Sacred Desires (Samuel #1)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  “So what am I going to tell him?"

  "That your boss urgently asked you to meet up with some investors in France and you have to leave with me, as in Chris."

  "He will go mad."

  "I realise that, Poppy, and somehow I like seeing him hopeless."

  "So I guess I have nothing to say to this. You have decided that your memories are more important than your tasks on earth? What about Charlie?”

  "Rhonda can take care of him for you, so please be ready tomorrow morning.”

  Then he is gone and I want to stop him and let him know that I really want to help him. I'm angry with myself that I reacted that way, because in his eyes I'm still that whiny, self-centred woman that doesn’t care about anyone. I don’t know why, but I want to distance myself from that person. If I change and became a decent human being, then maybe he will give me my freedom back. Everything is possible these days.

  Seventeen

  “Okay, I’m ready,” I say to Dimitrious when he appears in my living room on Saturday morning. I met Rhonda in the coffee shop downstairs earlier on and had to tell her about Dimitrious's gift. She didn’t ask any questions, just took Charlie away. She was in one of her moods, probably angry that I got the cat and she didn’t.

  Last night I had to speak to Samuel and cancel our plans, lying about being called in for a very important meeting with Chris. He went ballistic, raging on the phone for about twenty minutes. Apparently he had organised a very special trip away for both of us, somewhere in Spain. Obviously we were both extremely disappointed. I could already imagine myself, lounging somewhere hot on the beach with a drink in my hand. Our conversation ended coldly, with hanging tension. I didn’t say anything to Rhonda or Dimitrious, but I don’t know if Samuel will forgive me this time around.

  "Good. It’s cold outside, so put on something warm. Unfortunately we will be using an unconventional method of transport today," he says and sends me a wink.

  I force a smile, feeling the butterflies in my stomach. Dimitrious can’t possibly believe that I’m going to agree to flying while hanging on his shoulder in weather like this. He must be mad.

  “No way, José. It’s freezing. What if someone notices us?” I ask as thoughts about his great body pressed against mine begin flowing into my head. No, he is my boss. There is no attraction. I need to stop this nonsense.

  "Humans tend to ignore things that they can’t explain, Poppy."

  "I want to go a normal way, in a car or a plane," I insist, working my jaw. I don’t know what I am scared of. It’s not like we haven’t travelled that way before.

  “I don’t want to waste any more time than I have to. It’s been decided.”

  That’s it then; he doesn’t care what I think. Our conversation is done. I go back to my bedroom and put on a few more layers of clothing, gloves and a jacket. My palms are damp with sweat and I can no longer deny the connection that I feel to him. In a short while we will be very close and he will feel my pounding heart.

  A few deep breaths later I stand in front of him trying to think about John, but it doesn’t seem to be working.

  "I'm ready," I say, feeling like a little child that is just about to do something naughty. Dimitrious gives me a quick approving glance before he says, "I'm sure you are, and don’t worry. You will be safe with me.”

  Then, with a snap of his fingers the room disappears and we are standing on top of the building. Winds howl, numbing my skin straight away.

  I shiver, not able to imagine how long it will take us to get to France in terrible weather like this. Dimitrious is standing close to me with his snow-white wings spread wide on each side. Before I have a chance to ask him how long we are going to travel, he brings me closer to his chest.

  "Wrap your arms around my waist," he whispers in my ear. I obey, swallowing hard. When my body is tightly secured around his, my mind swirls with graphic thoughts about us in bed. This has to stop. Me and Dimitrious, we are so different and he petrifies me. Before I even have a chance to prepare, Dimitrious shoots into the sky and my lungs seize with cold air. We move above the buildings, flying through grey clouds, and the river Thames starts getting smaller and smaller.

  I don’t know how much time passes, but I feel like I never want to be anywhere else. I close my eyes, pressing myself closer. He flies in a steady rhythm, moving quickly.

  After some time, Dimitrious is in my head, asking me if I'm alright. Maybe he does really care for me. After all, he is partly human, just like me. Underneath that hard expression there are emotions and real raw feelings.

  After some time, maybe an hour or two, the weather changes and Dimitrious moves further down, flying above the clouds. I don’t even know how much time passes, but my body is completely numb with freezing cold air. Then he tells me that it’s not long to go, and twenty minutes later our feet step onto the terrace of another detached house that seems to be in the countryside.

  Grey fields filled with sheep spread all around us. The rain starts to drizzle and I just want to get inside to get warm. This trip was exhausting.

  "You can let go of me now, Poppy."

  I hear Dimitrious’s voice and remember that my arms are still clenched around him. When I meet his eyes there is nothing in them, the same tight expression. He is not fazed being close to me.

  He walks to the door and moves his hand over the handle—the lock clicks. I don’t have time to ask questions, as I’m trying to slow down my own heartbeat. The heat travels down my toes, reminding me that I’m going to be all alone with Dimitrious. Rhonda is back in London.

  We get inside the stunning country house with a large open-plan design. Dimitrious mutters something about downstairs. I already know that it’s Samuel’s home. He briefly mentioned that he owns properties in France, Belgium and Italy.

  I walk through the large space, admiring the art, tasteful furniture and collections of sculptures. Naughty thoughts start working their way into my brain when I pass the bedroom. Things that I shouldn't even be thinking; thoughts that are toxic and lethal. I need to remember that Dimitrious is only using me.

  Downstairs is an open-plan living room with wooden floors. Dimitrious runs his eyes over the room, probably searching for something specific; possibly another sword that can link him to his memories.

  “You were wrong. He doesn’t have anything else in here," I say in a strained voice.

  “No, I’m never wrong, Poppy. He must have hidden the weapons somewhere in the basement or attic. These days Fallen are very careful and I’m already sensing its energy in the house.”

  I don’t know if he is right. The house seems cozy but unused. Samuel doesn’t strike me as a guy that keeps stuff away because he is afraid. He likes the challenge.

  "Just relax, Poppy. We will be here until tomorrow. There is something in this house that belongs to a Watcher. I can feel it and I’ll find it."

  I stand in the middle of the room staring at him.

  "Relax? What do you mean? I didn’t realise we were going to stay here for the night.”

  He smiles, shaking his head. “I changed my mind. Just relax. Take the car and drive to the village. Get us some food. I’ll need you to be focused in the evening."

  It takes me a moment to gather that he is giving me a free hand to do what I want. I head to one of the guest bedrooms, feeling overwhelmed and confused. Dimitrious wants us to spend a night in this house. A shiver blazes through my spine when I think about him sleeping in the room next to mine.

  I didn’t even bring any clothes, but I head outside and see a nice French car parked in the driveway. My head is not coping with all these surprises. It’s just dinner, Poppy, he hasn’t asked you to do anything else, so just calm down. That creature upstairs doesn’t care about you. This is just part of his plan.

  I have no idea where we actually are. For a moment I need to get used to driving on the right-hand side. John bought me a very nice car and since I have been working for Dimitrious, I’ve missed it.

 
; For about ten minutes I don't even know where I am going, but soon I reach a small French village. With absolutely no language skills, I manage to get some food in the small bistro. I don’t cook and Dimitrious is delusional if he thinks that I'm going to be running around cooking for him.

  I don’t know how, but I manage to find the way back to the house. My stomach growls when I think about the dishes in the back of the car. I managed to get my hands on a steak and baby potatoes. I didn’t forget about the wine.

  Inside I head to the kitchen, which is situated in the back of the house. It’s wide with a huge breakfast bar in the middle. This house seems like the perfect place to raise a family.

  "Good that you're back. I’m starving."

  Dimitrious’s deep voice startles me as he appears behind me out of nowhere. He is wearing a navy shirt and leather pants. His hair is messy and my mouth goes dry in an instant. What the hell is wrong with me? Why does he have this kind of effect on me?

  "I got a prawn salad for starters, and steak. It’s all cooked fresh,” I say. "I can’t believe that you sent me out there. What if I got lost? I don’t speak a word of French.”

  "I had faith in you, Poppy. You could survive anywhere. Now come on, let’s eat," he states with much more excitement than usual. He moves the bags with food and starts plating everything in front of me. I stand still, staring as he pours the wine into glasses that he finds in the cupboard.

  "Come on. Otherwise I might start without you," he chuckles, nudging me gently on the elbow. This whole thing seems surreal, but I carry on to another room. That usual mysterious ambiance has disappeared. Now Dimitrious seems normal, cheerful, more human. He points at the chair opposite me and I sit.

  “What's all this?” I ask, feeling a little apprehensive dining with a man who feels so indifferent about me.

  "What does it look like? Dinner of course, with excellent wine, thanks to your boyfriend," he says.

  I frown. "Samuel is not my boyfriend, he’s an assignment," I reply, underlining the word assignment.” I don’t think we should be eating right now. We should be looking around the house. We are here to find your memories."

  “Don’t worry, Poppy. We have plenty of time. Tonight we have to relax."

  Dimitrious is not all bad and he literally wants me to have a good time. He has a softer soul, but maybe he is afraid to show it. I smile, take the glass of wine and drink. It’s amazing, crisp and spicy, and it reminds me of my time with John in his cottage in North England. I close my eyes, trying to bring back those amazing memories.

  "What are you thinking about, Poppy?"

  Dimitrious’s voice brings me back to the room. His eyes are rich now, almost black, but as usual I can’t read anything from him.

  "It doesn’t matter what I think. My old life is over and I need to think about the future."

  "John didn’t make you happy; no one ever did. It was just an illusion. Humans tend to do that often."

  "He did make me happy and our love wasn’t just an illusion, Dimitrious. Why are you judging me? I did what I had to do in order to survive in this cruel world."

  "Yes, indeed. You made a decision and now you are paying for the consequences, Poppy, but let me ask you a question. What is it that you want the most in life? An unlimited dream?"

  After what I've been going through with Dimitrious and Rhonda, I think I used to take things for granted. Now I live in some shabby apartment and don’t have much, but for some reason I don’t obsess about the money the way I used to. Dimitrious is not taking his eyes off me and I don’t know if I want to share with him what I really want. It’s personal and it would hurt me if he laughed.

  I clear my throat, tossing my red hair away from my face. "I want to have a family, children—that’s my dream."

  For a very long time Dimitrious doesn’t say anything, only stares at me. His eyes are so intense and rich. My mouth goes dry again and I rub my palms over my trousers, trying to calm the explosive heat that moves between my breaths.

  "We are similar, Poppy. You want a family and I want to remember what I had before this life, before my days became monotonous and straining."

  "What does the life of a Watcher look like?"

  "I don’t know. My teacher left when I was able to take care of myself. She didn’t like to talk about our world. She simply said that you are either born to be a Watcher or not. She explained the structure upstairs and nothing else. My life was about killing Fallen and sending them back to hell, that’s it. There was no life beyond that."

  "I get it, but you have your own will. You can do what you want," I insist. "What do you do when you're not hunting for your memories or killing Fallen? How do you enjoy your spare time?"

  "I buy tickets to opera and listen to classical music."

  My jaw drops and I stare at him for several minutes, not quite believing that he is really into such things. "Well, that’s unexpected, but with who?"

  "There is no one. I live alone in the city."

  "So that woman from your memories? You must have loved her?"

  Okay, maybe I'm pushing this too far, but I think if I don’t ask now, I will never know. Dimitrious looks away and I instantly know that he can no longer deny this. He must have loved her, which meant that he broke all the rules that the Divine One had set for him.

  "Even if I did, I don’t remember it, Poppy. Love is a useless emotion and it has nothing to do with who I am now."

  "Why don’t you try to speak to someone above the archangels? Others can’t stop you if you’re one of them, can they?”

  "I'm not an archangel, I'm just a Watcher, and we aren’t allowed to pass the seventh heaven. Most of the time I don't know what is happening upstairs."

  "Upstairs as in heaven?"

  "Yeah, the unreachable paradise, where only a few can go."

  I don’t understand why I haven’t asked these questions before. We both start eating our food and I slowly begin to relax. I haven’t had wine like this for a while. Dimitrious tells me about his training as a Watcher, about his nights with his female Guide.

  When I finally leave the table, it’s after ten and I’m exhausted again.

  The food was delicious, and Dimitrious offers to take the plates to the kitchen. I'm a bit tipsy and I offer to help him. He opened up to me this evening. He is no longer that scary man that holds my life, but a lonely soul who doesn’t know who he really is.

  What if there is no God, but only the sacred desires that we both have?

  I walk back to the kitchen that belongs to Samuel, carrying a now-empty bottle of wine. My head feels a little dizzy, and my heart thumps all over my chest. As I take the plates away from Dimitrious, our fingers brush and an electric discharge runs through me.

  Gut-wrenching desire increases the heat in my abdomen, but I ignore this, keeping away from any seductive games. His eyes are wandering down to my lips. I dismiss everything and turn around to put the glasses and plates in the dishwasher. I am bending to put them in the right order when I feel movement behind me. My breath catches in my throat, realizing that Dimitrious is touching me. All of a sudden his hands are on my hips. I freeze, feeling blazing heat all over my body, drenching me up and down.

  I turn around and our eyes meet. Every part of my body is locked, waiting for him to make the next move. His hands are on my hips and I want to taste his dry lips. His pupils go vertical and his finger brushes over the hem of my T-shirt. Burning heat crackles between us and I lock my eyes on his, feeling blissfully calm. Dimitrious drank alcohol; maybe his thick wall of control has just collapsed.

  I take a step towards him and his hand moves up, tracking the skin on my stomach. The ache between my legs increases, drenching my panties. Then he pulls away, sucking in a breath.

  "Get some sleep, Poppy. Tomorrow is a big day."

  I open my eyes, seeing him disappearing into the hallway. I exhale sharply, my heart pounding against my ribcage. I stand in this strange house for several more minutes, trying to figure out
what just happened. It wasn’t a dream and I know that I didn’t just imagine the attraction that we both felt. It has always been there, but only now has Dimitrious made me aware that he feels it too.

  Eighteen

  I don't remember what time I go to bed. It looks like Dimitrious takes the bedroom next to mine. For a moment I want to knock on his door and ask why he touched me earlier on, and about his own feelings. I don't know what is happening to me. I’m not one that normally makes an effort or considers anyone else’s feelings. No one has ever made me feel the way Dimitrious does, without control and filled with emotional fireworks. It’s like he’s awoken something in me, something that I didn’t know existed.

  Instead of knocking, I disappear into another bedroom, breathing hard and without much control. Dimitrious owns my soul, but he won’t own my heart. No one ever did and no one will.

  I find some clothes that belong to Samuel and change. This whole trip seems absurd. I thought that Dimitrious would ask me to locate the sword or something that could bring his memories back. Instead we had a dinner that stretched for a good few hours until the evening. I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering what is wrong with me. I'm not attracted to Dimitrious. He is probably using his supernatural abilities to see how far I would go. There can’t be any other explanation.

  For some reason I drift off to sleep without even knowing when. The dreams are vivid; in them I see myself with other Fallen. We are laughing, partying and drinking. Then all of a sudden they change into monsters and I can’t even scream. My mouth is sewn together.

  I wake up drenched with sweat, gasping for breath. It takes me a while to get what is going on and where I am. The cotton T-shirt is completely soaked.

  I scream, seeing a figure by the door.

  "I need you, Poppy. Come with me."

  Dimitrious's deep voice startles me and then everything from the previous evening comes back to me straight away. "What the hell? What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" I ask, feeling that arousal hardening my nipples through the skimpy T-shirt.