The Year of Living Shamelessly

by Susanna Carr

“Hey!” She pointed at her brother. “Now, that is just uncalled for.”

  Suddenly Katie felt Ryder’s hands circling her waist. She flinched and tried to pluck his fingers off her. Had Ryder gone crazy? Didn’t he realize that this was the worst time to indulge in public displays of affection?

  But Ryder wasn’t getting her message as his hold tightened. He lifted her up effortlessly. Katie squawked with surprise, her fingers digging into his as he physically removed her from the line of fire.

  “What are you doing?” she called out, her legs swinging wildly in the air. “Put me down!”

  Ryder set her gently on the ground and stood in front of her. She moved to the left and Ryder blocked her, without even looking in her direction. His attention was directed straight at Jake. She sighed and moved to the right, but Ryder anticipated that, too.

  “Say what you want to me,” he told Jake, his voice raspy and low, “but you will not talk like that to Katie.”

  “Aww!”

  Melissa’s voice jolted Katie. She looked in the direction of the café’s front door and saw her friends blocking the entrance, watching from a safe distance. Melissa’s hands were clasped to her chest, her eyes wide, mouth slack, totally enamored with Ryder’s protective display. Hilary stood on the top step, dipping her toast in a little plastic jam container.

  Katie placed her hand on Ryder’s shoulder blade. “I have this under control,” she said softly. “Maybe you should leave.”

  “I don’t think so,” Ryder replied, not taking his eyes off Jake. “I’m not leaving and you definitely don’t have this under control. It was against my instincts to let you do the talking, but I thought this was between brother and sister. I should have known better.”

  “Maybe you should leave.” Jake glared at his friend. “I was talking to Katie before you interrupted.”

  Oh, here we go. This had to be Ryder’s biggest nightmare coming to life. He hadn’t acted on his desire for her because she was Jake’s little sister. Ryder and Jake had been the best of friends for as long as anyone could remember. But she couldn’t be sure that their friendship wouldn’t crack under the strain of this test. Katie didn’t want to be responsible for driving a wedge between them.

  “Katie, come here.” Jake snapped his fingers and pointed at the spot next to him. “I want to talk to you alone.”

  Katie bristled but didn’t move. She did not appreciate that tone at all. Especially in front of Ryder and her friends. Not to mention half the town.

  “She’s not going anywhere,” Ryder said. He didn’t hold on to her, and he didn’t make any move to keep her behind him. Maybe he knew he didn’t have to.

  The tug-of-war had already started. Lines were drawn. She felt like a bone being fought for between two dogs. And as much as she appreciated family ties, her loyalty was with Ryder.

  “Jake,” she said from over Ryder’s shoulder, “whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of Ryder.”

  “Oh, to hell with this.” Jake reached around Ryder and grabbed Katie’s arm.

  Katie didn’t even have time to protest when she saw Ryder’s grip on Jake’s wrist. She had to get Jake away from Ryder. “Ryder, please,” she said softly, hating how her voice quavered. “Let me talk to Jake for a minute.”

  Ryder seemed to be frozen on the spot. She could see the tremor in his arm. She knew he was fighting back his instinct again because of her. He wasn’t happy with her request, but he wouldn’t deny her anything. Ryder suddenly let go of Jake and looked at Katie. His expression was ice cold. “You have two minutes and then I’m coming after you.”

  Katie heard Melissa’s sigh of approval and ignored it. Her friend didn’t realize that it wasn’t so much of a promise as it was a warning. She gave a short, choppy nod to Ryder and allowed her brother to yank her arm as they headed to the corner and turned. “You’ve made your point,” she hissed at Jake. “You can let me go now.”

  He didn’t listen. “Parking lot. Now.”

  “I have had enough of your attitude.” She jerked her arm from her brother’s grasp. “You are blowing this all out of proportion.”

  He stopped where his bright red truck was parked behind the café. “How is that?”

  She flattened her hands on her chest. “I may be your little sister, but I’m a twenty-five-year-old woman. Your concern is a little late and completely misplaced.”

  “You have known Ryder forever. You know all about him.” He tossed his hands in the air. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  Katie straightened to her full height. She was still shorter than Jake, but she knew she had right on her side. “Believe it or not, what I do or don’t do with Ryder is no concern of yours.”

  “He is my best friend!” Jake gestured in the direction where they had left Ryder. “I watch his back, even if it means keeping him away from you.”

  “What? What are you saying?” She was getting this all wrong. Jake wasn’t worried about her well-being. He was worried about Ryder’s. Katie stared at him, dumbfounded.

  Jake held up both hands, pinching his thumb and forefingers.“Let me explain it to you in teeny-tiny sentences and itty-bitty words.”

  “Watch your mouth, Jake,” she warned her brother, glaring at him through narrowed eyes. “It’s been a while, but I can still wrestle you to the ground.”

  Jake wasn’t listening. “You wanted to date different guys this year, that’s fine, even though you dated my boss. After all, who am I to get in the way? But you have no right to play games with Ryder.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “Was there a ‘hands-off Ryder’ policy I wasn’t aware of ?”

  “Yes!” He stomped his foot, the last of the slushy snow spraying from the impact. “It’s understood! Ryder has a soft spot when it comes to you. And what do you do? You use it to your advantage!”

  “What do you mean by a soft spot?”

  “What do you think?” he asked, his voice raising an octave. “He’s got this totally wrong idea about you. That you’re sweet and adorable.” Jake rolled his eyes.

  “I can be if I put my mind to it.” But she knew what Jake was saying. She wasn’t sweet. She had told Ryder that, but he didn’t believe her.

  “I don’t know why,” Jake said, “but you represent something very special and elusive to Ryder. And what do you do? You are using him for sex.”

  Katie found that a very uncharitable opinion. “That’s very rich, coming from you.”

  “At least I’m honest about it. The women I date know that I’m only interested in one thing.”

  Katie wanted Ryder in her bed, but she was looking for more than that. She wanted an intimate, loving relationship. Why was that so hard to see? “You don’t know how I feel about Ryder.”

  “Yeah, I do. You’ve been throwing yourself at him since high school. It was funny at first, not to mention embarrassing. Then it got annoying. I never thought it would cause serious trouble.”

  “You mean you didn’t think I’d be successful,” Katie tossed out. She started to walk away. She was so fed up with her brother.

  “You still don’t get it. Ryder is a very vulnerable guy.”

  She stopped in her tracks and looked over her shoulder. Jake looked like he had just betrayed his brother for saying that. He was lucky Ryder hadn’t heard him.

  “Ryder?” Katie asked. “No one messes with him. He’s strong and—”

  “And hurt,” Jake finished for her. “You know his history. You know that his mom’s never been there for him and he’s had to fend for himself since he was a teenager. That messes with a guy’s head.”

  “I’m not going to hurt him.” She couldn’t believe she had to explain that to Jake.

  “No, you’re in it for some fun and action.” Jake looked at her with disgust. “So help me, you better be careful with him. Treat him wrong and I will never forgive you.”

  Katie watched, stunned, as her brother climbed into his truck and slammed the door. “Where are you going?”
she asked as he turned the ignition.

  “I’ll be damned if I’ll sit back and watch you wrap Ryder around your little finger.” He gunned the engine and drove off, wheels squealing.

  She didn’t move as she watched him leave. He swerved out of the parking lot and the back of his truck fishtailed. Stomping on the gas, he turned out of sight. Katie rubbed her forehead, the ache blooming at her temples.

  Well, she hadn’t expected this. Katie lowered her hands and took a deep breath. She knew that Jake would not calmly accept Ryder and her as a couple. She’d predicted that he would shout and fuss and make his opinion known. But she didn’t think, not in a million years, that he would accuse her of taking advantage of Ryder.

  She crossed her arms tightly and stared at the graffiti on the back wall of the café without really seeing the colors and shapes. She had to calm herself down before she saw anyone, especially Ryder, but then he could probably take one look at her and know exactly what was going through her mind.

  As much as she admired Jake for looking out for Ryder, his interpretation of her actions hurt. She wasn’t after Ryder just for the sex. It had developed into so much more than that. And anyway, what kind of person did her brother take her for? She might not be the sexiest woman in the area, but she didn’t need to go through all this for a good lay.

  But what really stunned her was that Jake was more worried about Ryder’s feelings than he was about hers. Ryder was insistent on leaving town in two days and not looking back. She was going to be left here, abandoned and heartbroken. Was her brother too blind to see something so obvious?

  She saw Melissa’s head pop around the corner of the café. Katie jumped, slapping her hand over her pounding heart.

  “Are you okay?” Melissa asked.

  Katie hurried over to her friend. “How long have you been standing there?” She didn’t want anyone to hear Jake’s words about her, but it was more important to her that no one knew what Jake said about Ryder.

  “I saw Jake leave like a bat out of hell and thought I should check on you.” She wrapped her arm around Katie’s shoulders. “And I really couldn’t take much more of Ryder’s pacing. It’s like watching a caged tiger.”

  “I bet.” She walked down the short sidewalk with her friend. “Sorry I caused such a scene.”

  “Oh, stop worrying. It isn’t your fault. And so what if you are now the talk of the town? It’ll die down in a couple of days.”

  Katie winced when she heard that. She could imagine the café buzzing. The people were probably still staring out the window as if they were watching a sporting event. “Ryder was doing his best to keep that from happening.”

  “Then Ryder shouldn’t have kissed you passionately in front of the breakfast crowd on Main Street.”

  “Good point,” Katie said with a smile. Ryder hadn’t cared where they were when he kissed her. She wondered if that was a sign of her getting under his skin and making him lose control.

  She turned the corner with Melissa. Just as her friend had described, Ryder was pacing the sidewalk. She noticed that his agitation didn’t mar his athletic grace. He turned and came to a halt when he saw her.

  “Hey, Katie,” Hilary said as she walked down the café’s front steps. “What did Jake do?”

  “He just yelled a lot. Nothing I’m not used to.” She waved off the concern, but she felt knots building in her stomach as she looked at Ryder. Ryder’s reaction was worrying her a lot more than Jake’s.

  Ryder’s body tensed at the sight of Katie. He studied her face for a clue about how she was feeling. He knew he shouldn’t have let things get this far—he couldn’t bear to see her looking so hurt when it was all his fault. “What did Jake say?”

  “Oh, the usual.” Katie gave a shrug. “You’re his best friend . . . yadda, yadda, yadda. I’m not so sweet. Blah, blah, blah. I’m not good enough for you. . . .”

  Ryder flinched and took a step back. Jake had said that? That was harsh. He had thought Jake was mad at him, but he was mad at Katie! That was uncalled for and Ryder couldn’t let it go unchecked. Maybe he should appreciate Jake protecting him, but he didn’t. Not when Jake thought Katie was the opponent. Ryder wanted Jake to always put Katie first. Always. No matter what. The moment he saw Katie home, he was going to hunt Jake down and make sure that happened from this moment on. Jake had to start looking out for her after Ryder left town, otherwise she’d be all alone.

  “He. Did. Not,” Melissa said. “What kind of brother would—”

  Jake would, Ryder thought as disappointment crashed through him. He saw the flash of pain in Katie’s eyes and it nearly undid him.

  “Come on, Melissa.” He vaguely heard Hilary urging Katie’s other friend toward the café. “Let’s finish breakfast and give these guys some space so they can get their story straight.”

  Get their story straight? Ryder frowned at Melissa’s choice of words. He didn’t need any story. There was no need to lie about him and Katie. As much as he wanted to protect her, the truth was out and he wasn’t going to hide it. All he had to do was explain to Jake that blood was thicker than water.

  Melissa’s eyes narrowed with confusion. She looked at Katie, then Ryder, then back at Hilary. “What are you talking about? What stories?”

  So Katie didn’t kiss and tell. Interesting. He would have pegged her as the type who was generous with the details. Was their time together too special to her to share? Maybe that was wishful thinking on his part, but he liked his spin on it.

  “Never mind and just come on.” She pushed Melissa toward the café entrance.

  Ryder kept his eye on Katie, who looked increasingly uncomfortable with him. She was studying him beneath her lashes, clearly trying to gauge his mood.

  Katie crossed one arm over her chest and held her other arm at her side. It was an awkward position that mirrored her discomfort. “I didn’t realize that I was so selfish pursuing you,” she said in a soft voice that only he could hear.

  Ryder blinked with surprise. Katie was never selfish! “You weren’t.” What the hell else had Jake said to his sister?

  Katie looked down at the sidewalk. “All this time I’ve been trying to prove that I’m the best woman—the only woman—for you,” she said with a wry twist of her lips.

  “You never had to prove it,” he said. He already knew, whether he liked it or not. At times he felt like she was the worst, definitely the most dangerous woman for him. But that had never stopped him from wanting her.

  “Oh. My. God.” Melissa’s blaring voice carried down the sidewalk. Katie’s mouth twitched with clear annoyance. Ryder glanced at Melissa and found her staring back as if Katie had sprouted another head. What was going on now?

  Melissa pointed at Katie, ignoring how Hilary was trying to get her inside. “I just figured it out! You guys slept together! Why didn’t you tell me? To punish me because I couldn’t keep the whole bondage club thing a secret?”

  Ryder closed his eyes as he heard the buzz in the café. First Darwin and now Melissa. By the time he left Crystal Bend, Katie was going to have the worst reputation in town. He opened his eyes in time to see every head turning to look out the café window.

  “Gee, Melissa,” Hilary said. “Could you speak a little louder? I don’t think the people in Idaho caught all that.”

  Melissa clapped her hand over her mouth as she blushed. “I’m sorry.” She dropped her hand, ran back toward them and threw her arms around Katie’s neck. “But this is great. This is—”

  Ryder couldn’t care less about how Melissa felt. His and Katie’s relationship was none of Melissa’s business. He was busy trying to convince Katie that she hadn’t ruined his life. This was the trouble with small towns. Everybody interfered, interrupted and influenced every conversation.

  Katie pushed Melissa away and waved both her hands, as if trying to get her friend to stop talking. Ryder frowned at Katie’s gesture. It was usually a sign of someone trying to stop information spilling out. What was she trying to k
eep quiet?

  “Okay, Melissa,” Katie said as something that sounded like panic raised her voice. “We got it. You’re happy for us. Why don’t you go inside now?”

  Ryder slowly looked from Katie to Melissa and Hilary. He felt the undercurrents between the friends and he didn’t like it. Melissa’s joy was out of place. What did they know that he didn’t? What were they keeping from him?

  “What’s going on?” he asked Katie. He saw the flash of guilt before her cheeks flushed red.

  “But this is reason to celebrate!” Melissa gave a congratulatory slap to Katie’s back. “You actually completed your New Year’s resolution!”

  Ryder stilled. New Year’s resolution? What was Melissa talking about? New Year’s wasn’t for another couple of days. Unless . . .