The Rennillia Series: Volumes 1-5

by M. Sembera

  Leaning against it, I said, “I thought you left.”

  Staring at the floor, he shook his head.

  His eyes stayed fixed on the floor as he replied, “I’m not trying to hurt you and I know you didn’t do anything with Roberts.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “Then why are you leaving?”

  There was a long pause before Hert stood up and said, “Because I don’t want to be here when something does happen.”

  Confused, I didn’t understand how Hert could leave me over something that was never going to happen.

  “Renni I’m gone a lot. I don’t want to be but I am. Mistakes are easy to make. Look at what happened with Tel…” pausing he changed his direction, “My mother and Mr. Roberts. I love you and if anything like that happened…” he stopped talking, shook his head and started to walk out.

  With a firm voice I ordered, “Stop,” then asked, “Hert please come sit down,” as I walked to the bed and patted it with my hand.

  I could hardly believe it when Hert turned back and sat on the bed. My heart swelled with hope at his response.

  Standing in front of him, I placed my hand under his chin forcing him to make eye contact with me. As I looked into his blue eyes, I discovered something. With all his control and responsibility he was wounded. He was so strong and remarkable it was easy to overlook all the pain he had been through. Finding out Mr. Roberts was his father didn’t affect him the way I thought it would but it did affect him. He had been hurt by every person he ever loved, including me.

  An apology seemed insufficient. Emerson was wrong to betray their friendship but he was right about me. I wasn’t loyal at all. Doing what I needed to keep Hert was not the same as not wanting to hurt him.

  As convincing as I could, I urged, “Stay.”

  Hert broke eye contact slowly shaking his head at me.

  Persistent, I whispered, “Stay.”

  I placed my hands on his shoulders and stepped closer.

  Running my finger from his temple down to his jaw, I asked again, “Stay.”

  Leaning my head down, I rested my forehead against his.

  “There will never be anyone else. Stay,” I assured.

  Hert’s eyes were direct as he gently moved me away from him, picked up his box and stood up.

  “Don’t Renni,” he urged.

  Refusing to let him go, I tried one more time. Placing my hand on his arm, I reached up gently tugging the collar of his shirt with the other.

  I looked up, pleading, “Stay.”

  Closing my eyes, I leaned into him. After a moment I backed away. Hert stood still. I stepped to the bed and sat down on it. Scooting to the center, I pulled my knees into my chest and hoped he would turn around. He didn’t.

  Watching him slowly walk out on me suddenly became unacceptable. Hearing him shuffle down the stairs it was clear he didn’t want to leave. I jumped off the bed and ran downstairs right as he reached the last step.

  Pushing him, I shouted, “You’re just going to walk out on me?”

  The box flew out of his hands sliding across the floor.

  Hert quickly turned around, shouting back, “Stop it!”

  I pushed him again, shouting, “No.”

  His jaw tightened and his arms flexed as he grabbed hold of my wrists.

  “Stop!” he cautioned.

  Jerking away from him, I slapped him as hard as I could, feeling the heat of anger throughout my body.

  Hert seemed unaffected so I slapped him again. This time he grabbed me holding my arms tight against my sides and lifting me off the ground.

  As I kicked and screamed, he yelled, “Calm your ass down!”

  I hollered back, “No! Put me down!”

  He dropped me and quickly backed away. I stood there frantically trying to catch my breath. Staring at him, I started to cry. Uncontrollable heaving sobs brought me to my knees. I leaned forward, crossing my arms in front of my face against the floor. I felt Hert’s hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it away.

  He softly said, “Renni.”

  Shaking my head into my arms, I cried even harder.

  Muffled through my arms my voice was low as I conceded, “Leave.”

  I slowly picked myself up off the floor and staggered up the stairs. In my room I walked to the bathroom washing my face. Looking in the mirror my eyes were swollen and my face was red. With a deep breath I walked back to my bed sitting down on the corner of it unsure if Hert left. There was no way I could let him walk out without having my say. If he was still here maybe we could work it out. I walked back down the stairs finding the living room empty. Exhaling loudly, I turned the corner into the kitchen finding Hert sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

  Shaking my head, I walked past him to the sink. Risking my heart one more time, I walked back to the table, sitting down beside him.

  “Hert, it shouldn’t be like this with us. Maybe this isn’t going to work out but how do you know if you just leave before you find out for sure,” I asked.

  Lifting his head from his hands, Hert’s eyes revealed a certain comprehension of my statement.

  “So I will ask you one more time Hert. Stay,” I took a breath and assured him, “I won’t ask you ever again. And if you are going to leave, do it now. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life like this. It doesn’t always have to be you. You say all the time you don’t want to leave but you have to. Well you don’t. You don’t always have to be one in control or maybe you do, I really don’t know what you need. Whether you’re here or not, I’m still yours and only yours. I guess I should have told you but is that something you really wanted to know? What good could have possibly come from me telling you what happened? And besides, I didn’t make him leave because I wanted him. I made him leave because I only want to be with you and it wasn’t right having him here after that. All I know is neither of us is doing the right thing. Maybe there is no right thing to do with us.”

  He sat there without a word, staring at the table. I stood up, leaned toward him, and kissed his cheek.

  Whispering in his ear, “You are my love always.”

  Turning away from him, I left the kitchen and went back upstairs to my room. Stretching out across the bed, I reminded myself all I originally wanted was a devoted father for my baby. She had that. I wasn’t asking for anything else. It was a far more important thing for her to have a father than for me to have Hert. Apparently having both was too much to ask. Sophia would have something Hert and I never did and that made it all worthwhile.

  A Simple Truth Book IV

  Two months had gone by, since I woke to find Hert moved out. As I watched the clock, waiting on him to arrive for his visit with Sophia, I thought about how routine his visits had become. Every day, he stopped by after work and stayed until he put her to bed for the night. It was difficult at first, seeing him and having him leave. Goodbye was all but effortless for both of us now. The awkward pause before his exits had completely vanished and turned into, ‘See you tomorrow’. Sophia crawled from toy to toy trying to decide which one to play with, while I finished cooking dinner. Hearing the front door open, I stepped into the living room and saw Jackson walking in instead of Hert. I started to laugh, saying, “Hey stranger,” until I realized, Mrs. Thomas was right behind him and neither of them were smiling.

  Chapter 1

  The living room was silent as Mrs. Thomas closed the door behind them. I leaned down and kissed Sophia on the top of her head. Slowly walking towards Jackson, I held his gaze, trying to judge what I needed to prepare myself for. Mrs. Thomas placed her hand on my shoulder as she made her way to Sophia, giving me a pitiful glance. Jackson slightly nodded and opened the front door.

  Jackson placed his arm around my shoulders as we made our way to his car. My request to him when Telli died, ‘if anything ever happens to Hert, I want you to tell me,’ rung in my head and I started to panic.

  Once we were both inside his car, I asked, “How bad is it?” as we
drove away.

  “Pretty bad but he’ll live,” Jackson informed.

  Relief washed over me.

  I asked, “So what happened?”

  Jackson appeared angry as he explained, “Some jackass ran a red light and hit him on the driver’s side. He’s in the hospital. At last count he had two broken ribs, four cracked ribs, a broken leg, dislocated shoulder and he’s all cut up from the broken glass.”

  My eyes grew wider as his list proceeded.

  “At last count?” I questioned.

  “Yea, they took care of everything they immediately knew was wrong. He was in x-ray again when I headed to your house. If there’s nothing else wrong, he can go ho... um, check out tomorrow,” he shared.

  I was slightly put off by Jackson’s comment, implying Hert wouldn’t just come to the house.

  “Is he okay though? I mean how is he?” I questioned.

  With a smirk he answered, “Well, you should have seen the fight he put up when he found out they put him on morphine but I guess it kicked in or something 'cause he’s a… Well… Happy.”

  Laughing a little to himself as we pulled up to the hospital, Jackson stopped at the front.

  “I’m going to park the car. You’ll have to ask at the front to see what room they put him in,” he said as I got out of the car.

  Inside, I stopped at the front desk and then headed to the fourth floor. In the elevator, I thought about how I would approach the subject of Hert coming to stay at the house until he was all healed up. Deciding not to give him any options, I would just tell him he was coming to the house. Laughing to myself with the thought of, ‘he can’t walk out now,’ I stepped out of the elevator. Down the hallway, I found his room and walked in.

  The moment I saw him, I felt relief and sadness at the same time. Relieved he really was okay and sad because he was hurt so badly. His shoulder and ribs were taped up, there was a cast on his leg and he had cuts from the glass covering the side of his face, his chest and arms.

  “Hey! It’s Renni!” Hert cheered in a scratchy voice.

  With a weak smile I said, “Hey.”

  Looking at the nurse as she fixed his IV, he announced, “This is Renni! She’s my wife.”

  The nurse smiled, saying, “Yes, Mr. Herterand,” before walking to me and asking, “Can I speak to you outside Mrs. Herterand?”

  Nodding, I followed her out into the hallway.

  “He will be alright; he is a very lucky man to have sustained so few injuries from the accident. He needs to stay overnight for observation but you can take him home in the morning.”

  I felt a little awkward asking, “Can you give him something else for pain?”

  Smiling, the nurse informed, “We are taking him off the drip now and getting him started on hydrocodone. The doctor will write him a prescription for it. He will be in great discomfort but it should help with the pain,” then asked, “Who is his regular doctor?”

  “Dr. Chepelli I guess,” I said.

  The nurse appeared unhappy as she stated, “Well you can follow up with him for aftercare,” and walked back to the nurse’s station.

  I turned back to enter Hert’s room thinking, ‘here we go’.

  Hert smiled wide as I reentered the room, pulling a chair up to his bedside.

  “How do you feel?” I asked, looking him over again.

  Still smiling, Hert replied, “Glad to be alive.”

  Nodding, I said, “Yea.”

  I sat there staring at him. Dwelling on every scrape and bruise, caused me to want him with me in the worst way.

  “Tomorrow, when they release you, I am taking you to the house. I will have Jackson pack you a bag and bring it over,” I stated.

  “Okay,” Hert agreed before asking, “Why are you so serious Renni? Don’t be upset.”

  Smiling a little, I said, “You’re not acting like yourself right now.”

  He didn’t seem to pay any attention to my answer as his glassy eyes stared into mine. Caught in his gaze, I started losing my train of thought.

  “You are so beautiful, Renni. I Lo…” he started.

  Unwilling to go through the heartache that came with him speaking while medicated, I cut him off before he finished. I could feel my chest starting to ache.

  I quickly interjected, “Do you need anything?”

  Slowly shaking his head, I could see him struggle to keep his eyes open until he drifted off.

  Once Hert was asleep, I slid my chair back against the wall as Jackson walked in.

  With a giant grin he asked, “Did you get to meet happy Hert?”

  I smiled back, saying, “Yea, how weird was that? They took him off of it and nothing else is wrong with him so he’ll be released in the morning. Do you think your mom would keep Sophia overnight? I think I’m going to stay here.”

  Jackson nodded, informing me, “She was already planning on Sophia staying the night. We figured you would want to be here. If you call me in the morning, I’ll come get ya’ll.”

  “Thanks Jackson,” I said, appreciating his help.

  Smiling again, this time more apologetic, he said, “Hey, I have to get back to The Office. Are you going to be okay? Do you need anything?”

  I shook my head at him as he winked, giving me another smile before leaving.

  Already feeling the tug at my heart, I concentrated on a to-do list, instead of how badly I wanted to hold his hand while he slept. Wanting to keep my chair close and brush my fingers across his forehead, I shook off the thought. I would have to keep in complete control of my feelings if he was coming back to the house to recover. That way, I wouldn’t have to start all the way back over, hurting, when he left again.

  Chapter 2

  Hearing a nurse’s voice, I realized, I fell asleep in the chair against the wall. Barely opening my eyes, I saw Hert staring at me. After thanking the nurse for bringing me a toothbrush, I stepped into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and tried to look like I hadn’t spent the night sitting in a chair at the hospital.

  I walked out of the bathroom and up to Hert’s bed. It was very clear, happy Hert was long gone.

  “How are you this morning?” I asked.

  His jaw was tight as he shook his head at me.

  Fighting the urge to place my hand over his that was curled into a tight fist, I stated, “Jackson is coming to pick us up. He packed you a bag and if you need anything else he’ll bring it to the house.”

  Slightly nodding, Hert continued clenching his teeth and looked away.

  “We can stop on the way and fill your prescription if you’re in a lot of pain?” I suggested.

  His voice was rough as he replied, “I don’t need it.”

  Raising my voice a little, I asked, “Aren’t you hurting?”

  Hert didn’t answer.

  This was going to be difficult. Clearly Hert was not going to do what he was supposed to. Lucky for me, I was no longer under my previous obligation to make his life easier. When he walked out on me, he took with him my promise to be an accommodating wife. Thinking to myself, ‘well just be in pain then stupid,’ I stepped out of the room to call Jackson.

  After I hung up the phone, I walked back into the room. I sat down in the chair, staring at Hert, while waiting on Jackson.

  “You can have your room back and I’ll stay in Sophia’s while you’re recovering. Dr. Chepelli is going to meet us at the house to reexamine you. Mrs. Thomas is keeping Sophia until tomorrow, so you can get settled in. If you need anything, I’ll make a list and get it for you,” I informed.

  As I waited for him to respond, I saw his jaw tightening and his fists clinching. He was in serious pain and my matter of fact disposition was replaced by compassion.

  I quickly stood up and stepped to his bedside, urging, “Hert, if you’re in pain, tell them so they can give you something.”

  “I don’t need it,” he snapped.

  Crossing my arms, I turned and sat back down in my chair.

  Jackson arriv
ed to take us home. It took almost an hour just to get out of the hospital because Hert refused to use a wheelchair. When we finally made it to the car, it took another twenty minutes for him to get in. I wanted to be mad at him for being ridiculously stubborn but I couldn’t get past seeing how much pain he was in. I also knew why he wouldn’t take them. It was the same reason I had never seen him have more than one drink. Aside from his aversion to not being in control, he was afraid of ending up like his parents.

  Dr. Chepelli was waiting in the driveway when we pulled up at the house. He and Jackson helped Hert upstairs and into the bedroom. I waited downstairs for the doctor to come back down. When he did, he looked unhappy.

  He immediately said, “You have your work cut out for you Mrs. Herterand.”

  With a sigh, I nodded.

  Dr. Chepelli continued, saying, “He will heal faster if he takes the hydrocodone. He will slow the healing process down if he can’t relax. Other than that, the two broken ribs are my only concern. For the next ten days, he is going to need lots of help. If he is not careful, they could displace and puncture his lung. I left antibacterial wash in the room for his abrasions. It needs to be applied once daily. He may not shave until they are completely healed. I will be back to check on Mr. Herterand on Monday. I made you a list of care instructions for him. In the mean-time, call my office if you have questions or concerns.”

  I thanked him as he left, then headed upstairs to lay down the law with Hert.

  Walking into the room, I politely asked Jackson to give us a minute and closed the door behind him.

  “Okay Hert. I know you aren’t going to take the pain pills and that’s fine but I have a list and for the next ten days you are going to follow it,” I informed.

  Hert snapped, “I’m not a child Renni.”

  “Then don’t act like one, Hert!” I snapped back, continuing to say, “You are just going to have to swallow that stubborn-ass pride of yours and do what I say.”

  He remained silent this time.

  Picking up the list, I informed, “So it looks like tomorrow you can shower.” His eyes grew wide as I stated, “I will help you with that.” Rolling my eyes at him, I continued saying, “We can get the tape off then, and it looks like this stretchy thing goes on to protect your ribs.” Looking up from the list, I asked, “Oh, are you hungry?”