PREGNANT BY MY MOTHER’S RAPIST 2

by Niki Jilvontae

  “They got you baby okay? So just go in there, bond with our baby, and relax. I’ll text you when I’m done so you can tell me what you want to eat. While I’m gone, think about me though. Mr. Stick the Tip In will be back.” Ricardo said with his silly ass and all the niggas on the steps laughed.

  I laughed at his goofy ass too as I watched him open his car door and prepare to get inside. As soon as he did one of the dudes on the porch said 12 and Ricardo turned around to see. The dude was right too because an unmarked, detective car had just pulled in and parked in front of my building. I felt my nerves spring to life and my heart race as I watched them park then I turned back to Ricardo.

  “Remember what I said baby.” Ricardo said as I nodded my head and the detectives, a black man and white woman, got out of their car.

  The female officer looked like a bitch who would be trouble with her turned up, pig nose ass and I wasn’t too sure about the brother either. He had this constipated look on his face that I just couldn’t read. I rolled my eyes at them as they asked the guys on the porch to move then I looked back at Ricardo.

  “Well, at least you got somebody to talk to baby. I love you. See you later.” Ricardo said as I told him that I loved him more then he jumped in, pulled out, and the cops watched.

  They watched him until he got out of the apartments and down the street just like I was doing. When he was out of sight they finally turned back to me and the lady officer spoke.

  “Kaniyah Wright?” She asked as I nodded my head and Asha suddenly cried from inside.

  I asked the officers if the conversation would take long because I had a newborn inside and they told me that it wouldn’t.

  “If we could just come in for one second Ms. Wright, I could ask my questions quickly and we could be on our way.” The surprisingly polite and meek female officer said as I eyed her suspiciously.

  I didn’t give a fuck how nice she seemed to be, I just didn’t like cops. The police had done nothing but cause problems and heart ache in my life and the lives of those I loved, so there was really no reason for me to trust them. The male officers solidified that fact for me too when his big, hairy, irritated bear with the clap looking ass stepped forward and had to put his two cents in.

  “Yes, make a decision Ms. Wright because if you don’t invite us in, we’ll just have to take you and your newborn down to the station to talk.” The big bitch said bluffing as the female officer looked at him like nigga quit lying.

  I could tell from the expression on her face that she wanted to go off on his big, crunchy black, ass for lying right in front of her. I also knew that police were the biggest gang in the city and that her oath wouldn’t allow her to buck him like that. They had me fucked up though, because I hadn’t taken the oath and I knew my fucking rights. I quickly showed them bitches too as I flipped that shit on the crooked ass officer.

  “Well, being that I have done nothing, I’m not accused of anything, and I DON’T’ HAVE TO let you in, I highly doubt you can just run me in because I won’t let you inside my home. I know my rights sir and I won’t be intimidated by someone who has had a bad day. Your day hasn’t been any worse than mine though, I just got out of the hospital after a trauma induced labor.” I said as the lady officer moaned and softened to me even more.

  She turned to say something to her partner in my defense as I continued reading his ass. “Now being that I have let you know I’m not stupid and I know my rights, we can move past all of this. I have done nothing wrong so I have no problem letting you all in to talk. I will warn you though, I only have about five minutes, if that. Gotta feed my baby you know. I don’t want you accusing me of neglect next.” I said as I laughed and the lady officer chuckled a little too.

  The big, black, bear blushed with his ole sour ass before he apologized for his rudeness. I accepted his weak as apology as I let them in, locked the door behind me, then scurried over to Asha. She cooed in my arms as I lifted her up and cradled her while the officers looked all around.

  “Okay, we’re inside now. Ask me what you must so that I can tend to my baby.” I said growing impatient as I sat down on the couch.

  The understanding female officer began to question me then, asking me what happened the day I was attacked. I gave her a condensed, revised version of what had happened as I watched the big, black male officer be nosey as fuck looking at all our pictures. I told her two cars had pulled up on us sitting on the porch like the boys were when they arrived. After they pulled up, I told her they just started shooting, then some girls got out and jumped me.

  “I had never seen them before so I have no idea why they would do that. I was begging them to stop but eventually they knocked me out. My best friend pulled up right after they ran and she took me to the hospital. Good thing she was riding by too, because I would have bled to death; and Lord knows what would have happened to my angel.” I said as I played on the emotions of the female cop and that shit worked.

  She moaned and told me how sorry she was before she started to walk to the door.

  “If we have any more questions Ms. Wright, I’ll be back and if you need anything call me.” The female officer said after I followed her to the door and she turned around with her card in hand.

  I took her card and read that her name was Tiffany Johnston. That was a sister’s name, so it all made sense why she was all down to earth and shit. I didn’t know what was the excuse for the big bear though as he continued to lurk in my living room touching every damn thing. He didn’t act like a brother, but rather a fucking snitch with his nosey ass. I was tired of him at that point too so I cleared my throat just as he spoke.

  “So what about your family Kaniyah? I see you have three brothers and a mother from this family picture. Where are they and where were they the day everything went down?” The big, black officer Tiffany called Wade asked me as he walked over.

  He walked towards me with this mean, tight expression on his face just like the cop in Menace to Society. Just like O Dog in that same movie though, I showed him that he didn’t scare me. Instead he just made me laugh. I chuckled like I was watching Wild N’ Out as he stood in front of me with his arms crossed and waited on my answer. When I had it all out of my system I stared at him with a straight face before I talked.

  “You are something else Officer Wade, you practice this intimidation method huh?” I asked as I raised my eyebrows and stared him down.

  I was on my Olivia Pope shit like I didn’t have hella skeletons in my closet already. A normal bitch would have played it safer by offering short, polite answers. I wasn’t a normal bitch though, because I had been through so much that I didn’t care. That’s why I didn’t let up on him as he looked at me then looked at his watch.

  “Well sorry Detective Wade, because I’m not intimidated at all; just irritated as fuck. Anyway, my family is out of town, where they have been since the morning of that day. You can check the flights to Puerto Rico if you want Officer Wade.” I said in a tired, sarcastic voice as the lady officer Tiffany told me it was alright.

  “Come on Wade, we know all she knows. Let’s give her time with her baby.” Tiffany said as she ushered him out and once he was on the porch she turned back to me.

  “I’m sorry to have bothered you at this time Ms. Wright, but we had to follow up. We currently have a few leads in your assault case, but no suspects as of yet. If you remember anything, ANYTHING that may be useful, please don’t be afraid to call me day or night.” Tiffany said as I held my breath and told her I would before she turned to go.

  I released the breath I had been holding as she walked to the top step then she suddenly turned around. I sucked my breath right back up when she faced me and thought about what she would say.

  “I can see worry in your eyes doll, so I just felt like I needed to say that you or no one else in your family are in trouble. We just want to know what you all know and we want to hear it from you. I’m gonna find whoever hurt you, but the only way I can do that is with your help.
Will you help me?” Tiffany asked and I shook my head yes.

  I lied like a muthafucka as I stood there and forced a smile, but on the inside I really did want to help. I wanted to tell the police everything that had happened and get Kenan’s sick, pedophile ass locked up. I knew that wouldn’t happen though with our fucked up justice system and I didn’t want to put myself through that hell. I didn’t want everyone knowing how stupid I was and ridiculing the decisions I had made either as I stood there and watched my hope walk away. I didn’t want to tell my sick, sorted story because I knew that was the type of thing that could follow a person forever and bring hurt to those they loved. I could think of nothing but Asha right then as I smiled at Officer Tiffany, she got into the car, and I looked down at the sleeping baby in my arms.

  My daughter looked so happy and peaceful in my loving embrace, that I knew I could never do anything to bring her the shame and pain I had been brought. That’s why instead of telling the police and getting help to catch Kenan, I just went back into the house and locked it up behind me. I cried tears of frustration as I ran back over to the window and watched the police roll away.

  Something inside of me told me that may have been my last hope to avoid more bloodshed, and I had just let it roll away. I felt hopeless as I looked down at my baby again and hoped she wouldn’t pay for my sins. If I knew all that lie ahead though I would have ran out and chased the cops. I didn’t though, I just continued to hold my baby and cry until my body ached and trembled and my mind told me that the worst was yet to come.

  Chapter 8

  I walked over and laid Asha back in her car seat after my tears finally subsided. After that, I checked the house two times from top to bottom before I finally was able to relax. When I was satisfied that we were safe, I finally went into my room and saw all that my brothers had done.

  My room was like a real nursery with a brand new expensive crib, glider rocker, changing table, and a corner full of diapers and milk. My brothers hadn’t forgotten anything from the baby tub to booties for her feet. I smiled as tears of joy rolled down my face and I walked over to the mirror over my dresser where they had left me a note.

  For our sister, our love and soon-to-be niece/nephew. Love you both to pieces and we hope you like your new room. The note said and I cried again and a little harder as I read it.

  “Ole sweet, soft ass gangstas. I love them boys.” I said out loud to myself as I giggled, wiped my tears and, gathered Asha’s stuff for her bath.

  I grabbed everything from the Pink Onesie and booty set to an array of body washes and lotions. After I had all my baby needed for her first bath at home, I went back into the living room to get my precious, beautiful baby girl.

  Asha cooed in her sleep like she always did when I touched her and I felt her love. Her love wiped away all of my fear and made me forget about my anger. So much so I sang and smiled the entire time I bathed her, dressed her, and did her hair. After that, Asha held my finger and looked up into my face as I fed her a bottle. The bond everyone told me we would develop grew stronger as she ate and I rubbed her precious little head. That’s why thirty minutes after I began Asha was full, smelled really good, and was fast asleep on my lap. I damn near dozed off right along with her with one hand on her back and the other on my gun. I didn’t fall asleep though because the sound of my phone going off scared the hell out of me a few minutes later. I answered that bitch without even looking at the ID and when I did Ricardo started talking.

  “Baby did you want Chick-Fil-a because that’s what I got and I’m on my way there.” Ricardo said really fast with this weird nervousness in his voice.

  I knew that meant he had done what he went to do, so I agreed with his food choice without hesitation. I didn’t want to argue with him or make him go anywhere else when I knew that he was already on edge. So, instead of telling him to go to get Chilli’s to Go like I wanted, I just told him I loved him and to hurry home.

  “I’m on my way right now baby. Be looking out for me. I’m five minutes away from ya. I love you Kaniyah!” Ricardo said before he hung up and left me nervous as fuck on the phone.

  I instantly laid Asha down on the couch after that and got up to look out the window with my strap in hand. I stood there anxious, nervous, and damn near in a panic as I watched the street for Ricardo’s truck. When I saw him coming down the street and turn into the apartments, I unlocked the door and waited on him to get out. I watched him from the door as he jumped out with a bag of Chick-Fil-a in hand and blood all over his body.

  “What the fuck? Ricardo, are you okay?” I asked as he rushed up the steps to the porch, inside of the house pass me, and dropped the food on the table.

  I started to grab him and tell him that I loved him, but I didn’t get a chance to before he rushed out of the living room and down the hall to the bathroom. I took a second to breathe at the door after seeing him like that, then I closed and locked the door behind me. My heart ached for my man as I turned back to my sleeping daughter then scooped her up. Asha was sleeping good as hell at that moment so I quickly got her in my room and put her in her crib before I made my way to the bathroom to check on Ricardo.

  At the door, I listened for a minute as I heard Ricardo cry and sniffle inside. Just hearing him all torn up and distraught over what he had did made me hurt, because I knew it was all my fault. My man felt like he had to wager his soul by killing someone because he was protecting me and that made me sick. I didn’t know if I could forgive myself for that as I leaned my head against the door and tapped on it lightly. When I knocked, I heard Ricardo’s sniffles suddenly end before he turned on the water in the sink to cover any renegade cries. I gave him a second to calm down and clean himself before I knocked again then asked him if I could come in.

  “Baby please open the door. I just want to comfort you.” I said to Ricardo through the door as he said he would be out in a minute in this shaky ass voice.

  I knew that meant his was fucked up in the head after I heard him moan and whimper from behind his hand. I could tell that he was broken behind that door although he tried to appear strong. I knew that he needed me and my love at that moment too, so no matter how much he told me to go I wouldn’t move.

  “Baby, I’m not going anywhere just please let me in. Are you hurt Ricardo? Did something happen to you? Please baby just talk to me. Please don’t leave me in the dark. All of this is my fault anyway. I’m so sorry I brought you in to it.” I cried as all of the emotions I had buried came rushing back to the surface.

  In seconds I was trembling as I held on to the door frame and tried to talk between my cries.

  “I’m sorry baby I really am and I understand what you have to do. I don’t want you to be in a relationship that compromises your morals or your soul, so baby please just walk away now.” I said through my tears as I turned to walk away and Ricardo suddenly snatched open the door.

  He ran out and hugged me from the back as we both cried and he told me he wasn’t going anywhere.

  “No Na, this not your fault and don’t you ever say that shit again. I love you girl and I will never walk away from you, even if I had to kill Jesus himself to protect you. I love you just that much girl. I really do, and you deserve happiness baby. I love you Na, this ain’t yo fault though… I just. Damn baby.” Ricardo said as he began to cry harder and I turned around in his arms.

  The look on his face told me that unlike me, he had just seen death for the very first time. I knew the feeling that was surging through his body at that moment all too well, and I did the only thing that I could do. I wrapped him in my arms and held him tight as I told him how much I loved him too.

  “Baby you are my world, you Asha, my brothers, unc and Spicy are all I got. I’m sorry baby. You hear me? I’m sorry you had to do that. It will get better though baby, I promise. Soon you won’t see his face anymore.” I told Ricardo as he balled and asked me how I knew that was what had him shook.

  I hated to tell him how I knew, but I had promised
to keep no secrets. That’s why I pulled him into my room and pushed him back on to the bed before I sat next to him and told him.

  “That happens the first time you look a man in the eyes and take his life. Every day you will see his face until you come to terms with what you did. You have to find your inner peace baby and you get that from asking God to forgive you. The nightmares might start tonight, but know that I will be right here with you. I won’t leave your side just like you said you will never leave mine because I love you Ricardo. I’ve been right where you are now, so know that I understand. It’s okay baby.” I said as I cried and Ricardo pulled me in to hug me.

  He held me tightly like I was a life jacket and he was out in the middle of the ocean and I told him how I had the same sad cloud hanging over my head. I gave him a brief description of me stabbing one of Spicy’s boyfriends to death after he tried to rape me. I described how I saw his soul leave his eyes as the memory came rushing back to me.

  I cried and shivered in Ricardo’s arms as he told me it was alright. I guess my pain helped him get past his own because as he held me and cried, he told me all that had happened. He told me about how they bust in on the nigga with a house full of his homies and terrorized their asses. Ricardo told me how Kenan’s brother wouldn’t give him up after a few minutes of torture, so Tootie told him to shoot him in the face. I felt my baby trembled as the whole thing replayed in his mind and he told me how he blew the nigga’s head off. When he finished the story, I could see the relief in his eyes and his posture because he had gotten it all out. He felt it too as he suddenly snapped out of his grief haze and sat up in the bed.

  “Damn baby, that was fucked up. It really messed with my head for a minute. Now that I got that shit out of my system, I’m good though cause I know that nigga deserved that shit. You know what we found in the back room of that house after we killed all the niggas inside baby?” Ricardo asked with this angry, eerie look in his eyes and I shook my head no.