PREGNANT BY MY MOTHER’S RAPIST 2

by Niki Jilvontae

  Once he was down, I walked over to him as he tried to crawl away. I didn’t even let him get a foot from where he had fallen before I wacked him across the back with the machete. Kenan’s screams filled my ears as I pulled the machete out of his flesh and blood flew everywhere. Just seeing him squirm and wiggle in agony encouraged me to finish the job. I did that too and with maximum aggression as I hit him with the blade three dozen times. I chopped him so much, so fast, and for so long, that my arm ached when I was done.

  When it was all over I looked down and saw nothing but chunks of pink and brown flesh. I had totally beheaded him and even cut chunks out of his fucking head. Blood dripped from the ends of my hair and drenched my clothes as I stumbled back into the middle of the room with the machete still in my hand while Asha cried. I looked at her and said it would be alright just as the door flew open and light poured in. The light blinded me so I covered my eyes while someone called my name. Suddenly, Tim shook me firmly and brought me all the way out of that hallucination.

  “Na Na. Na. You aite?” Tim asked as he bent down to look at me with a concerned expression on his face.

  I looked back up at him and tried to stop my head from spinning, but it was no use. I felt like I had been on the tea cup ride for hours as I put my hands up to my head and groaned. I felt confused, pained and panicked as I remember all that had led up to that moment.

  I remembered all of Kenan’s attempts to get my baby and how Rah had chased the bitch out. I remembered Kam getting locked up, and the nurse injecting me too as Tim continued to stare at me. Shit was becoming clearer by the second and I guess I was looking a little saner too. After a minute or so Tim stood up and told me he was glad I was okay.

  “Damn I’m glad you okay sis. You had me worried there for a second. I don’t know what the fuck they gave you, but that shit had you bat shit crazy. You was up licking the glass and shit; then you sat in the floor singing. You went from a crazy happy bitch to some deep depressed psycho. You sat in the bed for the past hour and talked crazy to somebody named Kenan. You calmed down about thirty minutes ago and finally laid down to sleep it off.” Tim said as I shook my head no and told him that wasn’t true.

  I couldn’t believe I had tripped out like that but the look on his face told me that he wasn’t lying.

  “I almost went crazy in this bitch. I had to call KJ though. I showed him what was going down on video chat and he said it was just hallucinations from the meds. He told me to just watch you and let shit play out. He said if we bucked they could take Asha and none of us wanted that. That’s why I been right here by your side. No matter what and that’s where I’m gonna stay. How you feel though sis? You want some water or some shit?” Tim asked as I shook my head yes and finally realized my mouth was dry as hell.

  I watched him as he rushed over to the bed side table and noticed there was no ice. He told me to hold on as he scurried out of the room with my ice pitcher in hand. As soon as he was gone the voice was back ringing in my ears and telling me that I couldn’t trust anyone. It told me I had to kill Kenan and his entire family soon in order to keep Asha safe. I hummed and covered my ears to overpower the sound of the voice while it continued to rage on. I was able to push it out of my mind by thinking of Asha, my mother, and my brothers. I envisioned their faces, how life once was okay, and how good it could be as the voice faded and my heart began to beat at a steady pace.

  By the time Tim came rushing back into the room the voice was gone and I felt a bit more at ease. My heart still hurt for all that had happened though as I took the cup of water from his hands and drank it. That shit tasted like liquid gold to my dry ass throat, so much so I drunk it all. When I finished it, my heart reminded me that I still didn’t know what was going on. I handed the cup to Tim as I looked up at him and asked about my daughter and best friend.

  “They good Na, I promise you. Rah said she gonna call you later. I just left the nurse checking on Asha. Here is the video.” Tim said as he took out his phone and showed me my beautiful daughter just as the nurse was getting her dressed.

  Her little dark eyes sparkled as she looked at the camera and Tim told her to smile for mommy. It seemed as if she knew what he was saying too because she suddenly did a huge smile. I felt tears roll down my cheeks after seeing that because I wanted to hold and be with my baby so much. Tim saw that seeing her mad me happy and sad so he quickly moved his phone.

  “They good sis, I promise you. I wouldn’t let anything happen to any of y’all. Now I need you to lay back down and rest so you can look your best for later. At three the nurse, your new nurse, says she is coming to take you to Asha, and that you can hold and feed her. I want you to be your happy cheerful self when you do all of that, so I need you to lay back down.” Tim said as he smiled and I hung on his words.

  I felt anxious just knowing I would be holding my baby soon, and giddy as fuck knowing the nurse was gone. I couldn’t help but to ask Tim what had happened to the old sour patch looking ass bitch as I snuggled back down in my bed and he tucked the covers around me.

  “You said new nurse Tim? Where the flat booty sour patch go?” I asked as I smirked and Tim burst out laughing.

  He fell on to the bed tickled to death as I laughed along with him. When our laughter subsided Tim stood back up and looked at me before he spoke.

  “Well right after you started tripping from the medicine, I called the supervisor to report that bitch’s behavior. I didn’t like the way she talked to you or how she didn’t take the fault for letting that bitch in. That’s why I went over that hoe’s head on my white people snitch shit. I got the getters before they got us and turned that hoe in. Maine, the supervisor was down here so muthafucking quick that flat booty bitch didn’t know what hit her.” Tim said as I laughed so hard tears fell from my eyes.

  When he told me she had gotten suspended for 30 days and sent to another floor, I felt even more ecstatic but tired as hell at the same time. Suddenly the after effects from the powerful drugs they had given me began to weigh my body down. I told Tim how I couldn’t wait to hold Asha as my eyelids got extremely heavy again and he told me it was coming. After that, I drifted off again and found myself in a happy dream.

  In my dream, Asha was about 11, all tall and beautiful and shit. She and I were walking into this plush ass country club hand in hand. She giggled as she led me to a table near the back of the crowded restaurant where this man in a suit was sitting. He had his head down looking into the menu when we approached but it was apparent to me that Asha knew him. As soon as we got a foot away she let go of my hand and ran over calling him daddy. I stopped right at an empty chair and just stared as he quickly got up. When he did, I got a glimpse of his face and damn near died. I stood there frozen until he had finished hugging Asha and sat her down, then turned to me. When he looked at me his eyes sparkled and I saw nothing but love all over his face.

  “Kaniyah baby, I missed you. I love you Na!” Ricardo said as he suddenly reached out to hug me.

  In my dream it felt so real that when I woke up and opened my eyes I could still feel his touch. I blinked my eyes rapidly to clear my blurry vision before I looked down and saw a hand. There on my shoulder was his fingers and his strong, kind voice was in my ear.

  “Hey Na Na. I’m so glad you woke baby.” Ricardo said as I suddenly realized it wasn’t a dream and looked up into his face.

  There he was in the flesh, and as fine as ever. His golden skin shine shone in the sunlight pouring through my window and his deep, grey eyes sparkled as he smiled at me then leaned down to kiss my forehead. When his lips touched me it sent nervousness and electricity shooting all through my body. I hadn’t seen him since New Year’s Eve, so I didn’t realize how attracted to him I still was until he was right there in my face smiling at me. I smiled back nervously as I tried to calm the butterflies that were going crazy in my stomach. It seemed there was no use in trying though because as he continued to smile and reach over to stroke my hair, they seemed to multiply a
nd travel right up into my heart. I felt overwhelmed by emotions as I laid there and looked up at him remembering the hell my last few months had been.

  Ricardo seemed to be the rainbow after my storm, or my umbrella to block the rain. However, I wasn’t sure he couldn’t withstand the hail storm that was falling on my life. I wasn’t sure I wanted to drag him into my nightmare and cause him any pain. I guess all of that was written on my face or Ricardo could see it in my eyes because he suddenly kissed me on the lips and told me things would be alright.

  “Look Na, I know everything that’s been going on and I wish that you would have called me. I been thinking about you constantly since New Year’s Eve; I was just too scared to call you. I didn’t know whether or not you felt the same way I do and I was too scared to hear you say no. Now though.” Ricardo said as I turned my head and he grabbed my chin to turn me back around to face him. His fingers were so gentle as he held my face and kissed me again before he spoke. “Now I don’t care. I just have to get this off my chest. I have to tell you Kaniyah that I’ve loved you since the first day that we met in first grade. I can still see you standing there looking all cute in your pink romper with the big pink bow. I remember how you were too scared at lunch time to ask me for a piece of my candy so I brought the whole pack to you. I still remember that beautiful smile you gave me and your laugh when I told you that made you my wife. I fell in love with you that day Kaniyah and I’ve never stopped, hoping that one day you would love me too. I’ve went through a lifetime watching you from afar and praying that one day I could be your man. New Year’s Eve was like a dream and I felt like my prayers had finally been answered.” Ricardo said as I saw the love in his eyes and I began to soften a little.

  I started to think about the notion of actually having that knight in shining armor as Ricardo continued to profess his love.

  “I was devastated after that day though Na Na. I felt like I had lost you again. Then when I heard in the hood that you had a dude you were living with I secretly fell into depression. All of these months, I won’t lie, I’ve prayed y’all relationship would fall apart. Although I want nothing more than to see you happy, I feel that happiness is with me. That’s why when KJ called me this morning and told me where you were at I wasted no time because I feel like I have no time left. I love you Na, always will and I want to be your man. So what do you say to the thought of giving me a chance?” Ricardo asked as tears fell from my eyes and I tried to find the right words to say.

  I wanted to tell him yes with all of my heart because I had loved him all of my life. I wanted to, but I didn’t think it would be fair to start a love affair with so much pain hanging over my life. I wondered would I be able to love him and give him the attention he deserved knowing what I planned to do. All of that weighed heavy on my heart as I laid there and stared at the man of my dreams. Before I knew it, my heart spoke for me and revealed more than I thought I was prepared to.

  “Ricardo, I love you too. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you. I’ve always wanted to be your girl, I just didn’t think I fit into your life. You just don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to ask me that question. How long I’ve wanted to be your woman.” I said as my tears continued to fall and he reached over to wipe them away.

  I smiled as he dried my face of all of my tears then kissed my lips gently again. Just like the first time, he sent electricity shooting through my body and gave me goosebumps as soon as our skin touched. That feeling, the wonderful feeling he gave me, made it even harder for me to say what I said next.

  “I wanted it Ricardo, but now I wonder if I even deserve your love. I know you say you know all that has happened, but I doubt you know what’s holding me back from saying yes. My life so complicated right now, I really don’t wanna bring you in this shit. I don’t want my pain to rub off on you. You don’t deserve that…and I don’t deserve you.” I said as tears fell from my eyes again and I turned away from him.

  Ricardo sighed before he told me nothing could make him stop loving me, then he walked around the bed and got in. He laid there face-to-face with me as I cried and thought about my life. I saw all of my pain and hurt as I laid there and stared into his beautiful eyes. Staring back at me I saw strength and love in his eyes that could overshadow any darkness. He showed me that too when he explained that he knew everything I had been going through. He said he had a long talk with Rah the night of the party and what she didn’t tell him he learned from KJ that morning. He knew all about Anthony/Kenan and his sick as plan as well as what I planned to do. He said it all so calm and nonchalantly I had to sit up and look at him crazy. He laughed as he sat up next to me and said he didn’t care about any of that.

  “Your tragedy isn’t what makes you Na; it’s how you overcome that shit. You are a strong, beautiful, black queen; nothing can keep you down for long. Now I know the shit that sick bitch did fucked you up, but it’s not the end baby. Look what you got out of it baby, a beautiful little angel. I want to be in your life Kaniyah and Asha’s too; no matter what. If I gotta lace my killer boots back up and get in them streets with you to make some niggas pay, so be it. I love you just that much girl. You happiness is all I care about at this point. Yours and our baby Asha’s; and if you allow me Na, I’ll love you both more than you can ever imagine. Just give love a chance Na. Give us a chance.” Ricardo said as I cried and fell deeper in love with him by the second.

  Everything he had said touched my heart in a way I never imagined. I couldn’t help myself as I wrapped my arms around his neck and told him that I wanted to be his woman. He gripped me back, kissed my neck and told me I had made him the happiest man in the world. When we let go of our embrace, Ricardo held my face and looked deep into my eyes. I watched as tears of joy ran down his cheeks and he vowed his life to me.

  “From this day forward Na Na, it’s us against the world. I will do everything in my power to ensure you and Asha are safe and happy at all times. All I need is for you to communicate with me baby and never keep me in the dark. I want to share every moment of our lives together Na Na; the good and bad times. I just want to love you forever baby…and I want you to love me.” Ricardo said as a tear slipped down his cheeks and I reached over to wipe it off.

  I wiped away his tear as some of my own fell and I soaked up all of Ricardo’s love.

  “I do love you Ricardo and I want to spend my life with you.” I said before he pulled me in for a kiss.

  That kiss. That was the kind of kiss that elevates your soul. I felt the fucking earth move and angels sing as Ricardo wrapped his juicy lips around mine and stuck his tongue down my throat. I ran my fingers through his curly hair as he stroked mine and looked into my eyes. At that moment, I felt light as a feather and as warm as the sun and I knew that had to be true love.

  I never wanted to let Ricardo go, he made me feel so good, but I had no choice when Tim and a short, black nurse suddenly bust in. They both started to laugh as they saw me and Ricardo in bed wrapped up in an intimate kiss. That didn’t stop my new bae from showing his love though, he continued to kiss me until I began to laugh. After that he laughed too before he kissed my head and jumped out of the bed.

  “Well it seems we came at the wrong time. We’ll come back if you like.” Tim said as he eyed me slyly then walked over to give Ricardo dap.

  Ricardo told him they were cool before they began to chat, catching up on hood shit they had missed. While they were doing that the nurse came over and asked me if I was ready to see Asha.

  “Well, you’re looking great Ms. Wright. Ready to go see your princess?” She asked as I shook my head yes then began to get out of the bed.

  Before I could get a foot down on the floor, Ricardo was at my side, practically lifting me up in the air. I told him to put me down, but he ignored my ass and walked me over to the wheelchair the nurse had brought with her. I shook my head as he sat me down then made sure I was comfortable.

  “You good baby? Need something to drink before we go?” Ricardo a
sked as I laughed and told him no I was fine.

  It was so weird and new to me to have a man who was genuinely concerned and cared for me so much so I just sat there and stared. I didn’t know how to act as I sat there and smiled while the nurse complimented his actions.

  “Wow, you got a great man here Ms. Wright, he’s so caring and loving. I wish my husband would have acted like this after I had our first child. I think I was cutting the grass the very next day after my delivery while he watched Sports Center on his phone.” The nurse said as we all laughed and Ricardo shook his head.

  “I know you will be a great dad to that beautiful little girl though. Are you excited for fatherhood?” She asked him and my smile suddenly froze on my face.

  I didn’t know how to answer such a question. I was torn between whether I should I tell a beautiful lie or the ugly truth. I struggled with that decision as I looked up at Ricardo and he read my mind. Like the loving, caring man everyone knew that he was, he stepped in and showed me how much he really wanted to be a family.

  “Oh hell yeah, I can’t wait to get our princess home. I just hope Kaniyah ready to be second best cause she gonna be a daddy’s girl. Don’t worry though baby. Daddy got some love for you too.” Ricardo said as he leaned down and kissed me before I whispered, “Thank you.” into his ear.

  He shook his head as he stood back up then smiled at me again. “I got love for you baby, after I give most of it to our daughter.” He said as we both laughed and I reached over and smacked his hand.