Fix Me

by Aubry, A

  “Julianna—" He started.

  “Yes!” The word slipped out before I had a chance to stop it then I pursed my lips, “Sorry, I totally interrupted. Go ahead.”

  Finn laughed and shook his head before starting again, “Julianna. I know we have had our ups and downs, but I also know that I love you more than anything in this world. I want to spend the rest of our lives telling you how beautiful you are and saying that I love you. Will you please make me the happiest guy in the world and marry me?”

  He opened the small box and I gasped. The ring was so big, I wasn’t sure how the tiny box could hold it. A large center diamond glistened from the box, two smaller diamonds on either side of it glistened just as bright. When the hell did he have time to get this? We had been glued to one another’s side for days, with the exception of when we both went to work.

  I paused a second too long before I realized he had finished talking. I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt him a second time, so I waited until I knew he was for sure done, “Yes, Finn. Of course I’ll marry you!”

  Holding my hand out to him, he slid the obscenely large diamond on my finger, the silver band almost as shiny as the diamonds themselves. Finn quickly stood up and kissed me deeply as the strangers who stood around us clapped. I put my hands on his face and gazed into his eyes when we finally broke the kiss.

  “I love you so much, Finn McAllister,” I traced his bottom lip with my thumb.

  “I love you too, Julianna McCall.” I had never seen him smile so big.

  The last picture of the day was snapped in front of the red panda enclosure. The furry animal perched on a landing in the upper corner of the frame but the diamond ring on the hand that was held up was the focus of the picture. Mine and Finn’s lips were connected in an innocent kiss just behind the diamond ring. Finn sent me the picture and I immediately texted it to my mother, step-father, and Angie before posting it on my social media with Finn’s permission.

  “Weren’t you supposed to ask someone for their blessing in order to ask me to marry you?” I teased as we walked down the steep staircase.

  “Already done, I asked your mom and step-father this morning,” he grinned.

  Finn could be sneaky, who would have guessed. When we got back to our hotel, word had already spread to his teammates as they congratulated us when they saw us in the hallway. As soon as we got in our room, I pulled Finn close against me.

  “Are you sure I can’t persuade you to stay with me for a little while, fiancé?” I asked sweetly.

  He groaned at my choice of words and kissed me gently, “I wish I could, baby. Tonight we will celebrate, I promise. Just you, me, and this big empty bed.”

  With one last kiss, Finn was out the door to his team meeting. I flopped down on our bed and giggled. Finn and I were engaged. We were going to be getting married and it only took us two months to figure out we wanted to be with one another for the rest of our lives. Hell, we dated two completely different people for years and we knew that we didn’t want to be with them. Speaking of which, Michael’s father hadn’t stopped hounding me about meeting with Michael and his therapist. Even Dr. Miller said it might be a good way to make amends in order to move on.

  I picked up my phone and made the appointment for Monday evening through Michael’s father. Finn would want to go with me and even though I knew he wouldn’t be allowed in the session, having him in the building with me, knowing he was there to save me in case anything went wrong, would make me feel safe. Finn and I were moving on with our lives, it was time to close that past chapter of my life, there was no need to drag this on any longer. One could only hope that it would go as smoothly as Michael’s father claimed.

  The tension in the car was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Or whatever the cliché nonsense talked about. I looked over at Finn who was driving, his eyes focused on the road ahead of him, his hands clutching the steering wheel just a little too tight. Tonight was the night that I was going to confront Michael for what he had done to me just over a month ago. Finn hadn’t exactly been ecstatic when I told him that this was going to happen. But, when I told him the reasoning behind it, that we could move forward with our lives with no other worries about Michael and his attack on me, he said he would go with me.

  These angry and somber feelings were nothing like how the last few days had been. Especially not how our Sunday morning had gone after celebrating our engagement all night long.

  Somehow, I was just so happy that anytime there was a quiet moment, I would giggle.

  “Why do you keep giggling over there?” Finn chuckled as he stretched his body behind me and groaned.

  He was finally awake. Fuck, did I miss the sound of his voice while he was sleeping.

  “You know why,” I giggled again, burying my head down into my pillow as I looked at our view outside the window.

  I felt his breath hot on my shoulder before his lips placed a gentle kiss on it and his arm wrapped back over my body.

  “Why don’t you refresh my memory?” He said quietly, I could feel his smile against my skin.

  My left arm extended out in front of us and I gazed at the large diamond ring that sparkled back at me, “The most amazing man in the world asked me to be his wife yesterday…”

  My voice was soft, like I was remembering a dream.

  “And what did you say?” Finn whispered, his lips trailing towards my neck from my shoulder.

  “Eh, I told him I’d think about it,” I laughed before Finn bit down gently on my shoulder and grumbled something inaudible, “Okay, okay. I said yes.”

  “Fuck yeah, you did,” Finn growled into my neck as he lifted my top leg and pulled it backwards over his hip.

  “More celebrating, Finn? I thought we wore each other out a few hours ago,” I playfully rolled my eyes as I let him guide my body.

  “I took a nap. I’m all rejuvenated and shit. Now, I need to make love to my fiancée...if she doesn’t mind, that is.” His tongue dragged up the side of my neck to a sensitive spot behind my ear.

  I gasped before I moaned, pushing my body back against his, “She doesn’t mind.”

  “Good. I hope housekeeping doesn’t mind because we may be awhile yet,” Finn took my earlobe between his teeth and tugged.

  Words couldn’t even process in my head to make a response to that, my mind only allowing me to let out a groan. I felt Finn adjust slightly before he sunk his cock into me slowly from behind. This position was definitely new, seeing as I was so naïve about sex thanks to Michael, but it was perfect for me and Finn. I reached behind my head, grabbing onto Finn’s hair as he teased the skin on my neck with his teeth. Fuck, would he always make me feel this good?

  My hand reached over and placed itself on Finn’s thigh. I heard him release a breath before he took a quick look at me, a small smile on his lips.

  “Thank you for coming with me tonight, Finn. I feel better going knowing that you’ll be there,” I smiled a genuinely innocent smile. I didn’t know what I would do if he said he didn’t want to be there for me. He always made me feel safe.

  He took my hand from his leg and brought it up to his lips, my ring lightly pressing against his cheek, “I wasn’t here to protect you when the attack happened. I’m never going to let that happen again.”

  The second that Finn pulled up to a red light, I tugged him over to give me a kiss, “I love you.”

  The car behind us honked before the light even turned green, “I love you, too.”

  The rest of the car ride felt lighter, until we pulled into the parking lot of the therapist. Finn came around and opened my door for me, ever the gentleman, before taking my hand and leading me into the building. Once inside, we were greeted by two prison guards who checked my purse and waved a handheld metal detector over our bodies. They allowed us to pass into the waiting room, where Michael’s father was waiting.

  “Julianna, so great to see you again. Although, I wish it was under better circumstances,” Albert Green gree
ted me with a small hug after he stood from his chair.

  “Yes, other circumstances would have been nice,” I said quietly, squeezing Finn’s hand for my sanity to know he was still there.

  Finn held out his free hand to Michael’s father, “Finn McAllister.”

  They shook hands, “Albert Green, Michael’s father and his attorney.”

  It was definitely a conflict of interest, but the Greens were some of the most powerful names when it came to the law world in Minnesota.

  “Finn is going to stay out here with you, Mr. Green. He just wanted to be here to support me,” I felt the need to clarify why he was there.

  “Sounds good. I’m sure we will find something to talk about. Michael is right through that door with the therapist whenever you are ready,” Albert looked at his phone and excused himself to answer the call.

  Turning to Finn, I was starting to have second thoughts. My heart was racing and not in the way that Finn made it race, it raced out of fear. It looked like Finn could read my mind.

  He took my face in his hands and planted a chaste kiss on my lips, “I will be right here the entire time. If you need me, you just yell, and I will come for you. Okay?”

  I nodded as best as I could with hands cupped around my cheeks, my voice still sounded scared, “Okay.”

  “I love you, Julianna. I am right here to protect you.”

  “I love you too, Finn. Thank you for coming,” I finally gave a little smile.

  He gave me one last quick kiss, “Anytime.”

  The word sent a small shiver through my body, he said our word. I took a deep breath and slowly turned the doorknob to the room until the door pushed open. When I stepped in, Michael sat in a single chair across the room in an orange jump suit, with a prison guard standing not far off to his side. A middle-aged woman turned from the couch in front of me and smiled kindly when she saw me. I swallowed hard and closed the door, frozen in my spot.

  “Ah, right on time. You must be Julianna. I am Dr. Reynolds. Michael and I are so happy that you decided to join us for this session,” the small woman stood up from the couch and held her hand out to me. We shook hands, but I didn’t say anything.

  She wore a black pantsuit, her blonde hair turning silvery with age was cut into a sleek bob. Dr. Reynolds directed me over to the chair that sat several feet away from Michael, but I was still on the same side of the room as him. She sat back down at what I thought was a couch, but it looked more like a makeshift office. Bringing a legal pad onto her lap, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

  “Now, Julianna. Why don’t you tell me what made you change your mind about coming here?” Her voice was soft, like she was talking to a wounded animal.

  With Michael so close, I did feel like a wounded animal. Memories of his hand closing off my air supply as he choked me, his face as he ripped open my shirt, the words that Finn couldn’t save me, all went through my mind the second that I saw him. Even if he looked calm, Michael always knew how to hide his anger.

  “I, um, want to move on from this. I’ve been going to therapy myself for the last month to try to cope with what happened. It was very traumatic, and I want to leave it behind me as I move forward,” I reached out and took a sip of the bottle of water that Dr. Reynolds had gotten from her mini fridge for me.

  “That is good that you sought help as well. Let’s talk about yours and Michael’s relationship before the attack. Michael has told me his side of things, now let’s hear yours,” she leaned back in her seat and brought her pen to her legal pad.

  “Well, we were together for just about three years. Our relationship was in no way perfect. I worked a lot, he worked a lot. He controlled a lot about our relationship—"

  “That’s bullshit,” Michael cut in.

  Dr. Reynolds looked over at Michael as she stopped writing, “What did we say about interrupting, Michael?

  He rolled his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

  She nodded at me to continue, so I did, “He had a temper, I knew that, but I knew how to work around it, so he wouldn’t blow up at me. Although he never hit me, I was still scared that he would. It all came down to when he cheated on me with three other girls. He tried to make me believe that I was just imagining it. Then, when that didn’t work, he tried to blame me. By that point though, we were just incompatible. He would put me down about how I looked and in many other aspects.

  “I had a poor self-esteem, I never felt confident, because Michael always found a flaw and picked at it. So, when I found out he was cheating on me, I ended it for good. I had tried several times before to end it, but he would apologize and say he would change. He never did. The cheating was the final straw, I guess you could say.”

  Dr. Reynolds scribbled quickly on her notepad before she looked back at me, “And how did you feel after the breakup? How did Michael act this time when you officially broke it off?”

  I glanced over at Michael who stared at me the way he used to when he wanted to control what I said. I shook it off and told the truth, “The first few days I was hurt because of how he cheated on me. But then I realized that he put me down more than anything and I didn’t deserve that. I wasn’t happy when the end of our relationship came up and when we broke up, I decided it was time that I got to be happy.

  “When I called it off for good, Michael called me and texted me constantly. He would find some way to get into my apartment building and show up at my door at all hours. He even tried showing up at my work once or twice, but the receptionist called security when she told him I was busy.”

  “Mhm. Michael also tells me that you started seeing someone very shortly after you two broke up. He feels like you were cheating on him with…” She glanced at a notepad that sat next to her then returned her gaze to me, “a man named Finn. Would you like to tell me about that?”

  My lips turned up at the mention of his name, “Finn and I met about three nights after I broke up with Michael. I went out with my friends for a drink and to get together, and when I had the unfortunate mishap of almost being shoved to the floor by a drunk guy, Finn caught me before I fell. We talked a little bit and exchanged numbers to possibly hang out in the future. The next day we went out to dinner to continue our conversation from the night before. I never cheated on Michael. I didn’t have the self-esteem to build a separate romantic relationship when we were together.”

  “Why don’t you tell Dr. Reynolds how you took Finn home on your very first date?” Michael spat at me.

  “That does sound like something I would like to hear about, Julianna,” Dr. Reynolds looked up from her notepad.

  “The only reason Michael knows about this is because he got himself into my apartment building and sat outside my door for god knows how long,” I defended.

  Dr. Reynolds hummed to herself but gave me a look that told me to keep going.

  I sighed, “After our dinner, I invited Finn over to talk more and watch a movie. As much as Michael wants to believe that I am a slut, nothing happened between me and Finn.”

  Except that you two made out on your couch and you started taking off his shirt.

  “You said that Michael was outside of your apartment. Does that mean that he met Finn?”

  Looking back over at Michael, I could tell that he didn’t tell the nice doctor this information. I laughed at his fear of looking like the baby he truly was.

  “Yeah, they met. Michael got upset that I wasn’t answering his texts and phone calls when I had specifically told him not to do either of those things anymore. Then he started getting defensive that Finn was there with me. He started ordering Finn to tell him why he took me on a date, even said that I was still his girlfriend at one point. I told Michael I would call the cops if he didn’t leave this time and Finn took it upon himself to escort Michael out of the building.”

  There was a long pause as she scribbled down my story on her paper. She took a quick sip of her own water and sat back against the couch once again.

  “Let’s go back to the ni
ght of the attack, what were you doing leading up to that?” She tilted her head to the side as she studied me.

  “My best friend, Angie, was over for a girls movie night. Finn was out of town; his soccer season had just started, and he had a few preseason games out of town. Right before Michael came to my door, Angie had just left, and I was texting Finn telling him I would be ready to FaceTime him shortly.”

  “We all know what you probably were going to do on that FaceTime,” Michael murmured.

  Even though he was right, I was pissed off. It wasn’t just about the sex to Finn. It was the fact that he wanted to physically see me while he was gone. Dr. Reynolds ignored his interruption and kept her focus on me.

  “And the attack. I would like to hear your side of things,” she adjusted her glasses on her face that I hadn’t noticed before.

  “Well when I saw Michael I got scared, he wasn’t supposed to be there. I had gotten a restraining order against him because he continuously harassed me. He told me that the order got thrown out the day before and that we needed to talk…that was then I asked him to leave again.”

  I took a deep breath; the memories were still crystal clear in my mind.

  “He forced himself into my apartment before he slapped me. He then started telling me that I was his and he grabbed my arm tightly. Then Finn started to call, and Michael saw that. He demanded to know why Finn was calling and all I said was that I was supposed to talk to him. I never told him that Finn was out of town because I honestly didn’t feel safe with him knowing that information.

  “He threw my phone and it shattered against the wall. That was when he choked me and pushed me back so hard that I lost my balance and hit my head. Next thing I know, I’m on the couch, barely able to breathe and Michael is on top of me ripping open my shirt and taking off my pants as I sobbed, willing him to stop. When he tried to get his pants undone, I knee’d him in the groin and ran to get help. All of a sudden, I’m waking up in a hospital and Finn is telling me that I had been unconscious for three days.”