The Year of Living Shamelessly

by Susanna Carr

  The breath hitched in Ryder’s throat. She felt the hairs on his neck stand up. He lurched forward, his body slamming against hers. As he grabbed the back of her head, his fingers twisting in her long hair, Katie hoped he was going to draw her closer, or at least hold her captive. Instead, he pulled her away.

  He stared into her eyes. Their faces were almost touching. She felt his warm breath waft over hers. The air between them shimmered.

  He didn’t say anything. The look in his eyes was feral. Red stained his cheekbones and she saw the muscle twitch in his jaw.

  He looked like he was ready to pounce.

  She waited, anticipation building inside her until she thought she’d burst. She loved the way his body trembled and eagerly watched the fire glow in his eyes. Ryder closed his eyes, and just when she thought he was going to make his move, he slowly unclenched her hair.

  Katie watched almost in a daze as he stepped away. And then took another step for good measure. The crashing disappointment she felt was mingled with a hint of relief. As much as she hated to admit it, it was probably for the best. She wasn’t sure what she had just unleashed.

  Katie reached up and rubbed her finger over the love bite she’d left on his neck. Ryder jerked from the delicate touch.

  “There.” Her voice was heavy with satisfaction. “I’ve left my mark.”

  “What has gotten into you?” Ryder looked stunned as he reached up to touch the bruise.

  “Now everyone knows you’re mine,” she announced. Katie turned and walked away with a swing in her step.

  Finally, she was being outrageous. One might even say uncalled for. She didn’t care. It felt good. It felt right. She was headed for the kitchen when she felt someone grab her arm.

  At first she thought Ryder had caught up with her. But it was Hilary who was gripping her arm. Melissa stood behind Hilary, looking a little worried.

  “Having fun?” Katie asked her friends. “Guess what just happened?”

  “We have something to tell you first.” Hilary looked very serious.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Sort of,” Melissa said as they guided her into a corner where no one could overhear. “It’s about Ryder,” she said in a hushed tone. She looked around and double-checked that no one was eavesdropping. “We’ve heard some disturbing rumors. He may not be the man you thought he was.”

  Katie laughed at the suggestion. “That’s ridiculous. I’ve known him forever.”

  “Let me take a crack at this,” Hilary told Melissa. “We might be asking the wrong question. Katie, what do you know about Ryder’s exes?”

  Katie shrugged. “Not much, other than they are blond, beautiful and bitchy.”

  “True,” Hilary said. “And you’re missing one more ‘B’ word. They are all into bondage.”

  Katie blinked. “Say what?”

  “Bondage,” Melissa enunciated. “Among other things. The guy you want is into the kinky stuff.”

  “How do you know that?” Katie asked in a scandalized whisper.

  “I talked to a few people who would know. Apparently Tatum told Emily Jones that Ryder has seriously X-rated tastes. And remember when Ryder dated Jessica Wheeler back in college? You don’t even want to know what they got up to together. I just forced Emily to give me all the juicy details,” Hilary explained. “Maybe you should have done a little more research on your crush.”

  “I doubt Emily or Jessica would have told Katie anything,” Melissa told Hilary. “Everyone knows how defensive she gets when people gossip about Ryder.”

  “True,” Hilary agreed.

  “Bondage,” Katie repeated. She glanced in the hallway and studied Ryder, unable to banish the jittery feeling coursing through her body. Ryder was watching her as he dragged a shaky hand through his hair. He was changing before her eyes, as if she was looking at him through a different, sharper lens. He seemed mysterious, edg ier, and even more fascinating than before.

  “So this is probably why Ryder never touched you,” Hilary said. “He knew you were far too innocent for him. He would have scared you off.”

  “Nah,” Melissa said. “He’s not touching her because she is Jake’s little sister. That’s my vote.”

  Katie couldn’t pull her gaze away from Ryder. A dark wildness rolled through her. She wasn’t sure why. She had never wanted to try bondage before, but she was open to the idea if Ryder would be her partner.

  “What matters is that Katie did what she could,” Hilary explained, “but this is why she never completed her New Year’s resolution. It wasn’t something she did or didn’t do. These are extenuating circumstances.”

  Katie turned to face her friends. “Does he tie up his sex partner, or does he like to be tied down?”

  “Uh-oh,” Melissa said. “I know that look.”

  “And are we talking silk scarves or heavy-duty chains?” Katie was really hoping scarves, but she could be talked into a diamond-encrusted handcuff.

  Hilary stared at her. “Katie, you might want to reconsider what you’re planning. Ryder is way more out of your league than any of us realized.”

  “Unless you’ve been holding out on us,” Melissa said. “What do you know about bondage?”

  “Nothing. I don’t remember a single magazine article on the subject,” Katie admitted. She gave another look at Ryder and her mouth curled up in a smile. “But I think I’ve just found a tutor.”

  Ryder dragged his attention away from Katie and turned around. He resisted the urge to rub at the love bite, but it seemed to burn brighter until he couldn’t think of anything but the provocative mark. As much as he wanted to erase it from his skin, he felt a dark pride from knowing it was there.

  What had made him think that Katie was innocent—too innocent for him? He was surprised that Katie knew exactly how to tempt him. One scrape of her teeth and he was ready to reciprocate. He longed to make a bold claim on her, something more permanent than a bite. The need burned violently in his veins and he didn’t think it would disappear.

  He wasn’t familiar with this side of Katie. He’d never even seen a glimpse of this, or maybe he hadn’t let himself see it. He liked knowing that he made her feel this way, that her intense hunger matched his. All this time he’d thought he would overpower and frighten Katie, but he might have to fight for dominance when they fell into bed.

  No. They were not going to be anywhere near a bed. Ryder pushed the thought away. It was dangerous thinking. It was exactly what Katie wanted him to obsess over, and if he fell for it, it would be disaster. If he had sex with Katie, she would find out he was the rough, dirty and unlovable guy people said he was. Katie was the only person who looked at him with breathless adoration. He didn’t deserve it, but he didn’t want to lose it, either.

  Ryder froze when he heard the click of heels over the hum of the party. He wasn’t ready to deal with Katie yet. He started for the front door, deciding it was probably time to leave.

  “I don’t know how you put up with Katie,” Sasha said, the clicking sound getting louder until she was suddenly between him and the door. “She’s such a brat.”

  Ryder couldn’t agree more. He refrained from rubbing the love bite and sidestepped Sasha. “I take it there was nothing wrong with your sweater.”

  “She lied about it.” Sasha put her hands on her hips and the narrow slit in the front of the sweater gaped wider. “But I’ll get even.”

  He gave her a sharp glance. “No, you won’t.”

  Sasha heard the warning in his soft, rough voice and immediately backed down. “Fine, I won’t,” she said and linked her arms with his, nestling closer. “I don’t know why you always feel the need to protect Katie. She doesn’t deserve it.”

  That was where Sasha was wrong. Katie deserved everything the world had to offer. Why Katie had decided she wanted him didn’t make a lot of sense when she could have her pick of men. It was in everyone’s best interest if he removed himself from temptation. “It was good seeing you, Sasha,” Ryde
r said as he reached for the coat closet.

  “You’re leaving? Already?”

  “Yep.” He put on his coat in record time and opened the door.

  “I’ll come with you,” Sasha offered with a flirty lilt in her voice. “We can have our own fun.”

  Ryder didn’t consider the invitation even for a moment. Sasha wasn’t a good barrier when it came to Katie, and she wasn’t going to be much better as a substitute. He opened the door and welcomed the cold, biting wind on his face. “Can’t. Have stuff to do. Merry Christmas.”

  He stepped outside and closed the door before Sasha could follow. Before Katie spotted him and could stop him from leaving. He needed to leave. Retreat. Hell, he could be honest and call it what it truly was. He was escaping.

  It was hard to believe that someone as sweet and delicate as Katie would have him running from just one touch. Actually, she was more powerful than that. Just the promise of something more with Katie Kramer had him running away to the other side of the world.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  December 26

  Ryder stood in the center courtyard of Crystal Bend Community College for the final time. He’d just put his stuff in a small cardboard box and turned in his ID. He should head straight to his truck since he had a lot of things to do before he left town.

  But something was holding him back. He ignored the freezing temperature and the wind whipping against him as he looked around. It was empty, thanks to winter break. The trees were covered in snow and the buildings looked cold and forlorn.

  He had liked his job at the college, but he knew he was heading for something better, something more challenging. Yet he couldn’t get very excited about it.

  It didn’t matter if he was excited or not, Ryder decided as he walked through the courtyard. He was getting far, far away from temptation. That was all that mattered.

  “Ryder Scott, what are you doing here?”

  Ryder turned around and saw Frank, one of the security guards, approaching him. The man was a retired police officer, and Ryder had had plenty of run-ins with him years ago. These days Frank greeted him with a nod or a wave and left him alone. Either Frank had gotten soft or Ryder no longer posed a threat to society. Ryder suspected Frank was simply too tired for the chase.

  “And what’s this about you leaving town?” Frank asked, his face red as he huffed from the exertion of walking in the bitter cold.

  “News travels fast.” Everywhere Ryder went, people stopped him to find out what was going on. The guys down at the pool hall made a point to track him down and get all the details. People had stopped their cars on Main Street to wish him luck and offer help. Early this morning he’d had to tell his neighbors a going-away party wasn’t necessary. Ryder was surprised that this many people cared about him and what he was doing.

  “So it is true.” Frank clucked his tongue. “Well, that’s too bad.”

  This from the police officer who had logged many hours trailing him in his squad car, waiting for Ryder to do something stupid. And there were times Ryder obliged, just for the hell of it.

  Ryder lifted an eyebrow. “I’m sure some people will be celebrating once I’m gone.”

  Frank wasn’t going to argue. “That may have been the case ten years ago.”

  Ryder gave him a look.

  “Okay, a couple of years ago. Maybe even last year,” Frank amended, “but you’ve changed. You’re not looking for trouble anymore.”

  “It finds me on its own. Believe me.”

  “And you’re not the only one who has changed. The town has mellowed out about you.”

  “If you say so.” There were still quite a few people who walked the other way when they saw him coming.

  “If it was so bad, then why’d you stay?” the older man asked as he stomped his feet to ward off the cold.

  “Force of habit,” Ryder said, but he didn’t think that was totally true. He could have left years ago, start over where no one knew him or his wild past. But for every ten people who gave him grief, there was one person who made up for it.

  “What’s the place you’re moving to?” Frank asked. “Dubai? Never heard of it.”

  The way the guy butchered the pronunciation, Ryder would believe it. “Think beaches and parties.”

  “You’re not interested in that stuff,” Frank said, surprising Ryder with his insight. “You’d give up all this for a bunch of sand?”

  Ryder was willing to give up a lot for peace of mind and a Katie Kramer-free zone. “Spoken like a man who has never lived anywhere else.”

  “Why would I want to?” Frank looked genuinely puzzled. “Crystal Bend has everything a man needs.”

  It was true. He loved it up here. He liked testing himself against nature, whether it was skiing or rock climbing. He looked forward to fishing in the cold mountain streams with his friends or watching the autumn storm clouds roll in at his favorite lookout point.

  But it was more than that. Crystal Bend was isolated from the rest of the world, and the neighbors looked after each other. Sometimes he felt like he was butting heads with the other residents, and sometimes the sense of community was suffocating, but Ryder always felt like he belonged here.

  “I know there’s going to be quite a few ladies who will be disappointed to see you go,” Frank said with a twinkle in his eyes.

  “I’m sure you’ll be there to offer them a shoulder to lean on,” Ryder replied with a straight face, knowing that Frank didn’t have eyes for anyone other than his sweet little wife.

  “It’s the least I can do. But there’s one girl who’s heart will be broken.” Frank shook his head. “Katie Kramer isn’t going to handle the news well. Not at all.”

  Ryder tensed. He didn’t like the idea of anyone gossiping about Katie, not even Frank. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I could always tell when you’re lying, Ryder.”

  “I’m never going to date Katie,” Ryder insisted. “The sooner she realizes it, the better.”

  “Too late,” Frank said with a smile. “Everyone in Crystal Bend knows that Katie loves you to distraction.”

  Ryder’s frown deepened as the words pierced him. Loved him to distraction? That he had the ability to make someone love him so strongly, so unconditionally, nothing could break it. If only. “That’s an exaggeration.”

  “Hah. She’s been your shadow from the moment she laid eyes on you.”

  “Are we talking about the same Katie who’s been flirting outrageously with every guy in town this year?” He’d hated seeing Katie out with other men.

  “That’s the one.” Frank nodded. “She isn’t going to let you go without a fight. Mark my words.”

  That was what he was afraid of. “Frank, you’re forgetting who you’re talking to. Nothing and no one is going to hold me back.”

  Katie couldn’t believe she was doing this. She had never shopped at a Day After Christmas sale, and if she survived today, she wouldn’t do it again. This was clearly a sign of how far she would go, or how far she had fallen, to get Ryder into her bed.

  She had braved the darkness and the frigid cold. She battled the ice and snowbanks. She tossed and turned in bed all night, and her spirits were already flagging. But she was on a mission. A quest. Probably an impossible one, but she couldn’t stop now.

  The oversized sales sign promising drastic discounts wobbled and threatened to topple on her aching head. She ducked and the sharp corner bounced off her shoulder before falling onto the floor with a clatter. Katie rested her forehead on the cool metal rack. If she’d known there would be so much pushing and shoving at a Day After Christmas sale, she would have worn the leather stiletto boots and used them for self-defense.

  She quickly sorted through the circular rack, the colors whirling in front of her like a rainbow spiraling out of control. Katie wasn’t sure what kind of outfit would best convey the message that Ryder needed to tie her down to the nearest bed right away. She hadn’t found any outfits with chains
or straps, and she tried on a purple bandage dress that made her look more like a lumpy mummy than a sleek, sexy woman.

  She had memorized articles like “Heating Up Your Holiday Look” and “Naughty New Year Dresses.” But the selection on offer in Crystal Bend was nothing like in the magazines. She needed what Beyoncé would call a freakum dress. It was time to impress. No, time to get her man under control. And nothing on this rack would do.

  As she wondered if a freakum dress was an urban legend, in the corner of her eye Katie spotted a scarlet red dress hanging on a rack. She lunged for it, snatched it from the hanger and fought her way to the dressing room. Checking the label, she noted that it was a size too small, but she wouldn’t let that stop her. She was on an urgent mission. She was going to find the knockout dress before the day was over.