Harbour of Refuge

by Aliyah Burke

  “You know I’m not one for confrontations, Mila. I don’t have it in me.”

  “Bullshit. You don’t think you should. You definitely have it in you. Hello, you threatened a newspaper and a reporter on two separate occasions.”

  “That was different.”

  Mila snorted and with a flick of the wheel wove her vehicle around the car before her. “Not really. You’ll stand up for other people, but not yourself.” Shifting, she sped up. “I never understood why. That bitch should have been busted and bleeding. Your dress is timeless and I’m jealous of your hair. You better not ever relax it. Where was he when this was going down?”

  “I don’t know. Off playing pool, or something like that.”

  “Damn.”

  “He acts like it is his right to party and it is, but I felt like a babysitter. Here I am sitting with his son while he’s out there filming commercials with skimpily dressed women to sell products.”

  “You’re jealous.”

  She scowled at her friend, but couldn’t find it in her to deny the truth. What she’d felt had been jealousy. Pure, raw and extremely undesirable. She didn’t want to be that way.

  Mila gave her a sympathetic smile. “Honey, everyone gets jealous at some point. Stop looking like it’s the end of the world.”

  “Not me. I’ve known this wasn’t anything more than a temporary thing.”

  “Really?”

  “Don’t give me that look. Keep your eyes on the road.”

  Mila arched an eyebrow. “Someone needs to. I know exactly what you’re doing.”

  “I told him I couldn’t have kids, Mila.”

  That shut Mila’s mouth quicker than a frog ate a bug. Mila glanced at her until she pointed at the road.

  “Watch, watch, watch where we’re going!”

  “When did you tell him this?” she asked, zipping in and out of traffic like the other cars stood still.

  “It came up a while ago.”

  Damn it, that got her looking away from the road again. “It came up? Just what, in casual conversation? You went from plants to the state of your uterus?”

  Mila’s comment had her laughing at its absurdity. “No, don’t be crazy, Mila. I don’t remember exactly. But I felt him drawing away then.”

  “You are so full of shit.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t you ‘what’ me, miss missy. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You know damn well you remember when it happened, hell, you probably know what you had for dinner that day. This isn’t a casual mention of a movie you may have passably liked. This is about children, which denotes the potential for a future. One with him. So cut the crap.”

  She blew out a breath, sinking lower in the seat. Why did she have to have a friend who knew her so well?

  “Fine. I remember. He was shocked then tried to make up for it…I guess. I just— He’s a player, Mila. We’re having fun, that’s all, but me being his babysitter is not fun. That’s not what I signed up for.”

  “And you told him this?”

  “I mentioned I wanted to go home, yes. If he realises that’s what I’ve done, I couldn’t say.”

  “You have to quit running from him every time something may not go the way you want it to.”

  “So what? You would have stayed after being used as a babysitter and overhearing those comments?”

  “Me? Hell no. Although I probably would be in jail for beating the shit out of those women, but no, I wouldn’t have.”

  “So why is it running when I do it?”

  “Because you ran. Where was he when you left?”

  She covered her mouth and muttered.

  “Where?”

  “At the museum with Liev.”

  “And that right there is why it’s called running when you do it.”

  “I hate it when you’re logical.” Halyn crossed her arms and turned her attention out of the window. The trees streamed by and the closer she got to her house, the better she felt. Despite Mila’s words mocking her about running away.

  Chapter Twenty

  Enzo hopped out of his vehicle and walked up the stone path to the front door. He pressed the doorbell and waited. It didn’t take too long for him to come face to face with the person he sought.

  Halyn Jennings.

  She stood there before him, wearing jeans and a University of Washington sweatshirt. Her hair sat piled on the top of her head, giving her a messy, innocent look.

  “Hi,” she said, stepping back to allow him entry.

  Shoving his hands into his pockets, he took her up on the wordless offer and strode into her house. The scent of baking cookies reached him and he swallowed hard, recalling the time at the cabin when they’d done this together. He’d never known cookie dough to be so delicious.

  “Care to explain to me what that was all about?” He strove to keep his voice calm.

  “I already explained it.” She shut the door behind him and walked off to her kitchen, where she promptly focused on removing cookies from her stoneware.

  “Really? Maybe we could go over it again then, because I am not sure I understood.”

  “Nothing to explain, Enzo. I told you I wanted to go home.”

  “Wanted, not were leaving the second I took Liev to the museum.” He spun her away from the cookies and backed her against the edge of the sink. “There’s a huge difference.”

  “You really expected me to stick around and continue watching your son for you?”

  Yes, he had. “He’s not that much of a hardship, is he?”

  “No, he’s a delight. I’ve told you that before, just like I’ve told you I refuse to be responsible for him. He’s your son.”

  All his anger and worry poured over. “So because you can’t have any, you won’t even help look after mine?”

  The second the words were out, he wanted to take them back and never ever utter them. Her eyes glinted and her throat moved as she swallowed, repeatedly.

  “You need to leave.”

  “I didn’t mean it, Halyn. I was worried and—”

  “Get out.”

  She didn’t raise her voice and no tears spilled free, but he saw them shining in her eyes. He knew he’d fucked up even more. Halyn lifted her chin and he could see the walls shooting up around her emotions, closing her off.

  “Let me explain.”

  “Goodbye, Enzo.”

  Cursing himself and his hot-headedness, he went to the door, pausing to glance back at her. She stood there, watching him, waiting for him to leave. With a deep breath he stepped out into the winter day. A few flakes fell from the sky, the cold wind biting through his coat.

  He went to his brother’s house, knocking before entering. It was cheerful in there, the triplets were all downstairs in swings and Liev worked on something with Jaydee. Gio smiled at him and moved to his side.

  “What’s up, Enzo?” He shook his head. “Let’s go to the kitchen, you look like you could use a drink.”

  Gio set up the coffee maker and while it began to percolate the brothers rested against the counter, shoulder to shoulder.

  “What happened?”

  “I fucked up.” God, he couldn’t see anything other than the devastation in her eyes.

  “What’d you do?”

  “I was pissed because she left California while Liev and I were at the museum. She accused me of using her as a babysitter.” He removed his ball cap, shoving it in his back pocket. “I didn’t want to hear it and said something ugly. Really ugly.”

  Gio pulled down two mugs and poured in the coffee. “What did you say to her?”

  “You don’t seem surprised she came back early.”

  “Jaydee has spent some time with her in the past few days and we had her over for dinner two nights ago.”

  “Did she say something about me?”

  “Not a thing. Should she have?”

  He shook his head. “No, guess not.”

  “Tell me what you said, Enzo.”

  �
��I said her reluctance to watch Liev was because she couldn’t have a child of her own.”

  “Shit.” The men exchanged a look when Jaydee lifted her head and pinned them with a stare.

  “Exactly.” He stirred some sugar in then added some cream, the spoon clinking against the side of the United States Navy mug.

  “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I don’t know,” he moaned. “I wasn’t.” He gulped some coffee, not even berating himself for the burn that scalded his throat. “She told me to leave. Everything was so final. She had no desire to hear me out.”

  “Can you blame her?”

  “No. But some support from my brother would be nice.”

  “Man, what do you expect me to do, pat you on the back and tell you it’ll be okay? I’m not lying to you. I won’t. You fucked up. Royally. I don’t know what to tell you.”

  “I can’t believe I did that. I don’t think that, you know I don’t.”

  “I know, but she’s not going to just accept it. You were mad and said it in anger.”

  “I made a mistake.”

  “No, treating her as a babysitter was a mistake. This is so much more than that.”

  He glared at his older brother. Damn it, he hated when Gio was right. He hated being wrong too, but something like this only made it worse.

  Sitting at the table, he drank his coffee—slower this time—and mulled over his recent actions. Halyn had been right, if he wanted to accept it. He’d been using her as a babysitter.

  Gio joined him. Looking between him and Jaydee, his brother stretched out his legs.

  “I wanted her with Liev because he responded to her. Felt safe with her.”

  “I know. Still doesn’t negate the fact you were using her.”

  “Are you ever going to be on my side about this?”

  “I like her, Enzo. More than that, Jaydee likes her. So I want to protect her.”

  “And you think I wanted to hurt her?”

  “No, brother. I don’t think that. I do think you are still thinking of what’s best for you. You want her there and comfortable with those you surround yourself with so when you start racing again, she’d be more apt to go with you. For Live, of course. Or stay here and keep him.”

  A cry pierced the air and Gio immediately got to his feet, heading towards his eldest son, lifting him from the swing and murmuring to him. Back at the table, he continued, “Did she even have fun down there?”

  “No. Some of the women were mean to her. I don’t know who, but she…” God, could he feel any lower? He’d allowed her to be abused by people he hung around with.

  Gio didn’t speak. Hell, he didn’t need to. Enzo felt bad enough.

  He rose as well. “I need to go. Can you…?” He jerked his head towards Liev.

  “We got it. Go on.”

  So he went, ruffling Liev’s hair as he passed him. Behind the wheel, he started the engine. The snow increasing—it was going to be bad if it was snowing down here, they didn’t usually get any.

  When he pulled into her drive, he shut off the headlights and parked by her garage. After jogging up to the door, he pressed the bell. No answer. He knocked.

  “Halyn? I’m not leaving until you come talk to me.” He pounded again. Nothing.

  After five minutes, he realised she was gone. “Damn it!” he swore, smacking his hand against her door.

  From there he checked her store, she wasn’t there and Stacy said it was her day off. Before heading back to Gio’s he tried calling her. She didn’t pick up.

  “Where are you?” he asked the inside of his car. He called her back, this time leaving a message.

  “Halyn, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Please call me so we can talk about this. I didn’t mean it.” Shoving his phone in his pocket, he added, “I love you.” The words slipped free but he knew they were true. He loved her and wanted to be with her.

  * * * *

  Halyn smiled at her friends as they sat around Mila’s table, eating, talking and laughing while they played cards. It was what she needed.

  “So, your turn, Halyn. Come on, pick a card or something.”

  Smiling at Jenna Carson, she ate the remainder of her cookie and picked up one, sliding it in her hand, then discarding the one she didn’t want. “Sorry, I was hungry.”

  Mila had asked them to show up, so Halyn had and had found the others there. That was all she’d said, no clue about what it was about. So they’d all piled into the house and set up a spread, which would have been more likely to feed a football team than a few women playing games and chatting.

  “Okay, I think someone stacked this deck and soooo not in my favour,” Halyn said.

  “Whiner.”

  “Bitch.” She grinned at Mila. “Now, tell us what’s going on.”

  A soft glow filled Mila’s face as she chewed on her lower lip. A moment later, she held out her left hand and as one a collective gasp left the five women.

  “Oh my God! You’re engaged!” Jenna’s scream reverberated through the dining room.

  Everyone started talking at once and Halyn just leant back in her chair.

  “—it’s so beautiful, let me see.”

  “—is such a good man and with good taste.”

  “—at the size of that rock, what’s the cut? Princess?”

  “—believe it’s called a radiant cut.”

  Her head was spinning. Pasting a smile on her face, she reached out and touched Mila’s hand. Her friend met her gaze, tears in her eyes.

  “I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thank you.” Mila turned back to the other women.

  Once she’d pushed to her feet, Halyn made her way back to the kitchen, where she acted like she was getting herself more food. She was happy for her friend, truly. It just hit a bit too close to home to see how Joe and Mila were moving forward with their lives and she…wasn’t.

  Turned so they couldn’t see her face, she surreptitiously wiped a tear from her eye, took a deep breath then returned to the table carrying a new plate of food along with a wide smile. She kissed Mila on the cheek before sitting.

  “Did I miss when the wedding was?” Halyn asked.

  “In summer. He said we’d been dating long enough and it was time he made an honest woman out of me.” Mila glanced around at everyone one of them. “I want you all to be my bridesmaids, and Halyn, will you be my maid of honour?”

  “Of course I will.” She hugged her friend, the tears leaking over. This time she didn’t try to stop them—she could pretend they were because of her joy as opposed to her breaking heart.

  * * * *

  Halyn was the last to leave that night. Mila walked her out to the car.

  “I forgot to ask you how things are going with you and Enzo.”

  Grateful for the darkness that hid her, Halyn took a deep breath before answering. “Fine. We talked earlier today.”

  “Wonderful. I was worried for a minute there at your expression when I announced I was engaged, I hoped I hadn’t made you feel worse.”

  “Sweetie, even if things were bad I would still be nothing but happy for you and Joe. You know that. I love you both like family. I’ve been waiting for this day.”

  “Me too.”

  They shared another hug and Halyn got in her car. The drive home took a bit longer in the snow that had begun to accumulate. The roads were slick and not the easiest to navigate so she took her time, determined not to have an accident. There weren’t many people out, which helped and yet at the same time, hindered. It was nice to not have a lot of traffic with the poor conditions. However, it was sometimes easier to follow in someone’s tracks.

  Her eyes were slightly strained when she pulled into her garage. She headed into the house, fighting a yawn. Passing her kitchen counter, she shook her head at the sight of her cell phone laying there.

  “Way to go, Jennings. How would you have called for help had you been in an accident with your phone here?” She rolled her eyes at her stupidity
. She despised her cell phone and would never carry one if she thought she could get away with it—more trouble than it was worth, that was for sure.

  She showered, then slid between her sheets and closed her eyes. When she woke at four-thirty, she realised the weather had turned for the worse. There was no way she’d make it to work this morning. Testing her landline, she wasn’t all that shocked when it came up dead. With her cell, she called Stacy.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, sweetie, I’m so sorry to wake you but can you do me a favour when you get up?”

  “Of course.”

  “Can you go to the store and put ‘closed due to weather’ on a sign, and hang it in the door?”

  “Didn’t the snow stop?”

  “Not here. Is it clear there?”

  “Hang on.” A few moments. “Not even close. I’ll walk down and take care of that for you.”

  “Thanks, sweetie. Sorry to bother you so early.”

  “You’re going back to bed, right?”

  Halyn nodded. “Yes, I’m snowed in, not going anywhere so may as well get more sleep.”

  “Good, you don’t sleep enough. I’m going to put the sign up and come back to do the same thing.”

  “Bless you, Stacy.”

  “Catch ya later, boss.”

  She replaced the phone and Halyn bundled up a bit more to bring some more wood in. When she was content with the amount stacked both in her garage and beside the fireplace, she shut off the lights and crawled back into bed.

  When she woke the next time, snow was still falling. She went to her living room, sliding on her slippers along the way, and got the fire burning warmly again. She heated some water for some tea, hoping as long as it did continue to snow, she wouldn’t lose power.

  Making a simple breakfast of toast and fruit, she cleaned then sat on the couch before the fire. Her phone beeped from where it sat charging. She wasn’t taking any chances on having it low if she did lose electricity. Rising, she leaned over the counter and looked at the screen.

  Missed calls. From Enzo. The most recent when she’d been in the shower last night—she’d not noticed them when she called Stacy. Putting it on speaker phone, she listened.