Fix Me

by Aubry, A

  “Got it. Okay, continue,” she turned her attention back to the road.

  “Well they were talking and then she finally started talking to Finn. She put her hand on his and said that it had been a bit since they saw each other last, and then I couldn’t hear the rest because it was so damn loud in there and she was talking so quiet. But the way he looked at her Ang, he’s not completely over her. I mean, I understand why…they were together for almost two years before he found out she was cheating.”

  “Then why are you upset?”

  “Because you didn’t see the way that he looked at her and the way his mother watched the two of them talking together. He was getting flushed in the face as she was whispering to him, he was swallowing hard and his eyes were getting wide. Most of all, it was like I was completely invisible. Neither his mother or Finn acted like I was even sitting next to Finn.”

  “Did the girl say anything to you?” She asked getting off at Finn’s exit.

  “No! She didn’t even look at me. Then when our food came she went back to her table and just stared at Finn from afar like a lost puppy.”

  “What did Finn and his mother say?”

  “They didn’t say anything, and they acted like nothing even happened. My feelings were hurt because he ignored me right in front of her and I was also pissed off because of that. If you want to be my boyfriend, then you have to acknowledge I’m around when your ex shows up. I did it for him when Michael was sitting outside my door after our first date…couldn’t he extend the same courtesy?”

  She shook her head, “That’s men for you. If you need anything, you know you can always call. I’m here for you and so is Tabby and all of our other friends.”

  She pulled in next to my car in the parking lot, “Thank you, Ang. I think I’m just gonna spend the weekend working on my articles for Monday. See you at work.”

  I hopped out of her car and got in mine, starting it up. Somehow, I had forgotten Finn’s spare key on the kitchen island. I guess I would just have to come get my stuff another day. Checking my phone before I took off, Finn had responded to my message.

  Finn: I wish you would have told me you weren’t feeling well, I could have taken you back to my place. Do you want me to stop by after dinner? I could bring you your favorite soup.

  Why the fuck did he have to be so sweet yet so naïve? I texted back.

  Me: I’m sorry, it came on suddenly and didn’t want to ruin your mother’s visit. Spend the weekend with your mom, I don’t want to get you sick.

  With my phone on my passenger seat, I made the thirty-minute trek home in wonderful rush hour traffic leftovers. Once back in the safety of my apartment, I changed into my pajamas and curled up in bed, even though it was only 6:30 at night. Finn had sent me another text, but I didn’t open it or respond to it as I flipped on my tv and watched Law and Order: SVU reruns until I fell asleep.

  Chapter Five

  Saturday and most of Sunday, I hadn’t talked to Finn really. When he texted, I’d let it go unread for hours then respond saying that I was asleep when he sent it. Instead, I was cranking out my articles that were due to Larry by Monday morning and getting ready for my blog posts that were going to be posted this week. Angie had checked up on me a few times over the course of the weekend, but I told her I was okay. Other than a few texts from Finn and Angie, and a call or two from my mother, my phone was relatively quiet because Michael wasn’t allowed to contact me. It felt oddly refreshing.

  Around dinner time on Sunday, I slid on my knit booties I had bought from Old Navy on Black Friday last year and made the trek down to my mailbox. After I emptied it out, I began to flip through the mail that I got but stopped at the doorway that led out to the foyer area and the main front door of the building. Finn was studying the callbox in the atrium, the noticeable brown and green Panera Bread bag that I knew too well in one of his hands. I furrowed my brow and walked up to the locked door, opening it for him.

  “Finn, what are you doing here?” I asked quietly, still in disbelief that he was just going to show up with Panera Bread for me.

  “My mom left this afternoon and I haven’t heard from you…I was getting worried,” he held up the Panera Bread bag, “I brought your favorite. Cheddar broccoli soup and half of a grilled cheese.”

  He gave me a small smile and my heart started doing flips for him all over again. I moved out of the doorway for him to come inside. As if we were totally fine, Finn took my hand as we walked to the elevator and made it into my apartment. We sat at my dining room table as I ate my soup and sandwich and Finn ate his. The fact that he remembered my Panera bread order after only a week of dating was pretty astonishing. Especially because I said it in passing as we were at the grocery store on Thursday night and we passed the Panera Bread containers of soup that you could buy and refrigerate.

  When we were finished, I figured it was time to have the talk I had been dreading with him. After it was had, we would probably be over. At least we lasted a week. Why did my heart feel like it was breaking at the thought of losing him?

  “Finn, we need to talk,” I said quietly as I put my empty food containers back in the brown paper bag.

  “What’s up?” He asked, taking my hands in his when they were free.

  “I haven’t really been sick the last few days…” I admitted.

  “You haven’t?” His eyes widened in surprise.

  “No, I left Red Robin on Friday because I was upset,” I turned my gaze down to our hands, I wouldn’t be able to look at him as I confessed all this shit.

  “What was wrong, Julianna?” His voice was soft, as though he was talking to a cornered animal.

  “The shit that happened with Natalie, you aren’t over it…are you?”

  I could feel him stiffen a little, “Why do you ask that?”

  Biting my lip, I pushed myself to answer him, “Because I could see it in the way that you looked at her on Friday night. The way you reacted to her when she touched your hand and was whispering to you.”

  The silence seemed to drag on forever as he took in what I said.

  “I was with her for almost two years, Julianna. She broke my heart when I caught her cheating on me because I thought she was the one. Seeing her Friday night, I realized that she wasn’t the one. That everything I had with her was like a practice round for when I found the real thing.” He sighed, his hands still holding mine.

  “You watched her like you missed her. I saw you swallow hard after she put her hand on yours, your cheeks flushed as she talked to you. That doesn’t tell me that you realized she wasn’t the one,” my eyes refused to leave our hands.

  “I swallowed hard because I didn’t want anybody to say anything embarrassing or stupid that might affect you. I was so thankful when she didn’t say anything to you because Natalie was, and still is, a very judgmental person. She loved to put people down, I didn’t want you to be her next victim.

  “I don’t know why my cheeks flushed but she wasn’t saying anything to me that would make me blush. She was telling me she missed me and wanted to work things out and I told her I wasn’t interested. Sure, I miss the way that Natalie used to be, but I know she will never be that way and I don’t like the person she is today.”

  I felt tears burn in my eyes as I pursed my lips. He dated a bully, just like I did. Although, his bully put others down while mine put me down. Was he really not interested in her anymore? Because I mean, she looked like she was practically made for Finn.

  “I’m sorry I left without saying anything,” I whispered, “Your mom just seemed so happy to see her and the way she watched you two it was like she was watching a romantic movie. You guys ignored me while she was there then acted like nothing happened after she left. That’s what hurt me.”

  He touched his hand to my chin, lifting it so my eyes met his, “I’m sorry we ignored you. I know my mother didn’t do it on purpose. She was worried about you just as much as I was the last couple of days. I didn’t want to drag you into Nat
alie and her warzone, that’s why I didn’t introduce you two.”

  He was protecting me. Like he did when Michael sat outside my door after our first date. Like he did when he encouraged me to get a restraining order against Michael after he got the cops called on him by my neighbors. How he told me to stay with him the last few days until the permanent restraining order was granted. We had only been together for a week and already he was protective over me more than any other man had been in my life that wasn’t related to me.

  “I love you.” Wait, what? Those words just came out of my mouth? Fuck me. They were supposed to stay locked up tight. But the fact that he was protective of me forced them out of my brain and out of my mouth.

  “I mean…uh…I love that you are so protective over me.” Nice save, dumbass.

  I sat stock still as I waited for Finn to end it because I was an idiot and told him that I loved him after a week. He should be thankful I didn’t say it Monday night when I wanted to. Props to me for holding onto it almost an extra week.

  His face lit up as his smile turned into a wide grin, “I love you, too.”

  “You also love that you are protective over me?” The more you say it, the dumber it sounds Julianna.

  “No, I love you. As in you, Julianna McCall.”

  This wasn’t possible. He just broke up with a girl he thought he was in love with two weeks ago. There was no way that he was already in love with me. Then again…I just broke up with Michael last week and I was already in love with Finn.

  “But you just broke up with Natalie two weeks ago, how can you love me?” My voice was low.

  “Because I didn’t actually love her. Somehow, I knew that I loved you on our first date, you were so different. You are sarcastic but smart and have amazing comebacks to nearly everything I say. You are strong but also like to be protected. I want to show you what it is like to have someone who truly loves and cares about you, someone who doesn’t put you down like your ex did.”

  My heart pounded in my chest. This was really happening, he was really saying these things to me. I never even knew it was possible to fall in love with someone so quickly. Our personalities just went so well together and the time that we spent together was never wasted because we always had good conversations. It didn’t hurt that our kisses made my body feel as though it were on fire and his touch sent shivers down my spine. Why the fuck had I even been ignoring him again? I wasted almost two full days just because I was an idiot.

  I groaned and stood up from my seat, my hands finding Finn’s face as I kissed him deeply. His hands rested on the back of my thighs, guiding me forward to him. Lust battled with love in my head, my body responding to him as it had since the moment our lips first touched only a week before.

  “My room,” I mumbled against his lips before pulling back.

  He sat there and looked up at me, making sure that this was really what I wanted. I walked around to the other side of his chair and held out my hand, just as he had done to me many times before. He gently placed his hand in mine, standing up from his chair, and let me lead him through my living room, down my small hallway, and into my bedroom. Up until this point, Finn had never seen anything other than the living room and dining room of my apartment. All of our time had been spent at his place since Monday. He took a quick glance around my bedroom.

  The walls were cream colored with white trim, I had an alcove against the far wall with three windows in a semi-circle that housed a plush reading chair and my television stand with my TV. My walk-in closet stood to our left, my bedroom open the rest of the way on our right with my full-sized bed being the focal point. Pictures of my family and friends sat on one bedside table while the other held a mess of cords for charging and my nightly medications. I silently thanked myself for choosing to make the bed this morning, normally it was a complete mess.

  I guided Finn to stand at the end of my bed, the backs of his calves just touching the bedframe. He leaned down and kissed me again, a soft and slow kiss that took my breath away. Grabbing the bottom of his Minnesota United FC t-shirt, I pulled it up and over his head before returning to our kiss. My hands scaled up and down his muscular chest and torso, feeling every dip and chiseled ab.

  Finn only broke our kiss to lift my black U2: Joshua Tree concert tee over my head. Just as soon as his lips left mine, they were back on them. My fingers trailed down to his waistband as I undid his jeans, Finn helped me slide them down his legs with his boxers before he kicked them off to the side. The pajama pants that I had been wearing, since it was my day to lounge around my apartment, soon met Finn’s pants on the floor along with my panties.

  Dropping to my knees, I took his cock into my hand, carefully running it up and down his impressive length. Finn’s breath caught in his throat as he watched me. Every time that Finn and I had been in the bedroom together, I never had a chance to actually perform any type of foreplay or oral sex on him. Finn was always so focused on my pleasure, which was a real change of pace from what I had with Michael.

  My hand moved over his skin as he hardened for me with every stroke. I had only ever performed oral sex on one or two guys since I started dating, one of those guys was Michael who ordered me to do it to him every time we had sex. He never said he liked it, so I never knew if I was doing it right. One could only hope that I wasn’t going to make a fool of myself as I covered the head of Finn’s cock with my mouth.

  I ran my tongue over the tip and gently sucked on the head of his cock as my hand continued to pump up and down. Finn’s hand dropped down onto my head as he grabbed my hair. I was expecting him to thrust his cock far into my throat, just as Michael always had, then keep thrusting uncontrollably until he came. My body still wanted to shiver at the way that he did that, I didn’t like the taste of him at all but, yet, he always came in my mouth. When Finn didn’t make a move to thrust into my mouth, I felt like I had some control over the situation as he let out a soft groan. I looked up at him, his eyes were closed as his mouth was slightly agape. That had to be one of the hottest sights I had ever seen.

  I let my hand stop at the base of his cock as my mouth began to take over. When I ran my tongue over the tip after taking as much of him into my mouth as I could, a light salty taste met my taste buds. I knew exactly what it was, it wasn’t exactly my first time giving a blow job. But where once I would have been repulsed by the taste, my insides clinched, and I wanted more. Involuntarily, I moaned against his cock as I took him as far as I could into my mouth again, this was turning me on almost too much. Finn moaned as his eyes opened and he looked down at me, our eyes meeting before I tore them away, the intensity almost too much.

  My pace quickened as I felt his cock harden more and more in my mouth. Finn’s breathing turned rapid and shallow as he pulled gently on my hair. I knew that reaction, he was getting close.

  “Ju…Juli…” He was trying to say my full name, but it was definitely too many syllables for him to get out if he really was experiencing as much pleasure as he was.

  I hummed my approval of him calling me Juli against his cock. He groaned loudly at the sensation. As I sucked harder, and faster, his hips began to push forward slightly.

  “Oh shit,” he called out as he tugged on my hair and his release filled my mouth.

  For some reason, I felt like I was lapping up every shot of his release like I was a fucking dog lapping up water. His taste was sweet but salty, and once it stopped filling my mouth, and I swallowed it all, I felt a twinge of sadness because now all I wanted was another taste. I pulled back and looked up at him as he stared down into my eyes, trying to catch his breath. His hands reached under my arms and lifted me up until I stood in front of him. Our lips pressed together as Finn held me tight against him. When our kiss broke, he had the widest smile on his face.

  “That was probably the best head I have ever gotten,” he said matter-of-factly.

  I rolled my eyes, “You’re just saying that to make me feel good.”

  His hand skimmed d
own my back as he grabbed my ass gently, “No, I’m definitely not. Not even Natalie could make me come that hard.”

  The thought of her mouth on his cock made me shiver, and he noticed, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought her up.”

  Bringing my hand up to his cheek, his face leaned into my touch, “It’s okay. I just don’t like the thought of her mouth on what’s mine.”

  He gave me a shy smile, “It’s definitely yours.”

  Finn released me and laid back on the bed, scooting back so his head rested against my pillows. He watched me as I just stood there at the end of the bed. I had never been on top of a guy for more than thirty seconds. Michael had said he saw my fat bunched up and it was an unattractive sight. Biting my lip nervously, I watched Finn as he watched me, waiting.

  “Why don’t you come up here and get on top? You did a great job being in control before. I want you to take charge again,” he smirked as he put his hands behind his head.

  “I…I…um…” I stuttered, tears threatening to rush to the surface.

  He sat up, suddenly worried, “Julianna, what’s the matter?”

  “I’ve never…been on top…” I quietly admitted as my gaze moved down to the carpet.

  Out of my peripheral vision, I could see Finn shifting down the bed until he sat on the end and brought my chin up to look at him.

  “What do you mean you’ve never been on top?” Concern was etched on his face.

  “Michael…he didn’t like me to be on top. He said he could see all my fat and it just turned him off,” I confessed, a tear streaking down my cheek.

  Finn used his thumb to wipe away my tear, “Baby, he didn’t know what he was talking about. You are gorgeous, the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I love your body, every curve, every dip…I love you.”

  I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly. He knew exactly what to say and a small glimmer of hope shined in my heart. Here I was, standing in front of Finn completely naked as I had done several times before, and he continued to tell me that I was beautiful. When we pulled back, we were out of breath.