he laughs, wagging his finger back and forth right in front of my face. I look down at the blob, bouncing like a metronome before me. I tip my head back and start to laugh. No sooner do I open my mouth, then he plunges his finger right in. Oh my goodness, being a germaphobe, this would typically gag me . . . but for some reason, with Brody, I am not grossed out at all. I close my lips around his finger sucking off the marshmallow as he gently pulls it from my mouth.

  I look up to see Caden glaring at us from across the fire. “Let’s go bale boys. Dessert is over. Girls, you seem to be pretty good at keeping fires burning. Make sure you don’t let this one die.”

  “If you need us, just call. We have our phones, and the key is in the quad,” Brody reassures us before they leave.

  “Ya T, make sure to call ME if you need anything,” Caden interrupts as the three boys walk off toward the Ranger.

  “Holy hell that was hot,” Jenna gapes at me in disbelief. “If that was any indication of this ‘weird energy’ you speak of, I can see why Caden is ready to go all “Fireman” on Brody. I’ll try to work on him, but until I can get through to your brother, someone needs to spray down the sparks that are exploding between the two of you. Lord knows we don’t need any more wildfires this summer.”

  Again, I have to catch my breath before I can respond to Jenna’s keen observation. “I told you Jenna, there’s more to this than Brody flirting. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s been a hormonal ping pong match between us all day. I’m just as into it as he is.”

  “Well, you’d better get a handle on it til you decide what to do with Pistol, cuz whatever’s been set ablaze between you two, is not going to be easy to smother; and it’s way too intense to hide.” Jenna raises her eyebrows and looks back toward the fire. “Speaking of blazes, we’d better get some wood on this thing. The boys will be pissed if we let it go out.”

  It’s around midnight when we set the last piece of wood on the fire. We can hear the baler off in the distance and know the guys won’t be done for a while. After a brief discussion, we decided to go down by the river and try to scrounge up some more wood. I find a few pieces of dry oak lying close to the bank, while Jenna heads off into the surrounding brush. Several minutes later, she comes back with a huge armful of twigs and branches and plops half of it down onto the dwindling flame. “This will keep it going until we can find more wood,” she grins.

  The fire roars back to life and she looks incredibly pleased at her accomplishment. We sit for a while in front of the newly blazing fire and chat about the upcoming Homecoming week and ideas for the swim team float. When the fire begins to die down, Jenna tends to it again, plopping on the remainder of her stash. She brushes her hands together saying, “I think I’ve got this country girl thing down.”

  Just then we hear the boys walk up behind us. “How’s it going ladies?” Mason’s charming voice breaks through the crackling of the freshly stoked fire. “We’re taking a break and thought we could make some hot chocolate . . . Sure glad you kept that fire going.”

  “Jenna’s been taking great care of it,” I reply. “Have a seat and we’ll get the water going.”

  The boys gather around, laughing and joking. Clearly, they’ve worked things out, and have moved past the earlier events of the evening. As Brody tells the story of nearly being baled because he couldn’t pull his pants up fast enough to dodge the baler after going to the bathroom, the water begins to boil and Jenna helps me get the hot chocolate ready. The boys take their cocoa and lean back in their chairs to rest. “Looks like the fire’s almost out guys. Do you want to let it die or should we keep it going for the girls?”

  Jenna jumps up. “I’m not ready yet, Kaitlyn and I are still discussing Homecoming plans.” She walks down to her secret brush stash again and comes back with another armful.

  “Jenna? What have you got there?” Mason walks toward her to inspect her armload. An amused look crosses his face before he decides to speak, “Ummmm . . . By any chance, is this the first load of that you’ve used?” he cringes.

  “No the third!” Jenna smiles proudly as she looks around at the boys. “It works like a charm; you’ll see!”

  Mason’s expression intensifies and he brings his hand up to his face. Shaking his head he chuckles, “Oh Good Lord boys. We’ve got a problem. . .” silence fills our little circle as we lean in to listen to Mason.

  “What?” Jenna freaks. “Don’t just tell us we have a problem and not say what it is!”

  “Well, I was thinking if there was an easy way to break this to everyone, but I guess I should just say it. Boys and girls be prepared . . . Jenna, that’s Poison Oak.”

  I close my eyes and shake my head in disbelief. “I know we’ve got unfinished work in that field, but we’d better get that fire out so these girls can get home and take a shower. This could be bad.”

  “Oh heck . . . I’m so sorry guys. I had no idea.” Jenna pauses momentarily, cocks her head toward the sky as though she’s thinking, then walks over to the Ranger and begins rifling around through our supplies. When she finds whatever it is she’s looking for, she mumbles, “Gotta do something, be right back.”

  We’re all left feeling a little puzzled, and a lot worried as she scurries back into the brush. “What is she doing?” Caden asks in disbelief.

  All I can say is, “Who knows . . . With Jenna, anything is possible.”

  IT’S BEEN THREE DAYS SINCE Jenna’s infamous bonfire and I’ve never been so miserable in my life. I work to paste the medicated ointment all over my swollen, splotchy, red face. I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad; at least it’s limited to my face and hands. Poor Jenna got the brunt of it. Not only did it get her face and limbs, but that sneaky little booger crept its way through her whole system, popping out in the most delicate of places . . . places that you can’t necessarily scratch in public. Despite my incessant misery, it has been very entertaining to watch Jenna grinding back and forth in her chair during pre-calc. She tries to disguise her personal scratching by putting her arms in the
air, snapping her fingers, and singing out whatever concept Mr. Anderson has just lectured about; however, I don’t think he is too amused with her new arm routine for point-slope form. Our classmates, on the other hand, are certainly enjoying the daily sideshow.

  After my face is covered in white goo, I plop the tube of ointment in my drawer. Simultaneously, I hear a text alert come over my phone. I don’t generally get texts this late on school nights, so I’m curious to see who it is. Walking back into my bedroom, I reach for my phone on my computer desk and see a text from Pistol.

  Pistol:

  Hey Babydoll. I’m back from my rodeo in Hat Creek. Hopin’ to see ya before I head back to the valley.

  Thinking about letting him see me like this, has my stomach turning inside out. My incessantly contracting nerves have my brow sweating beneath the goo. I’m a bit nauseous as I sit down on my bed, trying to figure out how to respond to his text. I haven’t told him about Friday night and he’s going to want some kind of explanation when he sees my face. On top of my Friday night secret, I’m still angry with him. The issue of the picture with the hot cowgirl wrapped up in Pistol’s happy palm, has been weighing on my mind, and I haven’t worked up the nerve to confront him about it.

  My head is spinning and anxiety grips and twists at my belly. I know I look really bad right now, and I’m not sure if I want his friendly, little visit while I’m both mad and ugly. All I’ll be able to think about is how I don’t compare to that blonde rodeo girl from the anonymously sent picture. If I’m going to have enough confidence to confront him about it, I’m going to need to be on my “A” game . . . and I know I’m not going to be able to move forward in our relationship if I let that disturbing text slide. Letting him see me in this state might make me a little too vulnerable. I really can’t put myself in that position. I decide to send him a quick response, hoping to postpone his visit.