Love or Something Like It

by Laurie Friedman

  I heard Matt let out a breath. “You’re super cute.”

  “Yeah?” I said. I liked where this was going, and I wanted to hear more.

  Matt made an “mm-hm” sound into the phone. “Kind of irresistible.”

  Wow. I couldn’t believe Matt Parker had just used that word to describe me. “Kind of?” I said flirtatiously, even though I don’t see myself as irresistible at all.

  “Very.” Matt was talking in a low voice, like what he was saying was for my ears only. “I really like you, April.”

  Even though he was next door in his room on his phone and I was at home on mine, I felt like we were right next to each other. I wanted to stop time and stay in that moment forever.

  “I really like you too,” I said quietly into the phone. “But I don’t know if I’m ready for … that.” I paused. I hoped he knew what I meant. “I guess that makes me sort of babyish.” It came out like a statement, but it was a question and Matt knew it.

  Matt laughed. “I still really like you.” Then he had to go and we hung up.

  I’m still not sure if Matt thinks I’m a baby or not. Either way, I don’t care. He said I’m irresistible.

  Monday, April 28, 6:02 p.m.

  Today at dance, Ms. Baumann reminded us that the competition to qualify for States is next Saturday and that we’ll be working even harder this week than we worked last week.

  “Impossible,” grumbled Vanessa, who was sitting next to me while Ms. Baumann was talking. I don’t see how it’s possible either. It feels like all I did last week and over the weekend was dance.

  “Girls, I will need your complete focus,” said Ms. Baumann.

  I sucked in my breath. It has been really hard to focus on dance lately. Especially since Matt and I had our talk. It’s weird, but it’s like everything changed when we talked, and even when I’m not with him, I think about what he said.

  That makes it sound like I’ve been with him a lot. I haven’t—I’ve been so busy with dance. But when we have been together, we’ve been super close. Like this weekend. We took Gilligan and Matilda on a long walk. While we were walking, I kept brushing my non-leash-holding hand against his. A few times, Matt winked at me like he knew I was trying to get him to hold hands, but he didn’t.

  As we walked, I told him how nervous I am about the upcoming meet. “It’s such a big deal to go to States. Ms. Baumann really wants us to qualify.” I shrugged. “I guess I’m just scared. I don’t want to let my team down.”

  When I said that, Matt picked up my hand and held it as we walked, like he didn’t care who saw. Our neighbor, Mrs. Wallace, passed us and raised an eyebrow.

  She might not have liked it, but I did!

  Friday, May 2, 9:07 p.m.

  Conflicted

  Ms. Baumann canceled practice tonight. We had dress rehearsal yesterday, and she said she wanted us to rest tonight so we’d be fresh for tomorrow’s competition. I asked Mom if Matt could come over after dinner and watch TV, and she said yes!

  When he came over, I wanted to watch Survivor, because I know he likes that show, but May and June wanted us to play Monopoly with them. I was just about to say no way when Matt said, “Sure, I love Monopoly.”

  So we played, and it was actually fun. Matt was the banker, and he let June be his assistant. She’s really into math these days, so he put her in charge of telling him how much change he should give back to people. Matt kept complimenting her on how fast she could add and subtract. He was sweet to May too. She bought a lot of hotels and houses and Matt nicknamed her Wall Street. She had no clue what that meant, but I could tell she liked it anyway.

  Even though I would normally find it annoying that Mom and Dad kept coming in and out of the room to “see how it was going,” they could see how sweet Matt was being to May and June. Thank God. My family loved Billy, and even though it’s different because Billy and I had been friends before we were boyfriend and girlfriend, I guess I realized how important it is to me that my family likes Matt too.

  When we finished playing, May and June turned on the TV and were watching SpongeBob. Matt and I sat down next to each other on the couch. Our pinkies hooked around each other. I didn’t think my sisters were paying any attention.

  “This was fun,” said Matt.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Really fun.”

  Matt squeezed my baby finger with his. “It’ll be cool this summer,” he said. “When we’re not so busy with school and baseball and dance, we’ll have lots more time to just hang out.”

  I was just about to say how cool that would be when I saw May was staring at us. “April is going—”

  “It’s getting pretty late,” I said, cutting her off before she could finish her sentence. I didn’t want her to tell Matt I’m going to camp. I did a big pretend-yawn and stretch. “I have to get up super early for the competition.” I walked him to the door and said bye. As I got into bed, all I could think about is how well everything went tonight with Matt.

  It’s almost like there are two of him. There’s the Matt who doesn’t say much, who shows up on my front porch after dark, and doesn’t always seem so into the idea of us. Then, there’s the sweet, sensitive Matt who holds my hand while we walk and plays games with my sisters. It’s weird. I never know which Matt I’m going to get. But I know I like the one I have right now who can’t wait to hang out with me this summer.

  How am I going to tell him I won’t be able to do that because I’ll be away at camp?

  Suddenly … I’m not so sure I’m going to camp.

  I used to be indecisive, but now I am not quite sure.

  —Tommy Cooper

  Saturday, May 3, 5:48 p.m.

  Home from Regionals

  Today was such a great day! Our team did awesome at the competition and qualified for States, but the best part of the day was what happened on the bus on the way home. I was sitting next to Emily, and Matt texted to see how it went.

  “That’s so sweet!” said Emily when I showed her the text. “You’re so lucky to have such a cool, cute boyfriend.”

  I grinned when she said it. I did feel lucky. I also felt like there’s no way I can go to camp this summer. How could I go and leave Matt behind? I can’t. Hanging out with him this summer will be so much fun.

  Sunday, May 4, 9:03 a.m.

  Decision made

  When I woke up this morning, I kept my eyes closed and told myself I wouldn’t open them until I’d made a decision about whether I’m staying home this summer or going to camp. I figured whichever option I pictured first would be the one I would go with.

  Home it is.

  5:03 p.m.

  Back from Brynn’s

  Brynn texted me this morning that she wanted Billy and me to come over. She said she had a surprise. I was glad she wanted us to come over because I figured it would be the perfect time to tell them I decided I’m not going to camp. But when I got to Brynn’s house, the surprise was that her mom had found a website with really cool camping stuff.

  “I know how much camp means to the three of you,” Brynn’s mom said to us. “I told Brynn you can each pick something from the website and it’s my treat.”

  “Isn’t that sweet?” said Brynn.

  “Thanks!” said Billy to Brynn’s mom. “That’s so nice.” He scooted his chair next to Brynn’s so he could get a better look at her laptop.

  Brynn’s mom looked at me. It was my turn to thank her, so I did. Then I scooted up next to Brynn too. But as we debated the merits of LED headlamps, Nalgene water bottles, and personalized stationary, I knew making that decision would be simple compared to telling my friends and family that I wouldn’t be going to camp.

  Thursday, May 8, 6:45 p.m.

  Dance practice for States officially begins

  Rehearsal for States kicked into high gear today. Ms. Baumann gave us a long lecture on being in sync with each other. “It’s all about timing,” she said. “If one dancer is off, the dance doesn’t work.”

  As she talke
d, I tried to focus on the importance of timing in dance, but I kept thinking about camp and why I haven’t told my parents and Brynn and Billy that I don’t want to go. It’s because I haven’t found the right moment.

  As Ms. Baumann said, it’s all about timing.

  Friday, May 9, 1:47 p.m.

  Study hall

  Brynn just asked me if I wanted to come over on Saturday to plan what we’re taking to camp. I didn’t tell her I don’t need to plan what I’m taking if I’m not going. “I can’t come,” I said. “I have dance practice.”

  She shook her head like I needed to get my priorities straight. “I invited Billy too.”

  It seemed weird that she’d include Billy in this plan. “Why would you invite him?” I asked. “He doesn’t care what he takes to camp.”

  “He’s coming,” she said, like I was wrong to assume he didn’t care. Then it dawned on me that Saturday would be the perfect time to tell them I’m not going to camp. “I finish practice at two. Could we do it then?”

  “Sure,” said Brynn like two o’clock was no problem.

  Saturday, May 10, 4:42 p.m.

  Home from Brynn’s

  Conflicted

  OK. I’m completely conflicted over what to do about camp.

  I got to Brynn’s house today right after practice, and when I got there, she and Billy were on her bed with her computer open. When I walked into her room, Brynn closed her computer like she didn’t want me to see whatever she and Billy were looking at. I felt like an intruder.

  “Are you guys planning what you’re taking to camp?” I asked.

  “We’re watching an episode of Survivor,” said Billy. Then he looked at Brynn. “Why did you close the computer? We only have ten minutes left.”

  Brynn looked guilty.

  “You can finish,” I said.

  Brynn opened her computer and I sat at her desk while she and Billy finished the episode. I sat there pretending like it didn’t bother me, but it did.

  First of all, Brynn knows I love Survivor. She could have waited and watched it when I got there. And I had told her I could come at two, so she must have invited Billy over earlier. And if they were almost done with the episode, he must have come a lot earlier.

  As I sat there watching them watch Survivor together, I got more and more conflicted about what I’m going to do this summer. I don’t want them to go to camp without me. They’ll be inseparable, and I’ll spend another summer wondering what’s going on with them while I’m not around.

  I definitely don’t want that.

  10:55 p.m.

  Decision made

  Matt came over tonight and we sat on the couch and watched a movie. It was kind of like a date, but at home. It was really fun because we were watching a horror movie and no one else in my family wanted to watch it, so it was just the two of us. At this one super scary part, I leaned into Matt like I was scared. He put his arm around me and pulled me in next to him. I thought he was going to let go when the scary part was over, but he didn’t. We sat on my couch, with his arm looped around me. When we heard footsteps coming our way, Matt moved his arm, scooted forward and sat up straight on the edge of the couch.

  Mom stuck her head in the family room. “Just checking on you,” she said in a too-parental way.

  “Everything’s fine, Mrs. Sinclair,” Matt said in his most polite voice.

  When Mom left, Matt sunk back into the couch and we grinned at each other in a conspiratorial way, and then he wrapped his arm around me again. It wasn’t a big deal, but it made me feel super close to him. When the movie was over, I walked outside with Matt. We were standing under an oak tree in my front yard, and Matt put both arms around me and kissed me full on the lips. I thought about how Mrs. Wallace saw us holding hands. Most of me hoped no one could see us now, but part of me didn’t care.

  “Fun night,” Matt whispered.

  I couldn’t help thinking that there would be lots more of them this summer.

  Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by.

  —Robert Frost

  Sunday, May 11, 10:04 a.m.

  How to ruin a plate of perfectly good pancakes

  Tell your parents you don’t want to go to camp. That’s what I did at breakfast, and you would have thought I said I wanted to sell one of my sisters.

  “April, why in the world would you not want to go to camp?” asked Dad.

  “Why would you not want to go to camp?” The way Mom repeated the question made her sound like June. And the worst part was that it was a rhetorical question. They knew why I didn’t want to go. “Is it about that boy?” asked Mom.

  I pushed my pancakes away. “His name is Matt.”

  “You’re going to camp,” said Dad, like the discussion was over.

  But I wasn’t done. “How can you make me go to camp this summer when I don’t want to go and you wouldn’t let me go last summer when I did want to go?” Even a young child with a low IQ could understand the lack of fairness there. “I’m fourteen. I should get to make some of my own decisions, like what I do over the summer.”

  Dad looked at Mom. I could tell he thought I’d made a good point.

  “April, I don’t think spending the whole summer at home and hanging out with Matt is …” Dad paused like he was trying to figure out what to say. “… a good idea. But I do respect the fact that you’re a teenager, and you should get to make decisions about what you do with your life.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Actually, Dad didn’t look like he believed what he was saying either. I wanted to do a victory dance, but Dad wasn’t done talking. “You can decide what you want to do, but I ask that you think about it carefully.” He reminded me how much I love camp and that this is my next to last summer to go.

  Then Mom gestured toward May, who was sitting next to her. “Don’t forget this is your sister’s first time to go to camp.” Mom knew I didn’t need reminding about this. It’s the only thing May has talked about for the last two weeks.

  When I looked at May, she looked down at her pancakes. Even though I hadn’t eaten much, I felt nauseous. “I know May will be disappointed if you’re not there,” Mom added, like she was my sister’s spokesperson.

  May looked up at me. I knew how disappointed she’d be if I didn’t go.

  Dad rubbed his chin, like he wanted his last point to be a good one. “April, camp is only four weeks, which means you’d still have plenty of time over the summer to spend with Matt.”

  May looked up at me. I could tell she was trying to say a lot without saying a word.

  “I’ll think it over,” I mumbled.

  Even though my parents can be annoying and unreasonable, they weren’t being either about this, which for some strange reason I found to be very unsettling.

  10:17 a.m.

  A crying sister doesn’t help

  May just came into my room with big tears in her eyes. “I heard what you said.”

  Of course she’d heard what I said, she was sitting right across the table from me at breakfast when I said it. But I knew what she meant. I pulled her up next to me on my bed. “Don’t worry,” I said. “You’ll have an amazing time at camp whether I’m there or not.”

  She rested her head on my shoulder. “I’ll have a more amazing time if you’re there.”

  It was sweet hearing that, but it definitely wasn’t making my decision any easier.

  Wednesday, May 14, 10:32 p.m.

  Matt came over a few minutes ago, and we made out on my front porch. This is going to sound weird, but I’d been thinking about kissing him ever since I’d walked Gilligan earlier.

  Mom asked me if I’d take him out before dinner, and when I did, Matt was outside. He’d just finished a run. He looked so boyish and hot, all shirtless and sweaty. “I was thinking about you today,” he said as I fell into step beside him.

  I bit my lip to try to keep from grinning.

  “You look cute when you do that,” he said.
>
  “I do?” I asked in what I think was a pretty cute, flirtatious way.

  Matt must have thought so too. “It makes me want to kiss you,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Eww!” I said like the idea of him kissing me all sweaty was super gross.

  Matt laughed. “Later,” he said. He had a look on his face like he couldn’t wait for later to get here, and neither could I. I could hardly eat dinner. When we finally kissed on my front porch, Matt pulled me right into his lap and the way we kissed was … passionate. That word sounds weird, but it’s the only word that fits. It was like a kiss in a movie that I’d never get sick of watching.

  Thursday, May 15, 8:02 p.m.

  Ugh. It can’t be normal to be this indecisive. I wanted a second opinion, so I called Sophie. “What do you think I should do?” I asked when I’d finished explaining my dilemma.

  “That’s a tough one,” said Sophie.

  “I know.” I nodded into the phone. I was glad she at least understood what I was going through.

  “I don’t know what to tell you because I’ve never gone to camp,” she said. “I always go on vacation with my parents.”

  Maybe so, but I wanted Sophie to give me an opinion. “If you had to choose, what would you do?” I asked.

  Sophie was quiet for a long time. “I’m just not sure,” she said.

  “OK. Thanks,” I said to Sophie, like she’d been helpful. But she hadn’t been. And to be honest, I don’t really need her input. I think this is a decision only I can make.

  Friday, May 16, 4:45 p.m.

  On a bus

  On the way to States

  I still haven’t decided what to do about camp. Mom and Dad asked me about it at breakfast, and I told them I wasn’t sure yet.

  “Think about it while you’re away,” said Dad.

  I know my brain needs to be focused on the competition tomorrow, not on what I’m doing this summer. But as I sat on the bus next to Emily, I couldn’t help thinking about it. If I brought it up to Emily, she’d say I’m crazy and ask why I want to go to camp when I have a super cute boyfriend at home.