The Rennillia Series: Volumes 1-5

by M. Sembera

  Looking at Hert, remembering how hard it was for him, I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  I whispered, “I love you.”

  He smiled saying, “I love you so much, Renni,” rubbing my belly he added, “And I love you too little one.”

  Starting to yawn, I asked “Are you tired?” Hert nodded as I continued, “Can I sleep in you room tonight?”

  His smile was wide as he answered, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if I stay in your room with you until you fall asleep?”

  Pleased he was meeting me halfway, I agreed.

  Chapter 14

  Emerson’s return seemed to make the days fly by. Jackson was there every day with us until Hert came home. It was harder to find a church that would marry us on short notice, than I could have ever imagined. Emerson worked at pulling strings, while Hert was at work. Then, came the day of my appointment and everything else took a back seat.

  I was nervous about my doctor’s appointment. I wanted to be sure my baby was healthy. I knew stress was not good during pregnancy. Em drove while Hert and I sat in the back seat. Hert kept assuring everything would be fine. When we arrived at the office, Hert and I walked in and Emerson waited in the car. Hert saved me a seat as I signed myself in. I took my seat next to him. Looking around the room I felt silly. The other woman appeared to be on the verge of delivery and I didn’t even have a tiny bump. The nurse came out and finally it was my name she called.

  Patting Hert on the shoulder, I said, “I’ll be back,” trying not to look as petrified as I was.

  Aside from the normal unpleasantness that goes along with that type of visit, all was well. The nurse wrote me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and scheduled my next appointment. Back in the waiting room, I motioned for Hert. Walking up he held my hand and we walked out. Before we made it to the car Hert stopped me.

  Turning toward me, he asked, “Is everything okay?”

  Smiling up at him, I answered, “Yes. Everything is perfect.”

  With a sigh of relief, he opened the car door for me and I got in.

  In the car, I explained that I needed to stop and fill my prescription. Em offered to run it in.

  Emerson walked into the pharmacy and Hert asked, “How far along are you?”

  I replied, “About six weeks.”

  Still curious, he asked, “How much longer do you have?”

  Laughing, I answered, “About thirty,” before feeling as if I were missing something and pouting, “I wish I was showing already but the doctor said you can come back with me and hear the heartbeat. Not this coming visit but the next one.”

  He held my hand and kissed my forehead, asking, “Okay, when do we find out whether it’s a boy or a girl?”

  I promptly answered, “At five months I go for my ultrasound and we should be able to find out then.”

  Hert smiled again, asking, “Are you hungry? We can go get something to eat if you want.”

  Leaning my head on his shoulder, I stated, “No, I just want to go home and maybe take a nap. I’ll eat something later.”

  Emerson got back to the car and we went home. Curling up on the couch to take a nap, I could hear Hert and Emerson talking in the kitchen, as I drifted off.

  I woke wishing we had stopped to eat on the way home. Getting up, I walked into the kitchen. After making myself a sandwich, I sat down at the table.

  Emerson walked in and asked, “Did you just get up?”

  Having a mouth full of food, I just nodded.

  He sat down at the table informing, “Hert had to run into work for about an hour. So how are you feeling?”

  I answered, “Good,” before taking the first opportunity we had alone to ask, “Is something wrong Em? You have been…I don’t know. Different since you came home.”

  Sighing, he replied, “I might be going back to Spain for a while.”

  Horrified, I shouted, “Why?”

  Keeping his voice steady, he explained, “Well, my father needs someone to take over so he can retire and….”

  Stopping him, I asked, “Can’t you do that from here?”

  Sympathetic, he replied, “Yes, Ren I can but I still have to be away so I can learn how things work and I don’t know how long that will take. I don’t want you to worry though, I’m not supposed to tell you, but my parents are giving you and Hert the house as a wedding present. So you don’t have to worry about staying here.”

  Outraged, I stood up, shouting, “So it’s not a temporary thing. I could care less about this stupid house. I can’t believe you! You’re planning on moving to another country and you think I’m upset about a house.”

  I was angry. Getting up I ran out of the room and went upstairs.

  Passing Em’s room and mine, I went straight to Hert’s. Asking myself why I was so angry, I stretched out across Hert’s bed. I knew Emerson needed to grow up, have a job and a life of his own. The thought of Em not being there if I needed him was disheartening. He was my best friend and my security. When my parents died a few weeks after graduation, Emerson was there, trying to help me through it. Assuring me if I had been there that night when our house burnt down, it wouldn’t have made a difference and I would be gone too. When I had no one else, I had Em. He was always there. That was all over now.

  I knew it was Emerson at the door because Hert would not have knocked to come in his own room.

  Looking in his soft brown eyes, filled with guilt, I apologized, “I’m sorry Em. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do without you.”

  Filled with understanding, he replied, “I’m going to miss you too, Ren. It’s not like I’ll never see you again, and I’m not leaving until after the wedding. I will come back when you have your baby. Ren, you and Hert are starting a life together and I want that too.”

  Wrapping my arms around him, with tears spilling everywhere, I agreed, “I know,” before wiping my eyes assuring, “I really do want you to be happy. I’m going to miss you so much, but I understand.”

  Nudging me, he said, “I’m not leaving yet. And at this rate if the church hunt doesn’t get any better, I’ll still be here when you go into labor.”

  Pretending to be serious, I fussed, “That is so not funny Em!”

  He hugged me and asked, “Are we okay?”

  Smiling, I nodded as he left Hert’s room.

  Lying back down, I waited for Hert to get back home. I placed my hands on my belly and thought about how lucky I was. Hert’s door opened as he walked in.

  Sitting up, I asked, “Did you know Emerson was leaving after the wedding?” He didn’t have to answer. I could tell by the look on his face, he knew.

  Before he could explain his reason for keeping secrets from me, I shouted, “This is ridiculous! Do you have meetings to discuss what ya'll are going to keep from me? Huh? Do you?” without letting him answer, I continued, “You know what Hert? If you are going to be my husband then all this secrecy is going to stop. Right now!”

  Hert sat down on the bed apologizing, “I’m sorry I just…”

  Not letting him finish, I threw one of his little sayings back in his face, “I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry!” continuing I informed, “I want you to stop keeping things from me.”

  As I stared at him, Hert held my hand and stated, “I won’t Renni. I promise.”

  Getting over his concealment of vital information, I asked, “What did you have to go into work for?”

  Making a face, he said, “I had to finish up some paper work,” before slightly smiling as he informed, “I have good news and bad news.”

  I sighed, asking, “Okay, what?”

  Hert stood up and explained, “One of the churches called while I was at The Office. Good news is, they have an opening and we can get married there. Bad news is, it’s not until five months from now.”

  I threw my arms in the air and shouted, “Of course!” lying back I said, “I’ll be six months pregnant by then. I don’t wanna get married with a big pregnant belly. Ugg!
This is stupid! It should not be this hard to just get married.”

  Hert laid down on the bed next to me placing his hand on my belly.

  Trying to comfort me, he said, “That’s just one church Renni, I’m sure we will find another one but at least we know that one’s there if we don’t.”

  Nodding, I agreed, still unhappy with the information.

  Tired of how difficult it all was and considering I brought most of it on myself, I guessed it was my penance for all the bad decisions I made. Reflecting back on my previous thoughts of why I was waiting and how awful it would be to have our honeymoon with a six month belly between us, made me uneasy. As much as I wanted to pretend that I wasn’t, I was heartbroken things weren’t going the way I wanted them to and I started to cry. Em was leaving me, we couldn’t find a church and every night since my day out with Jackson, I had the same nightmare.

  Hert moved his hand from my belly, and laid it across my chest tucking his hand behind my shoulder.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he assured.

  Turning toward him, I conceded, “I know. I just wish everything didn’t have to be so difficult all the time, I’m….”

  Hert interjected, “I know your upset Roberts is leaving.”

  I continued, “Yes I am. I’m also tired of waiting.”

  Catching on to my train of thought Hert informed, “It’s not fun for me either, Renni, but I am a firm believer in anything worth having is worth waiting for.”

  I had to smile as I commented, “Obviously it’s the motto you live by.”

  As I started to laugh, Hert exclaimed, “Oh, are we trying to be funny now?” and laughed too.

  After the humor wore off, Hert rolled on his back staring at the ceiling. I propped myself up on my elbow looking at him. It still amazed me how good Hert looked and how it was hard to believe it took me so long to notice. Placing my hand on his chest, I brushed my lips across his cheek before kissing all the way to his ear.

  I whispered, “I love you.”

  His eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling, as a smile spread across his face and he replied, “I love you too,” before taking a deep breath and asking, “You feel like going somewhere with me?”

  I replied, “Sure. Where are we going?”

  Hert’s face seemed more serious as he stated, “To see my mother.”

  It took a minute for the shock to wear off before I said, “Well I better change then.”

  Turning to me, Hert shared, “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

  Correcting him, I said, “No. You just surprised me. I‘ll go with you. Let me go change my clothes.”

  Getting up from the bed, I felt anxious. I walked to my room and started looking through my closet. I found a pair of pants and a nice shirt. While getting dressed, I wondered if Hert's mom would be happy to see me. The last time I saw her was at Mr. Herterand's funeral. I worried about what I should talk about. Did she know about my parent's passing away? I was afraid to see her, what if she looked unstable or didn’t know me.

  I walked downstairs where Hert was already waiting on me, and asked, “Do you think this looks okay?”

  Giving me a strange look, he answered, “You look nice.”

  Feeling stupid and that I might as well have said ‘hey does this look institution friendly?’ I tried not to say anything else.

  The car ride to the institution was long and silent. I made an effort to smile at Hert every time he glanced at me trying to reassure him this was a good idea.

  When we finally arrived, Hert looked at me and asked, “Are you sure you’re okay with doing this?”

  I nodded and got out of the car. The large glass doors slid open and the receptionist greeted us immediately. I sat down in a waiting area, while Hert talked to an orderly.

  He walked over to me, “They’re getting her, we have to go to the second floor.”

  Smiling, I nodded again and followed him. Inside the elevator my heart started to pound.

  Hert stepped closer to me and held my hand informing me, “If it gets to be too much for you just let me know okay.”

  I replied, “Oh, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” trying to convince both of us.

  Walking into the visiting area, I started to feel queasy. The smell was medicinal and sickening.

  I fought the urge to put my hands over my nose and mouth as Hert said, “Let’s sit over there. They will bring her over to us.”

  We sat down in the chairs by the window. Knowing Hert was tense, I concentrated on how hard this was for him and not my nausea. The moment they wheeled her in I knew it was her. She looked exactly the same as I remembered her. Noticing for the first time, she and her son shared the same dark hair and blue eyes. The similarity seemed to calm me. I let go of Hert’s hand and placed mine in my lap. The closer she got the straighter I sat, crossing my legs at the ankle.

  An orderly wheeled her right up to us.

  Hert stood up and hugged her saying, “Hi Mom, how are you? I brought Rennillia with me.”

  Her eyes were glassy.

  I addressed her, “Hello Mrs. Herterand.”

  She looked right through me as she corrected, “Its Ms. I am not married.”

  Shrinking back into my chair, I apologetically replied, “Yes ma’am.”

  Hert was standing at her side giving me a look of reassurance.

  He set his hand on her shoulder looking down at her and stated, “Mom, we are getting married.”

  She stared at me and ordered, “Scott, go get me a glass of water.”

  Terrified I looked at him.

  He gave a slight smile and said, “Yes ma’am.”

  As soon as he walked away she asked, “Do you love my son?”

  Relieved she didn’t jump out of her chair and try to strangle me, I answered, “Yes ma’am, very much.”

  Showing no emotion to my answer, she asked, “Do you think you could live without him?”

  My whole body tensed up as I tried to answer appropriately, “I hope I don’t ever have to but if I did, I would.”

  Mentally checking that my statement made sense, I didn’t know why she was asking.

  She gazed out the window still devoid of emotion and said, “Good. Then you do love him. If you can’t live without someone it’s not love. It’s an obsession.”

  It struck me I knew exactly where she was coming from. She wasn’t crazy or pitiful she was broken. Broken just like I was when Emerson brought me home from the hotel.

  Saddened she didn’t have her own Emerson to help her through the painful withdrawals. I understood.

  “Would you like to come to our wedding?” I asked hoping to make her smile.

  Still no expression as she replied, “No I would not. I would, however, like for you to come back and visit me with my son.”

  I could see Hert walking back as I promised, “Yes ma’am. I will.”

  Hert held out the cup and she snapped, “I don’t want that. I will see you next week.”

  Looking wounded, Hert stated, “Okay. I love you mom. Come on Renni lets go.”

  Standing up, I gave her an understanding smile and touched her shoulder as I walked past her.

  Hert didn’t say a word in the elevator. I could see his jaw tighten as I placed my hand on his back trying to comfort him. The ride home was silent until I noticed we missed the exit.

  “Hey where are you going?” I asked wondering if he wasn’t paying attention.

  Without hesitation, he stated, “Somewhere else.”

  Not wanting to upset him further, I didn’t respond.

  More self-pity filled me as I realized I did the same thing to Hert as his mother did. He watched his mom slowly unraveling unable to help, then me. Hert hated his father and now I knew why. His father was just like HIM. If only she had an Emerson to make plans, be there for her and then maybe she could have recovered and fallen in love. I was forever indebted to Em. If he needed to go away to live his life, then he deserved for me to be as loving and supportive of him, as he
always was of me.

  Things started to look familiar as we turned down a long dirt road. We were going to the pond. The place our parents took us almost every weekend. I knew why. That was the place where the only thing we ever worried about was getting in trouble for being unruly. Back when our parents were all friends, married and alive. The memories made me teary eyed. At the end of the road Hert stopped the car and turned it off.

  Covertly wiping my eyes, I declared, “It’s been forever.”

  I got out of the car and started to walk around, trying to envision us all back there. Wondering when we would take our baby here for the first time, I turned looking back at Hert. He was sitting on the hood of his car.

  Walking back, I asked, “You alright?”

  Hert held out his hand helping me onto the hood. Scooting back, he put his arm around me.

  I rested my head on his shoulder and shared, “Your mother asked me to come with you when you visit her next week.”

  Staying silent he nodded. I reached up, placing my hand on the side of his face, forcing Hert to look at me.

  I swore, “I love you.”

  He threw his arms around me holding me tight. I could feel his arms flexing and his jaw tighten. I held onto him. The boy that I pushed into the pond and fought with nearly every day. The boy that grew into the man that I loved, had waited for me. The man I truly loved with all my heart. Hert was right, anything worth having was worth waiting for.

  Chapter 15

  Every day after that evening at the pond was the same as the next. All my doctor’s appointments were the same as the previous ones. Still hoping for a church to pop out of nowhere, so I didn’t have to wait one more day for my 'worth having'. The days seemed to drag by but before I knew it, it was time for my five month checkup. Excited to get there and get it over with so I could pick up my papers to register at the hospital and get my ultrasound, I wanted to know if my little stranger was a boy or a girl.