Sweetness

by S Gonzalez

  I know his warning is for my own good but I expect him to be a little more optimistic about me. He is basically telling me not to throw punches at all the whores who will be throwing themselves at him. The rest of the band can do as they please but regardless of his warning, if some bitch crosses the line, I will make sure to drag her back over it.

  “I get it. I get it,” I hold my hands up in defeat. “I just won’t go with you guys. I understand that us going from being apart, then being thrown together round the clock for the next four weeks is intense for you. I am sure I can get a hotel room and fly from city to city. Having a girl around will be weird for them, and you.”

  Tears are starting to burn the back of my eyes. I am trying to be level headed about this but my emotions are not cooperating. It is not fair to the guys to have to have me tag along. This is their dream, and they should be able to live it, without having to worry about me being around.

  “Emma, stop.” Dominic stands and cups my face in his hands. “That’s not what I want. I am not discouraging from coming. I am just preparing you for what life on the road is. I need to know you can handle this. Can you handle this?”

  Can I? Can I handle woman pawing all over my boyfriend? Can I handle random sluts parading around me? Can I handle the parties and the crowds? God, I hope so.

  “I guess we’ll find out.” It’s the only assurance I have. Honestly I have no idea if I can handle this, but I am willing to try if it means spending more time with him and proving to my father that I can handle this kind of relationship.

  “Good enough. If it gets too much you’ll tell me?”

  “Okay. I-“ I feel my phone vibrate in my hand. I hold up a finger indicating I am taking the call, without looking at the screen to see who it is.

  “Hello.”

  “Hello, beautiful. How are you this morning? Have you showered yet?”

  Since Dominic is so close to me and since Max is loud he can hear every word the male voice just said. I roll my eyes and mouth Max’s name to him. That doesn’t ease any of the tension in Dominic face. It looks like he just ate something sour. I guess this will be our first lesson in trust.

  “I don’t know what your fixation is with me and my shower, but yes I did. What’s up?”

  “Oh nothing just thought I would let you know that you are now friends with the newest rookie for the Texas Rangers.”

  “Oh my god! Shut up! Max, that is fantastic. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks. I just got the call last night. I called Wanda’s parents right after and they were already shouting down to the floor below to let the neighbors know. The way the gossip flows around the

  neighborhood I am sure the entire state of New Jersey knows by now. I wanted to call you and tell you personally before you kick my ass for finding out second hand.”

  “Good plan. When do you leave for spring training?”

  “February. Spring training is in Arizona. I talked to Mark and he doesn’t want another roommate so I am going to keep my stuff there for now and stay at the apartment when I’m back. We have been hanging out a lot and I have to admit, I really like him. He is a cool kid, but-” I hear the excitement in his voice change to anxiety. What ever he is about to tell me I am not going to like. “Ummm, Emm I have to tell you something. Glen has been sniffing around him lately.”

  I look back at Dominic who is pretending to look at something on his phone but I know damn well he is listening to every word I am saying. I have to be very careful how I word this conversation and what he hears from Max. I need to get some distance between us so he can’t hear everything we are talking about. I walk to the other side of the room and pretend to look out the window. I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my head and I know he is hanging on my every word. I take a few steps further away and turn my back to him, noting his long drawn out sigh as I do.

  “What do you mean sniffing around?”

  “He is asking Mark about you and Dominic. He heard you guys were dating from some girl he knows. They stopped by our apartment one night, unannounced. Emm, I was honestly worried about her. She kept looking at the floor, she seamed scared. Mark told him he doesn’t know anything and Glen just got angry and left.”

  “Shit. Do you know her name?”

  “Jessie, Jamie, something-“

  “Julie? Was it Julie?” I shout. Dominic is on high alert now standing right next to me, leaning toward the phone.

  “Yea, that was it. Julie. Poor girl. When they left Glen was so angry. I saw him grab her by the arm and force her into the car when she refused to leave with him. Mark and I watched from the window, Mark looked confused. As if he was looking at a different person. Like he never saw that side of Glen before.”

  “Because he probably hasn’t. Look, just keep an eye on Mark until I get back. I will be away for about four more weeks but I need you to make sure Glen doesn’t get anywhere near Mark. If he thinks Mark is keeping something from him, he will snap. I can’t have another person get hurt because of me.”

  “Emma, it is not because of you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” But I did. I went against him and continued to see Dominic even though he threatened me. Now Julie is paying for it. I can’t let that happen.

  “Look, Max I have to go. I’ll call you later,” I force out before hanging up. I know I can’t have this conversation the way I need to right now. I need to find Justin and warn him. He has his own motivation for wanting Glen dealt with. Simply telling him the info I have should be enough to protect his sister.

  I turn toward the door to find a very worried and irritated Dominic standing directly behind me. He has no idea what Glen is capable of and I am not ready to tell him the whole truth just yet. None of this will make sense to him but I have to make sure Glen doesn’t hurt anyone. He is even more unpredictable when he is on a mission.

  “Dom, what room is Justin in?” I ask as calmly as I can.

  “211. Why? Emma what the hell is going on?”

  “Just come with me. I don’t want to say this twice,” I tell him as I grab his hand and try to pull him toward the door.

  “No. Tell me first. We have a big interview in two hours and I don’t want him all pissed off or MIA. Tell me what happened and I will talk to him after the interview.” Dominic’s right. There was no sense in spoiling this interview because of Glen. We have work to do and this will just have to wait.

  I explain to Dominic what Max told me about Glen and Julie. I try in vein to explain how dangerous Glen is but he just keeps insisting there must be some sort of mistake. He honestly can’t be this dense.

  “Why would he do that? Why would he care if we are dating?”

  “Because he is a sick bastard who gets off on making my life miserable.”

  “Emma, aren’t you being a little melodramatic. Before we were all together back stage in New York, I didn’t even know who he was to you. He never really mentioned you to me. I doubt he cares as much as you think. He always just said that he didn’t get along with his step-sister. He said you always acted like you were too good for his family. Hell, I don’t think he ever told me your real name. Just called you, Princess when he talked about you, which wasn’t very often.”

  Panic. Panic. Hearing those words falling out of Dominic’s mouth is making my head spin.. He can’t call me Princess. He can never call me that. I don’t know why he constantly sticks up for Glen. If he knew what he did do me he wouldn’t think so kindly of him. My heart is beating out of my chest; sweat is forming on my forehead. Holy hell, I am going to pass out

  “Baby, are you okay. You just got really pale,” he examines as he steps closer, putting the back of his hand on my forehead, checking for a fever. I snap my head back causing his hand to fall away from me.

  “Yes. I am fine,” I lie. “Don’t ever call me that. Do you hear me? Never,” I pant in low slow breaths while pacing the room, trying to calm down. I must look like a crazed loon, running my hands through my hair tugging at the roots.

&
nbsp; “Fine. I won’t. Just tell me what’s wrong. What is going on with you and Glen?”

  “I can’t tell you that. All I am saying is Glen is dangerous. I know you don’t believe me, but he is. He never spoke about me to you because he was trying to keep us apart. Whenever anything good happens to me, he destroys it. You just need to trust me. I will handle him, but if he asks about us you don’t tell him anything. Do you understand?” My shaky voice is giving away my worry and I can’t control the panic that has to be written all over my face.

  “Ok, I get it. It’s fine, baby. We don’t have to talk about it now.” His voice is the calming salve on my wounded existence; his embrace the right amount of soothing and comfort I need at this very moment.

  “Better now?”

  “Yes. Thank you.”

  “Good. I don’t like seeing you so upset, Emma.” He pulls back, studying my face with apprehension.

  I throw him the fakest smile I can muster up and although he is weary, he buys it. “I’m fine, really. Why don’t you go make sure the others are getting ready?”

  “Okay. You sure you’re alright?”

  “I’m fine. Go.” He places a lingering kiss on my lips and reluctantly pulls away when his phone beeping, indicating he has a text message.

  When Dominic closes the door behind him, I sit on my bed and think about everything that has just happened. I am going to be living on a tour bus, with guys I barely know, while my deranged step-brother is out there slapping around innocent girls because he can’t get the goods on me.

  I rush off into the bathroom and throw up what little breakfast I managed to eat, before I was blindsided into going on tour with the band. What am I going to do? I can’t tell Dominic what my relationship with Glen is. He will think I am disgusting. He’ll never want to be with me after he finds out.

  Whatever Glen does, Dominic always sticks up for him. No mater what it is, he always puts Glen in a positive light. Maybe if I tell Dominic the truth he will see how fucked up Glen is. But would he even believe me? That thought make me even more nauseous. If Glen could put doubt in Max’s mind, than I am sure he can do it to Dominic.

  No, I can’t tell him. He can never know what happened between Glen and me. I will do everything in my power to make sure Dominic doesn’t find out.

  I freshen up, and twenty minutes later I am in the living room, preparing the band for their interview. During the actual interview I notice Justin is not his usual perky self. He is a withdrawn and only answering questions that are directed toward him. He looks like he didn’t sleep well and he has a lot on his mind. Our eyes lock a few times. I give him a kind smile but he just furrows his brow and looks away.

  As soon as the interviews are over, Dominic and I ask Justin to stay behind before we meet up with Rocco and Chris for dinner. I tell him what Max told me on the phone this morning. Justin’s expression changes from pissed off to murderous immediately. He tells us that he called his parents yesterday and they told him that Julie has not been herself lately. She has been staying out late and not eating. She lost her job and her friends won’t talk to her. His father is forcing her to move back home next week to make sure she is properly taken care of. I apologize profusely to Justin for Glen’s behavior but he tells me over and over that I am not to blame. If only he knew how to blame I was he wouldn’t be so nice to me.

  “Justin, have to talked to Julie. Did she say that she was seeing Glen again?” Dominic inquires.

  “No. She won’t answer her phone for me.”

  “Maybe there is another explanation,” Dominic says but I don’t think he even believed himself.

  “Why do you do that?” I snap at him, causing both sets of eyes to fall on me. “Why do you constantly stick up for him? He is beating on your best friends sister, and still you sit here and stick up for that monster. Why? Tell me, why?”

  I am standing face to face with Dominic with my fists clenched at my side. My face is hot and red. I am really about to lose my cool with him. Dominic takes a step back from me with wide eyes and Justin is at my side, pulling me back so this matter doesn’t escalate. I don’t think I would ever hit him but I’ll be damned if that’s not what I want to do to him right now. For a guy much bigger then me, he looks scared. At this moment, he should be.

  “It’s okay, Emma. Don’t fight with Dominic because of this,” Justin mutters so only I can hear.

  “Fuck that. This is not only about Julie. This is about me, too,” I grit through my teeth before turning around and focusing my wrath on Dominic. “You always take his side. No matter what the situation. He tries to ruin my life and I am dramatic. The evidence is building, that he is abusing Julie, and it is all a misunderstanding. What the hell Dominic?”

  “You know what his childhood was like, Emma. You don’t feel sorry for him in the slightest.”

  “Uh, no. I don’t feel sorry for him.” My response is sarcastic as I answer. “Yes, it was shitty that his mom killed herself. Yes, it was shitty that my mom had an affair with his father, but this is a little extreme for a temper tantrum don’t you agree.”

  “I am not talking about that. You know the abuse he went through.”

  “What the hell are you talking about, abuse? What abuse? Paul was a drunk who ignored him but I don’t think he ever hit him.”

  Dominic tilts his head to the side. “You don’t know do you?”

  “Know what?”

  Dominic’s mulling something over in his head. His hands are tucked into his back pockets and his head is bent to look at the ceiling. He lets out an exasperated sigh before pulling his eyes back to mine. “Sit down, Emma.”

  I sit on the edge of the bed next to Justin. Dominic paces the floor for a second deciding what he wants to say. This is ridiculous. The anticipation is doing nothing for my nerves and I wish he would just spit it out already.

  “Emma, Glen and I have been friends since kindergarten. When he was younger he would sleep over my house because he didn’t like to be home. He always had bruises on him. For a while I ignored it but one day I asked him what happened. He told me that his mom would get mad at him when his dad would leave. Rose knew Paul was having affairs.

  “When Paul met your mom and left Rose, it only got worse for Glen. She was depressed and when she wasn’t beating on him she would lock herself in her room and Glen would have to take care of Holly. At one point she locked herself in for days. There was no food in the house and random people were constantly were coming and going. At least that’s what the neighbors told my dad. My parents were concerned and they talked to Paul. Paul had no idea this was happening. When he went to the house to confront Rose, she was passed out drunk with some guy in her bed that had a needle sticking out of his arm. Right before Rose killed herself, Paul had filed a petition for full custody of Glen and Holly.”

  I am trying to process what he is saying but the only thing I am wondering is: How is it that Dominic knows this much about my family and I don’t? I remember Holly and Glen spending weekends at my house, more often before Rose died. The arguing and the drinking was Paul feeling guilty for what Glen was going through. His guilt for the adultery on top of his guilt for being so selfish, that he would put his son through that, had to be eating him alive all those years. My mother standing by and blaming herself for starting this chain of events would explain why she always let Paul take his anger out on her. For the first time ever it all makes sense, in a twisted, fucked up way.

  As truly screwed up as this all is, it is no excuse for Glen to get away with any of this now. Truth is, he still raped me mentally and physically for years. No matter what I would do or say. No matter how much I fought or submitted he would rape me over and over again. That kind of torture will affect me forever and for that I hate him. I don’t care what he went through as a kid; it is no justification for what he did to me and what he is now doing to Julie.

  “I didn’t know. I am truly sorry for what Glen went through, but that doesn’t make what he is doing to Julie a
cceptable. It doesn’t make what he did to me acceptable,” I spit back without thinking. As usual my brain to mouth filter is on the fritz again.

  Justin’s eyes dart over to me and a flicker of realization settles in. Dominic didn’t catch my slip up, but Justin knows there is more then I am letting on. He purses his lips and takes a deep steady breath but doesn’t say anything. Dominic looks between us like he just missed something, but doesn’t ask any questions. He either doesn’t want to know, or he didn’t catch my slip of the tongue.

  “I am not saying it is. I am just telling you why I have a soft spot for him. I saw the evidence of his abuse and it was terrifying. I used to hug and kiss my parents when he would leave just because they were nothing like Paul and Rose. I will talk to Glen. I will tell him about us and I will tell him to stay away form Julie,” he says to me with a guilty expression in his eyes as he grasps both of my hands with his.

  His eyes slip over to Justin who is sitting next to me on the bed. “You have to tell her to stay away from him too. He is going to keep trying, but she has to stay away.”

  Justin nods; I can still see his jaw clicking as he clenches his teeth. Needing a minute to compose myself, I ask the guys to wait for me in the other room while I change for dinner. Dominic confused expression doesn’t go unnoticed but he agrees and leaves with Justin. Before closing the door, Justin turns back to me for a second, I know he wants to say more but with Dominic here he won’t. I know we will be having another conversation in the near future.

  My mind is racing with all the information about my family. This is all so absurd. I have to call Mrs. Cross and discuss this with her. She has always protected me and doesn’t lie to me. If anyone knows the truth it’s her.

  After changing my clothes and freshening up, I walk into the main room to see Gabe working at the dining table. He lets me know the guys went to their room for to get ready for dinner. Feeling mentally deflated I flop into the chair across from him. He closes his laptop and sits back in his chair, studying me.

  “Emma. What is it?” Gabe asks clearly concerned for my lack of physical energy.