Gone By

by Hajong, Beatone

  “What shall I do now” it feared my mind.

  My empty stomach running of hunger. And my throat deficient with water. I had to spent the night somehow with my eyes wide open. The darkness began to fell on the roof. No sign of light, but the welcoming anguish of fear and horror hovered in. I squeezed myself and made comfortable to spend the dramatic and severe horrific night. I waited to pass the night as quick as possible. As the night grew deeper and deeper I was shivering out with cold. The cool breeze did put an effect on my body. And soon I felt the cold crapping up on me. My spine began to shook and bent like the old age man. My hands curled around my folded knee and rested my head upon it. The night climate began to grow rough. The huge rows of trees began to shook their branches with the incoming of wild wind blowing from north direction. My feet turned stiff, unable to make even the slightest movement. The cold caught me strong, especially all around my spines, which badly affected my whole body. I was still seated at that corner. The rush of wind grew wilder. I could hear the crackling noise of dry leaves blowing up into the air. Few came rushing with the heavy blow of wind on my side. Neither I had the strength to think on my mind. My brain and heart suppressed under the darkness, felt like the cell of punishment being imposed on me in hell. I was seated paralyzed, no movement of any body parts. Even, I couldn’t swallow saliva in. Only the swirl of wind I could catch up into my ears. Other than that everything was silent and calm. Yes, at very low level I could hear wolf howling but that was very dim to hear. Yet, I could feel them nearer. May be I wasn’t so percipient enough that’s the reason I got caught up into such deathly situation. Even my weekend got disposed and I couldn’t spent the whole week with Isha. Was it my pride or the arrogant perception, I didn’t stress much on that. And now here, I was stuck up in the mid way struggling to survive, running away from death. I shouldn’t have return back from Goa. I began to realize. I knew Isha was hurt by my unwise act. But, she never disclosed what’s inside she felt, but I could realize and sense later. I thought of her and I thought of my past love Anannya. Literally, my life was walking alone through a single way now. No more choice to make up falling in love with anyone else. I had thought before hand and never thought about Isha such way, neither was I interested. I had buried my emotions and feelings of love since the time Anannya walked away from my life. The night began to swift away faster. My eyes laid off and I was laying on the floor, like crushed dry leaf. I was asleep by now. Even the cold grew bitter and I was fighting against it, with just warmth of my breath. Gradually, the son of day began to take rise above the horizon. The bright sun broke out from the dawn and glittered it’s rays all around. One of its rays directly fell on my face. I was laying with my eyes closed. I felt the brightness sparkling into my eyes. I slowly opened up and looked around for a while. The floor was cold enough to shook my spine. A glimpse of morning shadow began to grow. Even the angry wind settled down. Everything around seemed calm before my eyes. Though the morning welcomed me but I had terrible night, which I would not forget all through my life. It was a memorable odious event but fine art of odyssey of my life. I sat on the edge of veranda for some time and began to think for the way. I began to map out my way into my mind, at any cause I had to find the main road. I stepped out of veranda and began to initiate my steps in direction opposite to what I followed the last day. The whole forest was covered with dry leaves, even there were branches broken due to the rowdy wind last night. I kept on walking with no hint of direction. I could hear only the sound of my steps crushing those dry leaves wherever my leg placed to walk on. Birds began to chirp out as the day began to grow out. The melodious strands of chirp from flock of birds added the pleasant morning with charm. I had had only them to accompany in the middle of the lonely forest. And of course the green grasses where few of my steps fell upon them. As I walked on, I thought deeply about Anannya. I felt like the lonely man on a hunt for his love. It gave the scene, like love could even be lost in the middle of the forest. And I was the man, passing through such barrier, enduring the most hard full sorrow. I felt like an exile man on earth. Yet, I didn’t stop walking along. I had the bag hanged at my back. I thought of pulling my diary out to compensate the loneliness. Perhaps it could add up to my long walk tour until I would find the main road. I held the diary finally in my hand and flipped a page to read. As I walked on I read lines between my steps. I felt every touch of my own words. Walking alone in a deep forest and whispering out the syndrome of love words, which was really an exotic kind of experience I had.

  I thought of writing as my steps headed. I knew I was abandoned from the rest of the world. But, the only thing that kept me on were the words of emotions and feelings which I read out of my diary. I began to feel tired, my stomach needed nourishment. My weak body began to shook and drooped off. Yet, I thought of moving on. After walking miles, I reached at a place where the forest began to get shallow. Indeed, it began to get dispersed from getting dense. Finally, I could breath with hope now. Perhaps I was nearer to any roadway. I quickened my steps. I closed my diary and raised a rays of hopes within me. At last I felt myself I’m safe now. With my every steps heading forward, I triggered with hope. When then I could see a lesser heighted steep ahead. Just few distance away. That was the main road. I had to get up through that slope to get finally into road. I spent all of my body energy to overcome the steep slope. My breath began to get tired. And I could feel the jam in my air pipe. It had become difficult for me to keep breathing. Somehow I managed to climb up to the roadside. I stood upright at the roadside after that hard fight, overcoming the slope. I began to feel drowsy. My head began to twist round and round. Even my vision blurred, nothing cleared appeared before me. My legs began to get weaker. I was holding the diary in my hand. It gripped off and fell into the ground. I couldn’t even take the next step. I was conscious enough and could feel I was almost about to fall into the ground. Within no time I fell into the ground unconsciously. Nothing I could feel now. I fell on my chest, hands and legs spread wide. The diary was suppressed by my body weight. Foams of saliva protruding out from my mouth. My face turned pale and dry. Temporary wrinkles appeared on my face. I laid with no sense on the roadside.

  After hours of unconsciousness, it was around 1:00pm noon, when a car passing through, suddenly braked seeing me unconscious. There was a lady in. She clunk out of the car. For seconds she kept staring at me. She flipped me and turned my body. She felt my breath placing her hand on my chest. The foams were spread out all over my face. She took out a handkerchief and cleaned it. She shook my body for few minutes, possibly she was trying to wake me up. She hurried back into her car and pulled out a bottle of water. She splashed on my face. I coughed for seconds and my eyes slowly managed to open. I could see the lady very close before my face. She was staring so sharp.

  “Are you ok” she said.

  I nodded, as my voice faded away and it sounded very feeble. I gasped. She held by hand and pulled me upright on feet. She directed me towards her car. She opened the front door and let me in. As she turned to come to her side of the door ,she saw my fallen diary. She picked up and came to her pilot chair.

  “It’s your diary” handing me the diary she said.

  I took it from her hand. Perhaps I could predict, she was a woman of around the age of thirty. She switched on the key and started the car. Her hands were holding the steering tightly.

  “Don’t worry. You’ll be safe” she said softly. And drove the car.

  “Can I get a water please” I asked.

  “It’s at the back seat”.

  I had to stretched my hand few inches out to grab the bottle of water at the back seat. She was controlling the steering very smoothly.

  “You look very weak” she said giving a narrow glimpse at me.

  I just swallowed some litres of water before I could speak. “I was lost here” my voice mumbled out.

  “How come you got lost”.

  “I was kidnapped at bus station” I said softly.

&
nbsp; She turned to look at me. Her eyes bloomed with feeble fear. She turned her face away, taking the control of steering.

  “Why did they kidnapped you”.

  “I don’t know”.

  “Where were you heading” she asked.

  “I was going back to Pune”.

  “You know how many miles you’re away from Mumbai”.

  “No idea about that”.

  “We are in the mid way to Pune....it’s equal distance from here to both the station” she added.

  I turned to look outside through the window.

  “I believe you must be hungry”.

  “Yeah! In extreme”.

  She pulled a bag from her side, her hands still controlled over the steering.

  “Here, you may find some loafs of bread and butter” she said handing the bag to me.

  I could watch her both legs smoothly controlling the brakes and accelerator.

  “Thanks” I politely said.

  I opened the bag pulled out a bottle of juice. “So, where are you moving” I asked her with concern to know.

  “I’m driving to the same place where you were heading....Pune” she said looking at me.

  I had finished eating and handed her the bag. She threw it at the bag seat.

  “Feeling good” she asked softly.

  “Absolutely..feeling better”. She grinned peeking her eyes at me.

  “What’s there in that diary” her voice sounded husky.

  “Oh! I was writing a story here”.

  “Story” her eyes enthused up.

  I could project out her face, she was very keen to know about what I had been writing.

  “Would you read me out a page, if you don’t mind” she hinted slowly.

  “Yeah! For sure”.

  I began to read the first page. She kept her ears sharp at every words I spoke out. Her hands handling the steering smoothly.

  “Awww!!..So, is it about someone” she said smiling at my face.

  “Yeah!..I wrote in someone’s memory”.

  “Who’s that” she tends to inquire me.

  “She was something that I can never forget”.

  “Oh! C’mon stop playing suspense with me and tell me quick” she said flashing a smile.

  “It’s about a girl I love” with my eye brow raised.

  “Really”.

  “Yeah! I actually love her a lot and now she’s no more in my life, a dream to me” I said with calm tone.

  She changed the gear. And blew a horn, overtaking a car that was running before us.

  “You seem to be a good driver” I said with casual tone.

  She grinned at first “Do you think so..and thanks for the compliment”. I nodded my head slowly. “So, go ahead with your story” she said again.

  “Who’s that lucky girl on whom you’re writing” her voice whispered softly.

  “Her name was beautiful...she was known as Anannya” I said inhaling my breath.

  She nodded again, pointing her eyes sharp at my diary.

  “Do you have a pen” I asked her.

  She gave me a pen and asked “So, you’re going to write the rest of the story”.

  “Hoping to fill a page..although it may take time to fill up the whole diary”.

  “I would look forward to read it”.

  “Sure..I’ll make it a book as soon as it gets over”.

  “That’s awesome idea” she said with the peak of enthusiastic tone.

  “Really...I just want to do it”.

  “I’m really very impressed by your idea. Who could think of that. It’s the expression of thousands words to your love”.

  Before I began to write, I thought of making a call to Isha. Just wanted to let her know about my safety. I knew for sure she must have been trying for me since the day before. I had to borrow the cell from the lady. I dialled the number. Somehow, I could recall her number in my brain. From the other end “Hello...who’s this?”.

  Since the number wasn’t mine, Isha toned in suspicious voice.

  “Hey...Isha it’s me”.

  “Jesus Christ..where have you been?”.

  “Look..it’s a long story”.

  “I tried many a times in your number but couldn’t reach up to you...you tell me are you fine”. “I’m absolutely fine...Just wanted to let you know”.

  “Words and your voice doesn’t make me feel you’re fine until your whole body stands before me”.

  “Isha just calm down...give me a week and I shall return back to you”.

  “I miss your sweet flow of words in your diary”.

  My breath hissed “Do take care”.

  I cut the phone and handed to the lady. She smiled and gently accepted from me. I held the pen in my hand and opened one empty page. She over took another truck. She was quiet expert in driving. In fact, that was the first time I trusted on a lady driver. She was absolutely far beyond like a race driver on a track.

  “You can complete a page of your story” she said and pressed the horn button.

  “Yeah! I’ll do that”.

  So, passionate was I about writing the story that anywhere I could make a chance to write I couldn’t let my pen stop. Moreover, it’s the story of my life that enthused me to go on with my story in my diary. For moment I was fiddling with my pen. My forefinger from the left hand run on my chin. My elbow slightly bent at some angle, was gently placed at the edge of the window. I thought back, nostalgically about the time that spent away. The days I had with Anannya. I began to make a move of my pen on my diary. The lady gave a short glanced and resumed in her control of the steering. I began to script down.

  Seventeen

  ..................

  October, 2008, it was the month of my birthday. I was now one year ahead in my age. Anannya just a year smaller than me. Not only that, we both had our aim to become an electronics and communication engineer. That year, like every other students we were too very busy preparing for IIT and as well as for the AIEEE entrance. Someday, as I was walking through the streets of super market area, the only super market in the town, suddenly a voice knocked my ears. It was very husky and sweet. I turned around to look out amongst the crowd. But in first attempt I failed to notice. It called my name once again. Than there I could see Anannya waving her hand inside of a restaurant. She waved for me and called me to join her. She was alone in one table. Perhaps, she might have been waiting for her boyfriend. But I paid no stress on that par. I walked towards to her. Pushed the door and entered the restaurant.

  “Hey” she smiled as I took the chair to sit.

  “I stood like a fool in the middle of this crowd, searching who was calling me” I said.

  She laughed “I saw you were very much puzzled”.

  “Yeah! I thought who would me knowing me here, am I so popular”.

  She peeked her eyes and passed a brief smile.

  “Won’t you take something” she said.

  “Sure a cup of red tea..as suggested by Mom”.

  “ Red tea....why....what happen to you”.

  “She advised me to stay away from cold stuff”.

  “Are you suffering from some diseases”.

  “Cough and cold but mild”.

  She pressed her lips and nodded. I ordered for a cup of red tea.

  “So, you’re alone here”.

  “I have been waiting for my boyfriend since fifteen minutes..then just saw you by the streets and thought of calling you” she said whirling a spoon of sugar in her cup.

  “That’s so nice of you” I admitted.

  “Where were you heading” she asked.

  “I was heading back to home”.

  I could see her eyes waited eagerly for her boyfriend. But, inside we both knew there’s something that connected both of us. But, it was very much unspeakable and unattainable. It just resided within both of our hearts. My eyes grew deeper and began to gaze at her keenly. She glimpsed at me with vibes of confusion.

  “What happen why you looking
at me like that”.

  “I don’t know”.

  She turned her face down to look at the cup of tea.

  “Anannya I just can’t...it floods out with deep pain in my heart seeing you with someone” I sighed.

  She stayed silent, her face gradually filled with some slow emotions and fear that flashed before me.

  “I understand that you love me very much, it’s not that I don’t love you.....I do, but....” she stopped to speak out the rest.

  “But...what...?” I demanded.

  “Look I’ve got a boyfriend” she said.

  “I’m here to wait for you”.

  She turned her face away and looked outside.

  “You can’t do that....just forget about me” said Anannya.

  “What about that kiss then” I said sharply.

  Her face moulded into mixed expression.

  “Look...I understand. Trust me, I’ll wait for you. You tell me what I need to do...I’ll do anything that makes you happy”.

  “It’s not about that. I know you’ll do for me and I know you can but something holds me back” she added.

  “Don’t let your heart cheat on you” I took a sip of tea.

  “I know you love me more than anything else in this world..but I don’t know what our destiny says”.

  “We can change our destiny...if you just put a little trust on me” I said breathing deeply.