The Year of Living Shamelessly

by Susanna Carr

  “Sad, but true. Other than vamp it up.”

  “Mom!”

  “Oh, that wasn’t a complaint. I’m thrilled that you’re finally getting out of your comfort zone.”

  Katie groaned with frustration. She felt a lecture coming on. Couldn’t she get a reprieve? It was Christmas, after all.

  “Even though you did it for a man,” her mother continued. “That is not the greatest motivation for a personal sexual revolution. We need to talk about that.”

  “I didn’t do it for a man,” Katie said through clenched teeth.

  “Riiight.” Katie easily imagined her mom making a face. “Don’t lie to your mother. You did it for Ryder. You changed your wardrobe, your style, even your hobbies, for goodness’ sake. All for Ryder.”

  “How do you know that?” Only her mother would notice that this year Katie had stopped trying out the newest decorating techniques or making gifts from scratch. Katie knew bad girls didn’t bake or decorate, but they did get Ryder Scott. It was a temporary sacrifice that she made willingly.

  “What are you talking about?” her mother said over the crackling phone connection. “All of Crystal Bend knows how you feel about Ryder.”

  Katie felt a blush blooming over her skin. Her mother had to be exaggerating. “That’s not true.”

  “Even your father can tell you have the hots for Ryder.”

  Katie cringed and the blush sizzled in her cheeks. Her father was the quintessential absentminded professor. If he could see it . . . Katie gasped. “Do you think Ryder knows?”

  “He would have to be a very unobservant man to miss it.”

  “What?! And it never occurred to you to tell me? I think I’m going to die of embarrassment right now,” Katie muttered as she headed for the kitchen. There was a tower of sugar-frosted cookies that would make her feel better. “You couldn’t have pulled me aside at some point in the last year and told me that I was making a fool of myself?”

  “A fool? Why? Because you let your desires be known?”

  “Mom . . .” She grabbed for the top cookie and bit into it. The sweetness did nothing to coat her mood. She obviously needed more.

  “Look, I figured you needed time to work things out in your own way. And if there is anything to be embarrassed about”—her mother’s voice rose—“it should be the fact that you haven’t done everything you could to achieve your goals.”

  “Now, that is not true,” Katie said as she nibbled the cookie. “I have turned my world upside down in the past year. I have been very adventurous and opened myself up to new possibilities.” She went on dates she would never have agreed to in the past, and created a sexy image that took more courage than she ever thought she had. “Oh, and let’s not forget that I have logged more hours in the spa and gym than a normal person should.”

  “That’s all great,” her mother said, unimpressed, “but then what did you do to follow up? Nothing. You changed yourself and then you sat back and waited for Ryder to make the first move.”

  “What’s wrong with that?” Katie shoved the rest of the cookie into her mouth. She wanted Ryder to take action. It was part of her fantasy that he would go wild with desire for her.

  “Don’t you get it?” Exasperation tinged her mother’s voice. “It’s pretty obvious at this point that Ryder will never make the first move. You’re his best friend’s little sister, for one. And maybe he thinks he’s not good enough for you. Or maybe he thinks it would hurt his relationship with us. He might just be trying to be a gentleman.”

  Katie grabbed another cookie. “Ryder?” Sure, the guy had manners, but she always felt he was driven by primal instincts. He had a code of honor that might have been better suited to the Wild West. Ryder had gotten into a lot of fights at school, but he never swung first. Crime was rare in Crystal Bend, and when it happened, Ryder was always the first suspect. Katie knew it was because of the vandalism and joyriding he’d done in his youth, but he had grown out of that phase quickly. And though one or two women had named Ryder as the father of their babies, Katie had known it wasn’t true even before the DNA results confirmed her beliefs. Ryder knew what it was like to be abandoned by a parent. If he had been the father, he would have given his full support to the mother and child.

  “I think Ryder’s leaving before you tap into your power,” her mother said.

  “Tap into my what?” Katie rolled her eyes. “Mom, I’m not one of the witches in Charmed.”

  “Every woman is powerful.”

  Here we go. . . . Katie leaned her forehead on the refrigerator. She was going to need another cookie.

  “And you, Katie Kramer, have power over Ryder,” her mother declared. “He knows it and he’s getting out of town before you figure it out.”

  She really wanted to believe it, but there was a problem with her mom’s theory. “You make it sound like he doesn’t want me.”

  “I think he doesn’t want to want you. It’s up to you to make something happen.”

  “And how am I supposed to do that?” She tossed her hands in the air. “I have seven days left.”

  “Hold on, I want to savor this moment when my daughter is finally asking for my advice.”

  Katie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Mom.”

  “This is what you should do,” she said briskly. “Act like you are fully aware that you have power over him. Then use that power.”

  Sure, no problem. Nothing to it. Why haven’t I thought of that before? Oh, yeah, because it’s too risky. Duh. How can I act powerful when Ryder and I both know that I’m the vulnerable one? Katie knew it would be a waste of breath to try to explain this, so she decided to point out an obvious flaw in her mom’s plan. “Won’t he avoid me, then?”

  “Oh, not Ryder.” Her mother sounded supremely confident. “He won’t back down. Trust me on this.”

  Katie heard the back door open and a gust of icy-cold air swirled into the toasty kitchen. “Katie?” her brother called out. “Are you here?”

  She moved away from the refrigerator and saw Jake stepping into the kitchen. Snow coated his black hair and winter coat. He shook his long, lean body, spraying the icy flakes. She took a hasty step to the side and saw Ryder standing on the back porch, stamping the snow off his boots. The sun was beginning to set, casting a soft light over him.

  Katie felt her breath hitch as she laid eyes on Ryder and immediately looked away. There is no way she had power over this man. She returned her attention to Jake. It was safer and easier on her nerves. “I’m going to have to go, Mom.” She hid a smile as her brother made the motion to keep his presence quiet. “Jake just came in.”

  “I’ve been trying to reach him all day,” her mother said. “Put him on the phone.”

  “Okay, but don’t expect too much. He looks really hungover.” She handed the phone to her brother and smiled sweetly. “Mom wants to talk to you.”

  She ignored Jake’s murderous look as he snatched the phone. He muttered something under his breath, squared his shoulders and placed the phone to his ear. “Mom? Merry Christmas!” Jake said in a bright, cheerful voice.

  Katie cast a quick glance at Ryder and smoothed her formfitting tunic dress over her black leggings. She loved the long sleeves that left the shoulders bare while the rest of her was covered up. It was fun and flirty. The flash of skin made most men take a second look.

  Ryder seemed to be the exception. He didn’t even give her a first look as he walked into the kitchen. Was he still upset about the kiss on the dance floor? She wasn’t sure how to approach him. Should she ignore him? Be on her best behavior? Or tease him about their kiss?

  “Merry Christmas, Ryder,” she said softly, almost shyly, and immediately wanted to kick herself. That was not how a brazen woman spoke. A powerful, sensual woman would remind him of their kiss and boldly claim his mouth again.

  Ryder absently swiped his tongue along his bottom lip. Katie ducked her head to hide her smile, realizing she didn’t have to refer to their kiss after all.<
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  She tucked a strand of her long black hair behind her ear, drawing his attention to her bare shoulder. Her fingers brushed against the present she had opened that morning. “Thanks for the earrings. They’re beautiful.”

  His gaze lingered on the jewelry made with red jasper and gold. “You’re welcome.”

  Katie wanted to ask why he had broken tradition this year. Since celebrating their first Christmas together, Ryder had always given her a collectible ornament. She knew he probably chose it because it was the safest, least suggestive gift, but she treasured the collection.

  So it was a big surprise this morning when she had opened the carefully wrapped gift under her tree and discovered the jasper earrings. Was this a sign that he didn’t think of her as Jake’s kid sister anymore?

  “Hey, Mom,” Jake said as he came back into the kitchen. His voice indicated his desire to get off the phone after only a few seconds. “Ryder just dropped in. Oh, you want to say hi to him?” Jake thrust the phone in Ryder’s direction. “For you.”

  Ryder accepted the phone and sounded genuinely eager to wish her mother a merry Christmas. He also looked relieved to escape another awkward exchange with Katie. She leaned her hip against the kitchen table, remembering the first time Ryder had visited their house on Christmas Day. He hadn’t even been a teenager when he dropped by, desperate for any excuse to get out of his own home. The moment he had stepped inside, he shuttered all expression from his face.

  Ryder had been quiet and watched the Kramers from a distance, as if he had been afraid to remind anyone he was there and risk being sent away. From that moment, and every year since then, Katie gently guided Ryder into their celebrations. She liked how many Christmases ago his eyes brightened when he saw a stocking with his name on it at the fireplace. But this year he hadn’t even looked at his presents. He was definitely avoiding her.

  In past years, if Ryder had his way, he wouldn’t have let anyone lift a finger so he could do all the planning and decorating himself. But Katie always wanted to create a perfect Christmas for him. It was torture to think that this would be their last holiday together.

  She didn’t have a chance to ask him about the earrings. The first guests arrived while Ryder was still on the phone with her mother. Soon the house was filled with neighbors and friends. But no matter how busy Katie was with her hostess duties, she couldn’t shake her awareness of Ryder. She always knew where he was and what he was doing.

  An hour into the open house, Melissa nudged Katie’s shoulder. Actually, it was more of a shove since Melissa didn’t know her own strength.

  “Merry Christmas, Melissa! I’m so glad you could make it.” Melissa was dressed in her usual sporty style, the bright red tinsel ponytail scrunchie her nod to the season. “Have something to eat.”

  Melissa grabbed a carrot stick. “Katie, this is a fabulous party, but you need to circulate.”

  “Right after I take care of this.” She held up the silver platter laden with fruits and vegetables.

  “No, I don’t think you understand.” Melissa pointed the carrot stick at Katie. “You need to circulate now.”

  Katie got the hint and immediately looked to where she had last seen Ryder. He was in the front hall, next to the staircase decorated with garlands and miniature ornaments. And next to him was Sasha. The honey blonde stood very close to Ryder, jutting her hips to one side. At first glance it looked as if she was dressed down for the event in skinny jeans and a red sweater. It was like a flashback to the office party. Was there ever a moment when a beautiful woman wasn’t monopolizing Ryder’s attention?

  But when Sasha shifted to the side, Katie’s eyes bulged out. The sweater had a narrow slit in the front that plunged from her collarbone to her navel. It showed a thin strip of her bare skin and a hint of her breasts.

  “And I thought I was showing skin,” Katie said. And she thought she had a firm stomach until she got an eyeful of Sasha’s rock-hard abs.

  Melissa tilted her head to one side. “How does she wear that without flashing the world?”

  “Double-sided tape,” Katie murmured.

  “Yikes, sounds painful,” Melissa said as she munched on the carrot stick.

  “I thought Sasha was after Jake.”

  “What better way to make Jake jealous than by flirting with his best friend?”

  Katie made a face. “That’s stupid.”

  “That’s dating.”

  “Ryder’s too smart to fall for that.”

  Melissa grabbed another carrot stick from the platter.“He doesn’t seem to mind.”

  No, he didn’t. Sasha was giving Ryder the full treatment: touching him, flipping her hair, licking her lips. It was flirting by numbers. Katie should know—she had read that article, too. She was grateful that Ryder wasn’t encouraging Sasha to get closer, but he certainly wasn’t shooing her away.

  Melissa elbowed Katie in the ribs. “What are you going to do to get rid of her?”

  What could she do? She needed to pick her battles and go for the ones she could win. “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?” Melissa coughed as the carrot went down the wrong way. “The woman is about to rub herself all over Ryder. If she were a cat, she’d be marking him with her scent to claim him.”

  Katie turned away reluctantly so her vision of the hall was blocked. “I have no claim on Ryder,” she said quietly.

  “I understand.” Melissa looked back at Ryder. “But if the roles were reversed, Ryder would have none of it.”

  Katie frowned at her friend. “You’ve lost me.”

  “Let’s say some guy was all over you. What would Ryder do?”

  “Pull us apart.” Melissa was right. Ryder’s protective instincts used to irritate Katie no end, and he wouldn’t heed her complaints. Whether by intimidation or physically getting in between, Ryder made sure her dates didn’t touch her too intimately.

  He had made no claim on her, but Katie certainly felt like she belonged to him. Maybe it was time to give Ryder a taste of his own medicine.

  “I’ll take that tray,” Melissa said, arms stretched out.

  Katie relinquished the silver platter and marched into the hall, her ankle boots ringing on the wooden floor. Ryder saw her before Sasha did. He didn’t step away from the blonde, but he watched Katie warily.

  Katie knew she shouldn’t just walk in with guns blazing. But she had no time to come up with an alternative strategy.

  “Merry Christmas, Sasha,” Katie said.

  “You, too,” Sasha replied without looking at Katie.

  Katie figured she could go one of two ways: confrontation or sneak attack. But since she didn’t truly have a claim on Ryder—well, not one he would recognize—perhaps a sneak attack was best.

  “I love your sweater,” Katie continued, wondering if a thunder-bolt was going to strike her down for this bold lie. “That color is great on you.”

  That earned a fleeting look in her direction. “Thanks.”

  “And the split in the front. So edgy.” Katie tried to inject some enthusiasm in her voice. “But I really love the split in the back. That must have been difficult. Who is the designer?”

  “Split?” Sasha reared back and gave her full attention to Katie. “What split?”

  “The one right down the back seam. You didn’t notice when you put it on?”

  Sasha twisted around, trying to see the back of her sweater. “You mean it’s ripped?”

  “You mean the designer didn’t intend to do that?” she asked innocently. “Are you looking for a mirror? There’s a full-length one in the bathroom. It’s down the hall and to the left.” She watched Sasha hurry toward the powder room. “Oh, that was too easy,” she muttered to herself.

  Ryder leaned against the banister. “When she figures out what you did, she’s going to decapitate all those crystal snowmen in the bathroom.”

  “I’ll take my chances,” Katie responded coolly. A woman had to make sacrifices . . . although she really adored those snowmen. />
  “What was all that about?”

  Katie folded her arms across her chest. “You tell me.”

  Ryder’s eyebrow rose. “I don’t respond to—”

  Katie couldn’t talk about this anymore. It was time for action. She put her hands on his shoulders and went up on her toes. Ryder hesitated and, as if he had found the discipline in the last second, tilted his head to the side to avoid her kiss.

  But Katie had no intention of locking lips. When he moved his head, he gave her perfect access to his neck. She nuzzled against his throat, enjoying the warmth and scent of him. She placed an open-mouth kiss below his ear. Licking his skin and feeling the pulse under her tongue, Katie caught the flesh between her teeth and sucked hard.